


Betrayal Never Comes From Enemies

by KaramelHaven



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Betrayal, Desperation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Forced Starvation, Hurt Mon-El, Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, KaraMel, Mind Rape (essentially), Nightmares, Physical Abuse, Protective Kara Danvers, Rogue Supergirl, Rogue Valor, Sleep Deprivation, The DEO, Torture, guilt tripping, supergirl - Freeform, valor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-10-31 22:16:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 118,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10908549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaramelHaven/pseuds/KaramelHaven
Summary: Betrayal never comes from your enemies. It's a lesson Kara and Mon-El have learned the hard way, and in the worst way possible. A deep trauma and horrifying situation set in motion the fracturing of one of the soundest partnerships, shattering all parties involved. Years later, it appears no closer to healing.But, then again, the supers don't seem at all keen to heal anything with anyone. They just want to protect each other and the city and be left in peace.A Karamel story.





	1. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may update the tags as the story goes so check them before hand. If there is anything in a chapter that might be triggering, I'll try to include it in the beginning note. For instance, this chapter will feature the aftermath of a traumatic nightmare. The nightmare isn't described, but I felt I should at least warn because the reaction to it broke my heart to write so I wanted to be safe :-)
> 
> See the ending notes for more :-)

Peaceful and calm nights were rare when one was a superhero, especially when one was Supergirl. Kara didn’t really need much sleep, the yellow sun gave her plenty of energy and food provided the rest of what she might need. So she tended to sleep lightly, always ready to shoot up and fly out if someone needed help even at night. But that didn’t mean she didn’t enjoy sleep or didn’t want to sleep when she could.

And now that she had a boyfriend, she could admit she adored the idea of snuggling up and sleeping as much as she could. Mon-El ran a little warmer than a normal human, providing a comforting warmth through the night. And his arms were strong and firm, making her feel safe and protected even as she dreamed. He loved to be the big spoon and she had discovered being the little spoon was her cup of tea. Even though she was indestructible and invulnerable to many things, and even though she could take care of herself, there was just something about being in someone’s arms that made her feel twice as strong and safe.

Waking up next to him, most of the time, was something she treasured. Even when their schedules conflicted and one had to wake up before the other, they tried not to wake their partner. But with superhearing and with how attuned to each other they had gotten over the years, it didn’t take much to wake up to the minutest shift. Those times she treasured as well, she’d wake up to him heading to a shift at the bar, and get a kiss from him in apology, good morning, and goodbye as well before she settled down, his pillow clutched to her chest as she inhaled his scent and settled into the warm spot he’d left for her. It was the same for him, she knew. When she would head to work early, he’d wake up wanting to see her off, the few times he wasn’t awake before her trying to surprise her with breakfast. Often they would wake together and make breakfast together, shower together and start their day together. The waking up was just the first step.

She loved to wake up to him.

But not like this.

She hated, loathed, and despised waking up to him in the middle of a nightmare. Because of the reminder of why he had them. Because she knew what had to have triggered it. And she hated both of them.

Most of all she hated the utter pain he was in during them. She hated hearing his whimpers of fear, his cries of agony, the way his body would jerk and spasm as though he were having a seizure. He was always trapped in them, unable to wake up till the worst ending played out, or till she woke him. But waking him in the middle of it was almost worse.

Because he knew that if he was woken from it by her, it meant he’d woken her. It meant she was conscious and aware of him going through this and hat to witness it. He hated it when that happened, he always felt like he was burdening her, forcing her to relive something she would give anything to have had never happened. Even when she insisted and repeatedly reassured him that she would rather wake him from that nightmare than let him live through it himself to the end. He still never wanted to have her experience it, even if SHE hadn’t been the one to live through the events that gave him the nightmares in the first place.

She could still remember times, the terrible, horrible times when they’d first occurred. How Mon-El would refuse to sleep for days on end till he couldn’t help but crash, praying for dreamless sleep. Or the wretched days where he would sleep in a different room than her so she wouldn’t be awoken by his recurring nightmares. As though she didn’t hear him screaming from her bedroom. 

They’d realized early enough that sleeping beside her made him feel just as safe as she often felt. He had less nightmares when she was there. They didn’t affect him as much the next few days if she woke him before they got too bad. It had been a hard few months dealing with the nightmares, the trauma he’d endured, and everything that came with it. But things had gotten better since then.

There were only three things that triggered his nightmares now, and two of them hadn’t happened in a while. But it didn’t matter right now. Right now, she needed to wake him up before it got bad.

“Mon-El!” she reached out, her touch gentle but firm, grounding, her voice soothing but strong. She needed to reach him in the throes of it without turning the nightmare into something even more horrifying to him with the appearance of her voice. It had happened a time or two when she’d tried too hard to wake him. His nightmare would shift from him being the main focus to her, and those times nearly killed him to endure. “Mon-El, baby, you’re dreaming. It’s not…” she cut off before saying real.

Because it was real.

It had happened.

He was just reliving all of it.

“You’re safe. You’re ok. You’re with me. Supergirl. Kara. I’m here for you Mon-El. Baby, wake up,” she leaned in closer to whisper that in his ear, resting her forehead to the side of his head. “I’m right here baby, you just need to wake up. It’s in the past. You’re not there anymore. You’re with me. And I will never, ever let them hurt you again.”

That, as it had in the past, did the trick.

Mon-El woke with a gasp, his body shaking and covered in a cold sweat as he sat straight up in bed. Kara instantly pulled him into her arms, hugging him as tightly as she could so he’d realize she was there. When he was like this, he couldn’t feel her unless she used every bit of strength she had to reach him. 

She felt his hands come up to grab at her arms, his breathing deep and labored. She could see the tears in his eyes spilling over as the horror of the dream came together. His body contracted, leaving him to curl together in the smallest ball he could make of himself. She nearly sobbed with relief as he turned into her hold, winding his arms around her tightly, almost painfully tight, and buried his face in her shoulder, clinging to her. 

She closed her eyes, turning her face into his hair as she held him. Her own speeding heart rate began to slow as it sunk in that she’d woken him and he would be ok soon enough. Her face scrunched though, trying to hold back her own tears when she heard him whispering into her, too softly for anyone but a superhearing superhero to hear. 

“I’m sorry,” he was repeating, over and over. “I’m sorry. I didn’t tell. I wouldn’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t know. I don’t know. I won’t tell.”

“Shh,” she tried to sooth him. “Mon-El it’s ok. You’re ok now. I’m here. We’re both here. We’re safe. YOU are safe.”

“Please don’t…don’t hurt me,” he continued to mumble. “Please. Stop. Just stop. No more. Please no more. I won’t tell.”

Kara took a deep breath, needing to keep her emotions in check. There were only two coursing through her at the moment, undeniable heartbreak for the man in her arms…and absolute, utter fury for the reason he was in that state. And the anger wouldn’t help him at the moment.

“I won’t. I won’t hurt you, baby. No one else will, ever again. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

She kept whispering those words to him, knowing it would reach him eventually, once he worked past the demons the dreams stirred up. 

It always hurt her deeply to see him like this after a nightmare. She was relieved and so thankful that they had reached a point where he trusted himself around her like this, where he trusted her and what they had enough to let her in and let her help like this. This was something happening in his mind, something she couldn’t fight for him or protect him from. It was one of the few times she felt helpless, when he had a nightmare, because she could do nothing but hold him and care for him, remind him what was real and NOW and not in his past.

And it hurt so much to see him reduced to this. Her boyfriend was so strong, physically, mentally, and emotionally. He’d worked SO hard to overcome his ingrained prejudices and upbringing, to be a better person. He was so compassionate and caring, doting and adoring, supportive yet cautious. He wasn’t afraid to call her out when she was being too reckless, but to support her overwhelmingly when she needed it. He was always there to stand beside her, Supergirl and Valor, one of the best superhero teams in the country. And it extended to civilian life as well. 

Mon-El was everything she had ever wanted and so much more she didn’t realize she needed in a partner. To see him, usually so confident and smiling and peaceful, like this? It killed her.

It killed her even more to think how it came to this and who had caused it.

When she had first met Mon-El a prejudiced part of her wanted to keep him at arm’s length, so sure he would betray her one day and stab her in the back as a Daxamite would to a Krytponian.

Wasn’t it funny, in the worst way, that he had been the one person to remain loyal to her above all the rest.

The one she’d thought would betray her was her most loyal partner, and the ones she had always thought would have her back, had betrayed her.

Kara snapped out of her thoughts when Mon-El’s noises and words began to fade away. She could feel his mouth moving against her, but he wasn’t speaking vocally any longer. And she knew it would be soon that he’d snap out of this completely. She just needed patience, something she had in spades since entering a relationship with him.

“…Kara?” Came the whispered words not five minutes later.

“I’m here,” she returned in the same soft tone.

She felt Mon-El draw a deep breath before he pulled away. She immediately reached up, using her sleeve to wipe away his lingering tears before he could do it. It was her way to remind him she was there and did NOT think less of him for showing a weakness like this in front of her. It would be needed, because she knew it was likely tomorrow night she’d have a nightmare as well. She always did after seeing him like this. Her mind would latch onto the memory of what had happened, what she’d seen, and force her to relieve that too.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, closing his eyes and breathing deeply to gather himself. “You have an early start and…”

“Don’t you dare,” she warned him lightly, reaching out to touch his cheek till he looked at her. “I love you, Mon-El. Every part of you.”

His smile was broken as he bestowed it on her, broken like he thought he was. Broken like he HAD been. It had been a long time to build him back up, to fit all those pieces back together into some semblance of who Mon-El was. Some pieces were missing, some too broken to piece together again without the deepest of cracks, some in the wrong spots. But he was holding on and mending slowly but surely.

“I love you too.”

Kara leaned in to press a gentle kiss to his lips, resting her forehead to his a moment before she pulled back. The look on his face told her he knew exactly what she was going to ask next. “Who?”

“What?” He shook his head as though he didn’t know what she was asking even though he knew very well. He always did this, always tried to avoid this conversation. Because he knew how hard it was on her when this happened. He knew what she would do if he answered.

“Who was it?”

“No one,” he insisted. 

They both knew it was a lie.

This was the only time she gave him a pass for lying to her. No thoughts of mountain dropping would ever cross her mind during this situation.

“Mon-El.” She gave him the sternest look she could…which wasn’t very given how high their emotions were at the moment.

“It was just a fluke.”

She would have laughed at his answer, he said the same thing every time. “You haven’t had a fluke in over two years.”

A fluke. What they called a nightmare brought on by absolutely none of his normal triggers. 

And every time, she would draw the truth from him and it was never a fluke.

“Maybe I’m just two years overdue then.”

She nearly smiled at how his voice was sounding more like his own again. He was coming back to her, but she needed to deal with what had taken him from her that night first.

“Who did you see?”

“Kara.” He reached out to take her hand that was still resting on his cheek to press a kiss to her palm, hoping to distract her with the sweet move. “There was no one. I…”

“Alex.”

Mon-El fell silent. “I didn’t say that.”

“No, but you never fight this hard not to tell me unless it was her.”

Mon-El slumped minutely at her words, knowing she was right. Usually he would be so shaken from the nightmares that he would answer her completely honestly after the first or second question, but there was always something in him that never let him outright say it when it was Alex. She was just so close to Kara, she was her sister, and it was always the answer that would hurt and anger Kara the most.

“It was Alex,” he finally admitted.

Kara nodded at that, her free hand balling into a fist at the confirmation.

Mon-El reached out to place his other hand on top of hers, hoping to sooth her like she had him. “It’s ok…”

“The hell it is!” Kara snapped, but he could hear it in her voice that the anger wasn’t directed at him.

“No, it isn’t,” he agreed calmly. The situation was always bad when Kara, his sweet Kara, cursed. “But…but I’m…” he couldn’t say he was ok, because he wasn’t. Years later, he still wasn’t. “I’m doing better,” he settled for instead. “I’ll be ok one day.”

Kara swallowed hard. “I’ll deal with it tomorrow.”

“No, Kara, no.” Mon-El turned to her, drawing her focus to him. His eyes were filled with the lingering pain of the nightmare and the exhaustion that he felt after them. And even if his words were trying to tell her not to do what he knew she was going to do, his entire being reflected just how badly shaken he was by seeing Alex. “Just…let it go. Let it go. Don’t…”

“If you try to quote Frozen at me, Mon-El,” Kara threatened, but her voice held the smallest hint of teasing in it, telling him he was nearly pulling her from her anger.

He gave a weak chuckle, hating how frail his voice sounded. “I wasn’t. I was just going to say, don’t do anything. Please.”

Kara looked at him a long while. “Did you just SEE her or did she try to speak to you?”

His gaze flickered away involuntarily and she had her answer. Alex had tried to talk to him too. Maybe, just maybe, she would have let it go as he'd asked had he just glimpsed Alex in passing. But even then she knew her sister was skilled enough that she wouldn't be seen by even a super if she didn't want to. And this was something more, Alex had tried to talk to him.

She knew, despite everything, Mon-El would NOT tell her what Alex had wanted and no amount of begging would make him tell her. Because it would just anger her more. No matter what Alex had to say, whether it was an apology or some random joke, it would just infuriate her for even daring to speak to her, especially trying to do it through Mon-El.

“I AM going to deal with this, Mon-El,” Kara warned him. “She had no right…they swore they’d…” 

“Hey,” Mon-El tried to calm her, sensing her anger getting worse again at his non-vocal admission that Alex had tried to speak to him. “All she…” he swallowed hard, utterly hating to even speak of this. “She said hi. And M’gann stepped in and kicked her out. That was all.”

“That was enough,” Kara argued, but her voice was lighter now. For him to offer what Alex had said to her, it was incredibly hard for him to speak of it. “It was enough to trigger a nightmare,” she reminded him. “She breaks our agreement every time she tries something like this. Her and…and Winn and James and J’onn and all of them. They want our help with the aliens, they stay the hell away from us. That was the agreement. We left the DEO for a reason, Mon-El. They were lucky we even agreed to help them instead of shut them down!”

“I know.” He lifted her balled up hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “I know.”

He pulled Kara into a hug, giving her comfort now, knowing how hard it would be for her come tomorrow, to have to face Alex or someone from the DEO over something as small as this. But his girlfriend was nothing if not protective, and after what happened?

She had every right to want to protect him from the DEO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning to write another story after my 30 Day Challenge fic, but I read an amazing story, "Mating Season" by Fanfic_or_bust, and there was a moment in it, just a small line, about how Kara and Mon-El might consider leaving the DEO for the treatment given to them. And it just inspired a story where I wanted to explore a situation like that.
> 
> I wanted to explore a situation where Kara and Mon-El essentially go Rogue and leave the DEO due to some situation in the past (which will be explored as the story goes). I wanted a story that focuses on Karamel, and the bond they might have as them against the world sort of thing, with a very protective Kara to boot :-) I wanted to see if it would be possible for a situation to create a scenario where it is Karamel VS. the DEO or something like that.
> 
> I'm not sure when this story will be updated. I'll try for at least three times a week. I'm not sure how long it will be, I just have a basic outline. But I hope you'll enjoy it as it goes :-)
> 
> This will also be one of two new stories I plan to post, the second should be up soon. I just couldn't decide which I wanted to post first or post more, so I decided to attempt both :-)


	2. Before the Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to open this chapter with two quick notes:
> 
> 1\. I'm not sure how the finale will go, so this story takes place a few years after the "invasion" and assumes Rhea was defeated, the Daxamites freed and sent back to the world that Mon-El mentioned he and Kara should run away to, to start a new life. M'gann chose to remain on Earth afterwards and resume running the bar with Mon-El as her right-hand man.
> 
> 2\. There is a character that will have a role in this story that I did not tag out of a little bit of fear. I will say right now that LENA will be a character included in this story. It will be assumed she is still "good" and hasn't followed her family's legacy, and that she is still a good friend of Kara's. I didn't tag her because I really wanted to avoid the story showing up in any tag that would attract negative attention just for having Lena be Kara's friend and not love interest. To me they have the most amazing friendship, and with so many movies and shows where women tear each other down instead of build each other up, I LOVE their dynamic and friendship. I want to feature it in this story, but did not tag Lena because I don't want to get hate for posting a story with her as a character and not pair her with Kara. I didn't want to draw any sort of negative attention by tagging her in a Karamel centric Story. But she WILL be here and she will be a player in the story :-)
> 
> Also some more talk about the nightmare and tiny references to what caused it in this chapter.

Kara was at the door before the first knock could sound, having heard their visitor approaching her loft. She smiled when she opened the door to see Lena standing there with her hand raised about to knock. 

“Hey!” Lena greeted with a bright smile that was certainly forced and fitting for the situation at hand.

“Hey,” Kara answered quietly, leaning on the door as she opened it more to let Lena in.

“How is he?” Lena asked Kara as she took her coat off to hang up. She tried to keep her voice low, not seeing Mon-El in the room but knowing he could still hear her with his superhearing.

“In the shower,” Kara answered.

Lena nodded, understanding it meant they could speak quietly without fear of him overhearing them fretting over him. “HOW is he?” she repeated.

Kara let out a breath but the smile was still on her face, even if it was small. “He managed to fall back asleep last night.”

“That’s great!” Lena cheered, relieved for her friend. “That’s a really big improvement, Kara.”

“I know, I know.” Kara’s smile grew just a little more. That hadn’t happened before, Mon-El being able to fall back asleep instead of getting up to read or watch TV or go out for a run/help whoever needed saving at night.

“But it still shouldn’t have happened,” Lena finished Kara’s unspoken words. 

“No, it shouldn’t have.”

“Alex should know better by now…”

Kara frowned. “I didn’t say it was Alex…or that he saw her.”

Lena gave her an amused look. “Genius.” She pointed to herself. And then pointed to the kitchen. “And he made a feast not even the two of you could eat.” She reached out to put a hand on Kara’s arm, squeezing it in reassurance. “There hasn’t been a lightning storm in months, and, as far as I know, Supergirl hasn’t been injured that badly recently…it HAS to be that he saw one of them. And that amount of food? It’s like he’s trying to give you strength. You only need that when it’s your sister.”

“Alex,” Kara corrected instantly. 

“When it’s Alex.”

Lena didn’t even bother to let her expression turn sad at the correction, or disappointed, or any other emotion but understanding. She knew how it felt, to not want anything to be associated with family like that. Lex had done a number of terrible things, and she had reached a point of calling him “Lex” instead of “my brother.” She, of all people, understood why Kara felt the need to distance herself from Alex. The people closest to you always were the ones that hurt you the most.

“Did she say anything to him?” Lena asked carefully.

“Hi,” Kara answered. 

Lena let out a relieved breath. “It could have been worse.”

“I know.” Kara swallowed hard, nodding along with that, thinking about a handful of other times where something much more than “hi” had certainly been said. She looked up at Lena and offered her another smile. “Thanks for coming.”

“You are my best friend,” Lena waved it off with a teasing roll of her eyes. “And Mon-El was my almost-husband, it’s the least I can do.”

Kara actually laughed at that. “You’re really never going to let that go are you?”

“Well if someone had TOLD me she was Supergirl earlier…” Lena continued to tease.

She really didn’t know how the average person didn’t make the connection between Supergirl and Kara Danvers. Glasses? Really? It was the absolute worst disguise in the history of disguises. She supposed, the average person wouldn’t really encounter Kara Danvers and Supergirl enough to really notice though. But the few people who had the pleasure of being around either of them enough HAD to know. It was just ridiculous to not think someone wouldn’t notice.

And when one worked out that Kara was Supergirl, it didn’t take a genius to realize Valor was Mike who was also Mon-El, the prince of Daxam she’d nearly married.

Too bad for them she WAS a genius. 

She’d worked it out a long time ago, but kept it to herself. Part of her wanted Kara to tell her, to show she trusted her enough to do so despite her being a Luthor. But another part of her, a larger part, understood it was a very big secret with a lot of consequences to telling someone. It wasn’t HER secret, and she was NOT entitled to it just for being Kara’s friend. IF Kara wanted to tell her, then it would be up to Kara to do it. And if Kara had never felt the need, then it would have just gone unsaid. She didn’t deserve a reward for being a decent human being and a good friend. Still she was very grateful Kara had eventually come clean about it.

Not that she’d given Kara much of a chance to do so. It was a complicated mess of a situation and secrets were revealed in passing and without intention to share. Not a single one of them regretted it, but it could have happened at a better time.

“What does that have to do with marriage?” Kara joked back. 

The two of them fell into quiet as they stood there, looking over at the food Mon-El had gotten up early to prepare. Eggs, bacon, toast, cereal, oatmeal, sausage, juices, coffee, fruit, and so much more. Definitely more than she and Mon-El could eat between the two of them. It was something he had learned to love and was a reason why M'gann's bar now offered a wider variety of food to offer with the drinks. But it was also something he did to distract himself, cook, make food. Because he’d read somewhere that food made people feel better and he liked to cook because he thought it made others feel better and if they felt better then he would too.

Times like these he took it a wee bit too far. 

She’d probably have to drop some of it off at a shelter.

“Hey,” Lena squeezed her arm again, pulling Kara from her thoughts. It wasn’t till Lena spoke that she realized tears had filled her eyes. “It’s going to be ok.” Lena pulled her into a hug, just knowing that Kara’s thoughts had gone to WHY Mon-El had to cook this much. “Mon-El is fine, he’s safe now.”

“Thanks to you.”

Lena shook her head, pulling away. “Thanks to YOU.”

“If you hadn’t called me…” Kara began to argue, but cut herself off, not even wanting to entertain the thought of what could have happened or how much worse it could have been.

It had been the worst call of her life. And it started off so normally too. Neither of them had known, at the time, that the call would turn into something so much more horrifying.

Mon-El was supposed to meet Lena for a friendly lunch. It was something they did once a week after the failed almost-wedding. They had realized they both worked really well together and they had a large common factor in Kara being important to the both of them, in different ways. They were starting to form a rather solid friendship when…one day…Mon-El just didn’t show up. He hadn’t called, he hadn’t canceled, he just wasn’t there, and he hadn’t answered her phone call to him either.

So Lena had called his girlfriend, Kara, to ask if he’d overslept or forgotten or gotten caught up in something. 

It was such an innocent call, nothing big or important or concerning. They’d only met for lunch, by that point, about three times so it wasn’t a big deal for him to miss one. She had canceled once, and Mon-El had shown up at her office with sandwiches and chips so that they could still chat even while she worked. According to Kara, it was just something he did. Time with people he valued as friends meant a lot to him and he'd never let an opportunity to hang out or talk pass without at least trying to make it work. Which was why him not showing up had concerned her and concerned Kara as well.

Finding out why he’d missed it had been the horrifying part.

Without that phone call from Lena, Kara never would have discovered what was going on when she went to search for him…because he hadn’t answered HER calls either and M’gann hadn’t seen him in days and…

Kara shook her head, feeling herself starting to panic like she had when it had all happened. It wasn’t just Mon-El who had suffered, she had as well, even Lena had though neither of them had gotten the brunt of it like Mon-El had.

“Thank you for stopping by to stay with him,” Kara murmured as she turned to her friend, hearing Mon-El finishing up his routine in the shower. 

“You BOTH are my best friends,” Lena reminded her, serious now. “I would do anything for you two.”

And if that meant canceling all her morning appointments to spend some time with a dear friend and help keep him grounded while his usual source of comfort was dealing with his latest trigger? She’d do it in less than a heartbeat. Mon-El really had become just as important a friend to her as Kara was, anything she could do to help she would.

“Still, thank you.”

Lena nodded at that, looking up and plastering on a big smile when the door to the bathroom opened and Mon-El, dressed in comfortable pants and a t-shirt, with a towel draped around his shoulders, stepped out. “Mon-El!” she cheered, moving to greet him, hugging him tightly and pressing a kiss to his cheek that had him laughing and giving her a weak smile.

“Hey,” he spoke, his voice a little quieter than normal. “Hungry? We’ve got plenty.”

He didn’t bother to ask why she was there. He knew. No matter how quiet Kara and Lena thought they were while he showered, he could still hear them talking. And even if he couldn’t, he knew how it went well enough by now. It wasn’t an odd occurrence for Lena to show up for breakfast, but it only happened after he’d had a setback that had Kara ready to go storm the castle and fight the dragon, so to speak. Usually after a nightmare like he’d had last night, he and Kara would take the day off, and just spend it together, watching movies and eating food, cuddling and lying on the couch. It was a comfort he really needed after those nights. There was only one time when that routine was altered, when Kara felt the need to go out first thing in the morning to deal with what set him off last night. Those times she’d call in Lena to come hang out with him till she’d settled the affair and returned, ready to resume their typical lazy day…though those days also included Lena joining them for binge watching movies and insisting she treat them to dinner later. 

“I can see that!” Lena teased, moving to sit at one of the stools of the kitchen counter. “God, I’m going to need to spend a week straight at the gym after this.”

“I will never understand humans and your insane views of the body,” Mon-El remarked as Kara joined him, looping his arm around her waist as she settled her weight against him comfortingly.

Lena scoffed at that even as she took a giant bite of a chocolate covered croissant he’d made. “Says the aliens with alien metabolisms that never gain any weight at all.”

“It’s not just Kara being perfect as she is,” Mon-El argued lightly, smiling a little more at how Kara ‘awwed’ him and pecked his cheek for his words. “It’s all of you. On Daxam, it was about feeling good. That included feeling good about your body.”

Lena shook her head. “When you talk like that, I almost wish we had gotten married.”

“Back off,” Kara lightly teased. “He’s mine.”

Lena held up her hands in surrender, a smile on her face as Mon-El laughed. “Still, a planet where they don’t care if you’re fat or thin is a dream.”

“Earth will get there one day,” Mon-El mused, taking a sip of orange juice, noting that Kara and Lena were both watching him intently. 

He was tempted to roll his eyes at that. He never had much of an appetite after nightmares, for quite a few days after one really. It had really scared Kara the first few times, because the nightmares were so close together that he’d go far longer than he should have without eating properly. He made a point to force himself to eat after one now, if just to assuage her. Lena had picked up on it, he assumed it was why she was always so insistent they all go out to dinner the days she was called in to help. 

“You think so?” Kara glanced at him.

Mon-El nodded. “I’ve seen humans do amazing things and…accept a lot of people onto their planet. If they can accept aliens, looking and sometimes acting like we do, I think it’ll only be a matter of time before they are able to accept each other too.”

Kara couldn’t help but smile at that, leaning in to kiss him slowly for his words. His faith in humanity was warming to her. And it nearly brought tears to her eyes. After certain humans had done horrible things to him, he still had faith that the rest could be better, that the others still had good qualities to them. He wasn’t letting one bad experience with humans dictate how he felt about all the others. And he proved that every day as Valor, rushing out with her to save civilians in danger.

And she was so proud of him.

“I love you,” Kara whispered as she pulled away from him.

Mon-El’s soft smile was answer enough to that, but he spoke anyway. “I love you, too.”

“And what am I?” Lena called loudly, snapping them out of their moment with a laugh, “Chopped liver?”

Mon-El chuckled heartily, his smile stronger. “We love you too, Lena.”

“Damn right you better.” Lena nodded, pleased, though her smile was completely joking. 

Kara shook her head at her friend, though she was really happy that Mon-El and Lena got along so well. It was every girl’s hope that their best friend and boyfriend would be on good terms. She wasn’t exactly happy that it had taken Mon-El and Lena nearly getting married to do it, but she was happy with the result.

Kara glanced at her watch, noting the time, it was still early but if she wanted to be able to spend something of the day with Mon-El…she should head out sooner than later. The longer she waited, the angrier she’d get, and the more likely it would be that a certain someone would think she could try again. This needed to be dealt with and dealt with now.

“I should head out,” Kara muttered as she looked at the two others. 

“You haven’t eaten yet,” Mon-El pointed out.

“I’ll eat when I get back,” she promised, leaning in to kiss him again. “Promise.”

And, with one final kiss, she was out the window and flying off, Lena and Mon-El watching her go.

“She won’t,” Mon-El remarked, looking down at the food and moving to smear some cream cheese on a bagel. “She’s always too angry and upset when she gets back to eat.”

“It’s probably why she doesn’t eat before she heads out,” Lena tried to help him feel better. “I never eat before a presentation. Too nervous.”

“She’s got a stomach of steel.”

“True,” Lena agreed. “But it’s always hard to face someone down that you’re cross with when you’re in a good mood. And god knows I’m in a great mood after eating this. It’s wonderful!”

Mon-El smiled weakly as Lena popped a mini-blueberry muffin in her mouth. He looked back down at the food again. A single bite taken out of his bagel, his one hand gripping the butter knife he’d used in an iron grip. He blinked when a hand reached out to rest on his.

“Hey?” Lena called, ducking down a little to try and catch his eye.

“It’s nothing,” he remarked to the questioning look in her eyes.

“It’s never nothing when it comes to you supers,” Lena joked. “When it rains it monsoons.”

Mon-El gave a breathy laugh at that joke. His gaze drifted up to the window Kara had flown out of. “I hate that she has to do this. No,” he frowned as he tried to find the words. “I hate that she thinks she has to do this.”

“Do what?” Lena shook her head, not following.

“Face Alex,” he answered with a small shrug. “Confront her. Not talk to her. She hasn’t spoken to anyone at the DEO in years, Lena. They were her family, her closest friends, and now they…She doesn’t talk to them and…it has to hurt her right? They were so important to her and now, nothing. What happened to me was…” He paused again. “Nothing is worth losing family over.”

Lena felt her heart break at his words, hearing his message very clear. He felt like HE wasn’t worth Kara losing “family” over.

“Your mother’s invasion failed, and all your people were forced off Earth. You don’t talk to them anymore. Because of what they did. Was it worth it?”

“She was going to enslave the earth and kill Kara!” Mon-El argued. “Of course it was worth it.”

“Why would you ever think you weren’t worth it then?” Lena argued. 

“It’s not the same thing…”

“Maybe,” Lena had to concede to that. What happened to drive a wedge between his family and planet and himself was on a global scale. What happened to drive a wedge between Kara and the others, was far more personal. “But you don’t get to decide what Kara thinks is worth it, ok?”

“I just…” he let out a hollow breath. “She shouldn’t have to do this. I shouldn’t…I should be strong enough to stop the nightmares by now. It’s been years and…they shouldn’t affect me this much. I should be able to control them, so she doesn’t have to keep doing this to herself.”

“Trauma like that doesn’t just go away over night, OR even in a few years. What you went through, Mon-El, especially at the hands of people you trusted? It’s going to stick with you for a while. I’m sorry to say it, I really am, but it could stick around the rest of your life. Lord knows I still have nightmares about my mother and Lex and they’ve been dealt with longer than that.”

Mon-El swallowed hard. “I’ve destroyed her family.”

“Her family destroyed itself,” Lena countered. “You didn’t do anything.” She squeezed his hand as hard as she could, knowing he could probably barely feel that but wanting to do something to convey comfort. Honestly, superheroes and their guilt-complexes. Mon-El had literally been powerless and done absolutely nothing, it was not on him if Kara's family had fractured. “If Kara decides she wants to confront them, she’ll do it and nothing we say will ever stop her. She wants to protect you, Mon-El. Just like you do her.”

“She’s worth protecting though.”

“And you’re not?”

“I’m…broken,” Mon-El admitted quietly, confessing what he felt every time the nightmares came up. Usually he only spoke like this to Kara, and only when it was a really, really bad nightmare. But...he was just so tired of it all. Of the triggers and nightmares and Kara facing off with her family over him. It was wearing him out and he just...maybe talking to someone that wasn't Kara and hadn't heard all of it before would help? Maybe. “I don’t think there’s enough left of me to be worth much of anything.”

“Well Kara and I both disagree with you,” Lena spoke firmly. “We both think the world of you and we would both do anything to help you. You are so much more than you think you are Mon-El. The fact that you want Kara to be able to work it out with her family, that speaks volumes about you. And that is the sort of talk that a hero would have. It’s the sort of talk I’d expect from Kara Zor-el's fiancé.”

Mon-El smiled at that. “I haven’t asked her yet.”

“Well you had better do it soon!” Lena smiled at his reaction, hoping she’d managed to get him back on a more positive line of thought.

The way his smile faltered though told her she might need to work just a little harder.

“She deserves better than me though.”

“She deserves exactly what she has,” Lena poked him in the chest. “Kara would not accept anything less than what she deserves, and that is you, Mon-El. Supergirl needs her Valor, just like Kara Danvers needs her Mike Matthews, and Kara Zor-el of Krypton needs her Prince Mon-El of Daxam. When you say things like that you’re insulting her, you know.”

Mon-El frowned at that, seeming truly alarmed at the implication he was insulting the woman he loved.

“You say you aren’t worth it? That means you think Kara doesn’t know what she’s worth.”

“The entire universe.”

Lena had to laugh at his answer, he was so besotted with her best friend it was adorable. “And that’s you. You are her entire world, Mon-El.”

“She’s mine, too.”

Lena nodded, finally seeing him starting to feel better. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in being a Luthor, it’s that we DO actually get to choose our family. Family doesn’t end in blood, it is the people we choose to be around, the ones we choose to let in, and the ones we choose to love. As we go through life we’ll lose some family and gain others. It’s a natural part of it. I lost my mother and father and brother, but I gained a sister and a brother,” she gave him a playful wink, making him laugh. “You lost your mother and father, but you gained a mate and, frankly, an absolutely fantastic best friend,” she gestured to herself. “Kara may have lost some members of her family as well, but she gained another sister and the most loving mate anyone could have asked for. Seriously, times like this I really do almost wish we’d gotten latched.”

Mon-El let out a full laugh at that, his heart feeling lighter at Lena’s words. “I think Supergirl would have declared you her official nemesis if that happened.”

“True,” Lena sat back a bit, happy she’d managed to get him out of his downed thoughts. “Good thing she’ll be latching you one day. Though I demand to be Maid of Honor AND Best Woman.”

“Why not be the minister too?” Mon-El joked back.

“Hmm,” Lena hummed as she considered it. “That WOULD look amazing on my resume…”

Mon-El flicked a strawberry at her for that, but couldn’t help but feel relieved and reassured. He really was so glad he had people like Lena and Kara in his life. He’d always had to fend for himself on Daxam, play his cards right, and watch his back constantly. He couldn’t turn to his own parents for support or help or protection, it was nice to know he had that here.

Maybe Lena was right, as she often was. He had lost family but gained a new one, one that actually cared about him and would fight to protect him. A family that he would fight to protect and lay down his life to see safe as well. And he had a mate, a wonderful, glorious mate he’d do anything for, face down anyone to make sure she was alright.

Just like Supergirl was doing now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope there are no hard feelings about not tagging her for the story, I really just want to try and avoid pointless hate as long as possible and I thought tagging Lena in a Karamel story might put a target on the story for that :-( 
> 
> I really liked the dynamic between Lena and Mon-El as well in the latest episode. I feel like she and Mon-El could be really good friends, especially with how they both value Kara. I wanted to explore that. As much as I am afraid Lena may turn evil in the show, I feel like she's ultimately a character that is very loyal. She knows what it feels like to be betrayed and would never betray someone else, so I couldn't see her being a part of Mon-El's trauma but more being a support to him and Kara after it. 
> 
> I have to say, I'm very much looking forward to the next chapter. Kara will confront Alex and her protective instincts for her mate will shine through ;-)


	3. Confrontations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this chapter will contain too much heavy things, but there will be mentions of self-destructive behavior and instances of others ignoring warnings of triggering in others :-(

There was a split second Kara considered holding back her landing when she reached the DEO. With how fast she was coming in and how angry she already was, a spiteful part of her wanted to land with enough force to create a minor crater on the floor. Not only would it make her feel better to have them know, right from the start, that she was there for something serious, but it would alert them that she was NOT in a calm mood, that they had done something to make up for. On top of that…she didn’t like holding back. The time she’d spent with Mon-El, finally being able to completely be herself, full strength and all, it was something she never knew she needed. She had to remind herself to hold back when she went to CatCo, or when she and Lena hung out, but overall she was completely herself. She’d actually come to hate the moments she had to hold back or blend in in any other setting but those two.

It was awkward, to say the least, when she kept her job at CatCo despite the fact James still worked there. She had raged about it at first, had made plans to turn in her resignation to the company and find a new place to work and report from. Mon-El had had to calm her down then and get her to talk about it. She LOVED working where she was, he knew it and she did too, so for her to leave just because of James? To give up a place she usually enjoyed being? It had made Mon-El feel terrible that she even considered it. Because, at that point, she'd already given up her friends and family and position at the DEO over him, he didn't want her to lose her job as well. So she'd settled on remaining at CatCo, needing just that last bit of normalcy after her world burned to ashes around her and left her and Mon-El scarred. She hadn't been fully happy because James WAS still there. But it had actually been easy to settle that. He tried to talk to her, she refused to acknowledge him. As it turned out, with enough concentration, she could reverse her superhearing and make herself deaf to someone. 

It might have been childish, but he’d gotten the message of just how truly angry, hurt, and betrayed she was by his own part in what the DEO had done to Mon-El. He’d thought it would pass, that she couldn’t stay mad forever. So many people thought that, that she’d just forgive them with enough time and enough apologies to her. She might have in the past, the old Kara would have broken at the first sign of tears from Alex in her apology. But she wasn't that person anymore. They underestimated just how much Kryptonians valued loyalty, how much Daxamites valued and cherished and adored their mates (the ones they selected for themselves), and how much she loved Mon-El. They went against everything Supergirl stood for in what they did, and she could never associate herself with an organization, or people, like that.

Snapper hadn’t bothered to ask, Ms. Grant had only asked her if her job would be hindered because of this in her dry way that said “if Kira can’t get over this and find a way to play nice…” Normally, amicable Kara Danvers would have just sucked it up and put on a smile and forced herself to interact with James. But something had changed inside of her when she’d found Mon-El after Lena’s phone call. She didn’t back down. Instead, she’d informed Ms. Grant that she and James worked in different branches and departments, that the assignments and articles Snapper approved were never big enough to warrant photos, and if she DID need a picture…she had another source for photos both within and outside of the company as James was not the only photographer around. So really there was absolutely no reason for James and her to ever interact at the office. She would remain in her office, the one Ms. Grant had gifted her, or down by Snapper’s area, and that would be all. If James sought her out after her clear instructions to “stay the hell away from her” (which Ms. Grant had unsurprisingly seemed the smallest bit startled to hear her say), then it would be on him if their non-existent work relationship caused any hindrance. She’d even gone so far as to allude that, if James DID continue to seek her out at work, she would have no qualms with reporting it as harassment. 

Ms. Grant had waved her off, but she’d not seen James despite working in the same building. Snapper, for some odd reason, even though he outwardly didn’t appear to care, she’d seen and heard him with her superpowers, telling James to return to his own desk and department the handful of times the man had tried to come see her while she was in Snapper’s division. He didn’t ask questions, just wanted his reporters to work to the best of their ability. And if James put her off, then he’d put the man off himself. He didn’t care why she and James were suddenly at odds, so long as it didn’t interfere with her work. And it was because of James attempting to see her there that she'd taken to locking her office door whenever she was in it. He could knock and she'd x-ray the door, then ignore him if it was him standing there. Mon-El only ever came to visit her or bring her food for a surprise lunch date when they were sure James wasn't in the building or was out on assignment and not likely to return soon. She...really didn't know how he found out when James wasn't around, but he did and he always brought a smile to her face to see him braving CatCo, something he'd only been able to do the last year and a half, and the risk of possibly seeing James just to see her and bring her food. God, she loved him so much.

She was thankful that Winn had left CatCo to work at the DEO in that case. She (and Mon-El) ran less of a chance of running into him at CatCo now. 

Winn was…complicated.

He hadn’t been an active participant in what happened to Mon-El. He hadn’t been in any position of power or authority to stop what happened…but he hadn’t exactly contacted her to let her know what was going on either. From what she knew, he had made a weak protest at first, but he was normally so afraid of losing his job at the DEO it didn’t go farther than that. He hadn’t exactly harmed Mon-El himself, but he hadn’t tried to find a way to stop Mon-El being harmed either. He was a participant by association. 

Still…he had given Mon-El the supersuit he’d been working on before the two of them left the DEO, against the instructions of J’onn and company policy.

If he didn’t seek her out, she wouldn’t speak harshly to him. That seemed to be the place they had reached, the middle ground. Winn had tried to speak to Mon-El only once after the event and had stayed away since she’d flown into the DEO to remind them, well…bark orders at them, to stay away from Mon-El as was the agreement. Winn hadn’t tried again after that. HE at least seemed to have learned his lesson. Whether it was from guilt and not wanting to face someone he’d failed as a friend, or from a fear of HER, or even from understanding how little she and Mon-El wanted to do with any of them ever again…he stayed away. He was at the bottom of her list of people she had issues with.

Alex and J’onn though, they cause the most amount of problems. 

She would have thought J’onn would be the least problematic, that he would take her words and her threats and follow what she wanted and asked of the DEO. He was their leader, if he wanted Supergirl and Valor’s help, he needed to abide by their wishes. Yet he breached the protocol they’d set up in little ways that undermined her wishes. IF an alien threat appeared that the DEO couldn’t handle alone, he was supposed to have another agent (NOT Winn or Alex or James), contact her via email or text or phone call, some distant form of communication, and alert her to it. 

And it was supposed to be a request for aid, not an order as though she still worked for them.

It was always an official call or email from HIM, and it always sounded like an order.

Once she and Mon-El agreed to assist the REQUEST, he was never to have contact with them. He wasn’t going to be the one to inform them of what was happening, to be the voice on their comms if they were required, to be the one they met at a neutral site outside the DEO (she was NOT about to ever bring Mon-El anywhere near there again, and if it meant a DEO agent had to travel well then they would travel). The first two times it happened, J’onn had been the one to meet the two of them, with a third time a year later. 

The first time had sent Mon-El into such a bad episode, she may have punched the Martian ten feet back and told him to save the city themselves, before flying Mon-El away to her loft to try and help him through it. It had been months after the event when the DEO had finally had to “ask” them for help after struggling to make do with the now-lack of Supers at their beck and call. She and Mon-El had talked for hours about whether they should help, specifically because of how heavily involved the DEO would be in that particular threat to be handled. She always, always, left it up to him for whether they would do it. If he wasn’t ready to face anyone from the DEO, she would never force him. And they were a team now, if he didn’t go out to the field, neither did she and vice versa (excluding one exception where she’d been bedridden for two weeks and he had had to play solo hero). 

Mon-El always said yes though. Because, to him, Kara had made her opinion and demands quite clear to the DEO and if they were asking for help, it had to be bad. He couldn’t seem to understand that some of the situations, when she really looked at it, weren’t THAT desperate that they needed Super help. But he looked at it from his own perspective. Whenever she had told him to leave, he left, he respected her wishes. He spoke his part, waited to see what she said, and then did as she asked without fight. If HE, prince of the planet of selfish hedonists, could do it, the DEO surely did the same. They did not.

So they had gone there, to a neutral location outside National City’s public library…only to see J’onn waiting for them. 

Mon-El hadn’t been ready or prepared for that. He’d worked himself up to feeling like he could probably face a single random DEO agent, with Supergirl at his side. But J’onn? He hadn’t expected the Martian to be there, and all it had served to do was trigger him. 

She had been FURIOUS. She had refused the next two times the DEO (J’onn himself) had contacted her for help, specifying the terms of their agreement to him once more. The next time, it had been a random DEO agent that sent the call. SHE had met at the neutral location alone this time, not about to risk Mon-El coming with her, having him wait far enough away where he could get there instantly if it was just an agent but stay away if it was J’onn. And, of course, it HAD to be J’onn standing there. She’d nearly turned and flown away but he’d managed to tell her the situation and that time it really HAD been dire. She had agreed they would help on the condition he never again be their contact person, and flown off to inform Mon-El of the situation.

The last time she might have forgiven. It had been a year later. J’onn had stuck to their agreement to never be the person at the third location, but had continually failed to allow another DEO agent to send the official emails to Supergirl. He had stopped trying to call her when she constantly hung up at the sound of his voice and even then, she stopped answering the phone when it was the DEO, because it could have just as easily been J’onn disguising his voice with his abilities. It was why she always x-ray visioned the people they met to make sure it wasn’t him either.

She might have forgiven him had his excuse not been that the intended agent had fallen ill at the last moment. As though there wasn’t an entire base filled with agents. As though Pam from HR couldn’t have delivered the message just as well. She might have forgiven him, because Mon-El had been beside her and hadn’t instantly been triggered into an episode. And it seemed hopeful that maybe this was a good step for him, that he was healing, and doing better…until he’d had a crippling nightmare that same night after it was over. He’d had a handful before then, but it had been that night that made them realize they were triggered when he saw the few people who had been involved with what happened to him. If he saw J’onn, Alex, Winn, or James, the nightmares came.

That was when she’d gotten very vehement that they stay away from Mon-El and her. She might have let it pass in the past, but now that they knew it was causing more harm to Mon-El, she refused to have anything to do with them. 

Not that it stopped Alex. The girl still tried to speak to her and Mon-El, more frequently than the others. Kara could almost time it like clockwork. On her Earth Birthday, on Alex’s or Eliza’s or Jeremiah’s birthdays, on the day they lost Jeremiah or on his anniversary to Eliza. On Mon-El’s earth birthday (she’d taken to flying Mon-El out of the city on that day just to be safe). On Christmas and New Years, Easter and Thanksgiving, even once on the fourth of July. Alex seemed to think that the holidays would inspire a more forgiving nature. She usually let those instances go, but ONLY if Alex tried to speak to HER and not Mon-El. And for the most part, Alex did only try to speak to HER on holidays. But there were times, here and there throughout the year where Alex would change tactics and attempt to speak to Mon-El. 

Kara was reaching her wits end with it all. Mon-El had been doing so well, he’d finally started to feel confident again and secure, like his old self. He’d been back on his feet, doing well at work, sleeping soundly, happy…and then Alex had to show up.

Well, she was NOT going to let it stand.

And neither was she going to let the floor of the DEO stand either as she landed with a hard thump, cracking the floor into a small crater with the force of it.

She drew herself to her full height and strode forward, ignoring the other agents that froze upon her arrival. 

“Get me Agent Danvers!” she barked out the order to no one in particular. 

Maybe the old her would have been more polite, would have requested it with a smile, asked if anyone had seen her sister. The old her died in this building the second she saw what they’d done to her mate. And she would be damned if she ever let the old her back, because the old her had failed Mon-El, failed to protect him, had let people near him that hurt him, and she was never ever going to make that same mistake again.

“Supergirl,” a voice rang out a moment before J’onn stepped into the room, walking towards her with a hesitant Winn trailing behind him. Winn took one look at her fearsome expression and quickly scurried to his desk and computer, pretending that he was working so as not to be involved. “To what do we owe this visit?”

“Agent Danvers,” Kara repeated. “I need to speak with her. Now.”

J’onn frowned. “What did Alex do this time?”

“You know what she did,” Kara countered, crossing her arms to mirror his pose, her expression hard. “You know the only thing that would lead me here without a mission.”

J’onn sighed. “I will speak to her, Supergirl. There’s no need to…”

“She is in breach of protocol,” Kara cut in, not about to let him try to dissuade her from speaking to the woman. “She knowingly defied the agreement Supergirl and Valor hold with the DEO when she attempted to speak to Valor. There is certainly a need to…”

“She did it off the clock,” J’onn argued. “She wasn’t acting as a DEO agent at the time. There’s no need to do this here.”

“She’s never off the clock, neither of you are as heads of the DEO. And, Director J’onzz,” she tried very hard not to find satisfaction in how he flinched at her exceedingly formal address, “As you yourself have been in breach of our agreement, perhaps it would be best for you to be reminded that anything you and Agent Danvers do is a direct reflection on the DEO. Continue your behavior and our agreement will be at an end.”

“That’s enough Kara,” Alex’s voice cut in.

Kara looked over to see Alex, her hair a little longer and now held back in a severe bun, striding towards her until she came to a stop beside J’onn. She spared the picture of the two of them standing side by side barely a glance. If they thought they were intimidating by putting up a united front against her, they were sorely mistaken. She was not going to back down so easily, not when her mate’s wellbeing was on the line because of them.

“Agent Danvers…” Kara began.

But Alex interrupted again. “Kara, it’s Alex. You don’t have to keep on with the Agent Danvers bull. You never did.”

“Agent Danvers,” Kara repeated firmly. “I am going to tell you this one more time, and one more time only. You are to stay away from Valor and myself. You are not to have contact with us in any form. And if you do, so help me Rao, you can both consider our truce with the DEO over. National City will be yours to defend by yourselves.”

“You wouldn’t refuse to help the citizens,” Alex argued. “Not over…”

Kara’s eyes narrowed as Alex cut herself off. “Not over what?” she demanded. “Not over a Daxamite? Not over Valor? Not over Mon-El? Not over my MATE? Tell me, Agent Danvers, who wouldn’t I help the citizens over?”

Alex let out a frustrated breath. “I just mean you have too big a heart to just leave them unprotected, for anyone.”

“Oh but that’s why the DEO exists isn’t it?” Kara countered. And how DARE Alex try to make it seem like she'd just abandon people? Other cities survived just fine without superheroes around to save the day. And National City was far more protected than average even excluding her and Mon-El helping out. “YOU protect them from the aliens. National City really doesn’t need two more superheroes on top of that. And there’s Guardian, can’t forget him. Or the police, the firemen, the EMTs and doctors, all the other humans that assist in keeping the city safe. There are other cities out there that could use a superhero or two. National City isn’t the only one.”

“You wouldn’t leave just because I said “hi” to Mon-El.”

“Valor,” Kara corrected. “To you, he is Valor. And I am Supergirl, Agent Danvers.”

“You are Kara. My sister,” Alex insisted. “And I’m Alex.”

There was really no point in keeping her identity a secret, not in the DEO. She’d appeared in her civilian clothing too often, had people call her Kara for the other agents NOT to know who she was. They’d all signed confidentiality agreements not to say a word to anyone about it. To breach that would be a matter of national security and they’d be tried for treason. People kept quiet.

“You are Agent Danvers.” 

Alex’s expression cracked at that. 

“And I don’t have a sister. I lost my family on Krypton.”

Alex looked like she was nearly about to cry at Kara’s words, before an anger settled onto her face. “Whether you like it or not, I AM your sister. Eliza is your mother. I don’t know what sort of bullshit Mon-El has been feeding you about us, but…”

“VALOR has nothing to do with that,” Kara hissed. 

“He has everything to do with it!” Alex was shouting now. “Look, Kara, I know you feel guilty about what happened. But you don’t need to stay with him just because…”

“You think I’m with him because I feel guilty?” Kara’s voice sounded odd even to her. It sounded like she was trying not to laugh while simultaneously filled with incredulousness and disbelief. A furious and terrified part of her wondered if Alex had ever said something like that TO Mon-El those other times she'd seek him out. For her sake, Alex had better hope she never had. “I’m with him because I love him.”

“It’s been years Kara! He must have gotten over it by now. He’s obviously manipulating you. Trying to keep you with him and alienating you from us and…”

“He is NOT the one who alienated me from you. YOU did that just fine on your own. What you did can’t be undone and it can’t be forgotten. Believe me, I’ve seen him try to forget.”

She’d seen him drink himself into a stupor, because that was all he’d known on Daxam. Drink and drugs till what you felt went away. And when he felt so much agony and fear and weakness, he had turned to the only thing he knew to cope. She honestly hadn’t known that aliens like them could get alcohol poisoning till M’gann had called her because Mon-El had passed out and was vomiting and unresponsive and Lena had had to help calm her down enough to take care of him. 

He had done everything he could to try and move past what happened. He cooked more to distract himself. He took up photography to try and capture happier memories to collect during the bad days. He tried using poetry to express himself as he felt like just writing it down was stupid, but found he, for some reason, could only write in iambic pentameter and in a style that would make Shakespeare proud, which just made him feel more stupid doing it like that so he'd given up. He taught himself how to play guitar just for something to do, music being therapeutic according to the internet. He worked more shifts at the bar, he killed himself metaphorically trying to be a hero and train with her. He went to lunch with Lena, he spent all his spare time with herself. He’d learned Kryptonian for her, and taught her Daxam’s language in return. He’d even tried knitting…before he realized his superstrength just couldn’t hold up against the knitting needles and he’d stopped. But he had tried so many things to move past it all, to forget, and he never could. Even when he had good weeks, good months, a nightmare always came along to remind him.

He could never forget. 

And neither could she.

His nightmares weren't fake. No one could fake a reaction like that. He had not just "gotten over it." And he sure as hell wasn't manipulating her. He felt guilty enough as it was every time he woke her or kept her from going into work or worried her. He kept trying to HIDE it from her so she wouldn't feel bad. If he was trying to manipulate her to stay with him, he wouldn't be doing all he could to try and show he was "ok" so she wouldn't feel terrible leaving the house for work or to confront the cause of his problems.

“Valor isn’t the problem here. And if you come near him again…”

“You’ll what?” Alex took a step closer, her arms crossed even more. 

“Don’t push me Agent Danvers.”

“I am just trying to help you, Kara!” Alex threw her hands up in the air. “You won’t let me in. You won’t talk to me. If the only option I have left is to go through Mon-El to speak to you…”

“You have another option. Leave. Us. Alone. We do not want anything to do with you, any of you!” Kara glared around the room before focusing on Alex once more. “After what you did to him…”

“We were following orders,” J’onn spoke for the first time since she and Alex began screaming at each other.

Kara shook her head at that. “That excuse, “I was only following orders,” has been used to justify too many tragedies in Earth’s history.”

Winn flinched at the familiar Star Trek line.

Kara looked between the two of them. “You both leave us alone. Final warning. Or the DEO can find new superheroes to work with.”

“You don’t mean that.” Alex shook her head. “That’s Mon-El talking. Run away, like he always wanted to do. YOU were the one that always wanted to fight for something Kara. Why won’t you fight for US?” She gestured between herself and Kara. “Don’t let him tell you what to do!”

“He has been pushing me to forgive you!” Kara snapped at the woman, at the end of her rope with how Alex was talking and the assumptions she was making. “So don’t you DARE blame any of this on him. You have absolutely NO ground to stand on here. Because HE was not the one torturing an alien for information!”

Any sound that had been made in the background fell silent at her words.

Kara was fuming.

“HE was the one BEING tortured,” Kara finished, glaring so hard at Alex and J’onn that she felt her heat vision on the cusp of coming loose. “He was the one being tortured by YOU.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very tempted to write more, but this seemed like a good (evil) place to end this chapter ;-)
> 
> I'm not sure what the next chapter will be, I'm tossing up between just a normal chapter following the events of this one, or the first in a series of "flashback" chapters that show what actually happened to Mon-El. The first of that series wouldn't be anything graphic, just more of a "what happened" lead up to the events Kara is talking about and how the "order" came about.
> 
> Let me know what you'd like to see and hopefully it'll help me decide what to post next :)
> 
> Also, I'm sure Kara sees Lena as a sister, like Lena does her, but she's quite angry right now and I also think she wouldn't want to drag Lena into this or make her a target for Alex to try and seek out and talk to also :-)


	4. Backfired Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Flashback Chapter, takes place about 3 years ago from the main story. Just a short while after the Daxamite invasion. There is a minor spoiler for how the invasion was handled for those that haven't seen the latest episode though, and a small tweak to how the finale went down that I feel could have also been a possible option for Mon-El that didn't seem to be considered in the show. 
> 
> Nothing too graphic or horrible in this chapter. But this will be the first of a small series where what happened to Mon-El will be explored. I will add tags and warnings to those chapters as they come up.

Mon-El was silent and serious as he stood beside Kara at the DEO, looking at the monitors. His arms were crossed and he moved closer to Kara, brushing his shoulder with her arms in a show of support. He knew this was an increasingly frustrating situation for her. It should have been a normal day at the DEO, the two of them doing their thing, being superhero and superhero-in-training. 

But currently they were standing there while the other agents readied to move out…without them.

He could tell Kara was ready to blow her top with how she was trying not to glare at the man standing before J’onn and Alex in a suit very out of place for the DEO.

The man himself was just out of place and it was grating everyone’s nerves. But after the…well, shitstorm was the earth phrase he’d learned to describe the situation…that the Daxamite invasion had been, and how pissed the president was by Alex’s refusal to fire on the ship before it was too late, an envoy had been issued to assume control of the DEO for the moment. J’onn had JUST been cleared of the effects the mind-trap had left him with and was ready to take his place as head of the DOE once more, when this…suit man had strode in with a dastardly grin on his face.

Well, Mon-El was probably projecting the dastardly, but it fit!

The man had just waltzed in like he owned the place and tossed a folder in front of Alex and J’onn as they gathered around the circular desk in the center of the command room. The folder contained direct orders from the president that the man, Mr…Mon-El didn’t care to know, was to be the head of the DEO until he had conducted a thorough evaluation of the DEO and its agents. He was there to assess the loyalty and integrity of the agents. God forbid another attack happened, the president needed to know the agents would DO what had to be done, regardless of personal ties.

Mon-El was very much against it. The only reason Alex had hesitated was because Supergirl was on the ship and he would never have wanted her to push the button either. And not just because she was his girlfriend, but because, in a general sense, Supergirl was needed. The president would have lost one of her biggest assets and visible icons for alien refugees if Alex had pushed the button. And he knew the only reason Kara had hesitated to push the button and release lead into Earth’s atmosphere to drive off the invaders was because of him. She’d pushed it, in the end, and he thanked his gods every day that Alex had had the forethought to contact Eliza after Kara told them about Lena’s invention. Eliza had been working on a cure for his lead allergy since they’d been made aware of it. She hadn’t broken through to an outright cure, not by that point, but she’d been close enough to develop a serum that acted like a treatment. He had to be injected once a month for the foreseeable future, until a more permanent cure had been found, but he could remain on Earth now. He was so happy Eliza and Alex had caught Kara before she’d tried something crazy like send him into space in her old pod or something.

Personal ties were what kept the heroes fighting, to lose them would weaken them. But the people of earth, they needed reassurance. So the president had sent an envoy to lead the DEO and assess them. His report would decide the fate of every single agent, Supergirl and himself included.

They had hoped things would be smooth and calm for the moment. They had just come out of an invasion, surely all other aliens would take note of the defeat and hide away for a while. Sadly, it appeared some were of the notion that Earth was now weak and ripe for the taking. Or at least that’s how the envoy was reading the situation.

He and Kara, however, weren’t sold. There hadn’t been any aggressive attacks or actions, but there had been a discovery. The DEO had protocols set up, scans and tech reading for the more dangerous alien species constantly, using every resource it could pull, from traffic cameras to satellites. And something had been picked up.

There, on the monitors, was a frozen image of an alien. It was grey in color, with spikes sticking out of its face along the bonelines. The eyes were slit, two sets of them slanted along the face, with a flat nose, and wide mouth full of sharp teeth. It was hunched over with hands that looked like claws. According to the DEO’s records, the species was as dangerous as it appeared. The records detailing the alien made it seem even worse. It was from a primitive species, according to Earth, barbaric, with a taste for flesh. As in raw, fresh flesh, ANY flesh, including human. The statistics said it was driven by basic instinct, if it was near someone when it was hungry, it fed. It attacked, it was aggressive, there was no reasoning with it. 

It was one of the very, very few aliens on the DEO’s list of “kill orders.” There were only five on that list, aliens to be killed on sight. And those five were truly threatening and dangerous aliens that had been studied and proven to be a true threat to any innocent person. The DEO did NOT add aliens to that list lightly and more often than not it came about due to numerous attempts to negotiate, placate, handle, and subdue the volatile aliens to failure.

The two of them should have been aiding the DEO as they were set to head out and…and deal with the alien. But they were being ordered back. This was on J’onn and Alex to prove they COULD take down an alien if called upon. And it was a show of power to the supers. That they would have to stay behind, obey orders, or else face dire consequences from being cast out of the DEO or even arrested for treason. It was also a test in that an alien was about to be hunted to be killed and they had to stand down. 

It was wrong.

Both Mon-El and Kara could feel it in their bones. Looking at the picture on the screens, there was something so off about it all. For one, the alien was wearing earth clothing. The reports said that the aliens were too primitive to adapt, so they couldn’t be actually WEARING human clothing. And…it was small. The details didn’t list that species being so small. It COULD have been a runt, it could have been just an odd genetic combination that made the alien smaller. But it didn’t look small in that sense.

It looked like a child.

Kara glanced over at Mon-El, the two of them sharing a silent thought at that. It looked too much like a child of the species. 

The envoy seemed to realize that. The little looks, the smug grin on his face, whenever he glanced at them, told them as much. He was testing them too, to see if they would listen to orders as well, stand by and let them…let them murder a child.

Mon-El could see how much it gutted Kara for this to happen when Alex and J’onn were given the order to head out and had given the girl of steel a regretful look…but went anyway.

Kara turned and strode away, heading for the training room as Mon-El went to join her, knowing that it would be better for her to take her frustration out through sparring with him than to destroy DEO property. 

“Can you believe this?” Kara asked him under her breath, speaking too quietly for any human tech or human to hear her, but enough for HIM to.

Mon-El assumed a defensive position as Kara turned to face him in the training room, the two of them beginning to spar even as they talked. They needed to at least give the illusion of not talking for their conversations to work. They’d discovered they could talk like this, quietly, when they’d been planning a party for Winn a week or so before the invasion and hadn’t wanted him to know but hadn’t had time to work out logistics anywhere but the DEO.

“I’m not entirely surprised,” was all he offered, ducking a punch.

Kara let out a frustrated breath. “It’s a child.”

“I know,” he agreed, dropping down to swing his leg out at her, Kara jumping over it easily. They weren’t really sparring-sparring, more putting on a half-hearted show. “Renalians aren’t that small normally.”

“You recognized it too?” 

“Daxam had a handful of interactions with them. You?”

“Once on Earth. But there were some records in the Fortress.”

Mon-El nodded, smiling just a little to himself as he managed to get one up on Kara, grabbing her from behind with his mouth near her ear as she gripped his arm. “They’re smarter than humans think they are.”

“I know,” Kara murmured, before jumping up and using her falling weight to hurl Mon-El over her shoulder. She smiled as he managed to move into a forward roll instead of land on his back.

But it was true about the alien. It COULD understand language. It could communicate and understand, but the DEO’s experience had told them that it was too savage and primitive to be controlled or live safely on Earth. They weren’t even going to give it an opportunity to talk or to try and get it to leave Earth first before they attacked. The envoy refused. He wanted them to prove they would follow orders and eliminate an alien threat. And the species the alien was, WAS deemed a threat by the DEO itself.

She knew they had no ground to stand on there, no way to argue. But for Alex and J’onn to just nod and agree to the mission? They had said nothing, made no argument, and she wanted to believe that, when the time came, they would allow the alien to speak and try to handle it peacefully but…another part of her said they wouldn’t. Couldn’t. 

She couldn’t help but think they were being forced to do this, even if it was technically their jobs and something they always had to be prepared to do. She never wanted her sister or an alien, like J’onn, to be in a position where they were forced to kill an alien that, so far, had done nothing wrong.

…maybe there was a way to prevent that?

“What are you thinking?” Mon-El’s voice rang in her ears moments before she felt herself pinned to the walls, momentarily distracted by her thoughts enough for him to get the jump on her.

“Nothing.” She moved to knee him in the side, Mon-El moving away at the last moment to free her.

“You have a crinkle,” he teased, managing to kick her lightly in the stomach. He nearly laughed as she made a show of stumbling back. “Tell me.” He shot towards her mid stumble and managed to trip her onto the ground, pinning her there. “If it’s about the alien, please tell me. I want to help as much as you do.”

Kara smiled gently up at him for his words. He had really proven himself a hero during the invasion and her heart swelled to hear him talk like that now. She used some of her strength to flip them over, needing to keep up the sparring act a little longer. “I might be able to save it.”

“How?”

Kara bit her lip. “If I can get there before the others, I can get it to safety.”

“They wouldn’t have to attack if it’s not there,” Mon-El followed along. “I’m in.”

Kara shook her head, moving to stand, offering him a hand to help him up. “You can’t.”

“Kara…”

“Renalians are a female based species,” Kara reminded him. “They’ll attack you, but let me close.”

Mon-El let out a breath, hunching over onto his knees to make a show of being out of breath. “I don’t like it,” he muttered. “But I trust you.”

And he did. He knew she could handle herself and the Renalian just fine, especially with it being a child. The species was female-based. The entire species actually. They reproduced somewhat like a combination of the animals he read about that could regrow limbs and the ones that used “budding” to spore more offspring. But they were entirely female as a result. They instinctively reacted aggressively to males, but females had more leeway. And with it being a child, it would be far more open to a woman approaching it and trying to talk than him.

“Thank you,” Kara leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek, resting her forehead to his temple a moment. “I’m going to get it and see where its mother is, try and get them both out of there.”

Mon-El nodded, straightening up and pulling her into a hug. “Take it to Lena,” he added as a thought. “She’s been working on that small-scale portal for aliens that want to leave Earth after the invasion. Maybe she can use it to send it home.”

Kara smiled at that, she actually hadn’t thought of that, but he was right. Lena HAD been making progress on building a much smaller portal for just that reason. 

“How are we going to get you out of here though without Mr. Nasty Man getting suspicious?”

Kara laughed as she pulled away. She and Mon-El certainly were a pair, they couldn’t insult anyone if they tried to. “You head to the bar for a shift, I’ll say I’m going to Lena’s for a meetup. If it all goes right, by tomorrow this will all be settled and they won’t have any idea you or I did anything.”

“If something goes wrong…” Mon-El began.

Kara smiled at his concern. “Call me.”

He frowned. “Your phone has a tracer in it. If I call you…”

But Kara shook her head. “Lena removed it. I’m untraceable, so they’ll never know where I’ve gone.” She probably wouldn’t answer if Alex or J’onn or even Winn called her until it was all over. She didn’t know what noise might come up in the background, Renalians were quite loud. But she trusted that if something came up that really needed her, Mon-El would call her as well. “YOU call me, and I’ll come running.”

“Yay,” he teased, reassured by her plan, “Shenanigans!”

“Shut up,” Kara laughed even more as she nudged him with her shoulder, the two of them heading out to put their plan in action.

*************************************************************************************************************************************

Mon-El whistled to himself as he stepped into the DEO the next morning, trying to put on a calm appearance. He had done as Kara asked, gone to the bar, then headed to the loft for the night. Kara hadn’t returned and he was trying not to seem as worried as he felt. He was going to see Lena for lunch in two days, if Kara wasn’t back by then, THEN he would go looking for her. But he kept trying to think about it reasonably. Renalians were a stubborn species, once they settled somewhere they never wanted to leave. If the one they’d found had already settled on Earth…it would be harder for Kara to convince them to go. But he trusted her, he trusted she knew what she was doing and could handle herself. 

And he trusted that if things went wrong or got to be too much, she would call him just like she wanted him to call her. And he’d be there in an instant.

“What’s will all the serious faces?” he called out as he approached the circular command table where Alex, J’onn, and the Envoy were standing, all looking grim.

“A strange occurance has taken place,” the envoy began as he turned to face Mon-El. “The alien escaped.”

“Wow,” Mon-El forced out a laugh that sounded authentically amused. “Maybe you should focus more on a new training program than interviews if a single alien escaped a DEO taskforce.”

The Envoy’s eyes narrowed. “It didn’t escape the team sent out. It seems to have escaped the location it was seen in.”

“So it wandered off.”

“Impossible,” the envoy argued. “The team spread out and scoured the area. There is no way it could have travelled farther than their reaches in the time between its last sighting and the teams arrival.”

“Maybe it ran instead of wandered.”

“How would it know to run?” The Envoy crossed his arms as though he’d just trapped Mon-El.

But Mon-El rolled his eyes at that. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because it’s a kid and Renalians never leave their child’s side unless forced? My mother had to pry me away from her when I was a kid. One alone on Earth would be scared. Kids run when they’re scared. I think that goes for all species.”

“Mon-El,” Alex stepped around the desk to face him. “Where’s Supergirl?”

He shrugged. “Out saving the world?”

“Now is not a time for jokes,” J’onn’s voice rang out, too serious for Mon-El’s liking.

He sighed. “Look, she went to see Lena yesterday to hang out while I went to work at M’gann’s bar. I got home early and went to sleep. Woke up and she was already gone. Probably flying around National City saving the day.”

“There haven’t been any reports of Supergirl spotted in the city,” Alex countered.

“Then she’s at CatCo.”

“James confirmed she hasn’t arrived yet.”

“Then maybe she and Lena had a girl’s night!” Mon-El threw up his hands. “I don’t know what you want me to say here.”

“I want you to tell me where Supergirl went yesterday.” The envoy stepped closer to him.

“I told you…”

“You lied,” the man cut in. 

“Did I?” Mon-El challenged.

The envoy turned and pressed a button on the central desk and the monitors flickered to life, showing the security footage of his spar with Kara last night. He pressed another button and the footage zoomed in to their mouths, showing them moving even when the sound didn’t pick up any words.

Mon-El tensed at that, thankful that, as an effect of speaking so quietly, their lips didn’t move enough to be read. They knew he and Kara had talked about something, but not what.

“I think you did.” The Envoy turned to face him again. “You and Supergirl clearly made a plan to rescue that alien right from under the DEO’s nose. You both displayed a clear lack of respect and boundless insubordination. I don’t appreciate either and neither will the president.”

“If you must know, we were talking about our next date night.” Mon-El tried to recover, keeping his voice firm and steady. Never before had he been more thankful for being the Prince of Daxam and growing up under his parents’ thumbs, it had made him a decent liar when the occasion called for it. 

“And that required such intricacies?” The Envoy gestured at the footage still playing, showing them going through an entire match still talking.

“Well we didn’t think the DEO would appreciate our talk of bedroom plans being overheard. Pam’s seminar was very clear that talk like that could be considered harassment if others overhear it and…”

“Enough!” The Envoy snapped. “I do not appreciate being lied to.”

“I’m not lying!”

“So Supergirl disappears the same time an alien the DEO has been ordered to eliminate vanishes?” The Envoy glared at him. “And continues to remain missing despite the chaos still present in the city from the invasion?”

“I told you all I know,” Mon-El argued. “What more do you want from me?”

“I want to know where Supergirl went, where she is now, and what she’s planning to do.”

“What, so you can stop her?” Mon-EL crossed his arms, his entire posture radiating that he was not going to let that happen.

“If need be, yes.”

Mon-El shook his head, glancing at Alex and J’onn, both silent and looking like they were dreading where this was going. “I don’t know what Supergirl is planning, IF she’s even planning anything at all. And even if she was, even if I did know, I wouldn’t tell you anything.”

He saw Alex wince at that out of the corner of his eye, as though he’d just said the worst thing possible. And maybe he had, but he would never betray Kara like that. He knew what he’d done the moment he uttered those words. He was baiting the Envoy, purposefully riling him up, making him angry.

Because if the envoy focused on HIM and what he might possibly know…he wouldn’t be looking for Supergirl.

Better HE be the target of the man’s ire than Kara.

“I don’t have anything more to say to you. We’re finished here.”

Just as he turned to leave, two DEO agents stepped up behind him, blocking his path.

“You’re not going anywhere,” the Envoy’s voice called out.

Mon-El shook his head and turned back to the man. “I actually am. I have a shift at the bar. I have work to do. And IF Supergirl isn’t around like you seem to think, then the city is going to need someone to step in till she gets back.”

“Guardian can handle it,” the Envoy waved his words off. “I am not done with you.” He stepped closer till he was nearly nose-to-nose with Mon-El. “You know something. And I WILL have the truth from you.”

Mon-El nearly scoffed at that, at the idea that this…puny human could ever make him betray Kara’s trust in him after he’d worked so hard to earn it. 

“I’d like to see you try.”

The Envoy smirked. “Agent Danvers,” he called, stepping back. “Director J’onzz. As acting head of the DEO, I am pulling you off the Renalian Case and placing you in charge of a Treason Investigation.”

“Sir?” Alex tensed at the phrasing of it.

“Take the Daxamite to holding,” he ordered, grinning as the agents grabbed Mon-El by the arms and led him away, the alien smartly not putting up a fight. He looked at Alex and J’onn, a glint in his eyes that no one liked. “He knows something about Supergirl’s disappearance. I am ordering you to get the truth out of him. By ANY means necessary.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hate the envoy, so much that I didn't want to dignify him with a name lol. But I wanted to give a little more background to what led up to Mon-El's torture. I made up the Renalians, but I just kept thinking no matter how dangerous a species, Kara would always want to help, especially if it's a child. 
> 
> There will be a lot more than just the envoy's orders and "questioning" going on. What Mon-El endured isn't that simple, and the people questioning him, at times, won't "just be following orders." The next few chapters though, they're going to be hard to get through I think :'-(


	5. Interrogation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the Flashback Series. 
> 
> This chapter will contain references to starvation, being locked up, punishments dealt by Daxamites, guilt-tripping, use of tech to make the invulnerable vulnerable, and mentions of isolation :-(

Mon-El couldn’t help but feel like he should have expected something like this. He was sitting in the holding cell he’d first been placed in when he arrived on Earth after he’d escaped the DEO, but instead of the too-bright florescent lights of the building, red light was shining down on him. It had been familiar, in a way, when they first turned on, reminding him of Daxam, of the red sun his planet orbited…until he began to feel the effects of it.

Humans, for all they worked with Supergirl and himself, didn’t understand anything about actual aliens.

He and Kara looked like them, so it was easy for them to forget they weren’t quite human and weren’t built the same way. 

With the light of a red sun shining down on him, he could feel the pull of the planet more. Daxam and Krypton were smaller than Earth was, had different cores. The gravitational pull under the red sunlight was difficult to withstand even just sitting on the ground of the cell. He hadn’t realized the DEO even had them, but it made sense. They had a yellow sunbed, they had yellow sun grenades, why wouldn’t they also have a RED sun item stashed somewhere. 

The yellow sun tapped into his DNA, into Kara’s, allowed them to feel weightless despite the bigger size of the planet. But with the red light on him, he felt ever muscle in his body straining against the pull of the earth. He felt heavier, more sluggish, it was harder to breathe. It reminded him too much of the terrifying moments when the lead gas had affected him and he hadn’t been able to get enough air to his lungs. It was like a force was pressing on his chest and every breath was a challenge.

And it certainly was a challenge, because he had to do his best not to let the DEO see it was affecting him as much. The second he revealed that sort of weakness, he had no doubt the envoy would latch onto it and make it worse. He needed to hold out as long as he could for Kara to finish her mission and get back.

He swallowed hard, closing his eyes briefly, trying to push past the lump in his throat. His mouth was dry, his throat parched, his stomach cramping terribly. He’d seen this punishment used on Daxam, when the slaves were insubordinate, refuse them food and water till they cooperated or were too weak to fight. He hadn’t eaten since before he and Kara had been called into the DEO and told of the Renalian. He could have eaten at the bar, or the next morning, but he was just too concerned about Kara to think on that. 

He doubted the humans even realized how badly the lack of food and water was getting to him. Another thing they failed to look into. Kara ate a lot of food, they chalked it up to her being a superhero and expending energy to fly. It was true, but even when she had days off at a time and did basic normal human activities the human way, she still devoured everything in front of her with gusto. He smiled at the memory, he liked cooking for her. It made him feel like, even though he wasn’t a hero yet, he was helping her keep the world spinning by making sure she ate and ate enough. But the smile fell away quickly, the thoughts of food making his stomach clench. He and Kara had different metabolisms than humans, their planets had different foods than Earth. Apparently, Krypton and Daxam cuisine was rich in calories and all the other nutrients needed to let them function normally, which, if they could eat it on Earth, would have been like a normal human meal, three times a day. But Earth food was lacking, compared to back home, they needed to eat more because the yellow sun, while providing strength, sped up their metabolisms as well. 

He was starving and he knew it. But as long as no one else did, he wasn’t going to say a word. He could handle it. He'd experienced the same thing once or twice on Daxam. He had once, as a child, refused to eat his dinner unless the slaves that had served them were allowed to eat as well. All of the slaves and servants, during meal times, were to stand against the wall incase there was a need for them. He had learned what the effects of not eating were by his tutors that day and had been horrified, insisting and making a scene with his father that the servants and slaves be allowed to eat as well. In his childish mind, if he didn't see someone eating, then they weren't eating at all. 

He'd been locked in his room "without dinner" and he had taken it upon himself to take it farther. He refused to eat if a slave brought him food, because it wasn't fair that they had to watch him eat but not be allowed to eat as well. He'd made it five days, impressive for a child, but the last day one of the slaves had been able to tell him what was happening outside his room. That the slaves were being forbidden to be fed and not allowed to eat until the prince did. He'd broken then, started eating because his entire crusade had been to allow the servants and slaves to eat, and his actions were forcing them to starve.

He opened his eyes as he heard the door to the cell open and saw James, of all people, enter. He frowned, confused for a moment, before he rolled his eyes. “They must be running out of fuel to send you in.”

Questions, non stop, since he’d been put in there. J’onn had played good cop, from what he knew of Earth interrogation techniques, had played off the “space dad” vibe, commented about his concern for Kara, even his concern for Mon-El if he didn’t give the envoy the information he wanted. 

The whole ruse might have worked once upon a time. But when J’onn came back the next day, when the red lights were on, and Mon-El felt like his head was about to explode, he realized J’onn had tried to forcibly read his mind, to pry the information out. To his credit, J’onn had pulled back the second he realized how much pain it was causing Mon-El, he’d even apologized (in his own non-apologetic, state facts way), told him that the envoy was growing impatient and if he didn’t get the information he wanted soon, the man himself would take up the investigation. He’d said he was doing it for Mon-El’s own good. 

As though Mon-El hadn’t heard that same line before from his own parents and their “punishments.”

When J’onn’s calmer approaches failed, Alex stepped up. 

After seeing J’onn, Mon-El knew she’d try for bad cop, and she did it flawlessly. He was normally a little scared of Alex on a good day and, had it not been Kara relying on him, he might have cracked under her firm questions and semi-threats. But it WAS for Kara and he was NOT going to break, no matter what. Alex had warned him he’d be stuck in the cell till he talked. Alex had said he wouldn’t be allowed food or drink, though she’d added that was the envoy’s order. 

The moments where she played off his love for Kara were the worst to sit quietly through. He could see Alex getting more worked up and frustrated as it went on, as though she too were starting to realize how serious the situation was…for Kara. The more Alex talked about her sister, the more she seemed to realize the longer it took, the more danger Kara could be in. And it became clear by how cutting her remarks had gotten towards the end, that she cared less and less about what HE endured and more about finding her sister. 

Alex had tried every tactic to get him to talk short of actually beating it out of him. Alex had moved on to questioning if he really cared about Kara at all if he wouldn’t talk. Because, clearly, he didn’t love her if he had let her go alone.

He kept silent. If he said he hadn’t wanted to go, if he said he’d offered to go with her, if he said he stayed back to give her more time…the envoy would know that he knew. If he said any of that, Alex would know Kara HAD gone somewhere and done something.

She’d tried to guilt him. She’d brought up how Kara could be in danger or hurt or worse, and they NEEDED to know her plan so they could help her. 

He kept silent. If he spoke Kara’s plan, the envoy would throw her in a cell for treason, because he’d know she HAD a plan against the DEO’s orders.

Then came the moment where Alex seemed to realize, Kara very well COULD be in danger and Mon-El was holding back valuable information that could mean her sister’s life or death. Things had gotten too serious then. She’d tried to make it seem like Kara would want him to talk. That Kara would be disappointed he was fighting the DEO after all they had done for him. That Kara would be hurt he didn’t trust her own sister.

He kept silent. KARA didn’t even trust her own sister enough to tell her her plan, why would he? Kara had trusted HIM for a reason. And Kara kept it from the DEO, so he would keep it too.

The final words Alex spoke to him cut him, not as badly as if they’d come from Kara, but still hurtful nonetheless. Alex had latched onto him being a Daxamite, to the invasion, to how he was only there because Kara’s mother found a treatment. She’d latched on to every vile thing she’d ever heard Kara say about Daxamites and thrown it back at him. About how he was proving himself to be no better than the others by going against the DEO.

He kept silent. But his heart had broken, because Alex, Kara’s sister, clearly believed every word she said. And he could only imagine what she’d say to Kara about him when the girl returned. Alex’s opinion meant the world to Kara.

Alex had the power to break his relationship with Kara to pieces…but he still kept silent.

He would rather lose Kara to something Alex said than to something HE had done again.

Alex had come back the next day, after J’onn, grim and stern and silent. She’d attempted the silent approach, just standing there and glaring him down, as though the silence was meant to bother him. She’d clearly not been privy to the information that his mother’s first use of punishment to him (after hitting him of course) was to isolate him for four years. That should have been a clue to how his punishments on Daxam were dealt.

He was fine with silence.

Alex, however, broke within two hours and moved on to ending that session with a promise of physical persuasion if he didn’t say something before she saw him next.

Two days. He was honestly surprised Alex hadn’t started trying to beat it out of him the second the red lights were on him.

And now James was there? Were they running out of options? What next, send Winn in to ramble till he cracked from the constant babbling?

James merely stood before him and crossed his arms, his face grim and stern. “I don’t get you,” the man said instead of answering.

“Well, alien,” Mon-El gestured at himself, forcing a smirk onto his face, doing his best not to move or breathe too obviously.

“No.” James shook his head, frowning now. “You say you want to be a hero, but being a hero requires actually HELPING people, not hindering them or holding them back.”

“I’m pretty sure I am helping someone.”

“Who? Yourself?” James scoffed. “You have to be talking about yourself because if you were talking about Kara, you would have told them where she was by now.”

Mon-El observed James a long while. “If Kara ever told you a secret and asked you to keep it. Would you?”

James was silent, and trapped, Mon-El knew. If he said yes, then he couldn’t expect Mon-El to say anything, and James HAD kept her Supergirl secret. But if he said no, or something about how it depends on the secret, then he was setting himself up to fail because it WOULD get back to Kara and she’d never trust the man with a secret again.

“If I knew where Kara was,” Mon-El continued. “If I thought, even for a moment, she was in danger, I still wouldn’t tell you. I’d be right there, at her side. And you know what she’d do? Yell at me for not trusting that she can handle herself. Wherever she is, she’s fine.”

“You can’t know that,” James argued. “She could be dead for all we know and we can’t know because you won’t tell us where she is! How can any of us trust you with her? How can any of us trust that you care for her when you won’t help us make sure she’s safe?”

“I’m surprised you’re going that route,” Mon-El remarked. “It failed with Alex. You think you can guilt me more than she could?”

“I think you need someone to tell you how things work on Earth,” James countered. “When someone is in danger, you help them.” He let out an angry laugh that belied his true frustration. “Oh, sorry, forgot you were a Daxamite for a moment, you don’t know the meaning of helping anyone but yourself.”

Mon-El gave him a hard look before smirking. “Well then, if I’m only going to help myself, you might as well just show yourself out then. You’ll get nothing out of the Daxamite.”

“You’d rather stay in this cell than make sure Kara’s ok?”

“You’re all assuming that, wherever she is or whatever she might be doing, she can’t handle herself,” Mon-El pointed out. “She’s proven, more than a hundred times, she can. I don’t know why you’re all so obsessed with me.”

He knew, or he could guess.

Humans were so…hypocritical. 

They wanted him to talk. He had goaded the envoy into fixating on him instead of Kara for a reason, to buy her time. But it had been days now and they were still fixated on him. They wanted him to tell them where Kara was, to “prove his care” for her and help them “save” her.

At the same time, they all knew that, if he DID talk, it would break Kara’s trust in him, betray her, and just serve to prove he wouldn’t be good enough for her if he could give in that quickly.

Talk and he lost both ways.

Talk and they know he’d lied and opposed them, they’d be angry with him. Talk and Kara would know he’d blabbed and be angry with him. It was a no-win that could only end when Kara returned with whatever excuse she had for where she’d been for the last few days.

A part of him did worry for her, it had been a day longer than she’d said it would be. But a part of him had learned to trust her. He only hoped that trust wouldn’t bite him in the ass if Kara really was hurt.

The DEO had ample tech to track scores of aliens, let them find her on their own first. He would NOT betray her trust in him ever again. 

“You’re withholding valuable information about a DEO asset.”

Mon-El stared at James for a moment. “Do you hear yourself? No, really, did you actually listen to what you just said? Did you really just think THAT and speak it?”

James’s eyes narrowed in a challenge.

“You just called KARA an ASSET, as though she were the DEO’s property.” Mon-El was disgusted.

He knew, on Daxam, he had treated women like objects, tools to use to find pleasure in. But so had women treated men like that as well. Everyone objectified everyone for their own pleasure. They were all tools, there could be no real love, not with the latching system. Those who got together of their own free will were the only ones to see past it and find happiness in a person. The prince couldn’t afford that luxury unless he wanted to start a war among his people for breaking whatever arranged marriage his parents had made for him.

(Thank Rao for the lead in the air, he would never need to know if his arranged bride was out there, nor did he think she’d want anything to do with a “traitorous prince.”)

Since being on Earth though, he’d quickly learned the Earth culture was not the same and people valued relationships. It had taken time to get used to that, used to people NOT automatically using him just to make themselves happy instead of genuinely wanting to know him. But he had. And now when he heard people, anyone, talk about someone else like that…it made his skin crawl to think about the time he’d been just like that.

“She works for them, but she does NOT belong to them,” Mon-El stated firmly.

“She doesn’t belong to you either,” James countered.

“Are we really doing this now?” Mon-El let his head fall back against the wall. “I’m sorry that you and Kara didn’t work out, but I’m not sorry we have started a relationship. She doesn’t belong to me or to you or to anyone else but herself. But that does not mean I won’t do everything I can to protect her.”

“How are you protecting her when you’re leaving her out there, alone, undefended, and vulnerable without anyone knowing her status?” James demanded.

Mon-El let out a snort. “I try to help her when there’s danger and she’s in the middle of it, she calls off our partnership and berates me for not trusting her or listening to her. I try to stay to the side when there’s danger and she’s in the middle of it, to trust her and listen to her, and I still get berated for it. Will you people make up your mind? Do I help her or do I let her face things alone? Do I trust that Supergirl can handle herself or do I listen to you trying to make me betray her?” He hummed. “Really tough question there. I’m going to go with Kara, every time. Final answer.”

“So you’re not going to tell us where she is.”

“No,” Mon-El stated. “I will not.”

James, however, nodded at that…but the expression on his face told Mon-El it was not a sort of “proud friend” or “approving” nod, but more like he was self-satisfied with something.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************

“So the Daxamite DOES know where Supergirl is.”

Alex wasn’t sure what to feel about the envoy’s words as they observed James’s interaction with Mon-El on the security monitors, watching as the man left the cell and Mon-El to his own devices. On one hand, a part of her loathed that the envoy was right about what Mon-El knew. On the other hand, a much larger part of her was furious with Mon-El.

Kara had been missing for two days now without any contact to the DEO or herself or Eliza or CatCo or anyone which was alarmingly unlike her. Mon-El knew where she was. He wasn’t talking. Her baby sister was out there, alone, possibly injured, unable to respond to any of the calls she’d left on Kara’s phone, unable to call for help herself, untraceable too. Her baby sister could be hurt or in pain and there wasn’t a damned thing she could do about it because some stupid, selfish Daxamite knew and wasn’t saying. 

She was fuming that Mon-El would think HE was the only one who deserved to know or had the right to know where Kara was.

Her mind was racing now, as it had been since she’d first spoke with Mon-El in the cells, all the horrifying scenarios of what could have happened to Kara. Had CADMUS taken her? Had she been injured with Green Kryptonite? Had the Daxamites launched a different attack to abduct her? Had she been taken prisoner by some other new enemy? Was she even alive?!

Over and over and over again, different images played across her mind, each increasingly worse, each making her anger grow.

Mon-El knew where Kara was.

He was the key to rescuing Kara.

And Mon-El hadn’t said a word.

That was going to change if she had anything to say about it.

“Agent Danvers,” the envoy’s voice broke through her raging thoughts. “I believe you have all the incentive you need to ensure the Daxamite talks?”

Alex’s hand curled into fists as she gave him a firm nod. 

“Yes, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Alex, oh Alex no, don't do it sweetie! :-O As for James, I feel like he'd be both concerned for Kara and also needing help, being the lone "superhero" in the city and not having her stamina or energy or power. He would want her back and safe and he'd want to help the DEO do that. Being Mon-El's friend, and a little more willful than Winn would be, I could see him trying to get the man to talk but also expressing some of his frustrations at the same time.
> 
> Things are about to get intense :-(
> 
> On a lighter note though, I have a question. I posted yet another reunion-story and it gave me an idea for two more multi-chapter stories. I'm debating whether to start posting them along with this and History, or to wait till I've finished this and History first? On one hand, MORE Karamel stories! Yay! On the other hand, with four stories going, a single story won't be updated as quickly as I'd have to put some time to chapters for two more stories as well. On yet another hand, if I DO post two more Karamel stories, all of them would take longer to finish which would mean I'd have more to offer during the hiatus.
> 
> I'm really not sure and just sort of debating at the moment so I'd love to hear what you all would think? More Karamel Stories? Or focus on just two at the moment? I'll be posting this question with the next chapter of History as well to get an idea :-)
> 
> If it helps, I can say one would involve a parallel world that ends up affecting Kara and Mon-El in THIS world. And another would be a sort of meta/in-depth character study of Mon-El.


	6. Desperation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a continuation of the Flashback Series.
> 
> This chapter contains physical abuse, mental violation, and essentially torture :'-(

Mon-El grunted as he fell to the ground, just barely managing to catch himself on his hands. He heaved a shaking breath before turning his head and spitting a wad of red fluid onto the ground.

“You know I’ve trained with Supergirl right?” he called back over his shoulder, pushing himself onto his knees. “You’re going to have to do much better than this.”

He should have stopped talking, should have just kept with his silent treatment. His head was pounding, his ears ringing, his entire body felt sore and numb at the same time and he actually had bruises forming now. He’d gotten one or two when he’d spar with Kara, but they healed quickly thanks to the yellow sun.

But now, with the red sun light shining down on him, his strength was gone and he felt every bit of weakness and drag put on him. He felt dangerously close to passing out, if the little black spots in his vision were anything to go by, but he would not stop. He would fight it to the very end no matter what, no matter what else Alex tried with him.

She had given him one warning when she stepped into the cell:

Tell her where Kara was and what she'd been planning, or she would beat it out of him.

He’d heard talk around the DEO that it seemed to be a favored line of hers…followed, at times, by actually doing it.

A small part of him hoped she’d been bluffing, because Kara would be so completely pissed (angrier than he imagined she’d ever been) if she came back to see her sister beating up her boyfriend while he was powerless. But another, larger, part of him knew she’d do just that.

The red sun light hadn’t been turned off at all. And he’d been kept awake the entire night. Whenever he seemed to be nodding off, a high pitched noise would ring out and jar him back to wakefulness, not that he'd really been able to rest comfortably even before that. The envoy had stopped in to see his progress for a brief moment. And the man had taken no small amount of delight to tell him that he had the full permission of the president and backing of the DEO to do it.

He was a Daxamite, the envoy just HAD to remind him. The same species that had attacked National City and the world such a short while ago. He was not to be trusted. They had to keep the red sun on him to keep him from attacking the guards or trying to escape. They had to keep him locked away for the safety of others. For all they knew, he was a sleeper agent, or a traitor hiding among them, or a spy, just biding time till he could send the cure to the lead allergy to his people. There were any number of reasons for keeping him locked up and under the effects of a red sun. Being a Daxamite was top of the list, followed by withholding vital information regarding Supergirl’s whereabouts. It was going on three days now that she’d been missing without contact to the DEO. The first 48 hours were customary to “wait and see” but now all bets were off.

And Alex was out for blood. 

A glance over his shoulder as he forced himself to stand showed Alex heaving as much as he was. Despite the anger fueling her, it took a lot to attack a fully grown man even with the red sun on him. But he knew Alex was nothing if not determined and overprotective.

He had seen her angry before, he mused, turning to face her. He had seen and heard tell of her literally beating information out of people. The most recent stint with Jeremiah came to mind. It was all anyone had talked about, how she had stormed down to the holding cells and brutally attacked a prisoner for information. She would have kept going had J’onn not pulled her away.

But this time J’onn wouldn’t. Mon-El wasn’t sure how much of it was “couldn’t” and how much might have grown into “wouldn’t” by now. 

No matter what he did or how long he was on Earth, he would never matter more to the DEO than Kara did. Realistically, he was still training and trying to get a handle on his powers. It wouldn't matter to them if he suddenly disappeared, he hadn't been THAT much of a help previously despite Kara's reassurances that it took time to become a hero. If KARA disappeared, their full-fledged Superhero, that was something to note. He really wasn't worth as much, especially not to Alex, J’onn, James, and Winn. Kara was like a daughter to J’onn, was Alex's sister, and HE was keeping information about her safety away from them. By now, with how little they had to go on about her wellbeing, he couldn’t help but feel like J’onn was almost hoping Alex would get the information. J’onn would not choose him over his space-daughter.

He didn’t blame any of them. He understood. He would pick Kara each and every time, just like, it seemed, they were all doing at that moment. They were all choosing Kara, but in vastly different ways. He thought back to Mxzy, how he’d been ready to duel Mxzy to the death to keep Kara safe. Not that she’d needed it in the end. He still felt conflicted about that moment in their relationship. He hadn’t really seen everything Kara could do or how much she could handle, he hadn’t known the true extent of what she could take and how well she could defend herself by that point. At the same time, he also felt like Kara hadn’t really HEARD him when he tried to warn her just HOW dangerous Mxzy and his people could be. He felt like he HAD to face Mxzy because Kara wasn’t taking it seriously enough. It was better for him to face the imp and be harmed or fail than for Kara to and end up in his clutches. He wondered…

His thoughts were cut off abruptly when he was sent flying back into the wall, his chest burning and causing him to fall to his knees gasping and coughing violently.

Alex had one hell of a kick.

His chest could attest to that.

Probably not the best thing to do, let his thoughts wander, when he was supposed to be facing down Kara’s sister.

Not that there was much he could do. Even if he WANTED to fight back, the red sun light made it hard to muster the strength after days lacking in food and sleep and yellow sun energy. But that was the problem as well. He didn’t want to fight back. He didn’t want to hurt Alex. 

She could hurt him all she wanted. And she COULD now, with the red sun making him vulnerable. She could kick him and punch him and throw him into walls like she’d been doing for what felt like hours. But he would not harm her.

A foggy part of his mind briefly considered the irony of it all. He would not harm Alex because she was important to Kara. But Alex had no qualms harming him despite being important to Kara too.

…maybe he just wasn’t that important to Kara.

…maybe everyone else but him could see it.

“Where IS she!?” Alex demanded

Mon-El winced as he pushed himself up again, using the wall behind him to brace himself. He wiped under his nose, not even bothering to look down at the blood he knew was dripping from it. The first thing Alex had done was jab him in the nose. It had been lightly gushing ever since.

…maybe the woozy feeling wasn’t from the hits to the head he’d taken but more from the blood loss?

“I…don’t…know,” he repeated.

“You’re lying and we know it,” Alex spat as she glared at him. “You admitted it!”

“Fine then.” He rolled his eyes…well as much as he could, he was sure one was nearly so puffy he could barely open it. “Not saying.”

Alex let out a frustrated growl and stalked towards him, pulling her arm back and sending a firm right hook at his face, quickly bringing her knee up to get him in the stomach when he began to flinch and react to the hit.

“Tell me!”

Mon-El panted hard, feeling his stomach clenching and bile rising in his throat, but he forced it down. “No.”

Alex shoved him to the ground and slammed her foot onto his leg. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it did, he hadn’t been dealt as many blows to his legs as he’d expected he’d be. But she’d brought her foot onto his once-injured leg, the one Lilian Luthor had shot him in. It had healed, but he still experienced phantom pains at times. There was a scar. And the red sunlight just made it ache more. Alex’s steel-toed combat boots did not help.

He let out a strangled scream as the pain rippled through him, making his toes curl in his shoes and making stars dance across his vision.

“Where is my sister!?”

“You know what…” he huffed, struggling to breathe. His entire body felt like it was on fire. “Just for that?” He inhaled sharply…

And spat a wad of blood at Alex’s feet.

“Not telling.”

He immediately threw his hands and arms in front of his face, seeing her readying another blow for spitting at her, when the voice of the envoy rang through the comm attached to Alex’s waist. “Agent Danvers, report to command.”

Alex snatched the device off her belt. “I can make him talk.”

Mon-El scoffed at that, slowly lowering his arms. “Doing a…bang up job…so far…I applaud you.”

He probably shouldn’t have mockingly clapped at her when she grabbed one of his hands, his pinky finger, and yanked it back so forcefully he was almost sure she’d dislocated it or broken it.

“Sir…” Alex began.

“I gave you an order, Agent Danvers.” The Envoy’s voice left no room for argument. “I gave you the chance to speak with the prisoner. You’ve failed. Report to command.”

Alex’s jaw tensed as she half-threw Mon-El’s arm away from her as she let go of his hand and stood. She looked back at Mon-El, clutching his hand to his chest and clenched her fists, feeling the dried blood on them cracking, her own bruises a comforting pain. “Whatever happens to Kara, it’s on you.”

Mon-El let out a puff of air through his nose as the doors to the cell closed again. He inhaled sharply, trying to keep it all in. He knew he was being watched, the cameras for security were fixed on the cell. They were observing his every move, his every reaction. And no matter how much he wanted to just cry, no matter how the tears gathered in his eyes just in a response to the pain radiating through his body. He did his best to hold it in. 

He would not break.

Not in front of them

Not because of them.

Not when Kara needed him strong.

A thought gnawed at him, what if they were all right? What if Kara WAS in danger? What if he was hindering a true rescue? What if, because of him, Kara was hurt or…or died…because he didn’t tell them where she was?

He swallowed hard, looking away, trying to blink back the tears that those fears brought up in him. He closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing, to go slow and shallow, his chest burned too much to take deeper breaths. He needed to be strong and firm and resilient. He needed to keep quiet. These doubts? They were the others getting in his head. Kara was…amazing. He had faith in her. And he wouldn’t fail her. He’d been a failure and a disappointment through much of his life, it wasn’t till Kara had shown faith in him that he’d realized he could do better. It wasn’t till she believed in him that he began to believe in himself. And yes, he still failed sometimes and he’d disappointed her a number of times, but it didn’t make him feel as worthless anymore. It made him want to do better. And he would. He would do better for her. He wouldn’t fail her.

Kara would never, ever go on a truly dangerous mission without back up or informing the DEO or someone besides him about it. Unless she truly thought it wasn’t dangerous. Unless she was completely sure she could handle it. And she had proven to him in the past that when she was THAT sure, she really COULD handle it. There was no logical reason for him to doubt she had it under control…except for how long it was taking her.

For the first time he could remember, he actually prayed to his gods.

Not for himself. But for Kara.

Because Alex was right. If anything happened to her, it WOULD be on him for not stopping her or saying something or telling them what her plan was.

He couldn’t help but think, if something did happen to Kara because of him, he’d gladly stand there and let Alex murder him for it. 

He’d deserve it.

******************************************************************************************************************************************

“Sir, if I’d just had five more minutes…”

“The Daxamite still wouldn’t have talked any more than he did the first five hours you were with him,” the envoy cut in as Alex entered the command room.

“You should have let me speak to him before J’onn,” Alex grumbled.

J’onn crossed his arms and gave her a disappointed look for the remark. He’d gone in to speak to Mon-El, give him one last chance to speak before unleashing Alex. Mon-El refused. He had made an executive decision at that point, to try to read the Daxamite’s mind once more. He tried to reason that it was to save him from Alex, but a larger part of him knew it was his own fear and concern for Kara coming to a head. He had tried to remain calm and patient, reassured that Kara would be fine wherever she was. But it had been days, the girl he looked at as a daughter was missing, she could be in danger, no one except Mon-El knew where she was and it was starting to reach even him.

He just wanted the girl back, to know she was safe. He needed to know he hadn’t failed her.

So he’d tried to read Mon-El’s mind. 

It had been easy to get in, the man was weary and exhausted. But it had even worse affects than before. Mon-El had done his best not to scream, had gripped his hair like he was about to rip it out, and strained against it. He could actually FEEL Mon-El fighting the probing of his mind. He didn’t know how the Daxamite had worked it out, though he’d had plenty of time in the cell to do so. But every time he pushed in, he would be hit with an image of a brick wall. Mon-El was imagining a wall to try and keep him out, block him. But he wasn’t a telepath for nothing and pushed through it each time. And then the next thing he knew Mon-El was thinking about everything under this sun and others except for Kara. He was throwing jokes and movies and drink recipes and memories at him. Anything and everything to make him wade through more than he would have liked to get to any kind of useful information.

In the end he’d pulled out on his own. He knew his limits and he was a good gauge of what others could endure. Mon-El, in the condition he was in, his mind would have fractured if he pushed any longer, and he would be of no help to anyone if that happened.

“Director J’onzz had no more luck than you did,” the envoy returned, pulling J’onn from his thoughts and earning his irritated glare. “I have been reviewing the sparse and, frankly, disappointing data the DEO has regarding Daxamites and I have a new course that should gather some sort of result.”

“And what’s that?” J’onn asked.

“Your records indicate that Daxamites react to electricity…”

“It heals them,” Winn argued, the man timidly speaking up from his place at a computer. He looked for all the world as though he wished he still had his job at CatCo like James did for any excuse not to be there right now or involved in any of this. “It wouldn’t help you.”

“Yes, I am aware it heals the alien,” the envoy remarked. “However, an increased voltage would overwhelm him, wouldn’t it?” Winn seemed hesitant to answer, which was answer enough for the envoy. “We merely pass electricity through him. It will both create an overflow and simultaneously heal him, overpower him while also allowing us to prolong the questioning.”

J’onn stiffened, hearing the underlying message. “You want to torture him.”

“Question him,” the envoy corrected. “He is dead on his feet. He’ll need the boost.”

“But if you charge him with too much energy…” Winn frowned at that, his mind racing at the implication.

If you overcharged any system, it would short out. They could kill him! This wasn’t just…just questioning. It WAS torture. He was going to shock Mon-El, cram him full of energy till it HURT. Till it very well could short him out. And if it happened in the red sun-light…his heart might not be able to take it.

“It won’t get that far.”

“And how can you know that?” Winn demanded, his heart racing for his friend. He didn’t know what had happened, he was just as worried for Kara as anyone else, but this was…this was taking it too far, wasn’t it?

Alex and J’onn didn’t look like it.

“Because I will be the one questioning him this time,” the envoy answered. “If he does not tell us where Supergirl is, I will have no choice but to classify him as an enemy of Earth and loyalist to the Daxamite regime. He is withholding critical information regarding the safety and wellbeing of Supergirl." He glanced at J'onn and Alex, as though to remind them of that and exactly how the situation was coming across to him. "I expect the two of you to assist,” he added. “As the leaders of the DEO, I need to know that you are willing to go to any length to see the earth safe. No matter the cost.”

J’onn’s face remained stoic, Alex gave him a grim nod.

“Excellent. Then we have no time to waste.”

******************************************************************************************************************************************

Mon-El wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. He was lying down. On a bed. Well, not a bed, some sort of examination table. But he was lying down…and strapped down. The red lights were still shining on him, his wrists, legs, and torso bound to the table.

At least he knew he wasn’t about to be dissected. The strap just across his lower ribs would hinder something like that.

“You know,” the voice of the envoy spoke above him.

Mon-El’s gaze flickered to him. “I know a lot of things. Probably more than you do. So tell me what it is specifically?” He tried not to wince at how he’d said all that. His ribs still hurt like hell and he hadn’t gotten his breath back yet. Speaking such a full sentence left him even more winded.

“Keep that up and I’ll have Dr. Danvers concoct an anti-serum for your lead treatments.”

Mon-El forced a dark smirk onto his face. “Go ahead.” He wasn’t going to rise to that bait or let himself be frightened into it. He couldn’t see Eliza, no matter what she was told, doing that. The only person they needed that treatment for was him, she wouldn’t just make an anti-serum without finding out why.

“You don’t think I will?” The envoy seemed amused.

“You can stop the treatments. Reverse them. I don’t care. I would rather die than betray Supergirl.”

The envoy smirked at that, as though he were hoping Mon-El would say that. “You’ll wish you had,” he warned Mon-El before turning away from him to pick something off a table. 

Mon-El squinted to try and see what it was. It looked like the base of an electric toothbrush, with a very thin antenna attached to it, with a wide, circular disk fixed to the top, like a stethoscope end, a long wire running from the base of it to another machine that was humming in the corner of the room.

“Pay close attention,” the envoy instructed, Mon-El’s glance drifting to a stoic looking Alex and J’onn standing against the wall. “It is hard, when a friend becomes an enemy. But the Earth MUST be protected." He faced Mon-El. "I give you one last chance to tell us what Supergirl was planning or else be labeled a traitor and Daxamite agent.”

Mon-El merely gave him a defiant look.

“Very well. You’ve brought this on yourself.”

Mon-El’s back arched off the table as veins bulged in his neck at the strain of his body. He felt like fire was racing through him originating from where the disk-like object had touched the center of his chest. He felt the familiar tingle of electricity, before it became too intense, too strong, too burning and painful and agonizing and…

He screamed.

******************************************************************************************************************************************

Lena Luthor paced in her office, her cell phone clutched in her hand, glancing out her large windows at the city beyond.

“It’s nothing,” she muttered to herself, tapping her phone on her other hand. “I’m just making a big deal of nothing.” She turned to pace the other way. “But it’s not like him. And there was no call…I should just…” she sighed. “No, no, I’m not going to bother her over this. It’s ridiculous.”

She paused in her pacing before she sighed in defeat and lifted her phone to her ear, pressing speed dial.

“Lena?” Kara’s voice rang out on the other end of the line. “Hi! I was actually just about to call you!”

“Hey, Kara. Hi…” Lena winced, hearing how…awkward and tense she sounded.

Kara apparently picked up on it too. “What’s wrong?’

“It’s nothing. Probably nothing. It’s stupid really. But I just wanted to check in and ask if Mike was ok?”

“What do you mean?”

“We were supposed to meet for lunch.”

“Yeah,” Kara laughed. “He was really excited to try sushi.”

Lena had to smile at that, that was one of the things she enjoyed about Mike, or Mon-El as she knew his real name to be, but he preferred to go by Mike when out in public or when people could be listening. He really liked to try new foods, from all over the world. He’d be willing to try anything at least once, it was nice to have as adventurous a food eater as she was with her.

“Yeah, that’s the thing…he never showed up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, oh god, what did I just do? WHY did I do that? Why hurt Mon-El? Why hurt that precious space puppy!? I'm a horrible human being :'-(
> 
> But I can say it's almost over. It's almost finished, he's almost there. Kara is now aware something is wrong. Supergirl to the rescue!
> 
> Just a bit of a head's up though. My manager is on vacation this coming week and everyone's working more hours to cover her, so updates might be a little slower than normal during the week. Not by much, but not as quick as they have been. It should only be for next week though ;-)
> 
> I'm also still debating the two new story ideas I have, but thank you all for your input and advice! I'll keep it in mind as I try to work out what to do :-)


	7. Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a continuation of the Flashback Series.
> 
> This chapter contains electrocution/torture, and some physical violence.

Mon-El’s throat felt raw, his body both numb and oversensitive. He could feel himself shaking, but every single tremor only served to cause more pain to wash over him in agonizing zings. The room around him was blurry, he felt like he couldn’t get enough oxygen into his lungs, and his muscles felt overworked and like the very lead that could kill him.

At least it hadn’t gotten that far, to the point where the envoy chose to test out just how well the lead treatments were working on him.

It was a small comfort.

Mon-El tensed and strained as another jolt of electricity passed through him, nearly arching off the bed had the straps not held him down. He could almost see the rest of the room upside down from how bent his neck was. He was surprised he could still scream in that position, surprised he had enough left of his throat to do it.

“Stop, stop!” he cried out, his voice so hoarse he wasn’t even sure he was understandable. “Enough!”

“No,” the envoy loomed over him to say, halting the latest round of electrocution to stare him in the eyes. “It’s clearly not enough if you haven’t talked yet.”

“Just tell us where Supergirl is!” 

Mon-El only vaguely registered Alex’s voice as being the one who spoke. She and J’onn hadn’t left the room except when the envoy decided a break was needed. It was sheer terror that gripped him each time. Because the first break had been terrible enough. He’d been forced to lay there, unable to move or do anything to save himself, just…wait for the torment to begin again. The second time had been worse. He’d passed out, which had lead to the envoy calling for an intermission till his vitals stabilized enough to start again. Which had been even more horrible to bear. Because he’d woken up to the feeling of the electricity, no warning, just pain jolting him awake.

Mon-El gathered what little strength he had left to spit out, “Won’t…say.”

The envoy sighed at that clearly wrong answer. “And here I thought you Daxamites sought pleasure, not pain.”

Mon-El couldn’t have responded even if he wanted to, because this time the envoy chose to move the prod from the center of his chest to his forehead..

He screamed louder than he had before, barely noting J’onn flinching in the corner of his perception, straining harder than ever. His mind kept racing, repeating “I can’t” over and over, but his heart, as long as it kept beating, kept reminding him “I have to.” He could endure, he had to, he needed to, if he gave in now, he was as much a failure as he’d ever been.

A small voice inside his head told him it wouldn’t be that bad. He hadn’t ever thought the DEO would go so far as to allow the envoy to do this, that Alex and J’onn would stand by and watch. He’d never expected something like this, Kara would forgive him if he broke.

Another, more vicious voice wondered how much farther they would go. That voice wanted to know, demanded to know just how far humans would go when they wanted something from an alien. That voice wanted to see just how much J’onn could stomach, watching a fellow alien being tortured like this before he finally did something.

And yet a third voice was just scared. This should never have happened, it should never have gotten this far. And it was truly scared of how much longer it would go on for. How much more could he take?

He refused to break. He wouldn’t talk. He wouldn’t say. He REFUSED. He couldn’t tell them, he wouldn’t betray Kara. Their only option would be to torture him to death.

A truly worrying concept was how much he…wanted that. He wanted it to be over. He wanted it to stop. He wanted the pain to go away. To be free from that bed and these halls and cells and people. To be able to rest without fear. To move without pain. He wanted peace and quiet and…relief. He wanted it to just stop. 

But it wouldn’t.

He truly was starting to think death would be the only way to escape this, and he was slowly becoming alright with that idea. He had said he’d rather die than betray Kara, he meant it.

A faint click broke through his thoughts before his screams turned more desperate and pained, the voltage had been increased. 

“Stop, stop!” he begged. “Please!”

“Tell us where Supergirl is!” the envoy demanded.

Mon-El only screamed in response, but managed to shake his head that no, he wouldn’t say. 

“Director J’onzz,” the envoy called out. “Breach his mind.”

Mon-El wanted to rip his hair out as an added pressure pressed against his skull, sending a searing heat through his mind that felt like it was being stabbed by a red hot poker.

“No!” he cried out. “I won’t…I won’t…stop! It hurts! It hurts!”

J’onn pulled back with a gasp of air, appearing just that much more shaken. When he entered Mon-El’s mind, it was nothing but torment and pain. There was nothing to be found. Mon-El couldn’t focus on anything but what was happening, let alone consider Supergirl.

“Anything?” the envoy demanded.

“No,” J’onn stated.

“Very well.” The envoy turned and clicked the voltage higher still, this time moving the prod to Mon-El’s heart.

Even Alex flinched at the absolutely primal pain that came with the next scream.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************

Kara’s heart was racing as she flew out of L-Corp’s tower. As great as her concern for Mon-El was, Lena wouldn’t have called Kara Danvers if it was just nothing, she had promised the entire colony of Renalians she’d found safe passage to their home world. It had taken days to get to that point, days longer than she had planned or wanted. But when she found the child, it refused to speak or guide her to its mother for hours, and when it had, the mother had nearly attacked her! It had been even harder to gain its trust after having to force it into submission. And then to discover an entire colony hiding in a series of caves?! Her days just got worse and worse. She’d had to negotiate with the colony’s leader to convince it to leave Earth and go back to its planet. And then she’d had to work out a way to transport the lot of them, AND ask Lena Luthor for help with her newest portal.

She’d advanced her plan the second she hung up with Lena, giving the colony an ultimatum to head out that very moment or be surrendered to the DEO for extermination. She’d hated to put it that way, but she was really worried about Mon-El and she NEEDED to get back as soon as possible. She’d wanted to take off and go check on him the second Lena had called, but a voice kept reminding her that SHE was the one who kept drilling it into him and berating him for not helping Civilians first, she HAD to make sure the aliens were safe and dealt with as much as it killed her. 

It had only been 12 hours since Lena’s call. She kept repeating to herself, whatever was going on, Mon-El was fine. He had to be. SHE had left him behind to deal with this situation. If he’d filled in with her in National City and gotten harmed because she’d been out dealing with the colony, she would never forgive herself.

Her phone had numerous missed calls from Alex and J’onn, even from Winn and James, one from Cat Grant likely for missing work when she’d only called in the first day to say she wasn’t feeling well. She did take sick days every so often, to maintain her human appearance. But after four, nearly five, days of not showing up, even Cat Grant would be concerned.

She had promised herself though that she wouldn’t answer those calls till she’d dealt with the aliens. She couldn’t risk them hearing the hissing and loud language of the aliens in the background and work out what she was doing. She was untraceable at the moment and she’d needed that.

She would have answered if it was Mon-El, like she’d promised, but he hadn’t called. Which was why Lena’s call surprised her so much. She’d answered that, having stepped away from the aliens and their debates, knowing she could play off any odd noises as the TV, and been startled to hear Mon-El had skipped their lunch plans. Mon-El NEVER missed an opportunity to spend time with people he cared about and considered friends. It wasn’t like him and she understood why Lena had called Kara Danvers.

And then her mind had gone to the notion that Mon-El hadn’t called her in those last few days because he COULDN’T call her. And then her mind raced with what could have happened to him during that time?

She’d sped up the plans, flown to see Lena and request her help with the aliens, even gotten the woman to provide a truck to transport them directly to the portal zone. She’d seen the last one off, thanked Lena, and blasted off the second she could to go check on Mon-El.

He hadn’t been at her apartment waiting for her. He hadn’t been at the bar, and her concern grew even more when M’gann informed her he’d missed his last few shifts as well. He LOVED working at the bar, he took so much pride in it, for him to miss that as well was alarming.

She had taken off from there and was heading straight for the DEO. If he wasn’t there, she didn’t know what she’d do!

She hadn’t realized she’d focused her hearing on the building she was quickly approaching, desperate to hear him joking around with Winn inside, until she’d pulled back mid-air in complete shock at what she was hearing. If she had been running, she knew she would have stumbled and fallen at the impact of such a sound. She knew his voice, she knew every facet of it, from morning grogginess, to lovestruck, to sorrowful, to teasing, she knew every version of it.

But she had never heard him screaming like that.

She shot off, faster than she ever had flown in her life, through the DEO’s upper entrance and barely managed to get her feet on the ground before she was speeding through the halls, following the noise.

All she could hear over the beating of her heart was Mon-El begging for something to stop, repeating “I won’t,” and screaming. For one brief microsecond she thought she’d heard Winn shout for her, but she was too focused on the shouting. 

She didn’t even realize she’d shoved the door of one of the medical examination rooms open so fast and forcefully that it shattered as her mind raced to catch up with what she was seeing in front of her.

She had thought she would arrive to see Mon-El being harmed by hostile aliens, or suffering some sort of nightmare, but it made no sense, she realized now. The other agents she’d blown past were just meandering in their daily business and not up in arms or rushing to check on him. 

She’d thought it would be an enemy to pull off of him.

She never, in a million and one years, would have ever even thought that she would see J’onn and Alex standing to the side of a room filled with red sunlight, grim expressions, their eyes locked on Mon-El and just…watching…while the envoy from the President, stood over Mon-El, strapped to a table, beaten and bloody, torturing him with some sort of advanced cattle prod.

“Ka…”

That was all she heard Alex start to say, a relief clear in her sister’s voice, before she reacted on instinct.

Immediately she looked up, standing just out of range of the red sun-lights, and fired her heat vision at them. The moment they were down, she flew at the envoy with a furious screech and punched him hard in the face, hard enough to send him careening back into the wall, dropping the prod, hard enough to fracture a few bones and knock him out but, for the moment, not kill him. Before anyone could blink she was back at Mon-El’s side, ripping the straps off him, reaching out to check him over, her x-ray vision taking over.

She shuddered, nearly vomiting as she got a good look at him, her superspeed allowing her to take in everything in the span of nanoseconds.

His face was swollen and bruised and cut, his one eye puffy, the other blackened, with a split lip and bleeding nose, cuts and bruises by his temples. One of his ears was bleeding from the inside, which she knew was NOT a good sign of anything. The veins in his neck were protruding in a disturbing manner, belying the strain his body still felt from where she’d seen it struggling against the prod and straps. His wrists and middle were bruised where the bonds had been holding him down, his wrists in particular were nearly rubbed raw from them. His arms and chest littered with more bruising and cuts. Her vision revealed there was a fracture along his skull, nearly all his ribs were fractured as well. His shoulder might have been dislocated and his one wrist sprained, his pinky broken. One of his legs, the one she recalled he’d been shot in, had a hairline fracture in it right where he’d been shot, the other’s knee was dislocated and swelling. His ankle seemed sprained and bruised from those cuffs.

His entire body was shaking, his heart was beating so irregularly that she felt fear grip her own, especially when his eyes began to roll into his head.

“Mon-El!” she reached forward to cup his cheeks, trying to loll his head to look at her, trying to keep him coherent. “Mon-El look at me, please! Please, baby, keep your eyes on me…”

Mon-El struggled to do something so simple, she could see him fighting with everything he had to keep conscious for her. “Didn’t…tell…”

“Shh,” she tried to hush him, tried to sooth him, “It’s ok, it’s alright.”

“Wouldn’t…”

“I know,” she nodded, seeing him begging her with his eye to understand, what she wasn’t sure. He sounded too desperate and tired. “I know.”

And then, despite the obvious pain he was in, he tried to smile at her.

Her heart shattered when he couldn’t even muster that and his eyes began to flutter shut. His heart still beating too fast, his body shaking more and more. He was going into shock, she could feel it. She needed to know what the hell had happened here so she could help him.

“ALEX!” She turned a furious glare at her sister.

Alex, in probably the worst move she could have made, held her hands up, whether in surrender or innocence Kara didn’t know, but she didn’t care. Because Alex was just standing there while Mon-El was going into shock and…

And then the situation caught up to her, everything she’d taken in in a single second flashing before her eyes.

Alex and J’onn had just been STANDING there and LETTING Mon-El be TORTURED!

She gathered Mon-El into her arms, jolting him into a semi-sitting position, knowing it had to hurt and she probably shouldn’t move him and she was probably squeezing him too tightly to be good for him, but needing him closer to her and farther away from…them. 

“Kara…” Alex began, taking a step towards her sister, seeing Kara’s realization flashing in her face.

Kara took a step back, taking Mon-El with her. “Stay back!” she snapped.

“Supergirl,” J’onn tried to speak. “He…”

But Kara was shaking her head. There was nothing, absolutely NOTHING they could say to her that would EVER justify what she’d walked in on. 

She couldn’t be here.

The gut feeling struck her so hard she nearly stumbled back as she tried to move Mon-El farther from them.

She couldn’t stay here. She couldn’t just stand there, with Mon-El in such a state, talking. She couldn’t. She didn’t want to. She just…she needed to get away from them. She needed to get MON-EL away from them.

…they’d done this to him.

She shuddered, feeling bile threatening to rise as more and more realizations were striking her, as more of what she’d seen and heard began to click in her mind.

They had done this. THEY had done this to Mon-El. Every bruise and cut, the red sunlight, the prod, the straps, the clear…the torture he’d endured. THEY had done it. The DEO had allowed it. Alex and J’onn had stood by as it happened.

Mon-El convulsed lightly in her arms, jarring her back to the situation. She felt tears fill her eyes as she looked at the two people she once considered her closest family with such betrayal. Another convulsion and she was out the door before they could say another word, flying straight through the DEO and out into the sky with Mon-El clutched in her arms, her ears trained on his increasingly erratic heartrate.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************

Lena Luthor smiled to herself as she sat down in her office, pleased, a feeling of satisfaction and pride rushing through her. She’d just helped Supergirl not only save a number of aliens, but also helped keep the earth just that bit safer from them without the need to harm them. The Girl of Steel had flown in to see her and asked for help, through the portal she’d manufactured, to send a group of aliens home. She’d explained that the aliens were deemed “hostile” an “savage” but really just wanted to leave Earth in peace and go home.

She trusted Supergirl, of course she did, and she was only too happy to help. Anything that helped keep Earth safe without the use of violence or more brutal means was something to be valued in her book. She’d even arranged for an L-Corp truck to gather the aliens and move them in secret to the portal location. Watching them depart, seeing the proud and thankful smile on Supergirl’s face, knowing she’d done good, it was refreshing and fulfilling.

She was just about to crack open a nice bottle of wine to celebrate, when there was a thump behind her on her balcony, something she’d come to associate with the Super’s landing. She smiled and stood, turning to greet the Girl of Steel, when her eyes widened in horror.

“Mon-El!” she cried, rushing to the balcony to help Supergirl carry the man in. 

There was no need, she realized foolishly after she’d gotten the man’s other arm around her shoulder, Supergirl was strong enough to carry the two of them combined like it was nothing, but a part of her needed to do SOMETHING to help. She quickly led them to a couch she’d set up along the wall of her office, for when she just needed a lie down or a rest, or a more companionable lunch-in, and helped get the man lying down.

“What happened?!” she demanded, quickly moving to check the man over.

“I’m sorry,” Supergirl began to ramble, though Lena wasn’t sure if it was to her or to Mon-El. “I’m so sorry. I should have called you sooner, not waited. I could have gotten to him faster, but…”

“Supergirl,” Lena turned and braced her hands on the woman’s shoulders. “What. Happened.”

Supergirl’s eyes locked on hers. “The DEO, they were torturing him.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I should have been there. I should have stopped them sooner…”

Lena’s jaw tensed at that, knowing she needed to be the strong, level-headed one now. She and Kara Danvers were two different people who handled people they loved being in distress and harm differently. She was a scientist, taught to look at things distantly, she could tap into that now. But Kara was too soft, always taught to look closer as a journalist. She couldn’t expect Kara to be rational while her boyfriend was in such a state, why would she ever think Supergirl could do the same?

They were the same person after all.

“Right.” She nodded determinedly and turned back to Mon-El, quickly taking note of the more immediate issues. He was clearly going into shock. He was too pale, with sweat on his brow (she hadn’t known Supers could sweat), he was shaking, his breathing was shallow (though she didn’t know if that was a result of the bruising clearly visible on his ribs or something more)…and that was the dangerous situation to focus on right now. “We need to warm him.”

The next moment she blinked, Supergirl already had a blanket in hand from somewhere and was draping it over Mon-El’s body, rubbing as lightly as she could to help warm him.

“And elevate his feet,” Lena added, moving to pull a pillow under his legs. “I doubt we can IV him,” she muttered to herself, recalling the few things she knew about Daxamites. 

It was funny. She’d been having lunch with a Daxamite for weeks now and they barely ever talked about his alien species. She had been trying to be polite and not seem judgmental or suspicious, she was regretting it now.

Supergirl didn’t seem to be paying attention at all, her gaze fixed on Mon-El’s face as she kneeled beside the couch, clutching his hand. “I should have called you sooner. I should have. I would have known to come back faster…”

Lena bit her lip at that. Now would REALLY NOT be the best time to say anything, but…Kara Danvers really needed comfort and a friend right now, not just Supergirl.

“Called me?” Lena asked, trying to keep her voice sounding confused. “But…you didn’t call me? You don’t even have my number. Kara…” she trailed off, knowing that would be enough to break through Supergirl’s mini-meltdown.

Just as she predicted, Supergirl froze.

“Did I say call you?” the woman of steel tried to play it off but her voice was too strained, the situation as too tense and hectic for her to maintain her calm demeanor. “I meant call Kara…”

Lena stepped closer, moving to sit on the arm of the couch and face her. She studied Supergirl’s face a long moment, not that she needed to do this. But she couldn’t help but feel like this would be the only way to get Kara to admit it. She couldn’t just blurt it out that she knew the truth, and had for a while, it would sound accusing. Kara had come to her for a reason, she didn’t want to give her any reason to flee now, not when Mon-El clearly needed help.

“…Kara?”

And just like that, Supergirl cracked.

Lena knew it must have been terrible, whatever had happened, because that question alone shouldn’t have been able to get someone like Supergirl to give in so quickly.

“I’m sorry,” Kara murmured. “I wanted to tell you but…”

Lena held up a hand. “We can talk about it later,” she offered. “Right now Mon-El needs our attention.”

It was partly the reason. Another part was, well…she really wasn’t sure she wanted to know Kara’s reasons. A very large part could be that the girl didn’t trust a Luthor despite all she’d done to prove herself different than her family. Another part could also be she didn’t want to endanger her. She was truly scared to know if it was the first one. Anything to put that off would be good.

“Yes,” Kara breathed out in relief, looking back at him. “I’m sorry, Lena. I didn’t know where else to go.”

“You said the DEO did this?” Lena frowned at that. As far as she knew, Kara had family that worked for the DEO, they HAD to know Mon-El was dating Kara. Why would they DO something like this?

Kara’s entire countenance hardened at the question and, for a single moment, Lena was actually afraid of the woman before her. 

But then it broke into a devastated and disgusted expression. “I flew in on them electrocuting him.”

“Why in god’s name would they do that?!” Lena was as horrified as Kara now looked.

“I don’t know,” Kara admitted, tears spilling from her eyes again as she looked down at Mon-El. “He said he didn’t tell them something.”

“Didn’t tell them what?”

Kara could only shrug, there could be any number of things. Something about the Daxamites that the president wanted to know. Something about an alien at the bar. Something about…about her disappearance. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes tightly, praying to Rao it wasn’t that, that it wasn’t her entire fault this had happened to him.

She didn’t think she could survive if this brutality was inflicted in her name.

“I flew in and the heads of the DEO were just standing there, watching it happen,” Kara muttered to herself, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that her sister and pseudo-father had just…stood there. “I had to leave, I had to get him out of there, away from them.” She swallowed hard at the memory. “I can’t go back there,” she added quietly, shaking her head. “I can’t face them, not now. I’m too angry and upset and hurt and…”

“Betrayed?” Lena supplied gently, thinking of how she’d felt when Lex had gone off the deep-end.

“I…I really think I’ll kill them.”

Lena nodded to herself, completely understanding how Kara felt in that area too. She’d felt the exact same when John had died. She had wanted to murder the woman responsible for it, had actually entertained having L-Corp invent some sort of weapon to do it before her kinder nature had reminded her that wasn’t her but her family’s darkness. 

“I have an entire floor dedicated to medical advancements,” Lena began, reaching out to rest a hand on Kara’s shoulder, not even offended when Kara didn’t look up but kept her gaze on Mon-El. “L-Corp must have something to help him and check on him. You both are welcome to stay as long as you need.”

Kara nodded mutely at that, squeezing Mon-El’s hand, praying to Rao over and over that he’d be ok. 

She couldn’t bear the thought of losing the man she loved because of the ones she’d trusted with him, the ones she’d considered family.

…were they even that anymore?

She forced the thought away, clinging, perhaps naively, to the hope that there was more going on than first appeared. Clinging to the hope that Alex and J’onn had an explanation for it all. Clinging to the hope that Mon-El would open his beautiful grey eyes and tell her it was White Martians or some other shape-shifting alien that had infiltrated the DEO and not her true family that did this.

A quiet voice in her mind told her none of that would happen.

She truly feared for what might happen if that voice was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's finally safe. Mon-El is finally somewhere safe and being cared for. Thank god! :-) And Lena knows who Supergirl is! :-)
> 
> I feel like Kara is going to go through moments of denial before the ultimate fury/breakdown occurs. But the evidence staring her in the face is going to be hard to look past or ignore, and the more she (and Lena) learn, the more she will be the one out for blood instead of Alex ;-)


	8. Broken Bonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the second to last part of the Flashback Series :-)

“Why is it taking so long for him to heal?” Kara asked, her voice quiet and breathless, full of concern and fear as she paced the foot of the bed Mon-El was resting on. “The yellow sun should accelerate it.”

It had been disheartening, when they’d finally managed to get Mon-El to the medical floor of L-Corp. They had managed to stabilize him enough for the threat of shock to pass, but there was still so much damage, and such extensive damage, done to him that Kara had felt every second of it as though it were hours. There was still so many wounds to heal and very concerning fractures to examine and try to set and it was horrifying having to carry him and have him not respond at all.

The medical floor, while filled with the latest and greatest tech as far as medicine was concerned, Lena had quickly realized, was not as equipped to handle or help aliens as she’d hoped. And she had tried every device that could have been of use to the different injuries he’d sustained, to no avail.

“He’s suffered an intense trauma, Kara,” Lena reassured her as she read one of the few monitors that were able to at least alert them to his condition. 

Another device that had helped was a new sort of x-ray device, it operated on sonar and soundwaves instead of flashing the body, which made it easier to map out his injuries without Kara needing to keep looking at him over and over and try to describe what she was seeing. 

“It’ll take time to repair that level of damage. If…”

Kara spun to face her as Lena cut herself off. “If what?”

Lena bit her lip before letting out a long sigh, crossing her arms as she rested against the machine to face Kara. “If it can even be repaired.”

“What?” Kara frowned at that, shaking her head.

That didn’t make sense. Mon-El was an alien. He was superhuman. The yellow sun made them nearly invincible, especially now his lead allergy was taken care of for the time being. He should be healing at a faster rate. He should HEAL. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts about it!

“Kara…” Lena began, her tone calm and understanding, almost preparatory of a hard blow to come. “You said they used red sunlight?” she asked, needing clarification. Kara nodded. “And it’s like a switch to your powers. Negates what the yellow sun gives you?” Kara nodded again. “If they hurt him while under that light, his…his injuries could have been damaged too severely before they could begin to heal. Like…like a wound that starts to scar before it can be treated.”

Kara blinked rapidly, feeling tears coming to her eyes at Lena’s assessment. “What are you saying? He won’t wake up?” It had been over a day since he’d woken, it was scaring her. “He…he won’t get better?”

“I’m just saying I really don’t know.” Lena took a step towards her, reaching out to rest her hands on Kara’s arms. “All this tech…and it’s useless in helping us further assess him or the damage.” Now even Lena’s eyes were filling with tears. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you more.”

“You did everything,” Kara reassured her. “You did your best.”

“That’s just it, I didn’t,” Lena argued, stepping back and looking over at Mon-El. 

The man was pale and sweating, lying on the bed seeming like he was barely breathing, the bruising still there, the cuts unhealed, and with her unable to give him anything for the pain because she didn’t know shit about Daxamites! She didn’t know anything about actual aliens and hadn’t bothered to do anything but see them as aliens to be wary of. All that time, all that effort, all that advancement…geared for humans and not aliens, to protect them from aliens…she’d never stopped to think about aliens needing protection from humans.

Oh there was always her mother, CADMUS and all that nonsense trying to wipe the planet of them. But it always seemed so distant a threat. Because Supergirl was there to save the day, and with Supergirl around, CADMUS would never win. She hadn’t even considered the smaller things, the every day person harming an alien. She hadn’t considered an organization like the DEO torturing one either. But it was a real threat, it was something, she imagined, every alien felt. Maybe even Supergirl.

And what was out there to help THEM?

Nothing.

What facility existed to help heal them or treat injuries?

Nothing.

What hospital stood that opened its doors and could actually help an ALIEN?

None.

And here she had the resources and ability to have created medical machines to help aliens, to actually make them feel welcomed on earth and treated like equals, to help them just get by. And she’d never even considered it. She’d been so focused on her stance, on keeping humans safe from bad aliens, she never once thought about helping to keep the aliens safe from bad humans. She’d helped on a large scale, stopping her mother, but what about every day things? What about the aliens across the globe that weren’t affected by CADMUS?

What about Mon-El?

She’d been so sure she could help. So sure she had something to help him heal and lessen his pain, help him wake up. She had nothing except a device that told her just how badly he’d been hurt and one that let them hear his heartrate, something Kara could already do.

She had never felt so helpless or so much like a failure as now. But she had to keep strong, keep trying, be there for Kara, and help her new friend Mon-El. He did NOT deserve this to happen to him.

“I should have at least tried to help the good aliens,” Lena mumbled, lost in her thoughts.

“You can now,” Kara replied.

Lena nodded at that, a determination settling in her and she could see this as a turning point in her life. She had the tech and the resources to actually be a help not just to humans but to the aliens who were just looking to survive. She was judged so much just for being a Luthor, every invention her company came up with, everything she said or did looked at with suspicion. And she had done the same to the aliens in National City too. It was time that changed. She looked at Kara a moment later, a relief settling in her that Kara didn’t seem angry or disappointed in her for the lack of help her medical floor could offer. But, then again, Kara’s entire focus was on Mon-El at the moment.

“He IS healing,” Lena reminded her. 

It was true, the bruises, while still there, had faded at least a few shades, the cuts were smaller. The continuous x-raying revealed some of the fractures were starting to set and, so far, none looked out of place or in the wrong position. His unconsciousness was good for that at least, without him moving too much, he was able to heal his bones in the right places.

But it was still concerning how awful he looked and how he hadn’t woken up yet. They had gotten lucky, so SO lucky that the internal bleeding he’d seemed to have, had stopped on its own. Without any way to operate on him, that had been their biggest fear and they had both been monitoring him closely, so ridiculously relieved when the bleeding seemed to stop without need of more surgery. So long as he kept resting under regular light, and eating the mushed food and water Kara had taken to trying to feed him slowly and get him to swallow till he woke up, his physical injuries should heal.

His other injuries…those she wasn’t sure about. Trauma like this was not something that just went away overnight. And the effects of it? After everything Mon-El had been through since arriving on Earth? He didn’t deserve that.

“He shouldn’t need to heal,” Kara spoke quietly, seeming more to herself than Lena. “This never should have happened.”

Lena looked down as Kara cracked her knuckles when she tightened her hand into a fist, not seeming to realize she’d done it. She opened her mouth to try and calm the girl down, not wanting her to suddenly fly out of there and launch an attack on the DEO while she was angry…when Kara gasped.

“Mon-El?!”

Within the blink of an eye, Kara was at Mon-El’s side, gripping his hand as she leaned over him. It was then that Lena heard it, the heart rate monitor speeding up.

“Mon-El? Are you awake?” Kara was trying to gently coax him to wakefulness. “It’s Kara. I’m here. You’re ok. Can you open your eyes for me, baby?”

Mon-El’s eyes fluttered, fighting to open, his lips pursing, before he took a deep breath and let it out in a pained manner. His eyes shot open as he clearly felt the pain shoot through him. “K-Kara?”

Kara nodded, gripping his hand tighter as he began to pant so hard he nearly shook his entire body. She could hear the agony in just his voice, the fear, the hope. “It’s me.”

“Safe?”

“Yes.” She gave him a broken smile. “Yes, you’re safe.” She lost her breath at the look that took over his eyes, the way he shook his head frantically, understanding he hadn’t been asking about himself with how intensely he was looking at her. Her heart cracked a little bit more realizing he didn’t seem to care at all about himself, just that SHE was ok. “I’m safe.”

His expression grew serious but also worried. “I didn’t tell them,” he repeated, clutching her hand, leaning towards her so much he began to lift off the bed. “I didn’t. I promised you.” He let out a strangled groan at the movement.

“Shh,” Kara whispered, reaching out her other hand to run it through his hair, trying to smile reassuringly. “I know you didn’t.”

“I promised you,” he kept speaking, a desperation clawing into his words. “I couldn’t…couldn’t let you down. Not…not again.”

“You didn’t,” she spoke a little louder, needing to calm him down, his heart rate was getting too fast.

“I didn’t tell them.”

“Mon-El, it’s ok. I trust you.”

That seemed to do it as he let himself fall back onto the bed and pillow, grimacing in pain. “Hurts…”

“I know,” Kara’s voice broke. “I’m sorry.”

Mon-El shook his head. “My fault.”

“No!” Kara insisted, her voice growing firm, all comfort she’d been trying to give him gone. “It was NOT your fault. What happened…”

Mon-El let out a strangled whimper, closing his eyes tightly.

“What happened?” Lena asked quietly, tears falling from her eyes at seeing the man who was always smiling so widely and teasing and joking, reduced to that. “Mon-El?” She made her way to his other side. “You’re safe now. You’re at L-Corp, with me and Kara. But you need to tell us what happened? Why did this happen? What didn’t you tell them?”

“K-Kara went…” he struggled to get the words out, as though he’d held onto the not speaking it it almost pained him to do it. “Renalians.”

Kara’s heart shattered in her chest at that last word and what it meant. “No.” She shook her head, trying to deny it. “No, they…they wouldn’t, not over this…”

Lena’s jaw clenched not at Kara or Mon-El, but at the situation, her mind racing to understand what happened. “They wanted to know where Supergirl was. And you wouldn’t tell them she was saving the Renalians,” she spoke, trying to keep her voice calm and soothing despite the utter anger rising in her. “So they…they hurt you because you wouldn’t tell them. To try and make you tell them.”

Mon-El let out a sob at that, nodding his head frantically, before a pained groan followed. He seemed to try to curl in on himself, one arm winding around his hurt ribs, but the movement was just too much, caused too much pain, and he soon passed out again.

Lena shook her head as she straightened, though her hand found its way to his, holding it tightly. “Those bastards!”

“They couldn’t,” Kara mumbled to herself, her gaze on Mon-El but not seeing him. “It…it had to be something else.”

It HAD to be.

She couldn’t…if it was…if the DEO…over her?

She turned away and emptied her stomach of steel into the nearest waste bin as the truth hit her. 

Mon-El would never lie, not about this, not after what happened to him. He was being one hundred percent honest, and her mind was struggling to fit what he’d admitted with the people she loved doing such a heinous thing to him. 

But she had seen it with her own two eyes. Had walked in on the middle of it. Had seen the two people she loved like family LETTING this happen to the man she loved. She had heard his screams, seen the damage, needed to rescue him from the facility and people that should have kept him safe.

And now she knew why.

She had spent the last day coming up with every theory under the sun to explain why it happened, how it possibly could have reached that point in the few days she’d been gone. That some new Daxamite threat had been made towards Earth. That White Martians had invaded and assumed the identity of J’onn, Alex, and the envoy. That it was all just some horrendous dream the Music Meister had subjected her to again.

And she had spent the last day begging Rao that it wasn’t going to be the outcome she dreaded most, that it WAS about the Renalians.

Of course, it would be the case.

“Kara!” Lena cried, rushing to her friend’s side and hurrying to hold her hair back. “Kara what…”

“It’s my fault,” Kara wheezed as she heaved again, only producing bile. “It’s all my fault.”

Lena watched in shock as Supergirl fell to her knees sobbing and quickly dropped beside her. “It’s NOT your fault,” she insisted. “It is not anyone’s fault but the DEO for doing this.”

“You don’t understand…”

“I don’t need to. Nothing you or Mon-El could have ever done would cause something like this…”

“I didn’t tell them,” Kara spoke and for a moment Lena thought she was just repeating what Mon-El had said. But then she continued. “I left the DEO, pretending I was going to hang out with you, and went to save the Renalian child instead. I didn’t tell them where I was really going or what I was planning to do. And because of that, they took it out on Mon-El.”

“That is not what happened, Kara.”

“But it is.” Tears fell from her eyes as her voice cracked. “I should have just told them, let them come after me. I should have just answered their calls or…or…” She flinched. “He was hurt because of me. This is all my fault.”

But Lena was shaking her head. “Did you do this to him?” Kara looked up at her. “Were you the one that attacked him? Bruised him? Broke his bones?”

Kara shook her head.

“Were you the one that ordered the DEO to do it then?”

“No.”

“Were you the one electrocuting him? Interrogating him? Demanding information? Locking him up?”

“No.”

“Were you on the clock then?”

Kara frowned at that, confused at the sudden turn in questions. “What?”

“Supergirl. Does she work exclusively for the DEO?”

“I help them with alien…”

“Does Supergirl ONLY work for the DEO?” Lena kept pushing. “Does Supergirl even officially work for them? Do you need the DEO’s permission and approval to go out and stop a fire or tow a tug boat or save a cat from a tree?”

“No.”

“Then it is NOT your fault, Kara.” Lena crouched down to make sure Kara was looking her in the eyes, listening to her. She was a Luthor, she was more familiar with guilt and blame than anyone else, she had a clear picture of just who was at fault here. And it was not anyone in that room. 

“But…”

“NO,” Lena cut in firmly. “You didn’t and don’t owe them anything. Not as Kara, not as Supergirl. You help them, you don’t work for them. You don’t need their approval to go out and do your superheroing. You work WITH them, you do not work FOR them. And if they were doing something, if anyone was doing something, against the law or morally wrong, an employee would have every right to do what they could to stop it, whether it's go to the media or blow the whistle, anything. They were doing something wrong, you stepped in to stop it. Hell, if you want to disappear for a few days, that is your right and you do not owe anyone an explanation or excuse for it.”

Kara let out a shuddering breath and Lena took that as a sign her words were sinking in.

“Your sister, that John person, they are NOT your keepers. You are a fully grown adult, you have your own life, you make your own decisions and choices. Just like they made theirs. You chose to save an alien species the DEO was going to massacre. THEY chose to hurt Mon-El.”

Kara flinched, but Lena kept going.

“You were not the one dealing those blows or hurting him. THEY were. THEY were the ones that CHOSE to do it, to let it happen. That envoy you mentioned?” Kara nodded slightly at that. “Whether he was the leader of it or not, they had a choice to disobey him. They had a choice to get Mon-El out of there. They had a choice to refuse and damn the consequences! They didn’t, Kara. They chose to let it happen. For all we know, they may have chosen to participate in it.”

Kara lost her breath at that, the true weight of what Lena was saying hitting her.

She had flown in to see Alex and J’onn just standing there. A part of her, the part that didn’t want to believe it was happening, had screamed at her that they were unwilling bystanders. That they couldn’t have actually HURT Mon-El, they couldn’t have been the ones to actually do anything to him. They loved her, they knew how important Mon-El was to her. And they knew that hurting him would hurt her twice as much. They would never do something like that. She’d been so sure it was the envoy, that the DEO as a whole was responsible for it happening under their roof.

A part of her hadn’t wanted to even consider the opposite. A part of her hadn’t wanted to even imagine Alex or J’onn could have actually done that and hurt him before she got there. Another part had seen how little they'd reacted to Mon-El's pain, had seen how they didn't even glance at him when she got there, both looking more relieved to see her than worried for him. 

They very well could have harmed him themselves.

Mon-El was in no state to tell her.

There was only one way to find out.

Lena frowned as she saw Kara’s face begin to set in determination. “No.”

Kara looked up at her. “What?”

Lena shook her head. “You are not going there now.”

“I need to know the truth…”

“Which is why you need to wait.”

“That makes no sense,” Kara argued.

“When Lex first…when Lex was finally stopped,” Lena began. “I went to see him. I didn’t want to believe what everyone was saying about him. I wanted to hear his side first. So I went to see him, I asked him, we talked. And he lied to me, Kara. Or he gave me HIS version of the truth. I fell for it, because he was my brother and I loved him and I wanted so badly for him to not be the bad guy in the story. I really believed Superman just had it out for him, I defended him, I worked my ass off to try and get him let off.”

Lena took a deep breath, hating to remember that time in her life. “But then the evidence piled up, and I had to hear all the eye witness accounts, see all the plans he’d made, heard his own confessions and admissions. It was devastating. I felt like such a fool, I felt betrayed, I felt humiliated and shattered and…terrible. I had tried to defend someone that had done such terrible things. Because I listened to him first.”

“You think the DEO will lie to me,” Kara realized.

“I think they’ll give you their version of events,” Lena agreed. “We don’t know what Mon-El went through, what actually happened, WHO exactly did what to him. You need to wait till he wakes up, till he can tell you first. So that when you do go there, you’ll know when they are lying.”

Kara let out a long breath, not wanting to wait, wanting to fly there and rage and…and just burn the entire building down. But Lena had a point. A part of her wanted to believe what they would tell her, a part of her didn’t want them to be the wrong party here (not that she would EVER say Mon-El was the wrong part, EVER). She needed to know what had happened first, as painful as it would be.

Kara stood on shaky legs and made her way back to Mon-El’s side, sitting on the edge of his bed and holding his hand as Lena moved to stand beside her, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders for strength.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************

It took less time for Mon-El to wake up this time around, though his awakening seemed to be just as painful and agonizing. His first words, however, gave them hope that he was a little more coherent than he had been.

“Got any…Zakkarian Ale?”

Kara nearly laughed at that, what sounded like a small one breaking through her keen focus on him. She would never admit (though Lena was fully aware) that she had been staring at Mon-El’s chest for the last few hours straight, just watching it rise and fall, needing to see it keep going. 

“No,” Kara offered, her voice watery with the tears filling her eyes.

Mon-El forced his eyes open…his eye open, though the one good eye he had was still hooded from exhaustion. “Please?”

“We can’t risk it,” Lena apologized as she walked over to them from where she’d been focused on fiddling with a device, trying to reprogram it to help an alien. “You suffered a lot of damage, Mon-El. We don’t know how badly that could affect your organs. Do…do you have a liver?”

“Well, something liver-like,” Kara offered.

Mon-El inhaled deeply, but quickly. “Could really use…some for the pain.”

“I know,” Kara turned back to him, reaching out to run a hand through his hair, still clutching his hand with her other. “I’m so sorry, baby, but there’s…there’s nothing outside the DEO that can help with that.” She swallowed hard at how his expression had just shut down at the mention of the organization.

“Of course…” Mon-El grimaced as a zing of pain raced through him from his ribs. Damn Alex and her powerful human kicks.

“You’re doing well though,” Lena tried to smile. “You’ve woken on your own. Which is good, means there’s less chance of a concussion. And you’re speaking more coherently this time.” That had been something she had been dreading and hoping for. She’d been so afraid he’d wake up still in his frantic state, hardly able to breathe, too frightened…and had been hoping so badly that having seen her and Kara, having been out of the DEO and made aware of it, might help his unconscious mind calm enough to begin to repair itself, allow him to wake up more clearheaded. 

“Mon-El,” Kara began, her voice quiet, and he looked at her, reassuring her with the action that his hearing was undamaged despite the blood that had been dripping from his one ear the other day. “Why?” He frowned at her. “Why didn’t you just tell them?” She could feel the tears falling from her eyes now. “Why did you let it get that far…”

“I…” Mon-El struggled. “Not…it…”

“Take your time,” Lena cut in quickly, not wanting him to get too overwhelmed. “Breathe in and out, slowly. We’re not going anywhere. Whenever you can say.”

Mon-El nodded, trying to breathe deep, which was made harder by his pained ribs, but he took slower breaths, trying to calm himself and organize his thoughts, which was easier said than done. It was like a blur to him now, just a giant blur of loud noises and fists and fire in his blood.

He closed his eyes sharply at that. 

“Failed you before,” Mon-El managed to grit out. Opening his eye with force to look at Kara. “Too many times. Always been…a disappointment. And…I don’t want to be.” He squeezed her hand. “Didn’t want to…disappoint you again. I…I want to be better.”

“You’re perfect,” Kara insisted quietly. She knew he wasn’t perfect in a general sense, he still made so many mistakes and floundered and went about things the wrong way. But he was perfect in himself, his personality, what made him Mon-El, what made him her mate, that was perfection to her. 

Mon-El laughed at that, and winced with a loud groan as the action caused more tremors of pain, reminding him of what he’d endured. “You were safe,” he continued. “Knew you were…alright and kicking ass. I…didn’t want to…get you in trouble.”

Lena frowned and leaned forward, trying to examine the wounds on his chest more. He seemed unable to speak too long in a full sentence, which she attributed to his bruised and cracked ribs. But she couldn’t help but fear she or her machines had missed something. Maybe a punctured lung? Something? So far he seemed alright.

“There’s no way they couldn’t have figured out what I was doing,” Kara murmured, frowning deeply as that thought just hit her NOW. The way she’d left, how she’d departed, the sudden disappearance of the Renalian, how could she have ever thought the DEO wouldn’t work it out? “They HAD to have known what I was up to.”

And that just made her stomach churn more at the prospect. Because it meant they had known the entire time, and still tortured Mon-El regardless.

“Couldn’t…prove it,” Mon-El squeezed her hand weakly. “I wouldn’t say.”

Lena nodded slowly. “Without Mon-El confirming it, they could only guess what you were up to. You said they couldn’t track you?” She looked at Kara, hoping her fiddling with the phone all those weeks ago had actually helped the Super. Kara nodded. “Then the best they could do was speculate. They had no evidence saying you were actually there or doing that, just a guess and intuition. They needed him to say it, to confirm that’s where you were before they could do anything about it.”

“Couldn’t lose your trust,” Mon-El wheezed. “Not again. Couldn’t lose you.”

Kara tried to recall a time she’d felt more horrible than that exact moment for how her words had negatively affected another person. She had thought she’d felt so bad when she had been on the Red K and spoken to Alex and others so hurtfully. That was nothing compared to what she was feeling right now. 

All the times she had kicked Mon-El out or tried to break things off with him or even turned her back on him because she thought she couldn’t “trust” him? All those times she’d ended things for the slightest perceived slight or wrong doing or failing? They’d had more of an impact on Mon-El than she ever thought they would.

He had kept quiet, endured torture, not just to keep her safe from the repercussions of the DEO and likely the government for aiding a hostile alien species…but to keep her trust. He was that afraid of losing her trust, and with the example she’d set, losing her, he had endured hell to prove himself. 

He’d already proven himself. She should have told him sooner. She would never, ever take what they had for granted again, she would never ever do anything to make him feel inferior or in danger of losing her over something he’d done. She swore it.

“What happened? At the DEO?” Kara asked him gently.

Mon-El began to shake his head, tears starting to fill his eyes, a begging in them to not make him say that nearly broke her entire will to know.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Kara whispered, leaning in to rest her forehead to his, their noses touching. “But I need to know. I need to be able to stop them ever doing this to someone again.”

Mon-El let out a shuddering breath and closed his eye tightly. “It’ll be…hard to believe.”

Kara pulled away from him at that, hearing more than just the tremble in his voice, hearing the break in it. There was something in it she was missing.

It seemed, though, that Lena hadn’t missed it at all. 

“We’ll believe you,” Lena promised him. “We’ve seen the results of what happened. We can guess what caused it and speculate about everything. You say it, Mon-El, we WILL believe you.”

Kara let out a soft breath at that, feeling like her world was on the cusp of crumbling complete, her heart breaking so much she wasn’t sure the pieces would fit together after it shattered entirely.

For all that Mon-El had wanted to keep her trust…a part of him didn’t think she’d trust him over Alex and the others. Her mate was actually terrified she wouldn’t believe what he was going to tell her about what her family had done to him.

“I know you would never lie about something like this,” Kara added, letting her hand drift from his hair to his cheek, lightly stroking the most unbruised are of it with her thumb, coaxing him to open his eye. “And don’t lie to protect me either. Don’t you dare downplay what happened. Please, baby, I need to know what they did to you.”

Mon-El swallowed hard and began to speak, struggling to do so, needing to pause frequently for breath and to bite back tears. But he told her, he told them everything that happened and every one that had a role to play, explained where every bruise and cut came from, admitted there had been a moment near the end he’d wanted it to be over more than anything else.

With each word Mon-El spoke, Lena could see something fracture inside her friend, with each person mentioned she saw something flash in her eyes, and with each tear he shed …she saw something harden.

By the end of it…she wouldn’t be surprised if Kara Danvers broke headlines with news about the destruction and obliteration of the DEO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am honestly blanking on whether or not Kara officially and formally was employed by the DEO the way Winn was, like if she gets paid and things. According to a producer from the show, Kara "works as an unofficial agent of the DEO as Supergirl" so I am taking that route here. She assists and follows their protocol by choice, to make the working relationship easier and put less chaos into Alex's own role there since Alex is an actual employee.
> 
> But besides that, this chapter completely got away from me. I had lines and scenes I had planned and when I went to write it out, it ended up completely unlike any of what I imagined, so I hope it's still alright :-) Also, this was supposed to be the last chapter of the flashback series within the story, with this being Mon-El waking up and Kara finding out what happened and the big confrontation with the DEO, but writing it out, Lena had so many things she wanted to work on and such good advice to give I HAD to have it, and then Mon-El and Kara and everything, and I ended up splitting it in two in the end :-)
> 
> I did try to make it a little longer in apology for the slow updating this week though :-)
> 
> I've also decided what I'm going to do with the two new ideas I had. I'm going to write and post one of them, probably some time next week, but update it MUCH slower than this and History. This story and History will be my priorities and I'll only update the other one when I have extra time. I'll hold off on the fourth story till I've finished at least one of the (soon-to-be) three stories I'll have going :-)


	9. Fallout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter in the flashback series :-)

Superhearing could have prepared Kara for the people that would greet her when she arrived at the DEO, but Kara was in no state to pay that much attention. She had left Mon-El with Lena, with the very specific request that she contact her if Mon-El showed the smallest symptoms of waking again and, no matter what, she would take off from the DEO to be there with him. It had been awful having to listen to what happened from Mon-El, even worse to see how the memories were affecting him. 

She hated to see him cry, because she knew how badly something had to hurt him for him to show emotion like that to her. She kept thinking about how she’d hurt him in the past, trying to break up with him, but he had always tried to hold the tears back then. To see him cry now? To know just how badly he was hurting that he couldn’t hold them back? She had sat at his side, wiping the tears away by the end, stroking his hair as he fell into a pained sleep, unable to keep awake through the pain and exhaustion the tears had brought.

She had tried to rein in her anger when she’d left L-Corp, had actually planned to do that. She knew how she got when she was angry, and she needed answers more than she needed to yell at the others. Oh she was sure yelling would come, so much yelling, so much more than yelling in fact. But she wanted to at least try to be able to speak and hear them without a ringing of fury in her ears. She’d left with that plan in mind…but the nearer she got to the building?

She was raging the moment she landed with a hard crack to the floor. She was sure her entire countenance radiated how truly…pissed…she was, and being THAT angry was not something she felt often.

She was startled, momentarily, to see James standing with Winn as they quietly were speaking with J’onn and Alex by the center command table, the envoy nowhere in sight. But that moment quickly passed when her ears finally started working enough to catch the end of what James himself was saying.

“…thought the Daxamite would feel guilty enough to talk after I spoke…”

Kara felt her blood boil at that confirmation of Mon-El’s testimony. Not that she needed confirmation or any kind of proof what Mon-El had told her was the truth, she believed him with all her heart. But actually hearing the people who did it talking about it? Basically admitting they’d done it? It infuriated her even more. Because James didn’t sound upset or guilty at all.

He sounded disappointed.

Kara’s jaw tensed as she strode towards them, stomped more like it. Her mind was racing, hearing Mon-El’s voice repeating what James had done to him.

_“He kept saying I was selfish to not tell them. That I didn’t care about you. That you’d want me to tell. That I could never be a real hero if I didn’t help the DEO or care about anything but myself. But I do care about you Kara, I love you so much. He tried to make me think you were hurt and needed the DEO to rescue you, that I could be killing you by keeping quiet. But I trust you, Kara, I knew you were alright. He tried to say that I would be in trouble for “withholding information about a valuable DEO asset. Like you belonged to them.”_

For James to even think he had a right to speak for her like that to Mon-El disgusted her. And the things he’d said? The things he’d said about HER? About Mon-El? She just kept thinking back to James’s reaction when he found out she wanted to train Mon-El to be a hero, how little he thought about Mon-El as a person. She had thought he and Mon-El moved past that, that they’d struck up a friendship now. 

But it only proved the niggling voice in her head right. 

James cared more about her than he did Mon-El. If they had to pick her or Mon-El, James would pick her and damn Mon-El. If the roles had been reversed, he would never have dared try this on HER, but because it was Mon-El…she felt ill at the thought. James had proven he would never treat Mon-El with the same courtesy as her, or with even a fraction of the caring. Mon-El would always be an outsider to James, just another alien, not someone to concern himself over.

They had ALL proven that, how little they cared, in different ways. The most prime example being their calls to her. She had listened to all the messages left for her on her phone while Lena was running tests and x-rays on Mon-El. Most asking where she was, some demanding she return to the DEO, others ordering her to do it, not a single one mentioned what was happening to Mon-El, not ONE. She could have been angry at herself, had they told her in their messages and she’d ignored it. Then she WOULD have something to blame herself for. But they all knew, not a single one had bothered to tell her, and clearly none of them had tried to stop it. 

Winn had come the closest in how tense he sounded, but she couldn’t begin to count the number of times he’d called her to vent about some frustration with a piece of text or tech not working. He always sounded tense. Because he was afraid to fail, always afraid the DEO would kick him out as being unneeded if he didn’t do his job fast and perfect. She was surprised that, out of all of them, Winn hadn’t just blurted out what was happening. But it also made sense to her. Winn loved his job at the DEO. He was always afraid to lose it. With the envoy t here, with the man watching every interaction and likely monitoring them closely, maybe Winn felt he couldn’t say, for fear of being fired if the envoy caught him or overheard. But it wasn’t a good enough excuse to her. Not after what Mon-El went through. Winn should have called and TOLD her, damning the consequences. A person’s life was more important than a job!

“Kara!” Alex was the first to spot her. 

Kara came to stand before them, her arms crossed, her expression forcibly blank, silent.

“I’m so glad you’re ok,” Alex continued, mistaking Kara’s silence for something it very much wasn’t. “What were you thinking just going off like that?! You should have told us where you were. We were worried sick! I thought you were dead!”

Kara merely blinked at the sight of tears filling Alex’s eyes at the thought. 48 hours ago that would have made her cave in and forgive her sister instantly, rush to reassure and comfort her, hug her just a little tighter than she would a human. Now? It did nothing.

“As a DEO agent, Supergirl, I expected better from you,” J’onn agreed, disappointment in his tone.

Still, Kara stood there, feeling just the slightest bit shocked at just how much she…she didn’t care about how they sounded or what they were feeling.

Her silence seemed to be getting to them now, even Winn was shifting on his feet, rubbing his hands in nerves.

“Kara?” Alex frowned. “Say something? What’s wrong?”

Kara let out a long breath through her nose. “What’s wrong?” she mimicked, her voice calmer than she felt. “Fractured bones. Bruises. Numerous cuts. Sprains, dislocations, strains. Internal bleeding. Should I go on?”

It disgusted her how Alex’s first instinct was to frantically look over HER body for any signs of the injuries listed.

“What’s wrong is that Mon-El is broken, bruised, and bloodied, because of YOU!” she finally snapped. “What’s wrong is what you did to him!” she nearly snarled those words, feeling such an anger radiating in her she could barely keep it in.

She hadn’t expected such an instant and venomous reaction, but just hearing them talk had set her off. She just kept thinking about how her…how Alex had sounded when she’d broken in on Mon-El’s torture. Relieved, no guilt at all. Even now, even she was focused on Kara and not Mon-El. Another reminder that she only saw him as just another alien. She hadn’t even thought to bring him up!

She expected it, in a way, her sister got so fixated on being the older sister, she hardly ever thought about the ones she wronged in her crusade to “protect Kara.” And normally she would have found it endearing, that her sister cared about her so much. But this was crossing a line.

“We questioned an informant,” Alex stated firmly, crossing her arms, seeing where this was going.

Kara glared at her, at how she was trying to twist the situation and manipulate the facts…just like Lena warned they might. She was grateful Lena had the forethought to make her listen to Mon-El first. “You TORTURED him! You actually tortured an alien. You tortured MY mate!”

“I warned him,” Alex defended. “I told him, repeatedly, to tell us where you were and what you were planning…”

“Or what?” Kara scoffed. “You’d ‘beat it out of him?’” 

She wanted to see if Alex would continue to lie to her. If she’d deny it despite the evidence. Blame it on the envoy or something else. To her credit, Alex didn’t lie. She just remained silent, her expression just as hard, eyes without guilt, like she wasn’t ashamed of what she’d done.

Kara felt the pit in her stomach drop even lower than her feet at Alex’s admission by silence. She had heard Alex use that line more than once, she had heard how Alex had actually tried to follow through with it. She’d excused it, come up with a dozen reasons why Alex would resort to it. She was worried about her sister, she was angry about Jeremiah, anything to make her sister seem less guilty, less…dangerous.

She could have excused it now as the same, she was worried about her sister. But there was something fundamentally changed in her when the person Alex was “beating information out of” was Mon-El.

No more excuses. She didn’t have it in her to keep doing that. She didn’t have it in her to keep making excuses when what Alex did was inexcusable and reprehensible. Mon-El made mistakes, he apologized, but she couldn’t remember a single time he’d made an excuse and then failed to try and change his behavior after. Alex always did that. She acted out, Kara made an excuse, Alex acted out exactly the same again and again.

And this time, because Kara had made excuses in the past instead of really confronting her sister…Mon-El had been harmed, tormented.

_“Alex was…was angry and desperate to know you were ok. She…she said that I had to talk or she’d beat it out of me. I clearly didn’t. I didn’t hurt her either, Kara. I wouldn’t hit her. I didn’t even want to. She’s your sister. So…so I took it.”_

Her sister had beaten up her mate for information that she had literally NO RIGHT to know.

Lena’s words came back to her then. Alex was not her keeper. She was a fully grown adult, both of them were. She was not obligated to tell Alex where she was or what she was doing. Technically she wasn’t obligated to tell even the DEO her whereabouts and plans, she worked with them, in a way she worked for them, but this wasn’t her job in the sense of her place of employment. She considered being Supergirl a job, but in a personal sense, like being a mother was a job. It was not Alex’s right to need to know everything about her sister’s life.

If Kara disappeared for a few days, it was NOT on Alex to manhunt her down. It was NOT Alex’s god-given right to beat up an alien for information when Kara clearly did NOT want the information shared!

…Alex should have trusted her.

Kara inhaled sharply at that. That was the only reason she could think of for Alex to become that fixated on finding her. Her sister didn’t trust she could handle the situation. Her sister thought she was hurt, which in any other moment would have been endearing, had it not also meant Alex had failed to trust she was ok and knew what she was doing. After all the grief she’d given Mon-El about not trusting her to handle things herself, Alex, who knew how much she could handle over the course of 13 years, trusted her less than a boyfriend that knew her barely a year.

“I can’t believe you.” Kara shook her head. “I asked him to keep quiet,” she admitted, knowing that they were aware Mon-El HAD known where she was. “You were trying to violate my privacy.”

“When your “privacy” counteracts the DEO…” J’onn began.

But all it did was serve to have her round on him. “And you!” She had never heard her voice sound so hiss-like before, but she imagined her narrowed eyes were like slits as well. “I can’t believe you would let this happen. You couldn’t let a White Martian be tortured but you could let Mon-El? What, because he wasn’t Martian? Because he…”

“I had to!” J’onn snapped, her words striking him and cutting him deeply, that she would imagine he’d let it happen just because it wasn’t his species involved.

“We were under orders,” Alex agreed.

“You’ve refused orders before,” Kara pointed out. “BOTH of you have. Why now? What’s different? Is it because your orders gave you exactly what you wanted this time? Or is it because it was Mon-El? Because it wasn’t ME?”

“If I hesitated the president’s envoy would discharge me from the DEO,” J’onn stated firm, not backing down. “I would lose my job.”

Kara was disgusted. “So your job was more important than Mon-El?!”

“The Earth is more important!” J’onn defended. If she thought the DEO had questionable orders now? If someone besides him was the director it could mean hell on earth for aliens. He did what he had to to keep the earth and the aliens safe. He needed to stay Director to keep the DEO on the right path.

“You made that choice too, Supergirl,” James had the audacity to remark, looking at her like he didn’t recognize her. “The Earth or Mon-El. Ringing any bells?”

“This is NOT the same thing!” Kara snapped, actually cracking her knuckles in an effort not to punch James.

And having wanted to kiss him for such a long time, the thought of punching him was a new and surprising one.

Also new and surprising was how uneasy and unappealing the thought that she’d ever wanted to kiss him was.

“Uh…it kinda is?” Winn’s quiet addition had Kara’s heart shattering and hardening at the same time.

Winn looked so much like he didn’t want to be there. But Kara remembered he HAD been there. When she’d arrived to save Mon-El, she had heard him call out. He had been there as it was happening, he hadn’t tried to stop it. And looking at him now? She could see why. He was siding with the DEO, his dream job, the one he was always on edge he could lose at any moment. It was all the proof she needed that her thoughts were correct. Of course he’d pick his job. Just like J’onn did.

_“I didn’t see Winn at all. He was there. But I didn’t see him.”_

She was rapidly losing what little respect and care she had for them.

James rolling his eyes made it even harder not to punch him. “You set off a lead attack on the Daxamites, your boyfriend included, to save the Earth.”

Kara couldn’t believe what she was hearing, how they were twisting everything to make what they’d done seem ok. By using her actions as justification, when they were NOT the same thing at all.

As they kept bringing up, she had done what she had to save EARTH. The DEO was NOT that far reaching, they only had bases in cities high in alien activity and barely anywhere else. What J’onn’s DEO did affected National City and hardly anything else. Her actions had forced the Daxam fleet that had taken over the entire planet, off.

They were saying this as though she’d personally attacked Mon-El and lumped him up with the invaders.

She hadn’t triggered the device till the bitter end. She had done everything she could think of to make it so she wouldn’t have to use it, because she DIDN’T want to hurt MON-EL. HE had been the one to encourage her to do it. HE had been the one to promise her it was ok. HE had been the one to insist it happen in the worst case. And, looking back, there had been a contingency plan in place, Eliza and her work on the lead cure. Looking back, there were other options. Her pod, travel to Earth 1, the portal Lena had made, hell even a spacesuit with pure oxygen!

She hadn’t knowingly tortured her boyfriend for information. She hadn’t broken his bones or beaten him or broken him. She hadn’t intentionally caused him harm, she hadn’t WANTED to, she hadn’t stood by and just done nothing to try and help him or save him. The last thing she’d wanted was to cause him harm and she had done everything in her power to keep him safe.

What had the DEO done?

“I fought for him,” she told them, her voice dangerously calm. “You brutalized him.”

“I couldn’t risk losing my position,” J’onn continued to argue. “Did I enjoy breaching his mind to find information about your whereabouts? No. But…”

“You raped his mind,” Kara cut in, a correcting tone in her voice. She was NOT going to let them just gloss over that, make it sound better than it was, less of a violation than it was.

She almost had. Till Lena pointed it out to her what it was. 

_“J’onn he, uh, he…he would come in and try to read my mind. It hurt. It hurt so much.”_

_“How did you stop him?” For clearly J’onn didn’t know where she was or what she’d been doing._

_“I um…I thought about Occlumens. I pictured a brick wall. When he broke through that, I threw memories at him to distract him.”_

_“As interesting as that is,” Lena’s voice was shaky and she looked rather ill. “I’m more concerned with the fact that an alien brutally violated your mind, without your consent. He basically mind raped you.”_

Kara hadn’t thought of it like that before. She’d seen J’onn use his telepathy to question alien suspects, get a read off them. But she was realizing now, unless it was another telepath, he did it by reading their surface thoughts, not invading their deeper mind to get information. He’d always said he didn’t like to use it, that it was a violation of a person’s mind. But he’d done it. And the way Mon-El sounded, how he said it, it had been a painful, painful experience for Mon-El. It had HURT him in a way it didn’t others. J’onn really had raped his mind. 

She knew about the beatings, she had seen the bruises and cuts. She knew about the torture, she had walked in on it. She had guessed, from the reports of Lena’s machines he’d been deprived of sleep and food. She knew about the red sunlight. But learning that? She hadn’t been expected for her father-figure to have gone that far.

It shouldn’t have been possible for J’onn to read Mon-El’s mind. He hadn’t been able to read hers or any Daxamite’s mind. To hear he HAD managed it? She could chalk it up to the red sunlight. It was the only explanation. Her people, and she would guess Daxamites as well, had a natural mental defense, nothing overly strong, nothing a Martian wouldn’t be able to breach with effort had they been on their home planets. But the yellow sun enhanced everything, made all of it stronger, including their mental barriers. With the red sun on him, having been on Earth far shorter than she had, it was possible the combination of that and his lack of sleep, had weakened his natural defenses enough for J’onn to push through.

But that made it infinitely worse. Because that meant J’onn had FORCED his way into Mon-El’s mind. He had invaded and attacked someone’s private thoughts and mental haven.

“Ah, Supergirl…”

The envoy didn’t get a chance to finish his greeting as Kara flew at him, grabbing him and shoving him against a wall in the blink of an eye, her arm against his throat, not even caring that he truly couldn’t breathe.

“Supergirl, stand down!” J’onn ordered.

“Or you’ll do what?!” she demanded, at the end of it all, done with it all, done with them.

That was the last straw. It was too much. Mon-El had been brutalized and violated in nearly every conceivable way by people SHE had trusted with him. People who had shown no trust in her. People how had shown little care about an alien’s wellbeing. If they could turn on Mon-El like this, treat him so terribly, what if it had been HER? What if SHE had had information and the envoy demanded they interrogate her?

They would walk out and refuse. And the hypocrisy of it killed her. They shouldn’t treat her any differently than any other alien. Because she WAS one.

She was finished with all of this.

They were all so concerned about their jobs? Prove it, prove it to her that it wasn’t just because it wasn’t HER the envoy wanted tortured. Prove they could fire at her, try to stop her, to protect the person who held their jobs on the line.

Nothing came.

If that wasn’t proof enough that all their words were just excuses and lies and half truths, she didn’t know what was. But she vowed to herself then and there that she would never allow herself to fall on the same footing as them. She would never ever allow her “job” to be more important than Mon-El or another (good) alien.

She focused on the envoy, the last shred of any semblance of understanding and hope and trust she had in them burned to ashes. “You are going to listen to me,” she told the man, her voice low. “And you are going to listen well. If you think, even for a moment, that I’ll let you get away with what you’ve done? You’re insane.”

The envoy coughed as she let up on the pressure on his neck, wanting to know what he’d say to that. “The President assigned me here. I have her backing. And if you think I’m going to be scared by a little girl in a skirt,” he mocked, “You’ve got another thing coming.”

“The President assigned you to review the DEO, not torture an alien,” Kara reminded him. “And trust me, she will NOT be pleased to find that out. She’s very PRO-Alien if you haven’t noticed.”

For the first time the envoy’s smugness seemed to lessen. “She understands the safety of the nation…”

“I have a friend who has contact with the president,” Kara continued, ignoring his argument. “And I’ve provided her with all the ample evidence of what you’ve done to Mon-El, what you’ve authorized done to him, to hand over to the president. You want to play around with their jobs?” She jerked her head back towards the others. “Worry about your own.”

She let the envoy drop to the ground. “You little bi…”

Kara reached out, her hand lightning fast, to grip the man by the neck, quieting him without choking him. “You’ve made the biggest mistake of your life,” she warned him. “After what’s happened here. I will never help the president or any of her organizations again. You sparked this. And I would be very, very worried about what will happen to you when you’re no longer a government official and just a regular citizen again.”

“And why’s that?” he managed to spit at her.

Kara leaned in more. “Because when Mon-El is better, I won’t stop him hunting you down. I will make sure there is NO superhero on this planet that will help you.”

Now the envoy actually looked scared at that. Clearly he had thought he would have amnesty or immunity for his actions, that he’d be protected. And now he was realizing he’d shot himself in the foot. He would have no backing. He may even face serious charges for what he’d done, especially if it cost the nation an ally like Supergirl, especially if it caused the president to lose face among the people for her words of alien peace being jeopardized by her own representative.

And Kara was going to make damn sure the people were made aware of what happened. IF Mon-El wanted it. It happened to HIM. If he wanted his story shared as a warning or example or retaliation, she would do it in a heartbeat. 

“That’s enough, Kara.”

Kara stiffened at Alex’s words, letting the envoy go to scurry away. She wanted so badly to punch the man again, to inflict on him every harm he’d caused Mon-E. But there was something dark and sweet in the knowledge he’d spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder for Mon-El to attack him and pay him back. She knew in her heart, Mon-El would never, but that would loom over the envoy to the day he died.

“Supergirl,” Kara stated, turning to face them.

For the first time since she’d landed on Earth, she looked at them and saw the strange creatures humans had been to her.

She saw strangers in them.

She saw enemies.

“What?” Alex frowned.

“I am Supergirl to you, Agent Danvers.”

Alex actually rolled her eyes at that. “Kara, come on…”

Kara ignored her and looked at J’onn. “It’s lucky you can’t read my mind. There aren’t enough words in English to describe how…how disgusted I am in ALL of you.” She let her gaze drift over each of the four people standing before her. Only Winn seemed stricken by what she’d said. “Director J’onzz, I officially withdraw any affiliation or alliance Supergirl has with the DEO. This is not an organization or a people I want my name associated with…”

“Kara don’t be ridiculous,” James frowned at her, all of them finally seeming thrown by what she was saying and doing.

“You have NO right to even speak to me,” Kara snapped at him, pointing an angry finger at James. “Don’t think I don’t know you were involved. You all had the opportunity to stop this, to stand against what happened. You didn’t. You took the coward’s way out.”

“That isn’t…” J’onn began.

But Kara was on a role. “You tortured an alien. You tortured Mon-El. YOU stood by as it happened. You didn’t fight. You didn’t stop it. You didn’t risk it all to make things right. You are no heroes.” Even though she was practically sneering the words out, her eyes were filling with bitter, angry tears. “And you are certainly no family of mine anymore.”

“You can’t just stop being family!” Alex shouted at her, finally affected by what Kara was saying. And Kara knew it too. All her life, everything she’d done had been for Kara, for her sister. And now her sister was just calling an end to it?

“I assure you, Agent Danvers,” Kara looked at her, a look in her eyes Alex had never seen before, not directed at her, a combination of ice, distrust, anger, and…and hate. “You can. It happened the moment you failed to help a friend,” she looked at Winn, the man flinching away, knowing whatever ties, friendship or bridges he’d built with Kara and Mon-El were now burned to the ground. “The moment you tried psychological warfare on Mon-El,” she looked at James. “The moment you raped an alien refugee’s mind,” she turned to J’onn. “And the moment your fist connected with my boyfriend,” that last one was directed to Alex. “You all stopped being my family, the moment you made it clear MY MATE would never be part of yours.”

She shook her head at them and turned to walk away.

“Kara, please…” Alex began, calling out for her. “We were doing our job.”

“No,” Kara turned to her, an eerie calm settling over her, the anger still there, the rage still bubbling, the disappointment and disgust still making her nauseous, but a curious clarity filling her. It was like she was seeing them for the first time, seeing humans at their worst, seeing what they were capable of, and feeling betrayal like she’d never felt before. “You apprehended an alien refugee that trusted you and possibly had knowledge you wanted of a situation that was harmless. You locked an alien away, starved him, beat him, electrocuted him, for information that wouldn’t have helped you see if I was “safe” anyway. You, an organization meant to keep alien threats from the Earth, became that threat. You used your resources, power, and authority to torture an alien without cause, without real evidence…”

“He admitted he knew where you were,” Alex said weakly.

Kara didn’t even react. “You were so sure he was telling the truth about that?” she countered. For all the DEO knew, Mon-El COULD have been lying and just trying to cover for her or give her a day off. “You would have tortured him regardless of whether he knew where I was or not. You abused your power. You attacked an alien. You treated him exactly the way we aliens fear being treated, the exact reason we hide who we are. For too long you’ve gotten away with it. Not anymore. NOW it’s time to face the consequences of your actions.”

Never before had she felt so distant from the people in front of her. This entire situation was reminding her of just how much of a non-human she was. She could look like them and act like them and sound like them, but she would never be them. She was an alien. She was a Kryptonian. And these people, this organization that SHE had worked for, had tortured a Daxamite, an innocent alien.

Maybe she had needed this reminder.

Clearly, they didn’t view Mon-El as human, but just an alien.

Daxam was Krypton’s sister planet. Clearly, by that logic, they couldn’t view HER as human either.

Clearly, with how he stood by, J’onn didn’t view himself as much of an alien as he was.

She would not make that mistake again.

From this point on, she had no family. From this point on, she would be the alien refugee she was and support her fellow aliens the way she always should have. Protecting them from threats against them just as much as she protected humans from threats too.

The people before her weren’t family. They were DEO agents. And she was an alien.  
Right now, she had to get back to her family and make sure they were alright after the torture he’d endured.

“Stay away from Mon-El,” she spoke one last time. “And stay away from me. I want nothing to do with any of you.”

“You don’t mean that,” Alex murmured, tears falling from her eyes, sounding as though her whole world was falling apart.

Kara almost smiled ironically at that. Good. Alex’s world should fall apart. HERS already did.

“I do.” Kara was firm. “I don’t want to see you, talk to you, hear you. That goes twice for Mon-El. If I see you near him I will take it as an aggressive move and act in self-defense as outlined in the Alien Amnesty Act.”

J’onn inhaled sharply at that. It was a clause, much like common law, that if an alien was attacked by a human they had full right to defend themselves in whatever method they could. Most aliens wouldn’t even attempt it, too afraid they would be called liars or perpetrators or that the courts would side with the human.

Supergirl though? If Supergirl claimed it, there wasn’t a single person who wouldn’t believe her.

“Stay away from us.”

And with that, Kara flew out of the DEO, unable to even hear Alex starting to break down and sob behind her as she flew through the air faster than she ever had. Her heart was pounding but oddly…she felt no guilt for what she’d done.

The only thing she felt was a deep desire to get back to her alien mate and ensure he would be alright.

She felt a small smile come to her face despite everything. Lena was right. Mon-El would heal. Her mate was strong and she knew he would come back to her. He wouldn’t leave her, just like she would never leave him. He would heal and she would be at his side every step of the way. She had considered being a nurse at one point after all, now was the time to prove that old dream still had some foundation.

But first…she pulled out her phone and hit speed dial.

“Kal?” she called over the wind whistling around her. “I’m going to need a favor. Can you come to National City for a while?” She paused to hear his response. “I’m out of commission.” She didn’t even hesitate to answer his question, knowing how he felt about the DEO and regretting not having listened to his concerns earlier. “The DEO…they tortured Mon-El and I’m not leaving him.”

She smiled as his simple response, ‘I’m on my way,’ and zoomed off, needing to see her mate, needing to see him breathing, ready to wait till his beautiful eyes opened once more, ready to be there for him like he had been there for her.

He always did everything he could think of to be a good boyfriend. Now it was her turn to take it one step further. She would be the best mate he could ever ask for.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Mon-El came to slowly, to the feel of someone holding his hand, and someone else on his other side running a hand through his hair, their body pressed closely to his own. He knew, before he even opened his eyes that Lena was holding his hand while Kara was beside him. Opening his eyes only proved that.

“Hey,” he gave them a weak greeting, his voice hoarse and his head pounding even worse than Zakkarian Ale left him with a hangover. It was a combination, he knew, of the remnants of J’onn’s telepathy and his crying earlier. He turned his head towards Kara’s soothing touch.

“Hey,” Kara greeted, leaning down to press a kiss to his temple.

“Hi,” Lena teased. “I’m here too, you know.”

Mon-El gave a weak chuckle. “Hi Lena.”

Lena smiled proudly at that, so SO pleased he was calmer and actually was starting to look better now.

Mon-El hummed in contentment, before he seemed to stiffen and open his eyes, blinking at Kara like he wasn’t sure he was seeing her. “You’re…you’re here?”

Kara frowned. “Where else would I be?”

Mon-El looked away.

And Kara let out a saddened breath, understanding. “Hey,” she reached out with her other hand to tilt his head back to hers. “I’m here. I trust you. I came back to you. I choose you. Don’t worry about them. I’ve dealt with them. None of us are going to have a problem with them again.”

Mon-El frowned at that. “But they’re your family.”

“Family doesn’t do what they did,” Kara said, her voice low and hard, her eyes distant, recalling something, before she shook her head and came back, offering him a smile. “You are my family. You are my mate.”

“Families change,” Lena offered comfortingly, squeezing his hand even though he couldn’t feel it, but directing his attention to her as well. “Sometimes families HAVE to change. I think you understand that.”

The look in Lena’s eyes told him she was referencing his mother, how he’d had to pick a new family when confronted by his old one. And he had. And he’d never been happier to have done it…even considering what part of his new family had done to him. 

“They aren’t my family either,” he agreed quietly. His breathing seemed a little easier, Lena noted, he was able to speak in a longer, less broken sentence now.

Lena looked between the two supers, who were gazing at each other, clearly forgetting she was in the room in their relief that the situation, for now, was over. She smiled at them and nodded to herself as she stood. “YOU need to eat something,” she stated. “You both do. So what’ll it be? I can have it prepared and brought up. Anything at all.”

“I’m…I’m not really hungry…” Mon-El began, but Kara cut in.

“Pancakes,” she answered. “They’re his favorite.”

“Any particular kind?” Lena smiled wider at how Kara knew that.

“No,” Mon-El gave a small shrug. “Plain is fi…”

“Chocolate chip,” Kara cut in again, giving Mon-El a gentle smile, seeing he was trying to not be a bother to Lena. “But with strawberry syrup instead of regular and caramel drizzle.”

Lena laughed at that. “You know your man well.”

Kara laughed too when she saw Mon-El actually flush a little at that, though he wore a pleased and touched expression. Lena gave them a nod and left the room. Kara turned on her side from where she was sitting on the edge of the bed to face him, reaching out to lightly touch one of his fading bruises.

“I love you,” she told him.

Mon-El’s expression grew softer. “I love you too.”

This time it was Kara’s turn to look hesitant. “Even after…”

“Even after everything,” Mon-El agreed. “On Daxam, we choose a mate with great care,” he took a breath, needing to pause between his sentences, his ribs and lungs still healing. “Because it means there will be a lot of hardship and challenge that goes with it…And we need to be ready to face it together…I choose you, Kara.”

“I choose you too, Mon-El,” Kara gave him a smile. “And I will always choose you, no matter what.”

She knew it was going to be a hard road. Trauma like Mon-El suffered wouldn’t go away over night. It would he hard and difficult, trying and testing, unbearable to endure at times. But she understood what he was saying about being mates. It was going to be challenging and hard, but being a mate meant picking that person despite all that, choosing to be with them in spite of it.

He had proven himself a mate in enduring what he had and still picking her. 

She would prove herself now as well, enduring whatever came from this at his side, helping, supporting, and loving him every step of the way.

It would take time, but eventually they would be able to begin to heal from this, and do it together as, she hoped and planned, they would everything else life threw at them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this really quick before I head to work, so if there are errors, sorry! :-)
> 
> But the next chapter after this will see the main story resume again. There will still be a few flashback chapters to come, but we'll get a little more of the current story going again :-)


	10. How Far We've Come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to the meat of the story now ;-) This picks up just after Kara's confrontation with Alex at the DEO.

Kara braced herself as she stood outside her loft’s door, just…taking a moment to breathe and process the latest visit with the DEO. After she had brought up the torture they'd put Mon-El through, she couldn't bear to stand there and hear their never-ending, yet unchanging excuses again. She'd glared at them and shaken her head before she'd turned and flown off for her loft. She couldn’t help but note that something felt different this time. Usually, having to go there and confront Alex or J’onn left her feeling drained and tired and just irritable to the point where she would have to go to Eliza and rant it all out.

Despite the situation, Eliza had remained as neutral as she could be, not without consequences to her though. When Kara had first informed the woman of what Alex had done, Eliza’s immediate reaction had been denial, had been to try and excuse it as though Kara had misinterpreted what happened. She’d stormed out of the Danvers home and refused to answer any of Eliza’s calls, hating herself for having ever thought to contact the woman who would, clearly, take Alex’s side, her biological child’s side over her adoptive daughter. 

But she had been desperate. Mon-El had taken so long to heal from his physical wounds that she’d gotten nervous and wanted some sort of alien expert to at least examine him. Her mind had gone to Eliza and while she’d felt a flash of anger at the woman, just for her relation to Alex, she’d reminded herself that Eliza was HER mother too and an alien doctor and, at the very least, her ethics would keep her from telling the DEO anything if Mon-El asked her and her maternal instinct and how she’d thought Mon-El was sweet would at least get the woman to look him over. Her concern would get her to help Mon-El.

A part of her hadn’t wanted to subject Mon-El to another human without having made the situation clear to her why she was not to tell or warn the DEO about anything. She had made the mistake of trusting people who associated with the DEO before, she should have listened to Eliza’s warning for Alex the first time. She wouldn’t do it again, so she’d taken extra precautions when it came to Mon-El and gone to see Eliza first. 

As it turned out, Alex had already called Eliza to inform her of HER version of the truth so Eliza was already biased against anything said that would counter what her daughter told her. It hadn’t been till she’d sent the woman copies of the pictures she’d given Ms. Grant to forward to the President, that Eliza had tried to call her back. She’d ignored the calls, too upset that Eliza believed Alex without even considering Kara could be telling the truth. It felt like Eliza had been picking Alex’s side over hers, choosing her biological child over the alien she’d taken in.

In the end, Eliza had had to come to the apartment herself in order to even look at Mon-El. And when she’d seen he STILL had bruises and aftershocks of torture by electrocution, had actually talked to him about his experience. She’d believed them over Alex. 

She tried to remember and always keep in mind that Alex was Eliza’s daughter too and that no mother would ever want to lose their child (especially not Eliza after losing Jeremiah, she wouldn’t want to lose the daughter she’d had by him). She tried not to hold it against Eliza when she’d discovered the woman still kept in contact with Alex. It was hard at times to do it, but Eliza went to great lengths to keep her ties to BOTH her daughters. Kara appreciated that she hadn’t just cut her off entirely in favor of Alex. 

If she needed to talk, Eliza always made sure Alex was never there or about to visit. If she needed to rant about Alex, Eliza would listen and comment on it. She never defended Alex when Kara was there. She always asked about Mon-El and offered suggestions of how to help him heal and cope more. And she always, always made sure that Kara felt calm and knew that she was still loved by a mother. 

Eliza was her go-to person to rant to after confronting the DEO. In a way, she had a suspicion that it helped Eliza too, to hear about the organization. For so long Eliza had blamed the DEO for the loss of Jeremiah. Hearing Kara talk about it, hearing her anger and disgust and distrust of them, perhaps it made her feel justified in her feelings. Eliza had never been a fan of them and Kara felt she was secretly relieved at least one of her daughters was disillusioned with them. She knew it was the only way Eliza could cope with what Alex had done and still maintain a relationship with the woman, to think of her daughter as two separate people, Agent Danvers of the DEO and Alex. She could handle hearing Kara rail against the DEO and its agents, because she could think of them in a general context. So Kara tried to keep the specifics of Alex to a minimum and, if she had to bring it up, refer to her as Agent Danvers.

It was comforting to know that she still had the love and support of her human mother. It was reassuring to know that Eliza was just as disappointed, disgusted, and horrified at what Alex had done as she was. She felt safe going to the woman to rant and bring up her frustrations. It was strained at times, it always would be, but Eliza made sure to keep things separated when it came to her two daughters. Kara appreciated that. She didn’t want to keep unloading on Lena, who had been with her and Mon-El nearly every step of the way in his recovery, who had worked tirelessly every other moment to adapt L-Corp to specialize in alien medical tech as well as human. And she could NEVER rant the way she needed to at Mon-El, the last thing she wanted to ever do was remind him of the DEO and what she felt for them.

He always looked at her with such guilt and heartbreak, always felt like he was the reason her family fell apart. It was never his fault and she told him that. The way Alex and J’onn and James and even Winn had gone about things had been happening long before Mon-El even arrived on Earth, it just came to a boiling point and breaking point.

It was something she realized as she looked at her door. It was going to happen eventually. One day J’onn would do something to an alien for the humans, disregarding his alien origins to a point she wouldn’t be able to trust he could be unbiased towards them. One day Alex would beat up the wrong alien, an innocent alien, and Kara would see herself in it. One day James would act too superior to her and try to be a hero to a point where he would interfere with someone else’s efforts and cause more harm than good. One day Winn would make some kind of tech for the DEO at their request even if he knew it was potentially lethal or to be used for the wrong reason, just because of his job. They were all heading down those paths, she could see the signs now, hindsight and all.

And it was…odd…to stand at her door and not feel the need to fly to Eliza and vent. It was odd to stand there and not feel tired or exhausted or weary or drained. 

For the first time in a long while…she felt lighter. Unburdened. Relieved. Happy even.

It was like, for the first time, she KNEW her words had actually gotten through to the DEO this time. She felt like they were FINALLY seeing how serious she was about everything. She didn’t regret a moment she’d spent with Mon-El over them. She didn’t regret the new allies she’d gained, the new family she’d created. She didn’t regret a word she’d said to anyone from the DEO. 

For the first time she wasn’t angry about having gone there, she was happy to have finally gotten through to them. Perhaps it was because she could feel it in her bones, that this would be the LAST time she’d do it. She didn’t know what made the other times different, perhaps it was lingering anger that kept her going back to chew them out when they clearly disregarded their agreements. Perhaps it was a need to keep chastising them instead of breaking all ties completely like she kept from doing. Perhaps it was a guilty pleasure in seeing Alex and the others struggling without her there and knowing they’d rightly brought it on themselves.

Whatever it was, it had faded now. 

The door opened a second later to reveal Mon-El smiling at her with such a soft, fond, adoring look on his face that she knew exactly the reason.

“You going to come in or stand there all day?” he teased her.

Kara smiled at him, reaching out to take his hand and lean in to kiss him softly. Yes, she knew the reason. She was happy now, she was content, she and Mon-El were in a good place and she felt…fulfilled in a way she hadn’t. She had a family, she had a sister, she had a mate, she had a life she loved, a job she loved, a partner superhero she trusted with her life. Everything was wonderful even with the setbacks Mon-El sometimes experienced.

She had reached a point where…she could let go. She’d reached a point where she didn’t need the DEO to even linger in the back of her mind anymore. She didn’t NEED them anymore. 

Lena, for all her advancements in the medical field had “Pulled a Bruce Wayne” as Clark had called it during his last visit, and created a top notch, top secret sector of L-Corp where she and a handful of people she trusted with her life had set up an essential base of operations. It was similar to the DEO in that it monitored the city for alien activity, which helped alert her and Mon-El to any necessary need of their powers to stop before the DEO could even do it. Because that sector catered to helping protect Aliens not just monitor them and aiding them, in a way the DEO didn’t.

She hadn’t done it, she hadn’t sent out a report or article about what the DEO had done to Mon-El. But word had gotten out anyway. Mon-El HAD friends at the bar, alien friends, friends that knew him enough to tell when something was wrong. When Mon-El stopped smiling as much, or talking as much, or joking around. When he jumped at the smallest thumping noise, when he shied away from breaking up bar fights when that had been his main directive before, when he’d had to be rushed to the back room by M’gann when an unexpected power surge went through the city due to Leslie and the lights literally exploded with sparks showering down? And when M'gann made it a policy to throw out any DEO agent from the bar and whispers reached them that she'd broken her Martian bond with J'onn J'onzz while refusing to speak to him? People talked. People speculated. 

It was all confirmed when Mon-El had gotten so drunk once that he’d just broken down in M’gann’s arms in the back room till the woman could call Supergirl in…he wasn’t the only alien with superhearing in the vicinity. 

Word had spread like wildfire among the aliens about what the DEO had done. NONE of them trusted the organization to ever help them after that. Because they knew Mon-El, they knew the man was a good guy, always ready to help, always ready to listen, always there to try and make people feel better. And they knew how he felt about his girlfriend. Whether any of them knew it was Supergirl being Kara Danvers or Kara Danvers being a good friend of Supergirl, they knew he’d never betray the Girl of Steel. For the DEO to do that to him, to hurt him that much? They banded together around him and against the DEO.

Every chance the DEO had where they needed alien help, they were rebuffed. But not Lena’s branch of L-Corp. Lena had come to the bar a time or two, (interesting, interesting times) but she had proven her dedication to helping them, shown her care and concern for Mon-El, her drive to be better than her family. They trusted her now, so when they needed help or when Supergirl or Valor needed help, her branch was the first place they turned. 

Maggie Sawyer was not pleased to have lost all her alien contacts due to what Alex and the DEO had done. But Kara really couldn’t care. Maggie was still with Alex, having forgiven her or chosen to not bring it up, Kara didn’t know how that worked between them. She didn't care to know either but she suspected the alien informants she'd had weren't pleased to learn she was still with an alien torturer.

Regardless…Kara felt like she was in a good place now. She had a company to help her fight crime. She had friends. She had family. She finally felt at peace. Not that she would ever be at peace with what had happened to Mon-El, but she felt like she was at a good place and so was Mon-El. He’d worked so hard to cope with what happened, and there he was, smiling at her, loving her still.

And she knew in her heart, they would make it for the long haul. They had gotten through this together, they would get through anything and everything.

“Hello, Lena,” Kara greeted in a teasing tone as she heard Lena breathing into make an equally teasing remark about her lack of greeting.

It had become a joke between the three of them, one that Lena always made good-naturedly. She and Mon-El could get so caught up in greetings or sweet moments that Lena would always make a remark about still being in the room. She had worried, a time or two, that Lena was getting annoyed with it or irritated or even hurt by the fact that they had each other and she was still single. But Lena had always reassured her that the two of them deserved every happiness and she actually loved being able to witness them being so sickeningly sweet together. 

The only thing Lena would lament about (always still teasing) was that the two of them just kept setting the bar for romance and relationships higher and higher and how was she EVER going to find a human man to live up to her expectations now!?

“Hey,” Lena greeted with a laugh, standing up from the kitchen island to walk over. “So what are we doing? Action, Rom-Com, or Horror?”

Mon-El laughed at that. “I actually recorded this really interesting documentary…”

“No,” the two women stated, making him pout in a light manner. The last time they’d watched a “documentary” he’d recorded, it had been 6 hours of information about deep sea diving and sponges. Mon-El had been fascinated by it, watching with rapt attention, always so eager, even after years, to learn new things about Earth. But it had bored the two of them to tears.

“I’m…I’d like to watch Funny Face,” Kara mused.

Mon-El looked at her with a happy little grin, one that didn’t escape Lena’s notice. “What’s that smirk for?”

“Nothing,” he shrugged. But Lena crossed her arms and gave him a look. “She only watches that with me when she’s really happy,” he looked at her, somewhat surprised she’d suggested it after having come from the DEO. “Like dopey grin, butterflies in her stomach happy.”

“I am,” she stepped closer and wound her arms around his neck. “I always am when I’m with you.”

“Seriously,” Lena mock-groaned as Kara leaned in to kiss him. “You two are killing all my romantic prospects for the future!”

The two of them chuckled but moved to sit on the couch, Kara lying in Mon-El’s arms while Lena curled up in the corner after putting in the DVD.

Kara sighed in contentment as she snuggled her face into Mon-El’s neck, just breathing with him, her ears picking up his heart beat. She could tell from how Mon-El tightened his grip around her that he wanted to ask why she was so happy. It was so unlike her after coming from the DEO, but he was holding back. There were some things they talked about that they both preferred to keep private. As much as Lena was a HUGE part of their lives and as wonderful friend as she was, some conversations just needed to be had between the two of them.

She let out a light breath, smiling when Mon-El shivered as it ghosted across his neck. “We should go on a vacation.”

Mon-El pulled away lightly to look at her with a small confused frown. “There aren’t any lightning storms brewing…”

It was something that both broke her heart and made it sink, how he said that. There was a trace of fear in his voice, the smallest tremble that she was sure only she picked up on. 

After what the envoy had done to him, Mon-El hadn’t been able to handle electronics or anything that operated on electricity for weeks after. Static shock sent him into a panic attack and so she’d torn up every bit of carpet in her loft and put down hard wood or tile instead. He’d dreaded using anything plugged into a socket, just the knowledge they ran on electricity getting to him. It took weeks to overcome that, weeks where she’d gotten very used to using her heat vision and frost breath and her own to hands to make things. 

Lightning storms were still something he had difficulty with, thunderstorms too, any time streaks of electricity filled the sky he would be as frightened as a puppy hearing thunder. It broke her heart to see him react like that, so each time there was a chance of it happening in the weather, they’d fly out of the city somewhere calmer and camp out or rent a small hotel room or see sights. Anything at all to escape the lightning.

And Leslie? God, SHE had nightmares about the first time Mon-El had ended up facing her in a surprise attack he’d been at the wrong place at the wrong time for. His body, being from Daxam, had been able to absorb electricity, use it to heal. He would have been the absolute best person to face off with Livewire, able to take every blow and be more energized for it while she grew weaker. But whatever the envoy had done, it had had terrible consequences. Electricity like that now made him weaker, damaged him more. It was like it had overloaded his system and shorted out the parts that used to absorb it and convert it to healing. His entire body just knew electricity equaled bad, equaled pain, and shut down. It had been hell, to put that experience lightly.

To hear that fear in his voice, that he might have missed the weather reports he still checked religiously three times a day, it broke her heart. But the part that also got to her was his mention of it when she brought up a vacation. He really thought the only time they could leave the city was when a storm was coming. Now that she thought about it…they hadn’t really ever HAD a vacation before. They left for a few hours at a time here and there for the storms, but never went somewhere because they wanted to. Never for more than a day. Never to just relax because they earned it.

“No,” Kara agreed. “I just think we deserve a little time away for just us.”

“Where should we go?” Lena chimed in, before laughing when Kara began to sputter. “I’m teasing, I’m teasing. The two of you definitely deserve some time away. So pick one.”

“What?” Mon-El looked between the two of them.

“Pick a place, anywhere in the world, and let me take care of the rest.”

“Lena, no, we couldn’t…” Kara began to argue when she realized what Lena was doing, offering to essentially pay for everything. “We can fly…”

“Where will you stay?” Lena cut in with a smirk, having caught her. “And if you just appear without some sort of travel expense connected to it, because some hotels prefer to know if you’re coming by boat or plane or something to pick you up, it’ll be suspicious.”

“We still can’t…”

“Kara,” Lena cut in gently but firmly. “You and Mon-El have done SO much for L-Corp, and you refuse to let me pay you for it. LET me do this for you, please.”

And it was true, all of it. L-Corp had never been more lucrative since Supergirl and Valor both put their trust in the medical tech they’d made for aliens. Hospitals everywhere were fighting to get their hands on the latest tech to help treat their alien patients. L-Corp had funded the creation of a facility specially designed for aliens, staffed by aliens and human experts on alien physiology and biology. L-Corp had even created various scholarships for alien children for their future academics, as well as human children who wanted to specialize in aliens.

On top of that, the overwhelming support from the alien community with her private branch, the trust they were putting in her name despite it being Luthor? It made her cry each time she thought on it, because it meant she was REALLY doing something to change her family’s name. It meant people were finally seeing HER and not her name. Her efforts were being recognized and, better yet, it was HELPING people from all walks of life and all species.

And she had Kara and Mon-El to thank for most of it. They had been there, every step of the way with the development of different tech. They had helped test them, helped her work out different devices to use and how they affected different species. They had even gotten other aliens to, with proper compensation, help her test out the devices specific to their species. They had worked tirelessly beside her to make L-Corp something all inclusive and accepting in a way it hadn’t been. And they’d refused any sort of payment for it. Volunteering their time to be the guinea pigs for her devices, to make sure it wouldn’t hurt others or have any adverse side affects. Working with them, she’d been able to finally develop tech and devices that would help THEM if they were injured too. 

It was three years too late for Mon-El, but it existed now.

She could never thank them enough and if she had to insist on dinner here and there or an all expense paid vacation wherever they wanted to go, she would do it in a heartbeat. They had changed her entire life for the better with their friendship and she owed them the world.

“I um…” Mon-El began. “I think…I’d like a vacation.”

Kara smiled softly at that, pleased he was interested in the idea. He worked so hard all the time to be better, stronger, even though she was sure he was absolutely perfect the way he was. He deserved a break.

“Ok,” Kara murmured. “Thank you, Lena.”

“Not a problem at all,” she reassured them. “So…where to?”

Mon-El chuckled at that, knowing they both probably expected him to pick someplace like this “Vegas” he’d read about in the travel books he’d bought to learn about Earth. Or somewhere exotic like Aruba or the Bahamas or something. 

But that was something he loved about the person he was now, how much Earth and the people on it (Kara especially) had changed him. He didn’t need places like that to feel at home. He didn’t need a place full of partying and drinking and excess anymore. He didn’t need a place of fantasies and exoticism to think back to his home planet.

Because those things didn’t mean HOME to him anymore.

Blue comets did now, golden sun colored hair, a little crinkle in the brow, and a wide, warm smile, that was home to him. 

A heartbeat he would hear anywhere and treasured every beat of. That was home.

A girl from Krypton was his home now.

“Metropolis.”

The two women stared at him.

“You want to visit Clark?” Kara breathed out, touched. He could pick literally anywhere in the world to visit, and he picked visiting her cousin.

Mon-El nodded, reaching out to touch Kara’s cheek. “I…I honestly don’t think I ever thanked him for what he did for us those first few months.”

It was an excuse. She could see right through it. He probably DID want to thank the man, but he was also doing it for her. Because she hadn’t seen her cousin in so long and he probably felt, with the reminder of their break with the DEO, family was weighing on her mind.

Kara sniffled quietly at that. “You just want to play with Krypto,” she teased.

Mon-El burst out laughing, going with her teasing about his love for Clark's alien dog and not commenting on the tears in her eyes. “You caught me.”

Lena just shook her head at them. “Honestly, I give you a golden ticket anywhere in the world, and you pick somewhere just on the East Coast.” She threw her hands up. “I give up on you Supers. You wouldn’t know a vacation if it bit you on your super hard asses.”

Kara gave Lena a look at her comment before they all burst out laughing.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Kara gently closed the door behind Lena as she left later that night, resting against it for a moment to look into her loft. It still smelled like the takeout they had forced Lena to accept instead of her offer for dinner. She was still adamant about paying for any expense they’d have going to visit Clark and still very firm that, one day, they would take a REAL vacation and she would be paying for all of it. So they’d basically forced her to accept their offer for takeout and THEM paying for it for dinner. She shook her head at the thought of her friend and how amazing she was to the two of them.

She pushed off the door to head back to the couch where Mon-El was now fully stretched out on his back, his head tilted to the side towards the TV as it played the last few minutes of “The Mummy” that Lena had gotten an advanced copy of. She moved closer and turned to maneuver herself lying down right on top of him, enjoying the small laugh and content sigh he gave as she did so. She smiled wider as she felt his arms move to circle her waist.

“You’re alright?” he asked her quietly.

“Are YOU?” She leaned up more to look at him, resting her chin on his chest to do so.

He let out a thoughtful breath. “I feel better than I thought I would,” he admitted. 

“I’m glad,” she told him, smiling now. “It’s a really great improvement, Mon-El. I’m proud of you, of how far you’ve come.”

“Thanks,” he murmured, leaning his head up to kiss her quickly. “Now, your turn.”

She let out a small huff, but kept smiling. “I feel better than I thought I would too,” she told him. He hummed in a way that told her to keep going. “I feel…” she shook her head trying to place her words. “Different this time.”

“How so?”

“Like…it’s finally over, if that makes sense?” She struggled to get her thoughts out. “Like there was something just…final about this time. Something I should have felt earlier, but just…it never happened.”

“And now it did?”

She nodded. “I feel like…I don’t care anymore. And I know it’s terrible to say in general, but for this?” Her expression morphed to thoughtfulness. “I don’t care about the DEO or its agents. I don’t care if they struggle or if they crash and burn or if they do well. I’m done letting them affect us and our lives.”

He tilted his head to the side as he observed her. “You sound different too,” he remarked.

It was hard to describe what he felt listening to her. Because she’d said things like that in the past. She said she didn’t care, but he always felt like some small part of her still did. Whether it was helping the city even if the DEO requested the help, she’d do it. Or if it was her reaction to his nightmares brought about by Alex trying to talk to him. She said it, but he never heard this level of certainty in her voice. There was always a tiny part of her that would let the DEO get to her or that she’d let interact in her life, for the sake of the city. Now though…she sounded like she was truly at a point where she didn’t care to let it happen ever again.

Like she felt they were at a point where THEY could handle themselves and their duties as superheroes just fine without needing the DEO involvement at all. It sounded like she was at a point where she truly felt unaffected by their fates. Agents included.

“I feel different,” Kara agreed. “I’m just done with listening to them and hearing their excuses. I’ve heard it all before and it hasn’t changed. I don’t think it ever will.” She fell silent a moment. “I think I was hoping it might.” She looked at him. “Does that make me a terrible mate?”

He shook his head. “No.” He leaned in to kiss her again, seeing what she was asking. 

She wanted to know if HE was upset that she’d allowed this to go on as long as it had. But he understood. As angry as she was and as upset as she’d been, J’onn and Alex, even Winn and James, had been family to her for so long. She wanted them to apologize and MEAN it. She wanted them to show that they’d learned from this and would never do it again. She wanted them to feel guilty and feel it genuinely. To learn and be better, for what happened to him to at least MEAN something, some change in them that would make them better people even if she wasn’t there to appreciate it.

But every time, it fell short. They wouldn’t take back what happened. They showed no remorse or guilt or apology for it. And now, after three years of hoping, she was doing waiting for it. She was ready to cut ties with them at the next perceived slight. 

And she was OK with it. 

THAT was what he was hearing in her voice. She was at a point where she was OK. There was nothing left to cling to, nothing left to hope for, nothing left to try and see when it wasn’t there. Nothing was going to change, and nothing was going to come from it except for the two of them to be stronger.

“I think it means you’re amazing,” he said softly, shifting one of his hands to brush her hair from her face. “You want for the best, but you know when it’s time to let go…to move on.”

She nodded at that. It was time to move on, to really leave the DEO behind. She had tried, in her own subtle and stubborn way, to hope they’d be different now that they’d faced consequences for what they’d done and were STILL facing them. But they weren’t, and she was just tired of waiting. She was ready to put her effort and time elsewhere, to find more things in her life to focus on instead.

“I’m done letting their words get to me too,” she mused. “The things they say when I see them. I don’t need to hear it. And the things they say are always so, SO wrong…I…” she looked at him intently for a moment.

“What?” he offered her a small smile, seeing another emotion in her eyes, a swirl of them really, so many he couldn’t even name one they all blended together.

“I love you,” she told him gently. “You are my mate, I love you and I trust you, more than anything.”

“I know you do,” he reassured her, understanding Alex must have said something negative about him. “I trust you too. I love you, Kara Zor-El.”

Kara smiled at that and leaned in to kiss him.

“And I love kissing you,” he murmured.

Kara gave a soft laugh at that, resting her chin back on his chest to look at him again, feeling something in her heart swell within her at how he looked at her. She felt so warm and safe with him, so adored and treasured and loved, so…beautiful, when she was with him. It was a contentment and a feeling of home she never wanted to lose. Not to the DEO, not to Alex’s hurtful words, not to the trauma of his past. What she had with Mon-El was something she would fight anyone and anything to hold on to, and she knew he’d do the exact same thing for her.

Which was why she was completely unsurprised when two words slipped out of her mouth.

“Marry me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...are you screaming? 
> 
> I'm screaming :-D
> 
> I am very excited for the next few chapters! We're going to get some Clark and Lois interactions, some Super-vacationing, and some Super-fam bonding :-D
> 
> And now I'm going to run away and hide since I'm leaving you here ;-)


	11. Temporary Goodbyes

Mon-El stared at Kara a moment, gauging her expression, trying to see if she was truly serious or just caught up in the moment they were having before a soft smile grew across his face. 

“You really love to beat me, don’t you?”

Kara started to frown at that when he shifted beneath her, reaching a hand in between the couch cushions to pull out a small, dark blue box.

Kara gasped, staring at it in wide-eyed shock.

Mon-El let out a small chuckle and popped the top open so she could see the ring inside. He’d taken to hiding it in the couch as he’d thought it would be the last place she’d look. They shared a living space, they shared closet space and dressers and cabinets, everything. There was always too great a chance she’d find it there. And if he left it in a pocket, she’d find it because she was always straightening things and it could fall out. The couch was the safest place.

Kara couldn’t help but stare at the ring inside. It was dainty and silver, but with a deep blue jewel in the center, with a small setting of gold on each side that stretched out into a thin point as it wrapped around the silver band. She knew instantly that it was meant to represent a comet.

“It’s…it’s not a real jewel,” he told her cautiously. “Not one on earth anyway. And the metal isn’t silver, it’s Nth metal. I know it’s a custom on Earth to present a diamond, I understand they are “a girl’s best friend” but Lena swore, as your actual best friend, that you wouldn’t care about that. She helped me get it made so that…so that you could wear it all the time, even as Supergirl. If you want to. It won’t break on you. It’s practically as indestructible as you are and…”

He was cut off suddenly from his ramblings as Kara surged forward to kiss him firmly and passionately. Mon-El didn’t even hesitate to return it as good as he got it, winding his free arm around her waist even more to pull her closer. He nearly dropped the ring when Kara did that thing with her tongue that nearly made him lose his mind…

Which she seemed to realize when she pulled away with a wicked grin on her face. “Are you saying yes then?”

Mon-El laughed. “Depends…would you say yes if I asked you first?”

It was a moment, a line, that should have been sweet and playful, and it was, she knew it was, she knew that was how he meant it. But his eyes said something different. It was a small glint in it, a minor emotion that she’d seen just flicker in and out too fast for any human to see. But she saw it. A part of him, she knew, would always wonder if he was good enough for her. She had never hated Rhea and Lar Gand so much as when she’d come to realize just how little Mon-El thought of himself. His parents had done a number on his sense of self-worth, her own former-family had only served to help cement his thoughts that he would never truly be worth anything or “worth all the trouble” he seemed to think he caused. Even if it was a small part of him, SOME part of him really did wonder if she would have said yes if he’d asked her first.

“With superspeed,” she murmured, nodding her head and making him smile so wide and so full of sheer happiness she felt her eyes fill with tears at the sight. She could never describe how much her heart swelled to know she could make him happy.

“Then yes,” he teased. “I’m saying yes.”

“And so am I.” She leaned in, about to kiss him, only to pull away and force him to chase her lips a moment. “Put it on me,” she told him, an excited and heated glint in her own eyes now. “And then take me to bed. Fiancé.”

“With pleasure,” Mon-El replied, quickly plucking the ring from the box to slide it onto her finger. He pressed a kiss to the side of it, brushing his lips against her finger in the process…before he supersped them into her bedroom with a squealing laugh from Kara before it was muffled out by more pleasurable noises…

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Mon-El!” M’gann huffed as she rolled her eyes skyward, her arms crossed. “I swear to whatever gods you worship, if you don’t turn around and leave right now, I will fire your Daxamite ass.”

“What is with everyone’s fixation with my mate’s ass?” Kara joked as she walked over to Mon-El where he was standing before M’gann in the bar, on the other side of it from where she was cleaning some glasses.

M’gann snorted. “Your mate here has asked me no less than fifteen times if I was SURE I’d be alright with him going on vacation for a week.”

Kara had to smile at him for that and at M’gann for her insistence and understanding.

“I just don’t want to leave you alone too long,” Mon-El countered. “The bar’s business has really picked up and I’d be leaving you shortstaffed.”

M’gann gave him a look. “You’ve pulled so many extra shifts over the last three years I’ve had patrons asking if I’ve sold the bar to you,” she deadpanned. “You deserve this, Mon-El. So go, get out of here with your fiancé…” she shot Kara a wink at the sight of the jewel gleaming on the girl’s hand resting on Mon-El’s shoulder. “And if you even THINK about the bar during that week so help me I will kick your ass from here to Daxam and back.”

Mon-El let out a long breath, but they could all hear the teasing (and relief) in it. “If you’re sure…”

“I am,” she promised. “Look. I’ve run this bar before you were hired, I can run it for a week without you. And we’ve got a good gang here,” she gestured around. “Any trouble starts, I’ve got a lot of people who will have my back.”

It was clear to Kara in how M’gann phrased it she was trying to delicately reference the DEO and its agents without actually saying it to him and she remembered then that M’gann had been the one to boot Alex out when she’d approached Mon-El this last time. 

“Ok, ok,” Mon-El chuckled lightly. “We’re going, we’re going.”

“You head on,” Kara ushered him towards the door. “I’ll just be a minute.”

Mon-El didn’t even pause to give her a look for that. She always did that, talked to M’gann after he’d walked off. He had listened in the first time she’d done it, unsure of what she might say to the woman or what M’gann would say to her, but when he’d heard Kara thanking her…he’d never done it again. He always gave her the space she needed to speak to people in private, trusting that she would tell him what she’d said if it was anything important.

Kara smiled as she watched him go before she looked at M’gann again. “Tha…”

“Don’t,” M’gann cut in, holding up a hand to stop her with a gentle smile on her face. “I would do it any time. No one wants those bastards here less than me…except maybe Mon-El. I’ve seen torture, Kara, I won’t stand for people who condone it, especially against an alien, in my bar.”

“Still, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You’re sure you’ll be ok?”

“You two!” M’gann groaned playfully. “I wasn’t lying. I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“I know,” Kara sighed. “We just worry the DEO may try something if they find out we’re not around.”

M’gann nodded, thoughtful. “Maybe they should find out.”

“What?” Kara frowned.

“You two leave. If something comes up…let the DEO handle it.”

“I don’t think that would help the situation.”

“It actually might,” she reasoned. “Let them actually have to do their jobs now without Superheroes backing them up. Give them a taste of what it’ll be like if they keep overstepping the line you set down.”

She was well aware of the agreement the Supers had with the DEO and how many times the DEO, or one of its agents, had disregarded it.

“You want us to make the DEO think we actually left forever?” Kara asked, just wanting to be clear.

“Get them afraid enough to back off.”

Kara considered it for a moment…that actually sounded tempting. Why shouldn’t they? Let the DEO worry about the threats to the city. She had threatened them enough times that she would break the tentative alliance she and Mon-El had with them if they kept breaking their agreement. Maybe this would be what it took for them to finally STOP. Let them think she and Mon-El left for good. Let them think the superheroes had broken the alliance and were NOT going to go to their aid. Let them fret and worry about what they would do now that they had NO alien backing. Let them think she was going through with her threat and warning finally.

And then, when she and Mon-El came back…maybe then the DEO would have had the wakeup call they’d always needed to finally KEEP away and STAY away.

“Sometimes I forget you’re a White Martian,” Kara remarked, but in the most complimentary way possible, meaning no insult or injury to M’gann at all.

M’gann merely nodded, a small smirk on her face. “Thank you.”

Kara gave her another smile before she waved, heading out to join Mon-El. They just had two more places to stop before they could head for Metropolis.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“ I don’t see why I have to go in,” Mon-El muttered as he and Kara stood in an elevator. “I already faced down my boss. You should face down your own.”

Kara simply grinned as she squeezed Mon-El’s arm she was clutching a little tighter. “Ms. Grant is more likely to give me the time off if YOU ask her. She likes you.”

“She’s hates me.”

“Tall, dark, and handsome, exactly her type.”

“She’s SCARY!”

Kara had to laugh at that. “She’s a five foot five fifty year old human female. You’ve faced down Daxamite soldiers and all sorts of stronger, more threatening aliens.”

“Yeah, but you know as well as I do that Cat puts them all to shame when it comes to inspiring terror. She faced down my MOTHER and called her out and lived to tell the tale.”

Kara hummed in amusement. “…that IS true.”

“So you agree then. So you’re going to talk to her?”

Kara shook her head with a sly smile. “Not a chance.”

Before Mon-El could even respond, the elevator dinged open on the top floor of CatCo and he let out a groan as Kara half dragged him past the different cubicles and desks to Ms. Grant’s office. Even though her boss was technically Snapper, for such a sudden vacation and absence from work, she would have to go to the big boss for approval. Luckily she’d brought her secret weapon.

“Michael!” Ms. Grant shouted as she sprang up from where she’d been sitting, massaging her feet on her couch, at the sight of Mike.

“Oh, Ms. Grant, please, let me help,” Mon-El hurried over when she nearly toppled over from trying to get a shoe on and overbalancing. He reached out to take her arm, gently leading her to sit back down as he took her other shoe and helped slide it on her foot.

“Kara, you must tell me where you find princes as charming as yours,” Ms. Grant fluttered her eyelashes at Mon-El, making him laugh.

Kara was always surprised at what she felt when Ms. Grant would flirt with Mon-El in front of her. On one hand, she had expected to feel jealousy, like she had with Eve, or even some sort of disgust, like when Ms. Grant would pine for Clark…but she often found herself feeling strangely…proud…and a little smug. Because she knew, as much as Ms. Grant flirted shamelessly with Mon-El, that Mon-El was HERS and wouldn’t stray from her. She felt secure in that knowledge and she enjoyed seeing him “flirt” back because it was such a part of his personality to see him acting like that, carefree, after what the DEO had done, it was refreshing. And she felt a little proud too, because it meant Ms. Grant approved of him and liked him.

“Nowhere on Earth,” Mon-el joked. “Sorry Ms. Grant.”

Ms. Grant rolled her eyes at that, not even bothered by the tease about the Earth. She had worked out who they were ages ago. Really? Glasses? That was their entire method of having a secret identity? Honestly, James was more on track with his full body suit. She had gotten them to admit it a short while after that though. When Supergirl handed her a folder packed with evidence of government ordained brutality against an alien…it hadn’t taken a genius to work out who the second alien was. But she had demanded from Supergirl the identity of the alien regardless, under the guise of wanting to ensure it wasn’t some sort of person on the government’s hit list that rightly deserved it. Hearing Supergirl fly into a Kara-Danvers-like rant before finally telling her who the alien was, it cemented it. She had merely said, “Then of course I’ll help you, Kira.”

She had taken no small amount of pleasure in how Supergirl had gotten so flustered and sputtering about her identity till she’d cut the girl off with a knowing look.

They never outright spoke of it, but they all knew.

“How many times now, Michael?” Ms. Grant huffed lightly. “It’s Cat. Or Catherine if you INSIST on being chivalrous.”

“That IS the part of being a prince charming,” Mon-El joked back. “Catherine.”

“To what do I owe this rather…fine…” she raked her eyes up and down Mon-El’s body. “Visit?”

Kara shook her head at Ms. Grant and stepped up beside Mon-El while the woman headed to her desk. “I wanted to ask if I could have the week off. I know it’s short notice, but I have some sick days saved up that I’d be more than willing to use if it causes any trouble…”

“And what, might I ask, do you need these days off for?”

Mon-El smiled as he looked at Kara (and Ms. Grant would swear up and down the city that she did NOT swoon at the sight). “We’ve recently gotten engaged.”

“I see.”

Kara looked over at the woman sharply at how…utterly unsurprised she sounded. “What?”

“When did this happen?” Ms. Grant gestured between the two of them.

“Last night,” Mon-El just continued to look at Kara. “Best night of my life so far.”

“That’s lovely dear, but I need a more specific timeframe.”

“Oh, um…” Kara shook her head, not sure why Ms. Grant was so invested in the answer. “Um…a little before midnight?”

“11:12,” Mon-El answered, earning the looks of the two women. He shrugged. “I saw it was 11:11 and I know it’s customary to make a wish at that time. Not even a minute later, Kara had proposed.”

Ms. Grant seemed rather proud of that statement. "Never let it be said a woman can't know what she wants and go for it.”

Ms. Grant’s grin grew far too self-satisfied for Kara to ignore. “Ms. Grant?”

“Hmm?” the woman looked up at her. “Oh, yes, I suppose you can have the week off. You haven’t taken a vacation since you’ve started here and it’s making my other employees look quite…unmotivated. I may start holding them to “superhuman” standards if you don’t cut back somehow.”

“Why did you want to know when we got engaged?” Kara kept at it.

Ms. Grant rolled her eyes. “Well I needed to know if I’d won the pool.” 

“Pool?” Mon-El frowned, not familiar with that phrase. “You’ve won a swimming pool?”

“No,” Kara groaned as she rubbed her forehead. “No, she bet on when we’d get engaged.”

“Honestly, I’m surprised it took you this long,” Ms. Grant remarked dryly, picking up a pile of papers and starting to sift through them. Though she eyed Mon-El from under her lashes. “If I were you, Kira, I would have put a ring on THAT the second I laid my eyes on him.”

Mon-El actually flushed at that which made Kara grin again. “So you lost the pool.”

Ms. Grant rolled her eyes. “Now whatever would make you say that?”

Kara’s face scrunched. “You said you were surprised…if you were surprised then that means you expected it earlier…”

“I was surprised in the sense of I couldn’t imagine waiting four years,” Ms. Grant huffed. “But I know you Kira.” Kara didn’t bother to correct her about her name, it had become something of an affectionate tease from Ms. Grant by now. “I bet that it would take you till March of this year.”

“And last night was March 31st,” Mon-El spoke slowly, understanding now why Ms. Grant was so fixated on the exact time he’d proposed.

“48 more minutes and you’d have cost me thousands to Miss Teschmacher. The little cheat thought she could bet the month after me. Ha!”

“You actually BET on us?” Kara wasn’t sure if she should feel offended that her love life was the object of what seemed to be an office bet…or feel touched that Ms. Grant, the woman that had put all her chips on the Girl of Steel, HAD bet on her and Mon-El getting engaged and making it.

“Well,” Ms. Grant rolled her eyes again. “When one is the Queen of all Media, not much slips past me or surprises me. I wanted _something_ to invest my time in outside of work.”

Mon-El just chuckled lightly. “Thank you, Ms…Catherine,” he added quickly as she narrowed her eyes at him. “For the week off. It means a lot to us.”

“Yes, yes,” Ms. Grant waved them off. “Now hurry off before I change my mind.” She waited till they had just turned to go before calling out. “Oh, and Kira…”

Kara stopped as Mon-El kept walking, giving them privacy, to glance over at Ms. Grant. But the woman said nothing. “Yes, Ms Grant?”

“Hmmm?” Ms. Grant blinked a few times, her gaze clearly fixed on Mon-El’s backside as he walked out of her office to wait for Kara by the other cubicles. “Nothing.”

Kara shook her head as she smiled at the woman’s antics. Though it would be a complete lie if she said she hadn’t watched Mon-el walk off her fair share over the years. She turned and stepped out of the office, linking arms with Mon-El once more as they made it back to the elevators, stepping in and shutting the doors…just as the second set of elevators opened and James stepped out.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“And YOU had the nerve to make fun of ME!” Mon-El mock-chastised as he put a hand over his heart in false betrayal.

Kara rolled her eyes and shoved him lightly while Lena laughed, the three of them standing in her office at L-Corp…after Kara had asked her five times over the course of their conversation if it would REALLY be ok for them to take off for a week.

“Seriously, guys,” Lena cut in with a light chuckle. “I’ll be fine. L-Corp will still be standing when you get back and so will National City.”

“We’ve just…we’ve never been away that long before,” Kara sighed.

Lena shook her head at that, unable to help picturing what the two of them would be like as parents the first time they’d have to leave their child for work or superhero duties or something.

“We’re worried,” Mon-El agreed, happy Kara finally seemed to be seeing his need for reassurance. “We have family here, friends,” he looked pointedly at Lena for both. “We don’t want to risk you guys getting hurt because we weren’t there.”

“And as much as I appreciate the sentiment,” Lena reached out to squeeze their arms. “You’ve raised and trained a really great team. We’ve got the city covered. And I promise, if anything truly major happens, I’ll call you both and you can superspeed here with Superman and any backup you want.”

Kara and Mon-El glanced at each other for her words. L-Corp hadn’t just created a secret branch to help aliens out…over the years it had expanded to its own unique team. Well, not really a team per-say. It was more like…Supergirl and Valor had been approached by other aliens a time or two that wanted to help, that wanted to not feel powerless against humans or other invaders. It had been…an enlightening experience to teach aliens that weren’t quite as superpowered as they were…but were still EVERY bit as helpful and unique.

Over the years their small duo and partnership had expanded to them being the leaders of a small rag tag bunch. They did something the DEO failed to do. Instead of taking on one superhero that had all the powers Kara did, all the invulnerability, they instead included different species with different skillsets and strengths. One alien might have some sort of flame power, and they helped train him so that when an alien that liked to freeze things tried to attack, HE was the one they called in to help stop it. Another alien might have an ability to manipulate metal and technology, so when CADMUS flared up and tried their old trick with superpowered alien weapons, SHE was the one they called in to help.

Lena had mentioned something about the “X-Men” when they’d first began doing that, Mon-El hadn’t known what she was talking about but Kara had just laughed at that and said something about shaving his head…which he was against thank you very much. 

He understood the gist of it though. It was a group of people with different, unique abilities, that came together to help stop evil doers. They didn’t all work at the same time, and they were called in when their specific abilities helped handle a situation so as not to constantly put them in danger, but they were called in nonetheless. It was a system that worked and worked WELL. But it was something the DEO never considered as they were there to monitor aliens and keep them in line, not really employ them. Not even KARA, not even Supergirl, was an actual agent of the DEO, which said as much. J’onn seemed to be the only real exception, and that was likely due to him parading around as Hank Henshaw all those years without being discovered.

He liked the group they’d made. And he had faith in their ability to keep the city under control while he and Kara headed out. They were a great team, all united in their desire to see their alien friends safe from harm, while also wanting to help give aliens a better name to the humans.

Lena was right, with her at the lead and their little team backing her up, and M’gann ready to step in and help at a moment’s notice…the city would be just fine.

“Now GO!” Lena ushered them to the windows. “Seriously. Vacation time. It should have started yester…YOU PROPOSED!?”

Kara actually winced at how loud Lena had screamed that last part, given she had been trying to lead the Supers towards the window and had been right beside her, it was VERY loud. “Ow!”

Mon-El laughed at how Lena had caught sight of it only because the sun was making it sparkle on Kara’s hand. “Well…”

“Tell me everything!” Lena demanded.

“I thought you wanted us to go on our vacation?” Kara teased.

“Hush!” Lena waved her off and crossed her arms at Mon-El. “You promised you’d tell me when you did it!”

“I didn’t know I was going to do it,” Mon-El defended. “And even if I did, Kara beat me to it.”

“What?” Lena rounded on Kara. “You proposed to Mon-El and didn’t even tell me!”

“I didn’t plan to,” Kara gave her an apologetic, yet utterly happy grin. “It slipped out.”

“When?” 

They were silent.

“When!”

“About ten minutes after you left?” Kara offered.

“I missed it!?” Lena cried, but they could hear the utter elation in her voice at just the thought they’d gotten engaged. “You couldn’t have asked while I was there!?”

“Like I said, it slipped out,” Kara shrugged. “We were talking and…I just felt…so happy. It just came out.”

“And you said yes?” Lena whirled to face Mon-El.

“I may be a Daxamite, but I’m not stupid enough to let her go,” he stated.

“He asked me to marry him too,” Kara added.

“And you said yes," Lena stated.

“What do you think?” Kara laughed, wiggling her fingers. 

Lena took her hand and smiled down at the ring. She had known it would be perfect for the Girl of Steel. They’d seen it in a store, but when Mon-El had lifted it to examine it and accidently bent it because it was so fragile and delicate just for a human…he’d been devastated that he might not be able to give her a real ring like on Earth. So she’d sat down with him and they’d MADE a ring fit for the Girl of Steel herself. It looked wonderful.

She used her grip on Kara’s hand to pull her into a tight hug, knowing Kara LET her do it and likely had to push herself to go towards Lena to give the same affect, but she appreciated it. “I’m SO happy for you!” she whispered in Kara’s ear…reaching out with her other hand to yank Mon-El into the hug too. “BOTH of you. You deserve every happiness.”

“Are you crying?” Mon-El asked as they pulled away to see Lena with tears in her eyes.

Lena rolled her eyes. “This is a touching moment!” she defended. 

“I thought you said Luthors don’t cry?” Mon-El teased, thinking back to a very sad movie they’d watched that had both him and Kara in tears, but Lena not so much, that had been her excuse.

“Luthors don’t, but Lenas do,” she defended, sniffling even as she beamed at them. “You need to tell Clark!” she realized suddenly. “He’s going to be SO excited!”

Even as Kara beamed at that, so happy to know Lena and Clark had buried the hatchet so to speak (and not inside each other’s skulls which was an added bonus), Mon-El’s own smile grew a little tense at the reminder that they were actually heading to Metropolis to see Clark.

He might have also suggested the city and Clark before as a means to get the man alone and ask permission to ask Kara to marry him. Or at the very least ask for his blessing because Kara didn’t need anyone’s approval to do anything. But now? With them technically already engaged? Now he was twice as nervous to what the Man of Steel’s reaction would be to his cousin getting engaged to a Daxamite prince. Never mind that Superman seemed to like him well enough, he’d seen enough movies to know that adding marriage or even an engagement to the table tended to change things.

“That’s right!” Kara laughed, leaning in to hug Lena. “We really do need to go soon or it’ll be dark by the time we get there.”

Even at superspeed, there was still the time-zones to think about and it had taken a while to make sure everything was secure in National City before they could leave.

“Right,” Mon-El cleared his throat, hoping it would hide his nerves from the girls, and it seemed to work. “Right, we should head out…”

“We’ll tell you everything in detail when we get back,” Kara promised Lena as she and Mon-El turned to pick up their steel reinforced bags for their stay in Metropolis.

“I’m paying for the honeymoon!” Lena shouted as they took off into the sky, smiling as she heard them laughing on their way out. “AND the wedding,” she added to herself.

It was going to be the best one ever!

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Mon-El wasn’t sure what to expect when he and Kara walked up to Clark and Lois’s home in Metropolis just before sunset, having landed far enough away to not be seen and go by foot the rest of the way. He’d mentally prepared for everything from Clark greeting them completely friendly and happy, to him somehow knowing his cousin had gotten engaged and being completely enraged.

Somehow, despite the numerous scenarios…being tackled to the ground by a superfast, super-strong, super-eager Kryptonian dog was NOT among them.

Kara had to laugh as she saw Clark’s white dog, Krypto, pounce on Mon-El and begin to lick every inch of his face the dog could find as Clark himself walked over slinging an arm around her shoulders.

“We were trying to surprise you,” she leaned into her cousin.

Clark laughed at the concept. “As though you could,” he tapped his ear, reminding her he likely heard them walking up the moment they touched down. “And Krypto?” he shook his head. “I think he heard you coming all the way from National City. He’s been scratching at the door and anxious all day.”

Kara had to laugh as Mon-El began to beg Krypto to get off of him…only to turn and “roughhouse” with the dog, petting it and babbling at it and hugging it tightly, falling back on his butt when the dog jumped on him again and wouldn’t let him get up.

Somehow, she couldn’t picture their arrival going any other way.

And she couldn’t help but smile at the scene before her. Her mate completely at ease and laughing so loudly she was sure the neighbors could hear, a wide smile on his face, as though all the horrors he’d faced had faded away as he played with a dog. Her heart swelled at the sight, this was her future. She knew it in her bones as she looked at him when he glanced over at her, beaming, HE was her future.

And she would never let anyone try to take that from her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really just needed some lightness after the heavy chapters we've had before :-) I also needed Cat Grant to be as swooning of Mon-El as she was of Clark lol ;-) A little bit of a filler chapter, maybe, but I wanted to try and show some of the relationships they've built outside of each other and Lena. I'm really excited for the next chapters though, time with Clark and Lois and Krypto! :-D


	12. Family Reunion

“Krypto!” Clark called as the dog actually laid down on top of Mon-El to keep him in place. “Here, boy! Come.”

Kara burst out laughing when the dog merely looked up at him and shimmied like he was about to obey the order…only to plop right back down on Mon-El with his tail eagerly wagging in Mon-El’s face. “Smart dog you got there, cuz.”

Clark let out a playful groan. “He’s usually much better behaved.”

“So am I.”

Kara immediately clapped her hands over her mouth as that slipped out, her face turning beat read at the implication that she “misbehaved” when it came to Mon-El too.

Clark’s smile grew teasing as he needled her. “Mon-El just has that affect then?”

“Shut up,” Kara shoved him a little too hard, sending him stumbling away. She cleared her throat and called out. “Mon-El!”

Mon-El’s head jerked up from where he’d been laughing at Krypto’s antics and started to get up, petting Krypto along the way as the dog began to whine at him. He had some difficulty heading over to them as the dog proceeded to jump up on him, pawing him for more attention.

“At least HE’S better trained than Krypto,” Clark continued to tease.

“My fiancé is not a dog!” Kara huffed…and froze as the word slipped out. Honestly, what was wrong with her today?! Was it just some odd male-Kryptonian power that they just made females blurt things out? Or was it a Clark thing? She had NOT meant to say either of those things.

Clark blinked and looked at her, his eyes wide. “Fiance?”

Kara quickly looked at Mon-El seeing that he hadn’t appeared to have heard with Krypto barking at him for more attention and breathed out a relieved sigh, turning back to Clark. “Do NOT say anything to him Clark,” she hissed out a warning in Kryptonian. “Please, he’s nervous enough about you finding out. Do NOT do this to him when we just got here.”

Clark held his hands up in surrender, before zipping his lips. Oh he very much intended to talk to the Daxamite about this, but he would hold off for now. He’d heard about Alex’s latest attempt to speak to him, Kara always called him about it as a warning. They never knew how badly Mon-El might react to one of the four trying to speak to him. It could be nightmares for a few days, or a complete breakdown that would require Kara to help get him back on his feet and Superman to make a detour to National City for a few days. He would never do anything to upset the man his cousin loved, or upset anyone, after they’d experienced a trigger.

“Thank you,” Kara breathed.

“Clark!” Mon-El greeted with a wide grin as he finally reached them, reaching out to shake the man’s hand. “How are you? How’s Lois?”

Clark shot Kara a mock-chastising look. “At least one of you has manners,” he joked. “Lois is fine.”

Kara rolled her eyes at that but couldn’t help but smile at how Clark was letting her slip go for now.

“How are YOU?” Clark asked him seriously.

Mon-El’s smile grew just the slightest bit tense for a moment before his gaze flickered to Kara and it softened again. “I’m actually doing really great.”

“We’ve decided to take a vacation,” Kara added, stepping to Mon-El’s side and linking her arm with his…frowning slightly when Krypto let out a displeased noise and began to try and wiggle his way between them, sitting down right there between her left leg and Mon-El’s right.

“And you picked Metropolis instead of Hawaii?” Came Lois’s voice as she joined them, wiping her hand on a small towel as she did so.

“Of course,” Mon-El beamed at the sight of the woman. “The Kents are MUCH better than Hanalie.”

“Hawaii,” Kara corrected lightly. “It’s a famous vacation spot.”

Mon-El’s face scrunched. “It can’t be that great if I’ve never heard of it.”

Lois laughed and shook her head, moving over to hug Mon-El tightly…stepping back quickly when Krypto let out another disapproving noise. “Oh shush,” Lois waved the dog off. “I’m the one that remembers to feed you.”

The dog actually seemed to consider her words a moment before nudging her leg for a scratch. Lois gave them all a look at how ridiculous the animal was being, but scratched behind Krypto’s ears regardless.

“We missed you guys,” Kara added. “And we just…needed to get away for a little.”

“Completely understandable,” Clark nodded.

“Is it?” Lois scoffed goodnaturedly. “Because I’ve been mentioning how we should go on a vacation for years now and…”

“And we will,” Clark promised. “We will, swear on Rao.” He crossed his heart for extra measure.

Lois didn’t seem to believe him, but she was smiling none the less before she focused on the others once more. “Come in!” She gestured to the house. “Come in! I just finished making dinner. There’s enough for a small army…”

Mon-El laughed as Kara eagerly abandoned his arm to take Lois’s, following the woman into the house. He looked over though when Clark clasped his shoulder, a concerned look on his face. 

“You’re sure you’re alright?”

Mon-El smiled at the man’s genuine interest in his well-being and nodded. “Better than I thought I’d be.”

“On Kara’s life?”

Mon-El inhaled at the question. It was something that had developed between them the first few months Clark had been in National City to help out. Clark had shared some of his stories with him, when it had been just the two of them, had revealed there were instances in his past where he’d been tortured, had offered to listen if there was ever anything he didn’t want to talk to Kara about. He had begun to ask him if he was alright on Kara’s life, because he knew that was the only way to get Mon-El to be completely honest during those months he had struggled.

“Yes.”

“I’m glad,” Clark squeezed his shoulder, clapping him on the back as he led the man into his house.

He was only half-surprised that Krypto had lasted that long outside with them instead of bounding in after Lois at the mention of food. Krypto had developed a strong attachment to Mon-El and when the Daxamite was around, the dog barely ever left his side. Lois loved to tease that their dog loved Mon-El more.

…the furry little traitor.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Mon-El couldn’t remember a time he’d laughed as hard as he was, sitting at the table with Lois and Clark and Kara, eating good food with such great company. Lois was regaling them with stories of Clark and her before he told her he was an alien, all the antics and situations he got into and the really terrible excuses he used to cover for himself. Looking back on it Lois couldn’t seem to understand how she hadn’t seen it. 

Mon-El always had a great time when it was him and Lena and Kara lounging around and having fun, but there was something unique about Clark and Lois, maybe it was Clark being Kara’s actual cousin or him having the same powers and problems as they did with living a normal life. Lena was always teasing them about their “oh so clever” excuses, but it wasn’t the same as hearing Clark talk about being the one to make them and what was going through his head when he had.

Panic.

That was always what went through their minds when the laughable excuses came out, sheer panic.

It was amazing to know even the man of steel felt that at times. Clark and Kara were the standards he set for himself to achieve as a hero and as a “human.” And, at times, they both seemed so perfect and put together that he often felt like he was failing to reach his goals. Hearing stories like this from Clark and realizing he made the same mistakes, living with Kara and seeing her walking around not-put-together, it made them more “human” to him.

“It was ridiculous,” Lois was telling them. “One time, just after I got an up close look at Superman and then got to look at Clark just as close, I mentioned to Clark that his eyes were the same. And he tells me “I wear contacts.” And he tells me this WHILE he’s wearing his glasses!”

Kara burst out laughing at that as Clark flushed crimson in embarrassment, but he kept a smile on his face, seeming happy that the stories were making others so happy.

“Mon-El,” Clark turned to him. “Back me up here.”

“Don’t you dare,” Kara pointed a warning finger at him, telling him NOT to even think about sharing some of her embarrassing moments just to take the heat off Clark.

Mon-El chuckled and gave Clark an apologetic look. “My hands are tied.”

“Ha!” Kara pointed at Clark in victory.

“Betrayed by my own family!” Clark put a joking hand over his heart as he looked at all of them, starting to laugh.

Mon-El’s laughter trailed off at that, but the smile grew more sincere. It…it really meant a lot to him to know that Clark considered all of them family, even the Daxamite sitting next to him. It made him feel…a little less nervous to speak to the man about the engagement with Kara. Nervous, still very nervous, but a little bit less so.

“Oh, Lois, let me help,” Mon-El quickly jumped to his feet when he saw Lois standing and starting to clear away the plates. He forced himself to ignore how Krypto was whining at having his chin-perch move on him, the dog hadn’t taken his chin off his leg all night.

“You are a guest, sit,” Lois ordered lightly.

Mon-El just flashed her a grin and got up anyway to help, ignoring how Lois rolled her eyes, especially when the woman muttered about stuffy old judgmental Kryptonians. It brought up memories to when he’d first met Lois. Clark had mentioned to her that he was from Daxam instead of Krypton and the woman had been obsessed, in a way only a journalist could be, with understanding every difference between the two planets to the point of demanding Clark take her to the Fortress so she could read the records herself, having learned Kryptonian from Clark.

It had done absolutely NOTHING to reassure him that Lois wouldn’t be as judgmental and biased against her as Kara had been because of it. He’d been so nervous, even more when he’d seen Lois standing beside Clark, her arms crossed, a hard look on her face. He really hadn’t needed to be so nervous, Lois had taken one look at him standing there, so afraid of what she’d think of him, that she just huffed out how stupid Kryptonians had to be before hugging him. She hadn’t been serious, Clark was Kryptonian and she loved him, but she’d been speaking about their people in general for allowing a dislike and hate for another species to get so bad that they would condemn an entire people instead of get to know them individually or understand their customs.

She had pulled him aside and reassured him that she was never going to judge anyone by what she heard of them, she judged them on what SHE saw in them. She’d explained that the second she’d read the information on Daxamites, she’d instantly known it was biased. It may or may not have been true, but it was written by Kryptonians who had a very clear distaste for his people and HOW could anyone give any sort of credibility to that? It was so clearly skewed that she took what was written with a grain of salt and decided to get to know him for him first. The way Clark had tried to keep her from the information, how ashamed he’d appeared after she’d read it had told her even more that the writings weren’t to be believed fully.

…she may have also admitted to him that she had been determined to read what Kryptonians thought of Daxamites to understand him more. As in, she wanted to know the prejudices people held about him to understand what HE expected to be met with. People never gave enough credit to how others took the prejudices against them, how it affected them. He had to put up with so much from aliens that assumed they knew about him as a person, she wanted to know what was held against him before someone even got to know him.

He’d appreciated that in the end, so relieved that someone was that understanding and had such a grasp of what he had to endure. Not that his opinion mattered, but he fully supported Lois and Clark’s relationship, Lois was good for him.

He and Lois had been good friends since then and he was not about to let her clear the table full of way too much food for a human by herself even if she grumbled about it.

He had, however, backed off when Kara stepped into the kitchen after he’d helped clear the table and ushered him out, wanting to help Lois wash the dishes herself.

“Mon-El,” Clark smiled as he rejoined him in the dining room. “I don’t know about you, but I could use some exercise after that meal.”

Mon-El laughed at that and followed Clark outside…surprised when the man just chose to lean on the railing around their porch instead of actually exercise. Krypto burst out after them and raced over to pick up what looked like a bone made of metal, dropping it on Mon-El’s foot with an eager whine. He chuckled and picked it up, using all his strength to throw it into the air as far away as he could, watching as the dog took off and actually FLEW after it.

Mon-El let out a light breath, the two men just standing there in comfortable silence for a few minutes, till Krypto came back and this time Clark threw the bone.

“Thank you.”

Clark looked over at Mon-El for his words, a frown on his face. “For what?”

Mon-El glanced at him. “I don’t think I ever said that to you, for what you did, for coming to National City and setting up camp those first few months. I know it was…hard, for Kara…”

“For you too,” Clark pointed out lightly.

Mon-El nodded. “Having you there helped a lot.”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my family,” he told Mon-El meaningfully and pointedly, reminding him yet again that Clark viewed him as a member of the family.

“Same,” Mon-El added. “But just…what you did, you went above and beyond anything I ever would have…”

“Hey,” Clark cut in gently. “You’re a good man, Mon-El, who did not deserve what happened to you. I was disillusioned by the DEO a long time ago.”

“I still feel like it was my fault.”

“It really wasn’t. They were heading down a path no self-respecting superhero would ever follow LONG before you arrived. Before you were even conscious they were exposing you to Kryptonite!”

“Kryptonite doesn’t affect…”

“We didn’t know that then,” Clark reminded him. “And they still did it. You COULD have been Kryptonian, and they still chose to do that to you.” He shook his head. “I think that’s when I knew it was only a matter of time before they did something to the wrong alien.”

“Which just happened to be me.”

Clark observed him for a long while. “You wonder if Kara’s falling out would have happened if it hadn’t been you.”

“You know that already.”

“But you STILL wonder that,” Clark argued lightly. “I can’t answer that, I don’t think Kara could either. I like to think she would have had the same reaction if it had been M’gann or Lyra or any other alien.”

“I want to say I wish it had been, but I would never wish that on anyone. Not even my mother.”

Clark nodded at that. “I am sorry it was you. I’m sorry that it would have come to them doing something like that to anyone for Kara to see them for what they were.”

“They were her family…” Mon-El cut himself off, knowing the argument that always followed. That families changed. That families didn’t do what the DEO did. So many other things he’d heard so often but it was still hard, sometimes, to believe it. 

Clark seemed to know why he’d cut off. “Family protects family,” he said instead. “You are our family, Mon-El. And we will do anything to keep you safe, just like you would do anything for us.”

“I’m not sure I could pull of a Superman-level threat the way you do though,” Mon-El tried to joke, making Clark frown at how he was trying to lighten the serious situation as was his default defense mechanism. If he could joke about it, then it wasn’t THAT bad. “I mean…” he let out a whistle. “You caught a bullet!”

Clark couldn’t help the small smile that cracked out at that. He nodded, remembering that moment. “I really won’t catch the next one.”

He had raged at what the DEO had done when he’d seen the state Mon-El had been in. Not even Kara could stop him from flying to the facility and confronting them about it. If he had been disgusted by how the DEO handled things before, it was nothing compared to hearing them make excuses for what they’d done. He’d gotten so frustrated and angry that, just before he’d left, he grabbed a gun off a nearby agent and shot it at J’onn…superspeeding to catch the bullet barely an inch away from the man’s forehead, and warned him that he wouldn’t catch the next one.

“I really hope it never comes to that,” Mon-El admitted, knowing that the conversation HAD to turn serious again or Clark would never let it go…or he’d imply to Kara and then Kara would worry and the point of their vacation would be for nothing.

Clark shook his head as he looked at Mon-El. “Looking at you now, Mon-El, I honestly can’t understand why my people thought so badly of yours.”

“Because we were selfish bullies who cared about nothing but pleasure?”

“Because you care more about Kara losing Alex and J’onn than she does, and that tells me you know her and how important they were to her.”

“I’m not that selfless,” Mon-El murmured, looking out at the yard where Krypto seemed to have momentarily forgotten their game of fetch to dig something in the yard…going so deep he’d disappeared and they could only see dirt flying up. “They took me in. They were like family too.”

Clark let out a light breath, understanding where Mon-El was going with this. “And they betrayed you, hurt you, just like your mother and father did.”

“Yeah,” Mon-El’s light scoff nearly broke the man of steel’s heart. 

“Kara will not do that,” Clark told him. “Neither will I. M’gann won’t, Lois won’t, not even Lena will. I promise you, Mon-El.”

Mon-El looked down at that, hating that Clark could see the root of it in a way Kara couldn’t. But he didn’t blame her. He always tried not to talk too much about what happened after he felt like they’d resolved a lot of it and worked through it the first year or two. He hated to bring up memories that hurt her or reminded her what her former-family did. 

But he wasn’t wholly selfless either. HE hated to think about it. Because he and Kara had been serious, he had been deeply committed to her when it all happened. He had started to see the DEO and certain agents as family, as a new family. And they’d been just as bad as his mother had been, perhaps even worse. Because as far as he remembered there had always been a distance between himself and his parents. They cared, but there was always something selfish in their care, always something expected in their punishments. 

What the DEO did to him? It had come out of nowhere. Because he’d felt like he was family to them, that they were family to him. Their care had seemed…genuine. Winn’s friendship had seemed real. And the punishment against him for trying to hold Kara’s trust had shaken him and surprised him, the lengths they had gone had broken him.

If his real family could treat him like they did, if his human family could treat him like they did…what was to stop his alien family from doing it? And it made him so ill to think that, to be so afraid that, one day, M’gann or Clark could turn on him too…or that Kara could.

He hadn’t lied to Lena about trying to find the right moment to propose to Kara. But he hadn’t been fully honest either. He was so…scared…to propose and have it feel real and genuine and then have the rug torn from under him like his experience had proven would happen. 

If Kara ever…

It would destroy him.

And he couldn’t bear that.

He had wanted to get to a point where he felt sure that he was safe with her. And, for the most part, he had. That night when she’d proposed to him, how she’d reacted after going to the DEO, the change in her…he finally felt like…maybe she’d really picked him forever.

Yes, he had pushed her to make amends with her family, to forgive them…and he honestly wasn’t sure why. It could have been that, if she forgave them and later…later betrayed him, he would expect it, because it could be the DEO’s influence. It could have been that, if she kept refusing, then maybe it meant she would never do what they did because she would never condone it.

Maybe it had been a true concern for Kara to piece her family back together. Maybe it had been a test to see who she’d ultimately pick. He really didn’t know, he really didn’t. Maybe that was why he hadn’t said anything about the years where she’d kept some sort of minute contact with the DEO, why he said nothing to argue with her going to confront them. Because it meant she was still holding ties to them, even if they were adverse ties.

But that night? Kara had cut them. She had actually cut the ties, once and for all. He could hear it in her voice, see it in her eyes, read it in her expression, she was DONE with them for good. And it was like…his heart finally felt a peace. It was like he finally felt reassured that she wouldn’t turn on him in favor of them or their beliefs. 

It felt like she was picking him as much as he’d always picked her. She had been at his side through all of his recovery and healing, stayed with him and encouraged him when he had setbacks, protected him and supported him when they fought crime. She had done everything to prove to him HE was her choice and the one she would always make. And he hated that it took this long, it took her breaking from the DEO so surely, for him to FEEL ready to be with her like that.

He wondered if that fear of being betrayed like that would ever go away. But it wasn’t as big a pressure on his heart or mind anymore. And it felt indescribable to start to feel surety about them, about Kara.

“Hey?” Clark’s voice cut through his thoughts, making him look over to see the man of steel eyeing him with concern.

Mon-El gave him a more genuine smile. “I know,” he remarked, drawing their conversation to a close. “I trust you all with everything left in me.”

Clark reached out to clasp his shoulder once more, squeezing it. “And I trust you too, with everything important in my life, with everyone.”

Mon-El’s expression grew confused at the pointed look Superman gave him, but before he could ask more about it, Krypto had bound over…and dropped something rather heavy onto his foot.

“…is that a metal cable?”

Clark laughed at the sight. “He wants to play tug of war.”

Mon-El shook his head but crouched down to rub the dog’s head, grasping the end of the rope. “Alright, alright, let’s go.”

Clark pushed him on towards the yard, watching in fondness as the man who held his cousin’s heart played tug of war with his dog.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Clark paused as he stepped into the hall to head to his bathroom, ready to brush his teeth and head to bed…only to see Kara standing in the doorway of his guest room with her arms crossed and a pout on her face.

“Hey?” He moved over to her, speaking quietly as Lois was already out for the night. “What’s wrong?”

“He took my spot.”

Clark blinked and frowned at that, confused, before he glanced over to look into the room. He had to bite his fist to keep from laughing too loudly at the sight beyond.

Mon-El was sprawled out on the bed, his back to the center…with Krypto curled up in a ball next to him, taking up most of the bed instead of lying at the foot of it.

“Not funny, Kal.” Kara continued to pout.

“Krypto,” he whispered loudly to the dog who perked his head up at the call from his own. “Come on, boy, time to let Kara sleep.”

Kara rolled her eyes as Krypto just put his head down again, not moving. She could almost swear the dog was giving them a look daring them to move him.

“Let me get him,” Clark offered, moving to step in.

But Kara put a hand out, stopping him. “It’s fine.”

“But he’s in your spot,” he teased.

“I have more than one spot,” Kara told him. “And besides…he loves Mon-El and we’re only here a week. It would be heartbreaking to separate them.”

“If only your loft allowed pets, right?” Clark joked, thinking back to when he’d taken Krypto to visit them in National City…how the dog had actually refused to leave Mon-El when the visit came to an end, so much so that he’d had to literally pick the dog up and fly him back to Metropolis. Krypto had moped for DAYS after, only perking up to his normal self when Kara had thought to Skype Mon-El to Krypto a few times after.

“Mon-El is enough of a handful.”

“What happened to him not being a dog?” Clark teased.

“Shut up,” Kara blushed, moving to enter the room once more.

Clark watched as she gently leaned over Mon-El, saying something not even HE could hear, that got Mon-El to wiggle back a little more. Kara then turned and managed to work her way onto the bed, right on the very edge. He would have been worried about her falling off had Mon-El not wound his arms around her waist, holding her to his chest, smiling in his sleep.

“Good night, cuz,” he whispered.

“Night, Kal,” was Kara’s reply.

Clark took one more moment to observe the smile that came to Kara’s face as well when she settled into Mon-El’s arms and snuggled up to him, before he gently closed the door. He smiled himself at how...happy his cousin appeared to be with Mon-El and couldn't help but feel excited for the week to come with them there. 

He could just tell it would be an amazing and interesting week...and even when Krypto inevitably fell into a funk when Mon-El left, it would still be worth it to see his cousin and Mon-El so happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Krypto is literally how my brother's dog acts when he comes home to visit :-) 
> 
> I feel like there would also be more to Mon-El's feelings and thoughts on what the DEO did to him that went beyond just him not being part of their family. It was that he saw them as a part of his, and they betrayed him and hurt him just like his mother did. And that's got to settle in deep with him, he's been betrayed twice now by people he considered family and trusted :-(
> 
> But lots of lighter times to come! After all...we still need to see if Clark gives his blessing to the new couple ;-)


	13. New Chapters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the lateness, work killed me the last few days. Working in a cafe with summer about to start...pray for me.

“And what are you doing?”

Mon-El didn’t even jump when he heard Lois speak. He’d heard her coming long before she’d spoken and only smiled as he heard the amusement in her voice. He turned from where he was placing a pot of coffee down onto her dining room table to smile at her.

“I wanted to thank you and Clark for letting us stay,” he explained.

“So you made us breakfast?” Lois crossed her arms, eyeing the various foods he’d prepared for them. Biscuits and waffles, pancakes and toast, eggs and bacon, fresh fruit and coffee...even Krypto and his larger than life bowl was filled with his own special breakfast that Mon-El had made just for him.

...no wonder that dog loved him more than her and Clark combined, Mon-El spoiled him.

“You made dinner,” he said so simply.

Lois shook her head, a teasing smile on her face. “I think I picked the wrong alien.”

Mon-El let out a hearty laugh at that, making Lois smile even more to see him so carefree compared to the stories she’d heard from Clark about what happened and how he’d acted so reserved the first few times they’d met. 

“Don’t let Kara hear you say that,” Mon-El warned lightly.

“Don’t let me hear her say what?” Kara asked, appearing in a flash the second her nose caught up to the smell of… “Bacon!” she cheered, dashing forward to snatch a piece.

“Do I smell pancakes?” 

Lois rolled her eyes as Clark joined his cousin in superspeeding down there and grabbing a pancake off the plate to munch on. “Hey!” she yelled at them. “Sit down and use a plate like a normal human.”

Kara and Clark looked at each other and quickly did as told, piling their plates full of food.

Lois sighed fondly at them and moved around the table to give Mon-El a small hug. “Thank you for breakfast, Mon-El.”

“It was my pleasure,” Mon-El returned, moving to take a seat next to Kara who leaned over to kiss him, even offering him a bite of her bacon.

Lois had to smile at the sight of it. Not even Clark would share his food with her but there was Kara, giving Mon-El some of hers. It was adorable. “So,” she began, if just for something to talk about. She’d learned, if she talked with Clark while he was eating, he would eat at a slower, more human pace instead of the walking bottomless pit all Kryptonians seemed to be. “Do you guys have any plans for today?”

It was their first official day in National City after all.

Kara nodded. “I wanted to ask you, Kal,” she began, “If I could join you at the Daily Planet? Just for a few hours,” she added. “I’ve never been there and you talk about it so much. I want to see if Mr. White is really as bad you say…”

“He is,” both Lois and Clark said at the same time.

“Either way, I really would love to see where you work.”

“It’s only fair,” Clark had to agree, he had gotten to see CatCo when he’d been there. “But don’t tell Ms. Grant,” he warned her. “She’ll throw a fit if she finds out you were anywhere near the Daily Planet. She’ll think Mr. White was trying to poach you.”

Kara blinked at that, seeming almost startled by the thought of it. Mon-El tilted his head as he saw her go contemplative while Clark went back to eating.

Mon-El reached out to place a gentle hand on her knee, pulling her attention to him. “You ok?”

Kara smiled and nodded. “Fine.”

Mon-El could tell there was something else there, but she was also being honest so he let it go for now.

“Well, that works out great,” Lois spoke up. “Because I have the day off and I can show Mon-El the new alien bar.” She shot him a wink.

Mon-El had to smile at that, knowing it was Lois’s way of helping him feel comfortable, bringing him to a somewhat-familiar place and setting, giving him a space to go that he liked if he needed it while he was with them.

“I’d love that.”

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Wow!” Kara breathed as she plopped down on a chair in The Daily Planet’s cafeteria with Clark beside her. “This place is amazing!”

And it was, it was exactly like she’d imagined a real reporting business would look like. CatCo was great in its own right, but it was so…media related, including gossip and tabloids and news and fashion and a number of things that interested people. But the reporting division of the magazine was so…small and it always felt, to her, somewhat cramped. There weren’t any real desks or cubicles for Snappers people, they operated in a different part of the building, and it just always felt…like the real articles weren’t getting out. 

It was a reporting DIVISION of CatCo, but it wasn’t a reporting company. It was one small sector of a larger public interest giant.

The Daily Planet felt more like what real reporters did. It was a newspaper. It had hard hitting reports and different real-world sections that people needed to know in everyday life. It was something people turned to for information…not fashion tips with a side of reporting.

Being there was both overwhelming in the sheer size and magnitude of what the Daily Planet did on a daily basis…and humbling to see that she was…not. She was Supergirl and she made a real difference in the lives of people, she saved them and protected them, but being there and seeing all of it made her feel like she wasn’t doing enough as Kara Danvers now.

The reporting was so small at CatCo, they were overworked and understaffed because, at heart, it was a magazine, not a newspaper. She wanted to be a reporter and she’d gotten some very interesting pieces and topics and people to research, but there was always that niggling in her that it wasn’t reaching as many people as it should.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Clark chuckled as he sat beside her, both with their trays piled high with food. 

“Thank you for letting me tag along,” Kara told him, starting to eat.

“It was my pleasure, Kara, really.” 

“I still can’t believe you get to come to a place like this, every day, and…and write all those articles and…”

“You’re job isn’t so bad either,” Clark added lightly. “CatCo is way nicer than here. A lot more high tech…”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Clark frowned as he looked at his cousin, seeing her slowing in her eating and turned to her more. “What’s up?”

“What?” She straightened, forcing a smile. “Nothing.”

“Kara?” He gave her a look. “Don’t make me go to Mon-El.”

“I haven’t said anything to Mon-El!”

“Oh, I know,” Clark started to smile teasingly. “I meant I’d get him to get it out of you.”

She snorted. “He would not.”

“Hmm…” Clark considered it a moment. “Hey, Mon-El, I think there might be something upsetting Kara…”

Kara gave him a playful scowl, knowing that would indeed be ALL it would take for Mon-El to turn super protective and concerned for her, not that he wasn’t normally, but he’d be even more fixated on making sure she knew she could always turn to him and he’d support her in anything. 

(…and she knew he’d also use their engagement to pry it out of her too, reminding her they were in it together and she could share her burdens with him, for better or worse and all that…)

“You don’t play fair, Kal,” she muttered.

“I never will when it comes to family,” Clark shrugged easily, taking a bite of his sandwich. “Now, what’s on your mind, cuz?”

Kara let out a long breath, hesitating only a moment before telling him what had been hanging on her thoughts since that morning. “Have you ever been somewhere so long that you don’t realize you can actually leave it?”

Clark considered her words a moment before nodding. “I felt like that in Kansas,” he admitted. “I was there for so long, I didn’t think I could leave even if I wanted to. I just thought, this is my life. I’m going to grow up on this farm, and take it over from my parents, and be a farmer. Even with my powers, a part of me always felt like I’d be safer just staying home.”

“What made you change your mind?”

He smiled. “Lois.”

Kara nodded, she should have expected that answer. 

“Why?” he looked at her, starting to piece together what she might be getting at. “You feeling stuck?”

Kara nodded a little. “What you said before, about Mr. White trying to poach me to the Daily Planet…”

“He really would do it just to spite Cat,” Clark warned her, thankful they hadn’t encountered his boss just yet, the man having been in meetings all morning.

“Even if that’s the case, what you said got me thinking.”

“About what?”

“About the fact that…I CAN leave CatCo,” Kara finally said. “I could leave it. I could leave National City behind. I could go somewhere else far away from there, somewhere where they NEED a hero and extra protection from aliens. I could start somewhere new without…”

She trailed off.

Clark knew instantly she was NOT talking about being without Mon-El. He knew, just in how she was talking that every time she used “I” she was saying “Mon-El and I” in her heart. 

“Without all the bad hanging over you,” he finished.

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “I feel like…I hadn’t really thought about it before. I mean, I DID. But…it didn’t seem realistic at the time so I wrote it off. Mon-El was still healing, he needed stability and the support of the other aliens. I had my job, he had his job, we had friends like M’gann and Lena and we couldn’t just LEAVE. Even with the DEO there to protect the city, I think a part of us were still worried they’d do something to another alien, or that they’d fall out of favor and be disbanded, leaving the protection of the city to US…”

“But now he’s better, and now you feel like you can actually let go of all that.”

Kara nodded, lost in thought. “I confronted Alex about what she’d done. And I felt like…it was actually DONE with them. That there will be no “next time.” Because if there is, that’s IT. And I feel like…the city is protected, the other aliens have been stepping up and showing so much support with each other and protecting each other that the city is safer. M’gann’s been talking to Mon-El about opening other bars in other cities that have high alien populations, she wants to expand. She may be leaving soon. Lena has so many other branches of L-Corp around the country she could go anywhere and make it the leading branch. Mon-El could bartend anywhere, or…or cook. And I…”

“And now you’re realizing YOU can get a job anywhere too.” Clark nodded along, already used to his cousin's rambling tendencies when she was worked up about something.

“I just…what you said made me think that…I might be ready to really move on, start something new.”

Clark eyed her a moment. “You sure it’s what I said and not something to do with Mon-El proposing?”

“I proposed,” Kara corrected instantly, before shooting him an annoyed look at how he’d gotten that out of her. “Cheater.”

Clark laughed and held up his hands in surrender. “You can’t drop a bomb like that on me and not expect me to try and needle some more information out of you about it! I’m a reporter!”

“You’re also my cousin,” Kara reminded him. “You take MY side.”

Clark shook his head fondly at her. “But Kara…isn’t there a chance it’s a little to do with that too?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Maybe?”

“I mean, you just got engaged. You’re going to be starting a new chapter of your life, maybe even a new book. It won’t be Kara’s story and Mon-El’s story anymore, it’ll be Kara and Mon-El’s story. Maybe it’s giving you the push you need to consider a truly new start for the BOTH of you?”

Kara nodded lightly at that, taking in his words. They DID make sense. It was like…she had reached a point in her life where she was ready to really start something new and fresh. She and Mon-El would begin their lives together and WHY should it start in the same place? Why shouldn’t it start somewhere new? Why shouldn’t they be allowed that opportunity to go new places and meet new people, do new things?

The excuse of protecting National City was fading now. Lena and her inventions had helped, the “X-Men” were helping to keep each other safe, even the DEO was still there. There wasn’t a NEED for superheroes there like in other cities that were starting to see a spike in alien habitations.

And the more she thought about it…the more she wanted it. She wanted that fresh start with Mon-El, she wanted to start that new book of her life in a new place. She wanted to be able to have that choice and that option and now she finally felt like she did. All the old excuses and reasons to hold back were falling apart, there were no more…and she felt excited about that.

She just hoped Mon-El felt as excited about it too when she talked to him about her thoughts, because she would. Because they WERE engaged and they WERE in it together and she refused to ever hide anything from him. Knowing him he already knew there was something on her mind and he’d want to talk to her about it later anyway.

“I think you’re right,” she told him quietly.

Clark smirked, smug.

Until Kara shoved him off his seat and stole the apple off his tray, which only served to make him laugh.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Mon-El was not going to lie…he was slightly worried about Lois.

They had had a wonderful day up to that point. She had taken him to the alien bar, as promised, introduced him to some of her new friends. He’d even gotten to teach them a drink he’d made at M’gann’s bar and had learned a new drink from them as well. He’d been playing darts with one of them when Lois had gotten a phone call and stepped out for a few minutes. 

When she’d come back…he’d instantly known something was wrong in the forced smile she wore and the tension in her body. He’d made up an excuse of wanting air in order for them to head out as he could see in her face she would NEVER have asked him to leave when he’d been having such a good time. But Lois had cared enough about him to get to know him and think of him by taking him to the bar, he cared about her too and if something was bothering her, he wanted to help in any way he could.

Lois didn’t make it easy though as she’d kept silent while they walked on, absently leading him through a large park in the middle of the city.

“Lois?” He asked after ten more minutes of silence wherein she’d been staring at the ground with a deep frown on her face. “Are you ok?”

“Fine.”

“I saw a movie once,” he remarked. “They said that FINE actually means: Freaked-out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.”

Lois gave a wet laugh at that and he knew she was so NOT-fine in the tears he could hear in it. “Sounds about right.”

“Hey,” he slowed their walking to take her hand, turning her to face him. “I…I know I’m not Clark, but if there’s anything I can do to help…”

“I think you being not-Clark right now is helping a lot,” she admitted.

“Did he rip the seat off of your toilet?” 

Lois burst out laughing at how dead-serious Mon-El sounded just then, which got him to smile a little even if he appeared confused as to why she was laughing. She could only imagine it was something HE had done that Kara had been upset with him over.

“No, no, Clark…he didn’t do anything,” she sighed. “It’s…it’s me that’s the problem.”

Mon-El frowned. “Whatever it is, I’m pretty sure you’re always Clark’s solution.”

Lois smiled softly at that, but it was a sad smile. “Not this time.”

She turned and started to walk again, but tugged Mon-El closer to wrap a hand around his arm, keeping him close, needing the comfort.

“I got a call from my…doctor,” she explained to him. “Clark and I…we’ve been trying to have a child.”

“That’s amazing!” Mon-El cheered, beaming at her…before he realized she hadn’t been telling him in a happy tone. “Oh…”

She nodded, seeing he understood what the call had been about without needing to say it. Trying did not equal DOING.

“We’ve been trying for a while now.” She shrugged, trying to play it off like it wasn’t something breaking her heart.

“I see.”

“The last call though…” she let out a long breath. “My doctor didn’t think it’d be possible. He thought one of us was infertile.”

Her tone told him she didn’t believe it for a moment.

“So I called Eliza,” Lois continued. “I didn’t even tell Clark I’d called her. But she called me back just now and…” she took a deep breath. “It’s not ever going to happen.”

“I don’t…I don’t understand,” Mon-El shook his head. “You two love each other and want a child…”

“It’s not that simple.” Lois swallowed hard. “According to Eliza, I have the opposite problem as Kara.”

“Kara has a birthing problem too?” Why as he just hearing about that now?!

“Kara is indestructible,” Lois explained, her tone flat. “Her womb is too. A human man can’t get her pregnant, the womb would crush it. The opposite is true for me. My womb is too weak, too fragile, as a human, to carry a Kryptonian baby to term. If it even took root, it could kill me.”

“Gods…” Mon-El breathed, completely horrified and heartbroken for her. She had reassured him that he and Kara still had a chance to have a child one day, but at the same time explained why she…why she could never.

“And it’s not like we have access to a birthing matrix,” Lois continued. “IVF won’t work. It’s not like we can find a surrogate, my eggs won’t survive fertilization.”

“I’m…I’m so sorry, Lois,” Mon-El tugged her closer, winding his arm around her and hugging her to his side.

“I knew it was possible,” Lois added, sniffling. “Hell, I knew it was likely. It was probably the only outcome. But…I still hoped…”

Mon-El was silent, not knowing what he could say to that, not knowing how he could help. He knew he couldn’t. There were just some things that you couldn’t do anything about and words meant nothing when someone was hurting as deeply as Lois was.

“I just…I wanted to be a mother so badly,” Lois scrunched her face as she tried not to cry.

Mon-El stopped walking and turned her completely, hugging her as tightly as a human could stand, wanting to comfort her even though he knew she likely needed Clark’s comfort right now. But telling someone something like this? Telling the person you wanted it with? He could understand why she’d spoken to him first, it was easier to tell a “stranger” things than the people most important to you.

“I think you’ll be a wonderful mother,” he told her. 

“I won’t BE a mother,” Lois sniffled, pulling away to rub her face, trying to get the tears off. “That’s what Eliza…”

“Eliza said you can’t have a baby with Clark,” Mon-El shook his head. “But…can’t you find an Annie?”

“What?” Lois blinked at him, confused as hell.

“It’s a movie,” he explained, as though she hadn’t ever heard of it before. “A little girl lost her parents and grew up in this building with other children who didn’t have parents and a nice man loved her and made her his daughter…” he frowned. “Is that not an actual thing on Earth?”

Lois stared at him a long while. “Adoption?”

“I think that’s what they called it.” He nodded. “You may not be able to have Clark’s child, but you and Clark can still HAVE a child. It could be a human one or…or even an alien one…or one of each or…”

Lois shook her head, holding up her hand. “Let’s just…let’s just focus on ONE for the moment.”

Mon-El nodded. “You and Clark are too good of people to not be given the chance to love a child and have them love you like parents. If there’s one thing Kara has taught me…blood doesn’t always make a family. Families change. And families can all be different. We can PICK our families. You picked Clark to be in your family right?”

“Yeah…I did…”

“Why not pick a child to complete it?”

Lois let out a breath, before starting to smile, shaking her head at him with new tears in her eyes, happier ones. She’d been so caught up in their trying to have a child of their own, to hear she never could had blinded her to the very true reality that…she COULD have a child, it just wouldn’t be from her womb. And that was fine, that was…that was more than fine because Mon-El was right. Family was more complicated than just mother-father-baby, and there were SO many different types of families and all of them were REAL. 

“Yeah,” she nodded to herself. “Definitely picked the wrong alien.”

Mon-El burst out laughing at that, pleased and happy and relieved to see that Lois seemed in better sprits. There was still a very important conversation she was going to have to have with Clark and a lot of her emotions were still turbulent. One conversation with him wasn’t going to erase her pain or make it all better, Clark was the one she’d need for that, but as long as he could help her find some sort of peace and some sort of hope…that was worth it to him.

Mon-El wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they walked on. “For what it’s worth,” he added after a few more minutes. “Whenever and however it happens…you and Clark are going to be the best parents in the world.”

“Oh yeah?” she joked. “And how do you know that?”

Mon-El just gave her a little smile. “You two are the polar opposites of my parents, and they were the worst in the world.”

Lois’s expression softened at that. “You know what that means, right?”

“What?” he seemed confused.

She smirked. “You and Kara will be the best parents ever too.”

Mon-El flushed at that, coughing a little. “We…no…not yet…we…too soon…we JUST got engaged!”

It wasn’t till Lois stopped walking, her arms crossed, her eyebrows raised and a wide smile on her face as she looked at him…that he realized what he’d JUST said.

Grife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know the science behind if it would be possible for Lois and Clark to have a child, but I imagine that it would be very dangerous for Lois if she did become pregnant. One wrong kick to the ribs or kidneys and she could die as, I'd imagine, even a half-Kryptonian child would still be pretty strong :'-( But I feel like Mon-El would be thinking of how families have worked for him. There's no guarantee that children by blood would have a better relationship with a parent than children by adoption. He'd be looking at it in a general "family" term and he's learned how to make a family of his own on Earth and seen all the different sorts there are :-)
> 
> I also think Kara would start to consider other options for her and Mon-El now that she's finally at a place she can let go of the DEO and her ties to them. I feel like something's been holding her back and Clark's words were the trigger she needed to realize she was actually free of it :-)


	14. Welcome to the Family

Mon-El had never been so nervous in his life as he stood on the small porch of Lois and Clark’s home, waiting for Clark (and Lois) to return from walking Krypto. HE had offered to do it, but Clark had given him one look that told him it wasn’t going to happen. He knew very much why though. The last time he’d “walked” Krypto, Clark and Kara had had to go looking for him because the dog was very, very strong and had whisked him away at superspeed to his favorite park three cities over before he could blink and then proceeded to distract him the entire time with games and being playful and being cute and worrying him out of his mind that the dog would suddenly decide to act like a Kryptonian Dog and expose his secret to the other dog owners. He hadn’t even realized five hours had passed before Kara and Clark had come to look for him as a walk was, apparently, not supposed to last quite that long.

Ever since then he had not been allowed to walk Krypto by himself. 

It wasn’t his fault the dog was just adorable! And it wasn’t his fault that the dog seemed to like him so much that it made it hard to say no to the excitable ball of fur!

Kara had laughed at him for three hours straight after they’d found him covered in dirt and dog hair and paw prints in the middle of having an intense tug-of-war with the animal. Ok, so he may NOT have needed to play tug-of-war with the rope actually IN his mouth too, but he was just trying to even the playing field!

(He knew she’d secretly found it adorable he was so considerate of an animal though.)

Still, standing on the porch waiting for Clark was making him even more on edge. Kara was in the house, making pancakes for them all as it was one of the few foods she could make without burning or destroying. Even though it was nearer to lunch time, he was never going to turn down pancakes Kara made. But without her by his side calming him down, he was feeling nauseas. 

It was their last day in Metropolis, they were going to head back to National City that night after dinner, and he hadn’t realized time had gone by so fast! Because he hadn’t come any closer to speaking to Clark about wanting to marry Kara.

He’d planned to speak to the man, many times, had many opportunities, but he just…chickened out. As much as he’d improved from his cowardly past, the Man of Steel, Kal-El, Kara’s cousin, was someone he was terrified to speak to.

Logically he knew Clark was a great guy and would only ever want Kara to be happy and would likely be happy for him, ecstatic really, and give his blessing twice over. But logic rarely ever helped when someone was nervous. All his mind kept circling back to was the fact that he was a Daxamite and Kara was Kryptonian and that Clark would disagree just for that reason, or worse reasons. Or any reason at all. So he’d chickened out, repeatedly. 

He used the different places in Metropolis to excuse it though. He and Kara had truly made it a vacation. They had gone to museums and seen plays, musicals and even a concert. They’d seen a movie in the park and gone shopping, sightseeing. She had even let him loose in the biggest candy store in the city and let him by TWO things! And then she’d forced him to buy five more that HE liked instead of picking two candies he would share with her because they were things SHE liked. That was a great day. It was a great trip, overall, they had done SO many things, so many fun things just because they could. It seemed like criminals had even taken a week off too because there hadn’t been any pressing need for Supergirl to fly out and help her cousin. Just an odd heist here or there for Superman to take care of, but things were pretty calm. And it was wonderful. He’d never had a vacation before and if this was what people kept talking about, he would really like to take another one with Kara one day. At least once a year, he thought, he’d see if they could make it a thing. Clearly National City had survived a week of their absence, Lena keeping them up-to-date when they would check in twice a day. And Metropolis was doing well with just one superhero…

So he really had NO excuse for not having spoken to Clark yet. He was running out of time and the knowledge that it HAD to be today was weighing on him even more. 

…he understood now why Kara was always picking on his habit to procrastinate.

“Whoa!” Mon-El stumbled back, so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t even heard the trio approaching till Krypto had launched himself at him and tackled him to the porch floor slobbering over his face.

“Krypto!” Clark called but there was a laugh in his voice. 

“Come on,” Lois huffed in amusement. “Lunch time!”

THAT seemed to be the only thing that got Krypto to leave him, the promise of food…and even then the dog had to be REALLY hungry to leave his presence. The walk must have tired the pooch out because he quickly followed Lois into the house.

“Sorry about him,” Clark remarked as he held out a hand to help Mon-El up.

“He’s a sweetheart,” Mon-El waved it off easily. 

“Funny, Kara says the same thing about you,” Clark mentioned. 

Mon-El gave him an odd look at his tone. It was something he didn’t doubt Kara said, but the way Clark said it sounded more like there was a hidden meaning to it, like he was sharing an inside joke between him and Kara that he wasn’t catching.

But then his mind caught up to it all and he realized…this was it, that was the perfect opening to talk to him. It was just the two of them, the girls were inside, Krypto was distracted, Clark seemed in a good mood…now was the right time.

“Speaking of Kara…” Mon-El began, taking a deep breath and preparing himself to just blurt it all out…

When, of course, because the week had gone so well and been so calm, he heard a scream in his ears from the center of the city, just as Clark and Kara must have because Clark tensed and Kara was rushing outside before he could blink.

It hadn’t just been one scream, but multiple, different people were afraid and in danger, if the sounds of explosions and crashing they heard following it was anything to go by.

And, just like that, they were ALL businesses, sharing a single glance and nod between them before the three of them turned and began running, ripping their button up shirts in the process to reveal their uniforms beneath…

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Mon-El silently cursed to himself as he rushed to get the civilians out of the area they’d landed in only moments ago. Of course their last day in Metropolis, of course right before he was going to really talk to Clark, an attack would happen. And, of course, it couldn’t just be a normal attack. 

It reminded him, in a way, of when CADMUS had been handing out alien weaponry to humans in order to cause trouble. There was a gang of human men wearing masks causing chaos by the use of very clearly alien weaponry. But this was different than with CADMUS. The humans then were robbers, pawns of CADMUS who got too cocky to think they were powerful because of their weapons. These humans…it didn’t look like they had any other goal in mind other than to cause chaos and destruction.

He’d heard about humans like that, heard reports on the news about men and women that just…went on rampages. People who took guns to movie theaters or clubs or schools and just took lives without sorrow or regret, for no other reason than to harm others. It was difficult enough for police to stop those people, now there was a group of them with ALIEN weapons.

The second they had realized what was happening, Supergirl and Superman had gone to target the attackers, using their heatvision to try and fry the weapons, while he focused on clearing the area of innocent life. Despite being a hero now, having gained control of his powers and practiced in them, he didn’t have the pinpoint accuracy Kara and Clark had developed over years of fighting. Kara was on the ground, taking out the weapons she could with her bare hands, while Clark focused on using his heatvision. He focused on his superspeed to get the humans out of harm’s way.

It was a relief and a horror to him, to know that the men were using alien guns. Lead could still rip through his skin, it just wouldn’t poison him any longer, but his supersuit took care of most of that, covering up a large amount of his body so he just had to worry about his face. He barely felt the blasts of the guns when they were directed at him, letting him focus on the humans. He was relieved the guns were alien because he could do his job easier, but horrified because it meant they were more powerful and dangerous to the humans.

“Go!” he shouted as he hefted a child that had stumbled into their parent’s arms “Go!” He turned quickly, lifting up his cape to block the blast he’d heard coming behind him before superspeeding at the person who fired it, punching them with perhaps just a teensy tiny bit more force than he should with a human, grabbing the gun as it was dropped and crushing it with his hands before speeding off to double check the area was clean.

He spun around once he was dead sure no other civilians were there and raced forward to join the fight. Clark and Kara seemed to have already gotten a majority of the men down, not counting the one he’d handled. There were two left, Supergirl and Superman facing them down individually, which meant it should be over soon. So he turned his attention to the criminals that were scattered and groaning on the ground, grabbing some wires and rope that had gotten loose from the attack to secure the men, binding their wrists and ankles together for the police to handle once they arrived.

He had just finished the sixth man, when he heard the seventh shouting to one of the others. “Get the bullets!” the man was saying and Mon-El wouldn’t have even paused in tying the knot he was…had it not been for the next words. “The Kryptonite!”

Mon-El tensed, spinning around and rushing towards the man who had shouted, punching him to knock him out and looking up only to see the man’s order had already been heard. The eighth man was pulling a gun from his leg…and aiming it right at Kara as she finished her opponent and turned to see if her cousin needed assistance.

He felt like time had slowed down as he saw the man fire, the bullet an eerie shade of green that could only come from Kryptonite and heading right for Kara. He didn’t even hesitate before he took off, racing towards the Girl of Steel and shoved her to the side, out of the way of the bullet…

And taking it right in the center of his chest instead.

“Mon-El!” Kara gasped the second she got her bearings enough to look up and see what had pushed her. All she saw was something small strike his chest and her gaze went in reverse to a man holding a gun at him.

Someone let out an enraged scream and she only realized after she’d punched the man with the gun unconscious that it was her. She spun around, racing back to Mon-El, her mind already spinning out of control. A man with a gun had fired a bullet at Mon-El, at his chest, lead was still dangerous to him, it could still kill him if it hit him in the heart even if it wouldn’t poison him and…

“I’m fine,” Mon-El reassured her, subtly kicking the Kryptonite bullet away before it could affect her, reaching out to take her hands as they frantically felt over his chest, searching for the wound she was imagining had to be there. “Kara, Kara, hey,” he reached out to take her face in his hands, lifting it so she’d look at him. “I’m fine. Bulletproof suit remember?”

Kara’s eyes were already full of tears when he reminded her about the suit before she pulled him into a tight hug, her heart racing and her body shaking.

She knew it was bulletproof, she knew it was, she’d seen it stand up to bullets before. But there had been something about this last moment, her mind had just blanked out on that. All she’d seen was him taking a bullet for her and all she could think was lead could hurt him and a gun was fired and it had HIT him. It was like everything had gone to static and she’d been so terrified he’d actually BEEN shot in a fatal way. A little higher and the bullet would have hit the neckline of his uniform and he’d be…he’d be…

“Hey,” Mon-El’s voice broke through her racing thoughts, his hand in her hair as he stroked it. “I’m fine.”

She inhaled deeply, knowing this wasn’t the best place to break down on him, there were still a handful of the men to secure, but…that bullet. It had just…thinking even for a moment that she’d lost him? She knew the suit was bulletproof, she knew it wouldn’t hurt him, but she supposed the shock of being shoved away like that and then seeing it strike him had just gotten to her more than she thought it could.

“I know,” she murmured, breathing in his scent. “I know, I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be,” he tugged her back lightly to look at her, a soft smile on his face. “Love you.”

She smiled in return. “Love you too.”

Mon-El hugged her again as she buried her face in his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as he looked over it to see Clark standing there, having tied up the last of the men. Mon-El stiffened only slightly at the intense look Clark was giving him, but the Man of Steel merely offered him a firm nod before he turned to speak to the police that were just now arriving.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Oomph!” Mon-El grunted, before laughing when he felt something licking all over his face. “Krypto, Krypto calm down!” 

He tried to nudge the dog away from him, but he would not budge at all from where he was now lying right on top of Mon-El as he rested on the couch. His chest was still sore from where he’d been shot, his body wasn’t AS invulnerable as Kara’s was, but the dog was just too adorable in his excitable nature for him to ever actually PUSH him away.

“Krypto, get off him,” Clark called as he entered the room, but Krypto just whined and laid down right on top of Mon-El in protest of the command. Clark sighed, dropping his head, as he shook it at his dog. 

“It’s fine,” Mon-El offered, glancing down at the pooch who seemed to now be trying to sleep on him.

“That was some day,” Clark commented, sitting down on the small coffee table next to the couch. 

It had been a LONG day for the three of them. After stopping the attack, they’d each had to give their reports to the police, and they’d each wanted to ensure the men who’d attacked would be taken into custody without problems. They’d had to sit down with an alien specialty unit to discuss the weapons that were used and offer what they knew of them. They hadn’t gotten back until nearly dinner time and Lois was currently trying to teach Kara how to make spaghetti that was not al dente. 

“Oh yeah,” Mon-El agreed, absently reaching out to scratch Krypto behind the ears.

“How’s your chest?”

“Sore, but it’ll heal.”

Clark observed him for a moment. “Did you know?”

Mon-El glanced at him. “Did I know what?”

“That the bullet wasn’t lead?”

Mon-El nodded. “I heard them say it was Kryptonite.” THAT had been something he had made sure to inform the alien unit of. If thugs could get their hands on Kryptonite, they would have A LOT to worry about for Superman and he wanted them to get to the bottom of it quickly.

Mon-El was silent a moment, glancing at Krypto again. “Even if it wasn’t…”

“I know,” Clark cut in quietly, still staring at Mon-El intently. “You’d jump in front of a bullet even without your suit on for her.”

“Without hesitation.”

Clark nodded at that.

“Clark?” Mon-El began hesitantly as they lapsed into another bout of silence. “I love Kara.” He looked at the man, wanting him to know he was serious and sincere. “I love her with everything I have and I would never let her be hurt if I could help it.”

“I know,” Clark repeated.

“She is…everything to me. She’s…she’s my best friend, my confidant, my rock and…and my entire world. I love her, so much. I don’t…I don’t want to lose her, ever. All I ever want is to see her happy and safe, and I try, every day, to fill her life with the joy she deserves.”

Clark nodded at that, understanding every word Mon-El said with a crystal clarity, he felt the same for Lois.

“I…I’d like to ask your blessing to marry her,” Mon-El continued. 

Clark looked at him a long while. “I can see how much you love her, Mon-El. I can see how much she loves you, how happy you make her. You took a bullet for her for Rao’s sake,” he started to chuckle at that, breaking up the tense atmosphere, making Mon-El start to smile. “Of course I give you my blessing!”

Mon-El looked like he was about to lunge up and give him a man hug…but Krypto let out a displeased noise when he tried to move. “I…um…” he nodded at the dog.

Clark laughed and simply held out a hand to him to shake. “Welcome to the family.”

Mon-El beamed at that. 

“But…” Clark continued, making Mon-El’s smile fade just a bit. “You asked my blessing to marry her, not to ASK her to marry you?”

Mon-El must have been more nervous than Clark thought as the man hadn’t seemed to realize he was teasing him for he began to sputter.

“I…um…well…you see Kara is…she’s…”

“Mon-El, breathe,” Clark laughed.

Mon-El let out a weak chuckle. “She asked me,” he admitted. “And then I showed her the ring I’d gotten. I wanted to ask you first but…Kara can be impatient when she wants something.”

“Don’t I know it,” Clark mused with a smile. “I’m not mad,” he added, reassuring Mon-El. “I’m really happy that you two crazy kids found each other.”

“Us two crazy kids?” Mon-El had to laugh at that.

“Besides that,” Clark huffed playfully. “I really am happy for you, Mon-El. You and Kara, you both deserve the world.”

“As long as I have her, I have the world.”

“Awwww!” 

Both men looked up to see Lois in the archway of the living room, grinning from ear to ear.

“Lois!” Clark laughed, getting up to move to his love’s side. “Eavesdropping again?”

“Hey, I’m not a reporter for nothing,” she teased back. “Come on, lover-boy,” she called to Mon-El. “Dinner awaits and Kara actually cooked the spaghetti pretty well.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it,” Mon-El mumbled with a happy grin on his face.

“I heard that!” Kara shouted from the other room.

Mon-El just laughed, feeling utterly content and blissfully happy to know he finally…he finally had a family that loved him. He had it before, he knew, between Kara and Lena and M’gann and Clark and Lois, but it felt so…unofficial when it came to Kara’s biological family. He knew it was there, the potential, but now he KNEW that he’d been accepted into it.

And he couldn’t be happier.

...now if he could just get the dog using him as a bed off of him so he could eat the delicious food his fiance had prepared.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Mon-El hadn’t thought the feeling of euphoria he’d felt at getting Clark’s blessing and really being able to call Kara his fiancé would ever fade away, especially not as he and Kara walked down the hall to her loft, hand in hand, standing closer than ever, both their bags over his shoulder, laughing and smiling and with Kara kissing him every few feet. 

He hadn’t thought that happiness and lightness would ever go away.

That is until they turned the corner and Mon-El dropped the bags in shock, Kara taking a step forward as though to shield him when they came face-to-face with the sight of someone sitting beside her door in a small, shaking ball.

“Winn?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was debating writing every single day that Kara and Mon-El were in Metropolis, but I felt like it would end up feeling drawn out and more like "on this day they went here, and the next day they did this, and that night they ate this..." :-/ I decided to summarize some of their trip and focus on the main and key points for Mon-El and Kara. 
> 
> I also, because I'm apparently a masochist now, wanted to end on a cliffhanger like this and get back to more of Mon-El suffering/healing.
> 
> SO, the next few chapters are going to be a second set of "flashbacks" but are going to be different than the first. Where the first set was a consecutive order of days, the next set are going to be different key points in Mon-El's struggles/recovery in the aftermath of his torture.


	15. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first in a series of Flashback chapters to come which will focus on the aftermath of Mon-El's torture and his shaky recovery. So far they will be in no particular order, but will focus on key moments and struggles he went through.
> 
> Also, on a lighter note, there's a brief mention in the end notes about a potential Non-Supergirl story if anyone is interested ;-)

Seeing Mon-El this way broke Kara’s heart, she felt it crack with each shake against her body as she helped him walk into her apartment. She actually had to HELP him walk. He just couldn’t seem to gather the coordination or the muscle control to do it by himself. They hadn’t realized it till he’d gotten up to try and walk around L-Corp a few days after she’d rescued him from the DEO. He’d tried to get up and just collapsed, his legs shaking too much to support him. He could stand now, but he needed help, needed to be braced on something or lean on something else just to move.

The DEO had done this to him.

And Kara swore if she hadn’t already threatened them for harming him in the first place, she would have flown right back there and done something worse. She wanted to. For one brief moment when she’d seen him on the ground, struggling just to right himself and realized why he was in that state, she’d wanted to fly there and grab that glorified cattle prod and stick every single DEO agent that had been involved with it or stood by to let it happen, a dark part of her wanted them to feel his pain. But Mon-El needed her, and she knew in her heart she’d never be able to physically attack others like that no matter how angry she was.

It was like he was shivering in her arms, like he was a human who had been outside in the snow playing too long and was struggling to find warmth and too tired to walk by himself. She wished it had been that reason, any reason but this one. His hand was gripping her arm for support but the hold was so weak she barely felt it. So she wasn’t worried about how he was grabbing Lena’s shoulder as the woman had his arm over her to help stabilize him as they led him into the loft.

She’d wanted to fly him there, but she hadn’t wanted to jostle him or fly him that fast and she needed to be fast so humans wouldn’t see someone fly into her apartment. Lena had offered a private car to get them there. Mon-El had seemed to enjoy the ride as much as he could, he’d relaxed along the seat of the limo, his head wearily resting on her lap even while Lena sat on the limo’s floor to hold his hand in extra comfort. She would never be able to thank Lena enough for all her help.

“H-home sweet home,” Mon-El mumbled beside her, a shake even in his voice.

Kara forced herself to focus on the relief and happiness in his voice instead, offering him a smile. “Yeah, we’re home.” She led him to the couch instead of her bedroom like she’d wanted to. She wanted him to rest, but he’d been confined to his bed at L-Corp for a week now and had been on the verge of going stir crazy not being allowed to get up and move. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable here, it was home, it was meant to be a safe place for him to relax and heal. The couch it was then. There was the TV so he could watch what he wanted and she’d bring him food and later, when they were both ready for bed she’d help him there herself. 

“I should head out,” Lena spoke after a moment, seeming a little tense. 

Kara could only nod, understanding. Clark had arrived in National City shortly after she’d called him and had been fulfilling her duties as the resident superhero for the moment. But he’d been staying in her loft while they’d been at L-Corp. He would likely be coming back as soon as he finished making his rounds above the city. Lena wanted to avoid that. Now that she knew Kara was Supergirl, it didn’t take a genius like her to work out Clark, her cousin, was Superman.

There wasn’t…bad blood exactly between Lena or Clark, but there was a tension. Clark saw her as a Luthor and Lena didn’t exactly have an ubiased opinion of Superman either. It was best if they could avoid each other for now, at least until Mon-El had healed up just a little more, until he could handle the actual tension that was bound to come up if they were in the same room as each other for an extended period of time.

“Thank you, Lena,” Mon-El offered, giving her a weak smile, his voice sounding worn out just from getting from the car to the apartment.

“Not a problem,” Lena reassured him, reaching out to touch his shoulder. “You just focus on resting.” She straightened up to look at Kara. “I’ll be by to visit as soon as I can.”

“Of course,” Kara agreed. “Thank you, again.”

Lena offered them both a smile and turned to see herself out.

“How are you?” Kara asked him quietly as she sat beside him, her gaze so concerned and pained that he forced as bright a smile as he could to try and reassure her.

“I heard about a magic solution,” he told her. “It seems to be a big thing on Earth, how to heal someone instantly of any pain.”

Kara seemed confused by that, racking her brain for any such thing and had to surrender a small shake of her head in askance of what it was.

Mon-El let out a weak laugh and slowly lifted his arm to tap his lips with his finger.

Kara laughed just as weakly. “That only works between mothers and children.”

“Never hurts to try though, right?”

“Right,” she agreed softly, leaning in to press a light kiss to his lips.

“What do you know,” he murmured, pulling back to rest his forehead to hers. “I don’t feel any pain at all.”

She wanted to cry at that, had to bite back the sob threatening to escape. Because she could hear it in his voice, exactly how much pain he was in. She knew he meant it as a comfort to her, that he wanted her to know he felt safe with her and secure and that no other harm would come to him while she was there. But all it did was remind her he WAS in pain, that he’d ended up in this situation because she’d made all the wrong choices.

“That’s…that’s great,” she tried to smile at him, but it was too watery and full of tears to be believable.

“Kara…” Mon-El tried to touch her face, but seemed to think better of it when he saw how badly his hand was shaking, instead lowering it to hold onto it on his lap. “This was not your fault.”

Kara’s gaze was on his hands though, still twitching despite how tightly he was holding them. Lena had warned her that this was common after a person dealt with a large dose of electricity. They had tremors, terrible ones, their muscles still trying to heal from the use of the electricity ripping through them. But she hadn’t been able to reassure that it wouldn’t be permanent. They really didn’t know. Mon-El could be like this the rest of his life, that was how extensive the damage was, how little they actually knew about the voltage or how long it had been prolonged.

There was a chance that, because of the yellow-sun, he would heal. But there was no guarantee, and right now all they could do was focus on getting him to rest and eat and heal.

“I will keep telling you that,” Mon-El continued, pulling her out of her thoughts. “As many times as I have to. Till you believe it.”

She wanted to make a witty remark that it would be forever, try to make it sweet by saying he’d have to stay with her forever then. But it hurt too much, it was too raw to joke about it. “Are you hungry?” she asked instead.

“…pancakes?” he asked, giving in as he saw the utter devastation in her eyes and wanted to make her feel better. 

Right now he didn’t feel too bad. The shaking was annoying, if he moved too quickly it was painful, but his bruises were green and yellow now, his cuts pink and starting to scar (Lena wasn’t sure if they’d fade or remain a scar), and he could see out of both eyes again, blink without pain. And he was there with Kara, just…just being alone with her, having her there…it was like a balm over the worst of his pain. She had saved him, she had flown in there and saved him, he was safe with her there. He always felt safe with her around and he felt…proud. Of himself. Despite the agony he’d endured, he felt a pride himself that he had managed to remain faithful to her, that he hadn’t betrayed her trust in him.

He would never say he wanted to go through this again just to prove that fact, but it had happened and he was still there with her and she was there with him.

“Of course!” she perked up at that, like he knew she would. He hadn’t been eating much, despite Lena’s offers to have anything he could have ever wanted prepared for him. It was like he just couldn’t stomach so much anymore, and he always tried to wave it off that he wasn’t hungry. For him to ask for something to eat, it was a step in the right direction.

And he’d promised himself to be good for her, to help ease her guilted mind.

Kara leaned in and gave him another gentle kiss before she stood, handing him the remote to the TV and hurried to the kitchen to make his favorite pancakes.

Mon-El took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, flicking on the TV and trying to find some sort of show that wouldn’t bring up his less than pleasant memories of the DEO. He settled for a cartoon he heard was quite popular with children featuring a yellow sponge that lived under the sea in a pineapple. WHY there would be a pineapple under the sea was beyond him, but as he started to watch, he found he didn’t care. It was a funny show. He liked the Patrick character…

“Bon Appetite!” Kara cheered as she made her way over to him ten minutes later with a stack of pancakes. Not nearly as much as she would have normally made for him, but a decent size, with caramel drizzle and strawberry syrup and a big glass of chocolate milk. 

“Thank you,” he smiled at her, helping her place the tray onto his lap…before his tremors reminded them both that was not the best place for it. 

“Hold on!” Kara rushed to a small closet she had and pulled out a little folded up table, like an end one perfect for a TV dinner in front of the TV and brought it over to him, stationing it close to him and setting his food down on it. “Better?”

“Perfect,” he assured her. He took a breath and grabbed the utensils, his hands shaking only slightly as he cut into his food, thankful Kara hadn’t offered to cut it for him though she was watching intently, as though ready to jump over and help at any second.

She was so focused that she actually jumped when someone knocked on the door. “Lena,” she called, heading for it, “Did you forget som…”

Mon-El looked up when he heard the door slam shut, just having caught sight of Kara’s expression morphing into a murderous glare before she shoved someone back and slammed the door behind her.

He frowned, turning his head to the side, focusing his hearing…

And dropped his utensils with a clatter as he heard the voice on the other side of the door…

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“What are you doing here?!” Kara demanded, her voice a low and dangerous hiss.

The man in her hold gasped and frantically pointed at her arm which was pressed against his neck and she lightened the pressure on it, barely. “I…”

“What do you want Winn!?” she snapped. She narrowed her eyes. “Did they send you? Do they want some sick report about Mon-El? Because I swear to Rao…”

“I’m sorry,” he gasped lightly, his hands coming up to grip her arm for something to latch onto. His eyes were red, she could see it, he’d been crying, and he looked pale and miserable. 

“You’re SORRY?” she scoffed at that, sounding nearly hysterical at those words. “You let them torture him!”

“I didn’t…” Winn tried, wincing when the pressure returned just minutely. “I didn’t…HOW was I supposed to stop them, Kara?”

“Did you even TRY?” Her voice grew lower at that.

Winn looked away.

She shoved him back at the wall as she stepped back from him. “Leave.”

“I wanted…I just…” he struggled to get his bearings. “How is he?”

Kara’s jaw clenched as she crossed her arms, her eyes so narrow Winn could only guess she was barely holding back her heatvision. 

“You have no right to know,” she told him harshly. “You didn’t help him. You didn’t even try to stop them. And for what? A job? You lost your right to worry about him when you proved your job was more important than your friend.”

“I didn’t know what to do,” he tried to tell her, his voice begging her to understand as tears filled his eyes. “You weren’t answering our calls and…”

“And even if I had, was there ANYTHING from you telling me what was happening?” She shook her head. “Nothing. Not a word.”

“I was being watched…”

The words sounded weak even to him.

“Then you should have gotten caught,” Kara stated. “You should have been fired, you should have chosen an alien’s life over the DEO. But you didn’t. You didn’t and I am never going to let anyone hurt Mon-El again. So go. Get out. And I swear, Winn, if you ever come near him or me again…” she let the threat trail off, seeing Winn wince.

“I just…” he took a shaking breath, seeing her entire countenance radiating a firmness in it that he’d never seen from her before. She was serious and she was deadly sure, she hadn’t threatened him…she’d promised him. “It’s for him,” he pointed at her door where he’d dropped a bag he’d been carrying when she’d attacked him. “The DEO…” he swallowed hard when her fists clenched so much he could hear her knuckles cracking. “They wanted to destroy it. I…I couldn’t. It’s his. Even if he doesn’t want it, it’s his.” He stepped towards Kara, towards the door, ready to pick the bag up to give it to her properly, but Kara moved into his way as though she expected him to try for the door, to go and see Mon-El and backed off. “I…I’m sorry.”

“Sorry will NEVER be good enough,” she told him, turning her back on him to pick up the bag as she entered her loft once more, never looking back at him even as the door shut and the lock clicked into place.

Winn could only look down at that, feeling his heart break at the fact that he’d lost two friends…and all for a job. Dark thoughts entered his head that…this was a turning point, this moment in his life, it was going to lead him down a path lacking in everything that had made it worthwhile…and he would deserve every misery that came his way.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Kara knew, the instant she walked back into her loft, that Mon-El had heard everything despite her trying to keep quiet. He was sitting in the same spot, staring down at his food, his fork more dangling in his hand than working on cutting his food. But it was the look on his face that really let her know.

It was just…broken, so hurt and agonized and…betrayed.

She made her way over to him quickly, sitting beside him and winding her arms around him, this time unsure if the tremors were from the torture or his efforts not to let the tears she’d seen in his eyes fall.

“I didn’t mean for you to hear that,” she whispered in his ear.

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to upset you…”

“No,” he shook his head lightly, letting go of the utensils to reach up and clutch at her arms around him. “Why did he do it?”

Kara pulled back just a little to look at him in sorrow as he looked at her with an imploring look, begging her to have an answer, to have a reason that made sense.

“Why did they do it?” He swallowed hard. “They were worried, I understand but…why go that far? Why…why DO that to me?” His entire expression was breaking in front of her as he tried to make sense of it all. “I love you.”

“I know,” she nodded, understanding what he meant. He loved her, he would never EVER do anything to really hurt her, he would never let anything harm her. But they had treated him as though he were an enemy that had her body hidden away.

“Why didn’t they trust that?”

Kara couldn’t answer. The best she could think of was something just as heartbreaking. They did believe he loved her, but they ALL thought they loved her more. They all trusted the love they had for her more than they did his. All of them thought that they were helping her more than they were hurting him.

And it was gut wrenching to realize that. That they thought their love for her was worth more than his. Before this moment she would have said their love for her was all equal, but in different forms. That no one person of her group loved her any more than another, it was just different ways they loved her. Now though? Now she couldn’t help but feel like Mon-El loved her more, loved her so much he not only endured torture but did it with the understanding of their importance to her and so didn’t fight back or hurt them in return.

“They didn’t trust it enough,” was all she could say.

Seeing what they’d done, she feared they never would. 

“Winn…” Mon-El swallowed hard, sucking in a breath afterwards. “I didn’t…I never thought he…but he didn’t…he didn’t even try…”

“I know.” Kara nodded, winding her arms tighter around him as the first few tears fell.

Winn, she knew, his betrayal, his involvement, was hurting Mon-El so much more than the others and all the physical blows they’d dealt. 

He wasn’t particularly close to Alex, her fists hitting him he expected. J’onn was more a father to her and Alex than he was to any other alien, he expected some sort of attack in defense of his daughter. James was something of a friend but there had always been a tension and an unacceptance on James’s end, he expected the man to turn on him if Kara was involved and to use whatever negative thoughts he had about Daxamites to do it.

But Winn?

Winn had been his first friend on Earth, likely his first real friend ever. Winn had been someone just interested in him, in his culture, in being an alien. Winn hadn’t judged him, Winn had been there for him with advice and rationale, always ready to give help or a listening ear. Winn had been eager to teach him all about Earth, to talk comics and movies with him, to go out for a beer every now and then. Even with a past interest in Kara, he had never treated Mon-El like he was undeserving because of it.

Winn had been his friend…but Winn hadn’t even tried to intervene, hadn’t gone to the lengths they all knew he was capable of to find a way to contact Supergirl wherever she was and let her know what was going on. He hadn’t even walked out when they first began to hurt him, he’d stayed, he’d kept working for them.

It hurt him more that Winn had been so inactive when it came to his torture. 

And now to have had Winn out there, to have heard his weak defense that he was being watched, implying his work was more important than the risk of succeeding in contacting her, to hear his pitiful excuse that he wouldn’t have been able to stop anything anyway? As though he wasn’t a techie surrounded by tech? As though he didn’t have access codes to shut off the power? As though he had no way to reroute the security cameras or cause a diversion to break him out? 

Winn had more power than he would ever claim he did, and he hadn’t even thought to use it to help his so-called friend escape.

Kara could only sit there, rocking back and forth as she clutched Mon-El to her, hugging him tighter than his battered body could probably take at the moment, but he just clung to her tighter, finally letting the tears go as the betrayal really hit him.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Kara sighed wearily as she watched Mon-El lying on her bed, tucked into her sheets, exhausted after crying himself out, having not even managed to stomach another bite of the pancakes. She didn’t force him, he was just…he’d looked so worn out she’d merely helped him up and brought him to her bed to sleep.

She rubbed her forehead, moving back into the main room to clean up the food, only to pause when she spotted the black bag she’d dropped by her door once she’d slammed it in Winn’s face. She felt an anger pool in her and promised herself she was going to go to the DEO first thing and let them know, in no uncertain terms, they were not allowed anywhere near her or Mon-El. If Winn actually thought it was ok to try and seek either of them out, she was going to have to be even clearer with them.

She stormed over and grabbed the back, fully intent to burn it with her heatvision, not wanting to give Mon-El anything from Winn or the DEO…when his words reminded her that Winn had said it was Mon-El’s. Whatever was in the bag belonged to him and for that reason along she placed it down on her dining room table and ripped the bag open.

She let out a light breath when she saw a red and blue fabric inside and gently pulled out what she recognized as the supersuit Winn had been working on for Mon-El. It was like Superman’s but with the colors inverted, a red suit and blue cape…with the House of El glyph over its heart. She hadn’t known about that last edition, having thought Mon-El would pick a Daxamite symbol…but it was just like her mate to do something like that, to want HER symbol and over where humans assumed his heart was.

She smiled lightly at it, the resolve still in her mind that, come morning, the DEO was going to have an angry Supergirl to deal with again, but…relieved that Mon-El would still have this. After the Daxamite invasion, he had never been so sure that he wanted to be a hero, and he had proven his skill and dedication above and beyond during it. He had been ready to be a hero and now he had a suit waiting for him if…WHEN…he recovered enough, IF he decided he still wanted that.

She would not fault him if he couldn’t muster a will to help humans after what a group of them (and J’onn) had done to him. But something in her gut told her he still would. Because it was the same with his people. A group of them had done terrible things, but HE wanted to prove not all of them were like that. She knew in her heart he would still see a majority of humans as innocent and in need of protecting.

Her head snapped back when she heard a faint whimper from her bedroom and dropped the suit to hurry back. Mon-El had already twisted in the sheets, his body shaking, his face painted in a picture of pain and she could hear him begging softly for something to stop.

And so she did what she was steadily getting used to doing, moved to his side to wake him as gently as she could from the nightmare of his torture.

If only she could reassure him that it HAD all just been a nightmare when he woke.

The only thing she could do was promise him he was safe and she would never allow another to hurt him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, WHY did I do this to myself again? :'-(
> 
> I think it's because A Love Reset is just shaping up to be uber, uber fluffy from what I have outlined and the bits I have prewritten. I just need to get the angst that will not be there out somewhere else, so it ends up here lol.
> 
> I really feel like Mon-El would be more devastated that Winn stood by as this all happened than he would in feeling hurt by Alex or J'onn or James. In a way he sort of expected them to turn on him if Kara was in danger and it was a choice between him and her. But a part of him would have hoped that Winn would stick by him as a true friend. For him to not have done anything, whether he felt like he could or not, would crush Mon-El :'-(
> 
> Also, a bitty note, completely unrelated to this story or Supergirl but just sort of a "don't be surprised if" thing:
> 
> I just saw The Mummy movie this weekend and there is a plot bunny that just will NOT let up so I'm going to be posting a random Mummy story in the next few days, Ahmanet/Nick for those that saw the movie or are interested. It shouldn't affect my Supergirl stories in terms of updating, but I just wanted to give a little heads up if anyone gets a notification of a new story and is like "The Mummy? WTH?" :-)


	16. Coping Mechanisms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of a series of Flashback Chapters portraying the aftermath of Mon-El's torture and how he struggles to cope with it. 
> 
> This chapter contains references and examples of alcohol abuse, a brief description of vomiting, and alcohol induced comas.

Mon-El was sure he should feel guilter than he did to be eavesdropping on Kara and Lena as they sat in the loft, speaking quietly. They assumed he couldn’t hear them, they were nearly whispering and the shower was running behind him. Had he actually been under the water instead of sitting on the bathroom floor with his head resting against the door, he was sure he wouldn’t have heard them as clearly. But he was and he did and his heart cracked at what he was hearing.

Kara was crying.

Which made him want to cry. Because he hated when she was sad and hurting and he always wanted to be the one she could turn to for comfort, to be there for her and protect her, to hold her and hug her and do anything he could to make her smile again. But how could he do that when HE was the reason she was crying in the first place?

Somewhere in his mind he knew it wasn’t really HIS fault she was so upset, but a bigger part of him could only see that she was upset, that it involved him, and that going out there would make it worse. Because she would cover it up, she’d wipe her face at superspeed and put on a smile and pretend she was fine so as not to make him feel bad.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, not wanting to hear more of her quiet sobs, but unable to stop himself. 

He felt terrible enough as it was for all the pain and disruption he was causing her and her life. He had been back in her loft for a month now, a month since the DEO had lost its mind and…done things to him. He hadn’t had a night’s rest without some sort of nightmare waking him up or without Kara shaking him awake with frantic cries of his name. Apparently he began seizing, or what she thought was seizing, in his sleep as he relived the torment he’d endured. He’d taken to sleeping on the couch just after Kara had fallen asleep, wiggling his way out of her grip to lay down on the sofa, hoping he’d be quieter and she wouldn’t hear him so he would let her get a full night’s sleep.

She needed it so much more than he did. When M’gann had found out what had happened, Kara having explained it to her as explanation why he wouldn’t be into work for a while, she had insisted he recover first before even thinking of coming to work. So he had no job, but Kara still did and that was on top of superheroing (though she did it less with Clark around) and she needed sleep. He kept waking her, almost every night, and some nights he just couldn’t even pretend he could get back to sleep, so she’d stay awake with him.

He loved her and he appreciated her not wanting to leave him alone to his thoughts or aftereffects of the nightmares. But it was wearing her out. She had bags under her eyes and her smile was tired and everything about her just seemed so rundown. 

HE did that to her.

He’d done that because he wasn’t strong enough to stop the DEO. He’d done that because he wasn’t smart enough to get them to believe him and his love for her. He’d done that in not being better, in not being able to cope with this as well as he should. He should be better than nightmares. He’d survived his entire planet dying, he’d survived his people being cast off of Earth and labeled a traitor by them. He should be able to survive something like this and to keep the effects to a minimum.

He was training to be a superhero for god’s sake! He had to be stronger and more resilient. He had to be made of steel just as much as Kara and Clark were…and he was failing.

He was always failing.

He’d promised to take care of Kara, to love her and fill every day of her life with joy. And what did he do? Keep her awake at night, and not in the good way, worry her, and make her cry. He ran a brutal hand through his hair, tugging at it as that thought struck him again. He was just…he was disrupting her life, he was making her life harder, he was filling it with sorrow, the complete opposite of joy. He was useless to protect her or care for her or make her happy when he was like this.

She didn’t deserve to have to suffer though him like this. He wasn’t…he wasn’t her third job. He didn’t want to be a job to her, or something she put up with because she felt guilty and he knew she felt that. He didn’t want to cause her more problems.

He just…he needed to find a way to make this better. He needed to find a way to make the memories go away, a way to make all the hurt just…go numb…

He frowned at that, at the direction his thoughts were going. He’d felt that way once before, in his early days on Earth. He’d felt so wretched and guilty and upset, like such a failure and a disappointment, and…he’d had a way to deal with it then. He’d been well on his way to dealing with it just fine till Alex had to snap at him.

He glanced at the door, swallowing hard as he heard Lena trying to reassure Kara that everything would be alright, and nodded. He HAD a way to cope. He had a way to make it better, so he wouldn’t be such a burden on Kara that she’d cry like that. She felt like a failure herself, to have let something like this happen to him, felt like she was a horrible person that she couldn’t make him feel better, felt powerless that she had no way to help him.

He would make it better. He would help himself the only way he could. Things would get better then, she’d smile more if he could just…deal with this himself.

And so he would.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

The very last thing M’gann expected when she stepped into the bar for her shift that night, was to see Mon-El there. She’d almost smiled to see him sitting at the bar, was ready to walk over and reprimand him lightly that she’d given him strict orders, as his boss, not to try and come to work so soon. 

She’d almost done that…till she noticed two very important things.

The first was the paleness of his face, his entire expression really, his entire body language. He was sitting there, hunched over, his head bobbing like he was barely keeping it upright. His expression was…hollow, blank, no easy grin, no lighthearted laugh, just…staring dazedly ahead of him. He looked desperate.

The second was the sheer number of empty glasses in front of him, which she noticed some of her bartenders took back with concerned glances even as he tapped the bar to signal another round.

And her bartenders kept giving it to him. They were keeping an eye on him, that was true, her bartenders were trained to STOP giving drinks when a patron proved to be too drunk. But Mon-El wasn’t doing anything that they could use to deem if he was drunk or not, besides bobbing his head, but that could have also been because he seemed exhausted, judging by the dark bruises under his eyes and how his entire body just screamed how much he needed sleep.

Daxamites, from what they knew, had a very high alcohol tolerance as well, so there was no way to know for sure how drunk he actually was till he either got up and tried to walk or someone talked to him, but he didn’t seem in any mood to talk.

She let out a breath and made her way over to him, watching in concern as he downed one of the larger mugs they had full of, if her nose could be trusted, some of her stronger ale.

He didn’t even seem affected.

“Mon-El?” she began cautiously as his eyes darted up to her slowly, the man blinking a few times as though he were trying to see her clearly. “Think you’ve had enough?”

“More.”

She frowned at that. His words weren’t slurred, but it was just one word so she couldn’t be sure. 

“Kara know you’re here?” she tried, giving him a smaller glass of a far weaker drink.

He downed it like it was a shot but shook his head. He winced at either the motion or her question and rested his head on his hand lying on the bar.

“Hey,” she reached out to touch his shoulder. “Mon-El…”

“I have to.”

She blinked, frowning deeply at that. Still his words weren’t slurring, but they weren’t making sense either. “You have to what?”

“Drink,” he told her, looking up at her. “I need to. I need…I need to drink.”

“No, honey.” She shook her head, squeezing his shoulder. “You DON’T.”

“It’s all I have,” he insisted, his voice weak, sounding like it was nearly breaking.

“I don’t understand…”

“More,” was all he said, tapping the bar again, looking at the second glass of an earlier drink just sitting there before he latched onto it and started drinking it too.

“Hey, slow down, how about I get you some water, huh?”

“No,” he stated. “Another ale. Stronger. Shots. I don’t care.”

M’gann tensed, concerned. He didn’t even SOUND like Mon-El. She’d imagined, after Kara told her what happened, what he’d be like, what he’d sound like. She had been so happy to see him in the bar, for a split second thinking it was just a visit to say hi. To see he didn’t have an outward bruising or signs of the torture he’d endured. She’d hoped that he would have been something of his old self, changed but similar. She never imagined he’d look this bad or talk like that, not with Kara doting on him the entire time. That boy loved her so much and she knew Kara felt the same. She knew torture didn’t just go away, it could take months, YEARS to even begin to deal with it…but a foolish part of her had HOPED.

Seeing him sitting there like that was breaking her heart. 

“I care,” she informed him. “Look, I’m going to call Kara and…”

“No!” Mon-El’s hand shot out so quickly to grab her arm she nearly jumped. His reactions were not like someone as drunk as he was becoming should be able to do. Her jaw clenched to keep from revealing how tight his grip actually was on her arm, he didn’t seem to realize and the LAST thing she wanted to do was make him feel worse.

For Mon-El to resort to drinking like this? He hadn’t even been that bad when that parasitic alien nearly killed J’onn and Kara.

“She can’t know.”

“Why not?”

“This is for her.”

“What?”

Mon-El let go of her arm. “I’m helping. I’m dealing with it. I’ll be fine. But Kara can’t stop me. Not yet. And she will.”

M’gann nodded slowly. “Ok, ok, no calling Kara.”

“Thank you,” Mon-El let out a long breath, smiling at one of the passing bartenders who had seen him gesturing for drink and set two before him.

M’gann frowned at her server, shaking her head slightly so the other alien would know not to give him anything more. She glanced back at Mon-El, the man having already chugged both drinks in the span of seconds.

“Maybe slow down at least?” she offered. 

“I can’t,” he said. “It works better the faster I drink.”

“What does?”

“Helping.”

M’gann opened her mouth to ask him what he was talking about, when a sound of shattering glass reached her. She caught sight of Mon-El flinching in the corner of her eye before she saw two aliens over by the pool tables seeming about to get into a fight when one accidently knocked the other’s beer to the floor. 

“Damn it,” she muttered under her breath. She grabbed the alien that had just served Mon-El and whispered not to serve him anything else before she rushed over to deal with that situation, already promising herself she’d be calling Kara the second it was taken care of.

She doubted Kara knew he was there, and she was almost entirely sure the girl would freak out when she couldn’t find her boyfriend.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Kara was indeed freaking out when she arrived home to see the loft empty and bereft of Mon-El.

It was the first time she hated having her job at CatCo. That was the one thing she couldn’t get out of without being fired. And if she got fired, no job, no job meant no paycheck, no paycheck meant no rent money, and no rent money meant no home for her or Mon-El. Clark was covering for her in superheroing, and Lena was often in her loft when she was at work to help keep Mon-El company. 

But today had been one of the few days where she had to be at work and Lena had an important meeting she could NOT reschedule or miss. So Mon-El had been left alone. He’d reassured her he’d be ok, he was just going to try and nap, read a book. She hadn’t wanted to leave him alone but she had to. 

She’d been upset about it, about all of it really, and had ended up crying on Lena’s shoulder while Mon-El had been taking a shower earlier about it all. She was still just SO angry at the DEO for what they’d done, and she felt so hurt and scared for Mon-El. He hadn’t been able to sleep, he wasn’t eating right, his nightmares were terrifying and she felt like all her efforts to help him were just failing. She knew it took time, but it was just hard to see him suffering and being so powerless to actually DO anything to help him.

She was Supergirl! She was supposed to save people! What was the point in having powers if she couldn’t help someone that important to her? For all the good her powers could do for others, they were useless to Mon-El. She was useless.

Lena had reassured her that she was far from useless, that her just BEING there for him was a power in and of itself. Lena had promised she was doing more for Mon-El just in being Kara, his mate, than she ever could as Supergirl. She just had to keep using Supergirl’s strength to keep strong for him.

Now though, now she was regretting ever having gone to work when Mon-El was going to be left alone. Lena had remarked it might be good for him, a breath and time to himself without them crowding him or “babysitting him” which might not make him feel good in the long run. SHE had feared it would just make him feel abandoned, that no one wanted to be there for him, that they both valued their jobs more than his well-being. 

She was starting to fear she’d been right when he was literally nowhere to be seen, both by her eyes and x-ray vision.

She was just about to rip her shirt open to reveal her Supergirl uniform and go searching the city for him…when her phone rang.

“Mon-El?” she answered quickly, not even checking the ID.

“Kara, thank god!” M’gann’s voice answered.

“M’gann? What…”

“You need to get to the bar. NOW!”

“What happened?”

“It’s Mon-El.”

Kara nearly dropped her phone in her haste to fly out of her loft, not even caring about her Supergirl outfit, she was flying too fast for a human to see her anyway as she shot out towards the bar, landing in the back alley so hard she created a crater and rushing into the bar at the sound of a commotion.

“Mon-El!” she gasped, seeing him on the ground, unconscious but pushed on his side where M’gann was holding him as he vomited on the floor. “Rao! What happened!” She ran to his side, reaching out to touch his face, trying to shake him awake even as he remained unresponsive but still throwing up.

“I told them not to serve him more,” M’gann told her, thankful that the night was still early and not many patrons were in the bar yet. “Teensy’s new. Didn’t know not to give him the bottle.”

Kara glanced up to where one of the bartenders was sobbing into another’s arms, clearly Teensy, a pink-skinned alien with webbed fingers and no hair. Her gaze drifted to a bottle on the bar just next to where they were kneeling, squinting at it. She didn’t know what sort of drink it was, didn’t really care, but there was nothing on the bottle that told her why it wasn’t supposed to be given to Mon-El, so she shot M’gann a look.

“It’s strong,” M’gann answered her unasked question. “He’d already been drinking heavily, Teensy didn’t know. She gave him the whole bottle when he asked and he downed it. And just…” she gestured at Mon-El on the ground.

“Why was he drinking?” Kara shook her head, tears in her eyes as she grabbed a napkin to wipe his mouth. He seemed to have finished being sick, but he was pale and sweating, shaking, and still wasn’t waking up.

“I can guess,” M’gann murmured darkly. “But all he said was it was to help you.”

“What?” Kara shook her head, that made no sense.

“I don’t know,” M’gann offered. “He drank a lot, Kara. Can Daxamites get alcohol poisoning?”

Kara floundered to answer that. She didn’t know. She really didn’t. She knew his people drank to excess often, but she’d never seen Mon-El do that before.

“I need to get him home,” she determined, but frowned when she realized she wouldn’t be able to fly him back to her loft in that condition. She pulled out her phone, quickly hitting speed dial. “Lena? I need your help.”

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Kara couldn’t remember a time she was shaking THIS badly as when she paced her bedroom, Mon-El lying on her bed, completely out, too pale, looking like he was barely breathing. She had been so frantic, so worried about Mon-El, she hadn’t even been able to lift him when Lena arrived in a car to help get him back to the loft. M’gann had had to carry him out to the car. But she’d made damn sure SHE was the one bringing him to her home. She’d managed to get him into the bed before she’d dropped to her knees beside it, sobbing with Lena rushing to hug her tightly.

She couldn’t remember if she’d actually spoken in full sentences or made any sort of sense though her sobbing, but Lena seemed to have understood. She was blaming herself, she was so SURE that this was a result of her leaving Mon-El alone. That he’d gone to the bar to drink himself to death, that the pain was just too much and he didn’t want her to see him end his life like that.

Lena had rushed to reassure her that Mon-El loved her too much to EVER think about leaving her. That he would never take his life like that. He had endured all that torture to KEEP her in his life, the pain that came after it would lessen with time, but it would never amount to the agony he’d felt during it. If he could endure that for her, he would survive this for her too.

It had done little to make her feel better, but she at least had managed to calm down enough that Lena felt alright leaving the two of them alone. Kara hadn’t left his side since. Had sat at the edge of his bed, holding his hand. Had straightened up the entire room. Had talked to him, begging him to wake up. Had paced and paced and paced.

She just…she wanted him to wake up but with access to barely any useful tech and unable to take him to a hospital, they couldn’t know if he’d gotten alcohol poisoning or not, they couldn’t know if he’d damaged any of his organs even more than the torture had. She just…had to wait for him to wake up.

She’d called out of work for the day, for, by now, it was well into the next day for him. And she just grew more worried with each passing minute that he didn’t wake up that he had done something worse to himself and he needed help and she was just standing there waiting for him. 

…was this how he’d felt when she’d been out helping the Renalians? Had he just been sitting there waiting for her to come back and be ok and end his torment?

She didn’t doubt that for a moment.

But what he’d endured was SO much worse than just this.

“Mon-El!” she gasped, nearly flying to his side the second she heard the speed of his heart change with the signs of waking. She gripped his hand tightly, sitting on the edge of the bed, calling to him quietly as his eyes began to flutter. “Mon-El?”

Mon-El let out a deep groan. “Did we have a really bad training session?” he asked, grunting, bringing up a weak hand to cover his eyes.

She would have laughed if she wasn’t still shaking in fear. “You went to M’gann’s bar and drank yourself unconscious.” 

Perhaps she could have kept her voice just a little less harsh, but she was terrified!

Mon-El tensed under her hands and slowly lowered his hand, looking at her with such a guilty gaze she felt her heart crack. “Sorry.”

“Sorry?!” she scoffed, tears in her eyes. “Sorry? That’s all you have to say is sorry?!”

“I’m really sorry?”

“Mon-El!” she nearly snapped, before taking a deep breath, squeezing his hands, not wanting to make it worse. “Why?”

He was silent for so long she feared he hadn’t heard her, but he was looking at her with that expression that told her he didn’t want to say…because he was afraid of her reaction. And not “afraid” as in he’d done something that disappointed her, but afraid as in…it had to do with his culture and she was likely to belittle it and rage against it just for being Daxamite.

“Please,” she nearly begged, her voice a whisper.

He squeezed her hand and took a breath. “I wanted to help.”

“How was getting that drunk helping anyone?”

“I thought it would help me,” he admitted. “On Daxam…” he trailed off, as though waiting for her to snap that “we’re not on Daxam!” but she kept silent, so he continued. “On Daxam, that’s how we cope. Drink and drugs till what we feel goes away. And…it hurt,” his voice shook. “It hurts and…and I’m scared, Kara. All the time, of everything. Even your electric tooth brush freaks me out now and I…” he shook his head, tears in his eyes. “I feel weak and stupid and…I should be better than this. I shouldn’t…I should be able to deal with this. So…so I did what I would have on Daxam.”

“You drank,” Kara nodded along. She should have expected it, really, and not in a “he’s a Daxamite!” way, but more…it was all he’d ever known for how to process his more negative emotions, to do something to block them out. He turned to the only coping mechanism he’d ever known.

“I thought…if I could just sleep,” he added, looking away from her and at their joined hands. “If I could just sleep a night, it would help you too.”

“Help ME?”

“You’re exhausted.” His gaze flickered back to her. “I keep waking you up and you don’t deserve that. You shouldn’t have to babysit me all the time and…”

“Hold on,” she cut in, a firm edge to her voice and a deep frown on her face. “Do you actually think I HAVE to…to take care of you?”

“I know you feel guilty about…”

“No,” she stated firmly. “No. Yes, I feel guilty, but Mon-El…” She shook her head, imploring him to hear her. “I LOVE you. You are my mate. And when you are hurt or sick, I WANT to take care of you. You went through something incredibly traumatic and you’re going through a really difficult period now, and I WANT to be there for you. I want to help you and take care of you, because I love you.”

He stared at her like he honestly couldn’t believe she WANTED to do everything she had.

“…has no one ever _wanted_ to take care of you before?” she asked quietly, seeing something else in his expression.

He looked away and that was all the answer she needed. She should have known that though, having met his mother and father, neither seemed like the sort to sit at his bedside if he were ill or hurt.

“Mon-El.” She reached out to touch his cheek, guiding it to look at her. “I want to be here for you. I want to be there to make sure you get better. If that means I miss a few nights of sleep or that I spend more time here than out and about, that is a price I am beyond willing to pay. YOU are so important to me, and the thought of losing you…because of this…”

“Hey,” he murmured, seeing her starting to cry, actually realizing she was being honest, she would be truly devastated if she lost him. She…she really DID love him like that. “I’m still here.”

“You nearly weren’t,” she told him quietly. “You drank so much you passed out. You were vomiting and you weren’t waking up and…you looked like you were barely breathing. Mon-El…please, don’t ever do this again. I can’t…I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t,” he promised her, taking the hand from his cheek to kiss it. “I’m sorry, Kara. I’m so sorry I scared you.”

Kara let out a small sob and leaned in, moving to lie beside him on the bed as he wound an arm around her shoulders, letting her cuddle into him, crying on his shoulder.

“Drinking isn’t the only way to deal with a problem,” she told him after she’d calmed. “Drinking is probably the worst way to do it.”

“I…I don’t know any other ways,” he admitted.

Kara sniffled at that, squeezing him a little tighter to her. “Talk to me,” she begged him. “Please, talk to me.”

He nodded to himself at that, hearing what she was saying, that it was a way to cope, to actually SHARE his pains and put a voice to it, to not hold it in but let it out. He…he wasn’t sure if it would help, but…he’d never really tried to do something like that before, not with a problem like this, not with an experience so painful.

But, feeling Kara wrapped around him, hearing the tears in every breath she took, knowing she cared about him enough to LISTEN…maybe…maybe he could try.

Whether it worked or not was still to be seen but…for her, he would try anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Mon-El, you poor space puppy :'-( I feel like he would find reasons to drink and it wouldn't just be him being a Daxamite, but it being the only coping mechanism he knows how to use, it would be a way to fall asleep without nightmares, it would numb the pain, and maybe if he was drunk enough it would make it easier for Kara to not have to deal with his pain too :'-( I'm very glad Kara got through to him though :'-)


	17. LiveWire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the flashback series detailing Mon-El's struggles with the aftermath of his torture :-(
> 
> Chapter will contain electrocution, flashbacks, and panic attacks :-(

Mon-El smiled to himself as he walked slowly through the streets of National City just after sundown. He had gone to visit M’gann at the bar, something he’d taken to doing when Kara and Lena were both unable to keep him company due to their works, and, even though M’gann now refused to serve him anything but club soda (which he begrudgingly agreed with), it was still good company and a good environment for him. Even if he was just there to sit at the bar, quiet but observing, it made him feel…better.

Not great, no…he was sure he had a LONG way to go before he felt even remotely close to his old self, but to be there and see other aliens around who were living out their lives, healthy and relatively happy and who were safe inside M’gann’s bar…it offered him a sense of security he felt was missing whenever he was alone. 

He let out a breath at that. He didn’t know how he’d ever manage to be a superhero with a sensation like that. Superheroes had to be strong and be able to stand on their own two feet, they had to know that they were safe or at least be willing to put their lives on the line for other people. He was just…scared. All the time. When he was with Kara or M’gann or even Lena, he felt better. He felt safer, like he was sure the DEO wouldn’t be able to get to him again. He felt like they would do anything, take on anyone, to never let them grab him again. 

But what did that say about him? About ever being a hero? If he constantly felt the need to have someone beside him in order to function? What did it say about him as a person that he had been alone with the DEO and all that had happened, that HE hadn’t been enough to stop it? He couldn’t be by himself for too long or things got…bad. He’d learned that. When he was alone, he kept thinking the DEO was going to break in and grab him any second. Or worse, that because he wasn’t with the others and seeing they were alright, that the DEO would grab THEM and he wouldn’t know. He imagined that was what Kara had felt after she’d realized what happened to him, that she hadn’t known because she hadn’t been there. He never wanted anything to happen to her or Lena or M’gann just for their association with him, just because he wasn’t there to help.

Some help he’d be though. If he felt like he needed the women around him to keep him safe, how on Earth was he supposed to do anything to keep THEM safe if it happened?

He was hoping he’d be able to work through that feeling. He’d gotten better, slowly but surely, with feeling more…ok…alone. He didn’t have the fullblown panic attack he’d had the first time he’d woken up to see Kara nowhere and the apartment empty. Luckily he’d had the forethought to call her phone before running into the streets without a shirt on to try and find her. She’d taken to leaving him a note whenever she had to go in to work or Clark desperately needed a second super’s help. He could handle being alone long enough to make the trek from Kara’s apartment to M’gann’s bar, which was an improvement. He could make the trip at human speed instead of needing to superspeed there.

It had taken six months for him to manage ten minutes of being alone. At that rate…maybe he’d manage an hour in three years.

He let out a sullen breath at that thought. Lena had assured him that it was normal to feel that anxiety the first few weeks or even months. When Lex had finally been arrested, she’d admitted to him, she’d spent an entire year locking every door she had, hiring security to follow her, double and triple checking behind her back when she was walking, and even hid guns in her home all from fear that he’d escape and come after her for not supporting him in the end. It had taken her time to work past that feeling, but she was sure he would too. He just…he needed to regain his confidence.

Kara and M’gann had both suggested he start superhero training again with Kara. If he could build up his confidence that his fighting was better, that he could protect himself, then he would feel better about being alone or without Kara around. He WAS super, he just needed to remember that. M’gann had even offered to teach him some defense tactics that would take down humans and knock them out without hurting them too much, so if the DEO ever tried to get him again, he could attack without fear of hurting them (for Kara’s sake). 

He wasn’t sure just yet if he was ready for that. He…he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be a superhero anymore. He’d already proven he couldn’t protect himself, how was he going to protect anyone else? And even if he could…a part of him, some dark and hurting part, had to ask…did humans deserve it? A human tortured him with electricity. A human beat him while he was powerless. An alien who saw himself more human than anything essentially raped his mind. A human tried to guilt him and break him down with psychological warfare. And a number of humans stood by as it happened and did nothing.

Why should HE have to stand up? As Ale…as someone had once told him. Why should he have to stand up when other humans wouldn’t? Why couldn’t the humans stand up for themselves? Why did he have to protect the ones that had hurt him so deeply?

He shook his head, trying to push the thoughts aside, not wanting to go down that path to…

He jumped back suddenly when an explosion went off quite a few feet ahead of him, in the center of an intersection, effectively halting his darker thoughts. His heart stopped in his chest, his mind flashing for a split second to the fear that it was the DEO launching an attack on him…

When he saw a woman with pale white hair and even paler skin standing there with lightning crackling from her hands.

He froze.

It was LiveWire. He knew that. People were screaming and running away, he saw that. Cars were jamming their brakes and rushing to avoid collision, he was aware. And Leslie was laughing hysterically at the chaos her appearance had caused. 

He should run. He should protect the civilians like a hero would. He should, at the very least, duck for cover, hide somewhere. He should call Clark or Kara incase they were too far away or distracted or handling another situation.

There were so many things he should have done, but standing there staring at Leslie with wide eyes was the very LAST thing it should have been. 

And there he was. Literally standing there while people fled, unable to move, his gaze locked on her hands, on the crackling electricity. He could barely hear anything, couldn’t hear the screams or the explosion as Leslie unleashed her power. All he heard was a ringing in his ears quickly increasing in volume. He couldn’t even will his feet to move, he was just stuck, frozen. His heart was pounding so fast and so hard he was sure it wasn’t healthy even for a Daxamite under a Yellow Sun. And he felt dizzy and lightheaded, like he could pass out at any moment with how quickly he was breathing. His body felt like it was shaking, like he was cold but he could also feel a sweat breaking out on his forehead.

He just…he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t get enough oxygen in him and he was starting to panic. 

Because Leslie was right there, throwing electricity everywhere, and he was now the only person still standing in the area and it would only be a matter of time before she noticed that and…

“Well, well, well.”

Grife.

She’d seen him, she was smirking at him, he knew he should be terrified and he was, ten times so. The electricity in her hands was crackling madly as she stepped in his direction.

“If it isn’t Supergirl’s little side-kick,” the woman taunted, seeming amused at how he wasn’t moving.

He should run. He should go. He needed to leave. To hell with the humans, HE had to get out of there. He felt like he was breaking apart the closer Leslie got, the bigger the electricity in her hands grew. He was going to die, he could feel it, and he actually doubted it would be from Leslie’s attack and more from how he just…couldn’t…breathe…

“I’m going to enjoy this.” Leslie smirked.

And before Mon-El could blink, he was being sent flying back by a burst of electricity sent directly to his chest.

It was enough to kill a human, but he was Daxamite. 

A small, tiny piece of his mind clung to a reassurance, a vague memory of Winn mentioning how he’d absorbed the electricity around him when he’d first crashed on Earth to heal himself. But that was quickly obliterated when his entire body exploded with pain radiating from the center of his chest.

He could feel his body jerking and twitching, convulsing and seizing, but his vision whited out for a moment and the next thing he knew he was being held down, the envoy was looming over him, Alex and J’onn standing next to him with their arms crossed. The metal prod was in the envoy’s hand, it was coming closer to his chest and…

He screamed as another jolt of electricity hit him. 

He wasn’t sure if it was from Leslie or just his memory…WAS it a memory? Had he been recaptured by the DEO for more torture? Or…HAD he ever been rescued? Was it all in his head? Had he gone insane? Had he imagined Kara bursting in to save him and he was really just back there, strapped to the table, hallucinating everything? Had he dreamed the last few months as a way to cope?

He couldn’t feel his body anymore, just a tingling sensation racing through him, numbing him, keeping him still, his body feeling like lead. But the pain was there, the excruciating pain radiating up and down him. His lungs burned from the lack of breathing and his screaming, and the whitening vision was starting to darken with black spots.

He blinked rapidly, barely able to make out a blurry blackness above him…when a white splotch loomed over him.

He could hear the electricity crackling above him, could feel the heat of it. And his body tensed in anticipation of what would undoubtedly be more torture…

“Say bye bye,” a distorted, slurred voice spoke above him.

He was sure that wasn’t what the voice actually sounded like, but how he was hearing it.

The flash of electricity grew brighter…when suddenly it was gone and the black patch was dashed with red and blue before it turned black again.

He let out a breath, the only one he managed to get out before he felt his eyes rolling up and his body just shutting down.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Mon-El woke up with a jolt and a gasp, his mind racing, frantically looking around but not taking in anything he was seeing. He felt trapped down, like the straps of the DEO were still tied around him, and grabbed at the fabric twisted around him, hurrying with jerky motions to free himself of it. He twisted in a direction and fell off of something, landing hard on the ground. He scrambled back, crawling across the floor till his back hit a wall and he curled up, drawing his legs to his chest, wrapping his arms partly around them with his hands pressed to the back of his head as he buried his face in his knees, shaking and breathing erratically, trying to calm down. 

He heard someone shout something and winced, tightening his grip on his hair almost painfully but that pain was grounding, it was making him feel more real.

There were hands on him suddenly and he flinched back with a strangled sob he tried desperately to bite back. The hands were gone instantly and he almost missed their warmth. The touch it…it had been gentle, hadn’t it? It wasn’t grabbing at him or hurting him but…just a light touch.

“Mon-El…” someone was calling to him, but he shook his head. 

It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real. He was back in the DEO, he knew it, he knew he’d been captured again. That…that agonizing pain, the electricity…they had to have sent Livewire after him and they would be far more careful this time, they’d make sure no one could interrupt their interrogations again. The voice he was hearing, it wasn’t real. Kara wasn’t there. She wasn’t going to be able to save him this time…

“Mon-El,” the voice repeated a little clearer now…and the light touch was back, just resting on his arm, hesitant.

He didn’t shake it off this time.

“Mon-EL, it’s Kara…” the voice repeated, but he shook his head. “It is, it’s me. I’m here. You’re ok…”

His body shuddered at that, wanting to believe it was true but…so afraid. If he looked up now and it was his imagination…he didn’t think he could survive that. He didn’t think he could survive being back in that place again, at the mercy of those people…

“Baby, please,” Kara whispered and he felt a heat grow closer to him, like her body was right beside him. Another hand touched his shoulder, sliding to his back to rub it and…why would anyone at the DEO do that? “Look at me, Mon-El…”

He swallowed hard and drew up every ounce of bravery he had to take a breath and…look up. 

Kara was right there, right next to him, sitting against the wall of her bedroom with him, her arms around him, tears in her eyes. 

“Hi,” she offered, trying to smile through her tears.

Mon-El stared at her for a moment, as though he really wasn’t sure if he should believe what he was seeing. “…Kara?”

She nodded, tears falling now. “Yeah. It’s ok, you’re safe now. I’m here.”

Mon-El started to nod at that, his own tears coming as she pulled him into her arms and let him cry on her, clutching her tightly as he shook in her arms.

“I’m sorry…” he murmured after a moment, once he’d caught his breath.

“For what?” Kara pulled away, wiping his tears with the edge of her sleeve.

“I…I didn’t…I couldn’t…”

“Shhh,” she reassured him, seeing what he was desperately trying to tell her. 

She had gotten there just as Leslie was leaning over him, about to send a massive burst of electricity into him as Mon-El laid on the ground in pain. It was clear to her in that instant, that he had been there long enough for Leslie to attack him…and if Leslie hadn’t been there that long before she’d heard the screams and zoomed out there…Mon-El had been there right from the start of the attack. There was extensive damage everywhere, but from electricity, not any sort of superhero/villain showdown.

Mon-El hadn’t been able to attack Leslie, but she had certainly attacked him.

“The…the humans…” he kept trying to speak. “I didn’t…I stood there…”

“It’s alright.”

He seemed to break at that. “I won’t…ever be…a hero.”

“No, no, no,” she reassured him, shaking her head. “Mon-El…it takes time.”

“I should have…helped them,” he argued. “I did nothing.”

He realized in that moment…he’d wanted to help the humans. A part of him, buried under the shock of seeing that amount of electricity in the hands of someone else, wanted to make sure the humans in the area were safe. Hoped they would all get out of there alive even with him standing there utterly useless. In that moment…he wanted them safe because…THEY hadn’t done anything to him. Those people, those families, just walking down the street hadn’t hurt him the way the DEO had. Most humans hadn’t. THEY didn’t deserve to have him wondering if he should bother helping to protect the humans just because a handful of them had been cruel to him.

He’d heard a child screaming, he recalled distantly. There had been children there with their families, and they were in danger and he’d stood there unable to do anything. Those children were innocent, they didn’t harm him, had likely never harmed anyone, and they deserved to be protected.

They deserved to have a hero…and he’d proven himself to be yet another kind of failure.

“Did you want to?” Kara asked him, so gently he knew she wasn’t asking in any sort of offensive way or in a manner intending to make him feel worse.

Mon-El didn’t even hesitate as he gave her a shaky nod.

She smiled, nodding at that. “Then you will, one day,” she added the last part. “You were hurt, Mon-El. Badly. You’re…injured,” she tried to explain it. “It will take time to heal and for you to feel ready to put on a cape and go out there. You’re not there YET, but that doesn’t mean you never will be.”

Mon-El looked down at that. “Livewire…”

“ _I_ will handle her,” Kara promised. “Next time she attacks, I’ll face her and you protect the humans.”

Mon-El gave her an almost terrified look. “She…escaped?”

Kara nodded, feeling her heart break to have to tell him that. She’d managed to knock Leslie off him, but she’d rushed to his side, needing to know he was alive. Seeing that electricity looming over him, she’d been so scared that she’d been too late. By the time she’d turned around, even at superspeed, Leslie had already fled into the nearby grids.

“We’ll just have to be ready for next time,” Kara murmured, looking at him in concern. “IF you want to be a hero.”

Mon-El took a shuddering breath, deeply considering it. Just because he wanted to help the humans when Leslie attacked…did it mean he wanted to be a hero? He had wanted to, for so long now, but then the DEO had made him reconsider it. But…he DID want to help the humans, he would never want one of them to experience what he had at Leslie’s hands…

“Partners?” 

“What?” Kara blinked.

Mon-El looked at her. “I can’t do it alone.”

Kara’s smile turned soft at his words. She knew about his anxiety to be alone, even if he didn’t outright talk about it much, she saw how he was when he she had to leave him, the strain on his face. She saw the relief in his entire body when he nearly burst through her door to see her at the loft. She saw how much easier he breathed and how he relaxed when Lena would appear on days SHE had to go to CatCo. 

He wasn’t telling her he couldn’t be a hero. He was telling her he needed her at his side to be able to manage it. And that was completely fine with her. She’d imagined, from the moment she’d started training him to really be a hero, that they would be partners on the field anyway. Having him with her would only make her better. Just as she said, she could focus on the bad guys without splitting her concentration between them and the humans, if he was dealing with the humans. Or vice versa.

“Neither can I,” she admitted to him.

Something had changed in her since she’d found him at the DEO. She couldn’t go out there alone anymore. She was always too worried about him, about having left him alone. She could handle herself fine solo, but there was a part of her missing when she had to leave him, a part of her that couldn’t let him go. Having him there…she would be better for it.

“I…I want to start training,” he told her. “I want to…to feel useful again. Stronger.”

She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips, so relieved to hear that. When she’d heard the crash of her lamp breaking in her room and run there to see Mon-El scrambling away from the bed in terror, huddling against the wall and looking so small and scared? Her heart had shattered, and then fractured even more when he’d pulled away from her touch, so scared of her. She knew he wasn’t afraid of HER, but whatever memory he was trapped in.

She had done as much research as she could about what Mon-El had gone through, looked up all sorts of trauma and the affect it could have on people. She knew flashbacks of it could occur, that he could get lost in the memories of it and not realize they weren’t real at the present time. She’d tried to remind herself he wasn’t pulling away from HER but the DEO in his mind. It still hurt.

But to hear him talk like this? To know he’d found his way out of it and wanted to find some way to feel more powerful and in control of himself and his life again? That was amazing. Lena and Clark had both warned her NOT to push him before he was ready. It had been one thing (which she never should have done to begin with) to try and push him into being a hero or following her footsteps when he first got to Earth. But after what he’d endured by the DEO? She could NOT push him too much, suggest, be there for, but she HAD to let him make his own choices in how he wanted to try and move on from this.

Training would be good for him. He’d get his reflexes up, work on his strength, learn more defensive moves and be able to protect himself, which she knew he struggled with feeling at the moment. He needed this, a focus and a way to help make himself feel secure again.

“Good thing for you,” she began. “I know a teacher willing to train you.”

“M’gann?”

She burst out laughing at his small tease, so relieved to see that tiny part of his nature crack through his trauma again. She used to get so annoyed at how he’d be joking all the time and rarely ever serious. But with him having been so solemn for so long, hearing him joke about anything was music to her ears. 

“I’ll give you a hint. She gives discounts when her student is Daxamite and her mate.”

Mon-El smiled at that, as he always did when he heard her call him her mate. “Thank you, Kara,” he breathed.

She nearly melted when he leaned in to press a kiss to her lips, resting his forehead to hers, taking comfort in her presence. “Anything for you, Mon-El.”

And she meant it. 

By the time she was done training him…the DEO would never, ever stand a chance at trying to hurt him again.

(...and that intention was only reaffirmed when, later that night, Mon-El had one of his most agonizing nightmares where he'd woken up utterly terrified the DEO was going to use Leslie to torture him.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I have about three more flashback chapters planned, and then we'll get back to the fluff of Karamel...as much fluff as we can get when the bombshell of Winn appearing out of nowhere is hanging over them at least ;-)


	18. Storms a-Brewing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of the flashback series focusing on the aftermath of Mon-El's torture :-(
> 
> Contains references to nightmares and lightning storms.

Mon-El smiled as Kara sat down beside him on her couch, a steaming plate of potstickers in her hands which she handed one over to him. He leaned in and kissed her quickly, his smile widening as she leaned in in return and gave him a second one. He laughed when she proceeded to rub her nose against his in, what he’d come to learn was, an Eskimo kiss. 

“How was your day?” Kara asked as she settled beside him, leaning against him as she set the TV to play “The Mummy” which, she swore, was the perfect blend of action, horror, and romance, just the right thing for the two of them on their cozy little date night.

He let out a happy breath, making Kara smile more at how…unburdened it sounded. “It was…good.”

“Just good?” she teased. 

M’gann had called her a minute after Mon-El left the bar for his first shift back after the incident to tell her it had gone well. She had been a ball of nerves all day, fretting about his first day back, worrying about the pressure on him, debating if she should swing by for her lunch hour and after work for a drink, and worrying that it would be too overwhelming for him. He’d been around her or Lena or the two of them for months now, she was worried that he’d be too overcrowded in the bar. It was one thing to go there for a drink or just to observe and not HAVE to engage with people, it was another to be there for a job and have to talk to people and handle their orders and other things.

“Better now,” he offered, sending her a smile with his eyes.

“Stop,” she playfully whined, smacking him on the shoulder lightly, a blush staining her cheeks. “I was being serious.”

“So was I,” he teased, popping a potsticker into his mouth to munch on.

Kara shook her head at him, fondness written on every line of her face. She shifted her arm to rest her elbow on the couch, her head on her hand, just looking at him. “M’gann said it was a party.”

Mon-El burst out laughing at that, not even surprised M’gann had called Kara already. Between her, Lena, and Kara, he didn’t know which one was more overprotective of him. It was…a nice feeling. All his life he could only remember a cool distance between himself and his mother. The older he got, the wiser he became, especially once he arrived on Earth and saw how Eliza interacted with her daughters, the more he realized how…cruel and harsh his mother was. He could never turn to his parents for help or support or protection in anything. Looking at the three most important women in his life, it really did feel nice to know they all cared about him, in very different ways, but cared nonetheless. M’gann was one of his good friends on top of being his boss, Lena was so like a sister (or what he imagined a sister would be like) in how she was always there for him and ready to help him and tease him of course, and Kara…Kara was so much more than he ever hoped for for himself. She said she loved him, and he believed her, and he felt the same in return.

It didn’t bother him so much anymore that he seemed to rely on the three of them more than, he was sure, most human men would be. It had taken him a while to get to that point, to really admit that he needed help recovering from what he’d been through, but he’d gotten there. There wasn’t any shame in needing help, Kara had made him believe that. She helped so many people every day and they weren’t weak or pathetic for needing extra help and neither was he. He…he started talking more, to Kara or Lena and even M’gann once or twice, about what happened, just…letting things out. It made it easier for them to help him when they actually knew what was bothering him now.

“It was,” he laughed, thinking about his first day back.

He’d walked into the bar to a banner hung on the wall and streamers and all the aliens wearing odd conical hats. M’gann and the other employees, even all the regulars, were standing there, cheering him and “welcoming him back” as the banner read. That safe and secure feeling he got when he just sat around the bar observing had come back tenfold at that. Seeing all of them there, HAPPY he was there, all joining together to show their support, in their own ways, and knowing that they were all on HIS side, like Kara and Lena were, it really hit him. He was SAFE there. He was around other aliens who would never let anything harm one of their kind if they could help it. 

It had quickly turned into more of a party than actual work. He’d made all of two drinks the entire night, most of the regulars just wanting to talk with him or rope him into a game of darts. It was a nice night for his first day back. Easy. He knew it wouldn’t be like that all the time, and he really DID want to work, but it was nice for that moment. He was looking forward to getting back to work though. To having something to do consistently through the night. Lena had said it would help, having normalcy restored and a pattern in place, having some sort of schedule to follow and a routine to get back to.

Already he felt better. Even more with Kara so close to him. That was all he really needed right now, Kara and her comet-eyes and some good food and movie.

“I’m glad,” Kara murmured, smiling at him still. “You deserve it.”

“Thanks,” he whispered, giving her another kiss…but pulling away from it quickly to look out the window when a rumble of thunder sounded in the far distance, too far for a normal human to hear.

Kara turned with him, glancing out the window and back. “Sounds like rain.”

Mon-El nodded at that. “I heard it was supposed to be a storm tonight.”

Kara shrugged at that and leaned in, resting her head on his shoulder. “Good thing neither of us are leaving the loft tonight. Let the others deal with any alien threats. I’m too comfy.”

Mon-El let out a small chuckle at that, pressing a kiss to Kara’s forehead as she settled more, the two of them turning to watch the movie, not noticing the storm growing closer.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“NO!”

Kara jolted awake at the sound of Mon-El screaming right in her ear. She nearly jumped up, almost falling off the bed at the suddenness of it. She gasped, looking around for some sort of danger, something that would make Mon-El shout like that. Only to feel the bed shake beside her. She scrambled around to look for him and her heart broke.

“No, please!” he was whimpering in his sleep, twisting and turning, the sheets wrapped tightly around him. “Stop. Please!”

“Mon-El,” she scrambled to his side, her hands landing on his chest, trying to wake him up. “Mon-El, wake up…”

A flash of lightning lit up the room and Mon-El screamed as though he could feel the pulse of it just outside the window, causing him to roll on his side in a ball, his hands wrapped around the back of his head, trying to make himself smaller.

“No more,” he struggled to breathe the words out. “I won’t tell…”

“Mon-El, baby,” Kara hurried to shake him more, needing him to wake up. “Mon-El, wake up. It’s a dream, wake up!”

Thunder crashed and Mon-El jerked out of her hold, falling off the bed which served to wake him up from the shock of it.

Kara could only watch with tears in her eyes as he scrambled back, pressing himself against the wall like he had when Leslie attacked him. But this time he wasn’t hiding himself, or curled up, he was panting and breathing heavily, his eye wide in unseen horror as he frantically looked around. She quickly got out of the bed and moved to his side, sitting on her knees next to him.

“Kara?” he whispered to her.

She nearly sagged with relief that he recognized her and hadn’t seen one of the DEO agents like a time or two before when his nightmares morphed into night terrors. She reached out and gripped his hand. “I’m here, it’s me.”

“We’re in your loft,” he began to speak slowly, and she could see him truly struggling to calm his breathing.

“Yes,” she nodded. “We’re both here. We’re both safe.”

He inhaled sharply, trying to let out a shaky laugh, trying to play off just how terrified he’d clearly been to wake up so suddenly…when a flash of light lit up the room.

Kara had to blink at the intensity of it, feeling like it had happened just outside her window, and when it faded…Mon-El had pushed himself back into the wall wish so much force he cracked the wall. 

“Mon-El!” she gasped, startled by how physically he’d reacted.

Mon-El was panting once more, his eyes squeezed shut, his hand clenched into fists so tight he was actually starting to hurt her hand as he gripped it as well. But she didn’t dare mention that to him, something was clearly wrong and the last thing she wanted to do was make him feel worse.

“It’s not real,” he was muttering so quietly to himself she was sure only her superhearing let her pick up on it. “It’s not real…”

“What isn’t?” Kara lifted her other hand to touch his cheek, trying not to let herself feel hurt when he flinched at her touch. “Mon-El…”

“I’m not there, I’m not there,” he just kept muttering. “I’m at the loft. I’m home. I’m with Kara. It’s not the same…”

Kara touched his cheek more firmly, tilting his head to get him to look at her. “Mon-El your scaring me…please look at me. It’s Kara. Hey, it’s Kara.”

Mon-El inhaled twice, deeply, and forced his eyes to open, staring directly into Kara’s eyes. He seemed to be relieved about something, but then another flash of lightning went off…

And Kara could see the exact moment fear and terror and pain filled his eyes instead as he shoved himself back into the wall even more, his heels digging into her floor and creating two indents in it as well. A moment later she heard it, the faintest of hums, so small she actually struggled to notice it. But it was there, it was like a crackling hum, something she could recall happening during her childhood when severe lightning storms would pass through the Danvers’ home. It was the smallest trace of electricity humming through the air after the strike. 

With how sensitive Mon-El was after what happened…it made sense he could hear it. After what the envoy did to him, she wouldn’t doubt he was hardwired to hear that similar hum of electricity powering up or being expelled. The actual flash of lightning probably didn’t help either to reassure him that he was safe from the lightning, the physical form of electricity. 

Within a second, she’d gotten up and sped around the room, drawing the curtains as tightly as she could, even going so far as to hanging sheets from the walls to block out what the curtains couldn’t. She raced back to Mon-El’s side, taking his hand again, touching his face, doing everything she could to reassure him he was alright.

“It’s outside,” she murmured, her hand moving to his shoulder to squeeze it, using more pressure than she would a human to remind him she was there. “We’re inside. Mon-El, you’re safe. It’s not…” she swallowed hard. “It’s not the DEO.”

“…Leslie?”

Her heart broke at the whimper in his voice. “No, it’s not her either. It’s just the two of us. It’s a storm outside, remember? We were talking about it before the movie?”

Mon-El inhaled deeply at that, quite a few times, before he was able to open his eyes again, quickly seeing hers out as though he needed proof she was telling him the truth. “We’re…safe.”

“Yes.” She nodded quickly, doing her best to keep her tears back, not wanting to make him more upset that SHE was upset over all this. “We are. YOU are.”

“We’re in the loft,” he continued, speaking softly, reminding himself more.

“We’re home,” she repeated his words from earlier. A part of her was always thrilled and warmed to hear him refer to the loft as home, but right now she was feeling too on edge to feel much of anything but fear and guilt and sorrow for Mon-El.

He took one more breath and let it out slowly. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head and pulled him into her arms, winding them around him tightly as she just held him, needing to be able to reassure him some way. She closed her eyes and clutched him tighter, feeling him shaking in her arms. This time she took a deep breath, holding her tears back until she was sure they were dealt with before she finally pulled away.

She offered him a wet smile, reaching out to wipe the few tears that had escaped his eyes off his cheeks. He started to smile, but flinched when the thunder sounded.

He let out a groan afterwards, dropping his head onto his knees. “I was so close,” he muttered into them. “It was a week this time.”

“I know.” She leaned over to rest her forehead to his shoulder, rubbing his back.

He’d managed a week without a nightmare. It was a record for him. He was hoping, each day that went by without another nightmare, that it meant he was doing better. He was always in such high spirits the next day, like it was a sign he WAS doing better. He felt better when he got to sleep through the night, he felt less like he was hindering her or making her life more difficult. And he’d felt good, he’d had a good day, he’d been so optimistic that it would be a good night too…

And then this happened.

“It’s ok,” she added. “It happens. You can’t control nightmares.”

He shook his head a moment and looked at her, resting his cheek on his knees to do so. “I don’t…I don’t think it was just a nightmare.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“I can…it’s like I can feel them coming sometimes,” he admitted. “Like I just get this uneasy feeling before I go to sleep. I didn’t feel it this time. It…it snuck up on me.”

Kara followed his gaze to the window blocked by one of her bedsheets and nodded to herself, understanding what he meant. He HAD had a good day, he hadn’t felt uneasy going to sleep…because the lightning hadn’t been happening then. But somewhere during the night, the noises had seeped into his subconscious, the flashes of light got into his dreams, and it just…triggered one of his nightmares. It was almost worse, because he hadn’t expected it, he’d actually been so hopeful he wouldn’t have one that when it happened…he just seemed more exhausted and resigned now.

She imagined she would feel the same if she’d gone as long as he had without a nightmare, hoping it meant he could finally escape them, only to have one flare to life.

She bit her lip in thought, not wanting him to keep feeling this way, like he was trapped by his nightmares, like something he couldn’t even control could trigger them and he’d be helpless to stop them.

“National City doesn’t get many lightning storms,” she began, waiting till his eyes snapped up to hers to continue. “But when it does…criminals hardly ever step foot outside during them. The city is pretty safe.”

“Doesn’t feel that way,” he murmured to himself.

“So maybe we should be out of the city then.”

He blinked, frowning at that. “What?”

“I want you to feel safe, Mon-El,” Kara smiled at him. “I want you to feel safe HERE, safe with me, and if the city makes you feel unsafe…”

“It doesn’t,” he said quickly, but Kara could see a flash of something else in his eyes. Like he DID feel the city was unsafe, but not enough to want to leave it. “It was just…”

“The storm,” Kara finished with a nod. “That’s what I meant. Those nights where the city is supposed to get a storm like this one, we leave. We go somewhere, anywhere, anywhere you want, and we’ll spend a few hours just doing something fun.”

Mon-El stared at her a moment longer. “You want to leave the city for the duration of the storm?”

She nodded. “It can be like a little getaway for us, a spontaneous date night.”

Mon-El had to smile at how she described it but also at how she was proposing they actually DO it. He knew how important the city was to her, the citizens of it, her job, he would never make her leave the city just because of him and what happened in it. Her life had been there for SO long before he showed up, it never seemed right that it be uprooted because of him either. But for her to actually be willing to leave the city for even a few hours at a time? It meant he was important to her too, it meant she really did want him to feel safe and wanted to do whatever she could to do it.

He didn't know if it would help but he wouldn't lie and say the idea of being able to go somewhere with Kara, just the two of them, out of the blue, for some quality time...it was tempting. And it would be worth it to find out if it would work. So far, just being around Kara helped him more than she knew, leaving and avoiding the lightning storm at all was bound to do something positive.

“I would love that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far I'm planning at least two more flashback chapters and then we'll be back to the main story :-)
> 
> But poor Mon-El :-( I feel like the worst parts about exploring his torture aftermath is having to explore the different things that could trigger him and having to examine how he discovers those triggers so he knows what to avoid and how to handle them in the future :-(
> 
> Also, apologies if there are any errors in this chapter, it's not been proof-read. I just was getting very sad to see an anti-Karamel fic up as the first thing on the Karamel tag and HAD to post as soon as I could to just get those bad vibes away :-)


	19. Switched

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of the flashback series exploring the aftermath of Mon-El's torture :-(
> 
> This chapter contains a reference to a "major character death" but it is temporary and there is a twist to it as well, just fair warning. If you don't want to read anything like that, skip the italic part of the story ;-)

Mon-El should have expected it, he really should have. Things had been going well, or at least better than they had been. There was just one downside, well, actually a lot of downsides, but one main one was getting to him more than the others at the moment. Clark had been a godsend to him and Kara the last few months. The man had literally picked up and left Metropolis to set up camp in National City, had even brought Lois over after a week when he realized the true extent of the trauma Mon-El had suffered at the hands of the DEO and realized a week covering for Kara was NOT going to cut it. Clark had been taking over protecting the city for Kara, leaving her with more time to spend around him and help him heal, which was amazing, he loved having Kara with him. And he enjoyed the time with Lena and Lois when Kara wasn’t available, and he had started to head to M’gann’s bar when no one was free.

But that seemed to be coming to a halt now.

It had been months and Metropolis could only stay functioning without Superman for so long. And he understood why they’d gone back to Metropolis, Lois and Clark, he did. He wanted them to. He knew how important that city was to them, it was their home, and to leave it less defended by coming to National City had to be a tough call for them. He was immensely grateful for their help, and he understood, he did. He felt guilty enough that he was taking up all of Kara and Lena’s spare time with his issues and aftereffects from his torture, he didn’t want to have the added burden of keeping Lois and Clark from their duties as well. He honestly hadn’t expected them to stay as long as they had and if he was still being honest, he hadn’t expected them to care about HIM as much as they had either.

It meant so much to him that they’d even come to help out, even if, at first, it was at Kara’s request, it began to feel like they WANTED to be there to help HIM too. But he didn’t want to turn their lives on their heads and uproot them the way they’d been. So he’d been happy to see them leave, both because it meant they got to go home…and also because he hoped it meant it was a sign he was getting better.

He was hoping it meant that they both felt confident enough in where he was that they thought he was well enough to leave. It meant they thought Kara didn’t have to be around as much if she could resume her superhero duties more than she had been. 

But with that also came a nervous energy within him. He’d gotten so used to them being there, to their support, he wasn’t sure what he’d do when they were gone. Lois was always ready to sit with him and watch what she deemed to be obnoxious science fiction, which was his guilty pleasure as he delighted in pointing out the inaccuracies. (Honestly, SOUND in SPACE? Please!) But he was always there too when she needed to rant and rave about something and having someone actually get angry with her. As amazing as Clark and Kara were, they were typically FAR too optimistic and understanding and ready to give second chances and tell her “be the bigger person.” Lois seemed to enjoy how he’d agree that, yes, it was not right that someone cut her in line for her coffee and yes she had every right to cause the scene she had, or yes that man who dared touch her rear on the subway DID deserve to have her haul out and deck him across the face. 

And Clark? He didn’t know what he’d do without the man’s quiet energy around, how he was willing to sit in perfect silence when Mon-El just couldn’t bring himself to TALK about anything. How Clark would be content to just walk with him around the block or through a park in amicable silence. And there were the times where Clark would talk to him about his own experiences with torture, how he’d coped with it, how it had affected him. He had never been more grateful that Kara hadn’t been exposed to torture like he had, he would never wish that on anyone. But hearing that the man of steel had experienced a similar event, had been just as affected, it…it made him feel less like a failure. It made him feel like there wasn’t something wrong with him that he hadn’t been able to STOP it, he wasn’t weak to be shaken from the event. If Superman himself had been shaken, then Mon-El had every right to be so as well.

He would miss them. He would miss the extra security that they provided him. And he would miss the comfort that came with them being around. But it was for the best. He had to learn not to rely on other people too much. And he didn’t mean that in a bad way, that it was wrong to rely on anyone, but more…he HAD to start pulling himself back on his own two feet. It wasn’t even that Kara and Lena deserved the break from caring for him, but…HE deserved it as well. He deserved to know he could stand by himself, that he could BE by himself, that he’d be ok. 

And that couldn’t happen with everyone coddling him. At first he had needed it, he’d needed their support and strength, but at some point, the nearer it got to Clark and Lois leaving, he’d started to feel restless, like he needed to be able to do things himself again.

He’d JUST been on his way to visit M’gann, to talk to her about possibly starting to work there again. He felt like he was ready for some sort of stability. He’d had that, with Clark and Lois around, with Lena and Kara having more time, but that was never going to last and he didn’t want it to. He didn’t want to take up any more of their lives than he had to, and this would be good for him. It would give him a routine. Now he just had to convince M’gann he wasn’t going to drink her entire stock when her back was turned and he should be awe and some.

But of course, because he was on his way to trying to make a step in the right direction…the gods had to have it out for him.

His phone rang in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out, frowning and instantly worried. Lena had gotten him a new phone with a new number. Only she, Kara, M’gann, Clark, and Lois had it. And with two of them back in Metropolis and three others at work…he couldn’t help but feel like the ONLY reason he was being called was because something had happened to one of them. He had no lunch plans with Lena, Kara was off doing an interview and would have to write her report when she finished, M’gann didn’t tend to call him, and he doubted Clark or Lois would check in with him so soon.

He took a deep breath as he looked down at the phone, his heart thundering in his chest when he saw it was Lena calling him. “Lena, what’s wrong?”

It was a testament to the fact that it WAS something wrong when Lena didn’t laugh or chide him for assuming anything. “Mon-El…”

“What happened?” he asked, his voice serious and tinged with a deep worry.

“You need to get to L-Corp, now. It’s Kara.”

He was positively sure that Lena was going to kill him for dropping his phone where he stood as he super-sped off towards L-Corp.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“What happened?” Mon-El demanded, having rushed straight to Kara’s side, holding her hand tightly the second he saw her lying on one of the new medical-examine beds Lena and her company had been working on. It was similar to the yellow-sun beds the DEO had but, as far as they’d discovered during Lena’s testing of the equipment, it worked twice as fast. 

He hoped it would prove true this time as well. Kara looked FAR too much like she had when that parasite attacked her. Her face was drawn and wrinkled, bags under her eyes, her hair looking limp. Her breathing was shaky and she was trembling. Her grip on his hand was weaker than a humans and he could see bruises scattered on her skin, a few cuts here and there as well. She looked like she’d gone up against Draaga after solar flaring.

Lena rubbed her head, pacing the foot of the bed, knowing he wasn’t going to like what she had to say. “It was one of Lex’s lackies,” she had to tell him. “Kara was interviewing me for an article about the new alien medical tech L-Corp is working on and he just started causing chaos just to lure her out. He had a device that neutralized her powers, like…like Kryptonite mixed with some kind of tech that blocked out the yellow-sun light. It was like a forcefield around her and he…he had an exoskeleton, used it to pummel her. I’m so sorry Mon-El…”

“Where is he now?” Mon-El swallowed hard.

“Dead.”

Mon-El let out a breath at that. “How…”

“I don’t go anywhere without a gun,” Lena reminded him. “He wasn’t expecting a human to try and stop him.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, knowing how much Lena hated to have to USE that gun, just as much as Kara hated the idea of anyone being killed for her.

“Don’t be.”

Mon-El nodded to himself, his gaze fixed on Kara, his eyes locked on her face. It was pinched in pain, her brows furrowed in what should have been an adorable crinkle had it been made for any other reason except that she was in pain. She was hurting, badly, if it could be visible to him just while she was sleeping. She had one hand resting on her stomach, her knuckles bruised and pale, her hand looking so frail. His ears zeroed in on the smallest noises she was making, pained little whimpers each time she breathed out, the hitch in her when she inhaled. There was the smallest twitch in her when she inhaled that made him think she’d likely bruised a rib or two. He was both thankful and upset he hadn’t mastered x-ray vision, if he even had it, because he wanted to KNOW but he also didn’t want to see it. 

He swallowed hard at the sight of her lying like that, so weak and vulnerable, for this to have happened JUST after Clark and Lois left shook him. She was hurt and in pain and it was because she was a superhero, who had gone out to do her job and keep the city safe…alone. She’d gone out there alone because HE wasn’t well enough to help her. She’d gotten hurt because HE hadn’t been there.

He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead, closing his eyes tightly as he let his forehead rest to hers a moment before pulling back, his gaze locked on her while he kept watch over her.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Kara would have laughed if she wasn’t sure a single peep from her would have Mon-El bolting up from where he’d fallen asleep on her bed near the foot of it. She was sitting up, her back to her headboard, a large, plush pillow behind her, blankets pulled up to her lap which Mon-El insisted she needed. There was a tray on her bedside with at least five large plates all empty of the copious amount of food he’d made for her to eat. One of her lamps was on next to the bed, casting a gentle shadow on Mon-El’s face. He’d been laying across the foot of her bed, resting his head on a hand, his elbow digging into the mattress while they talked and she recovered.

Lena’s new yellow-sun bed had done wonders for her, she’d woken up in under an hour, but Mon-El still insisted he take her home and make sure she rested. Which was exactly what he’d done. He’d carried her into the loft, laid her in bed, tucked her in, forbid her to get up, and stuffed her full of food, made sure she had everything she needed…but she could see exhaustion weighing on him. He’d been so worried for her that it just took so much out of him, he’d been ready to fall asleep on his feet so she’d insisted he lay down and they talk. It hadn’t taken much for him to drift off. 

She had felt so energized by the yellow-sun bed that she just couldn’t sleep for the life of her but she was more than content to observe Mon-El and his peaceful…

Ok, she frowned, his face was steadily growing less and less peaceful the longer she watched.

She was just about to reach out and try to wake him up, not wanting him to have to endure another nightmare, when he suddenly jerked...

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

_Mon-El took a deep breath as he looked down at the phone, his heart thundering in his chest when he saw it was Lena calling him. “Lena, what’s wrong?”_

_It was a testament to the fact that it WAS something wrong when Lena didn’t laugh or chide him for assuming anything. “Mon-El…”_

_“What happened?” he asked, his voice serious and tinged with a deep worry._

_“You need to get to L-Corp, now. It’s Kara.”_

_He was positively sure that Lena was going to kill him for dropping his phone where he stood as he super-sped off towards L-Corp. He burst through the doors to the main foyer…only to stop dead in his tracks when he saw he was NOT in L-Corp…but the DEO._

_“What…” he spun around, looking out the main doors to see exactly the same view from L-Corp’s doors but it was NOT L-Corp he was standing in. He spun around, all thoughts of that forgotten when he heard Kara’s distinct voice in the distance._

_Screaming._

_“Kara!” he shouted, running down the halls, following the sound of her screams, not even curious as to why the other DEO agents weren’t bothering to stop him. He just ran, faster and faster, needing to get to her as the screams grew more pained and desperate._

_He nearly fell backwards to the ground when he attempted to shove his way through a door only for it to be unbreakable. He gasped as his back hit the wall on the other side of the hall, startled, and shoved forward again._

_He tried the door again, but it was locked._

_He pulled his arm back and punched as hard as he could, but it didn’t even crack._

_His head jerked up at the sound of Kara’s scream again and he pressed himself to the door, which he now noticed was glass…and nearly fell to his knees at what he saw on the other side._

_The envoy had Kara strapped to an examine bed, Alex and J’onn were standing to the side, with Winn checking readings on a computer…James standing by the equipment that the prod was hooked up to. They were just standing there while the envoy stabbed Kara with the prod again, causing her to scream, her back to jerk up off the bed as much as the restraints would allow._

_“NO!” he shouted, punching at the glass again, but nothing happened._

_He didn’t stop though, he couldn’t stop. Kara was on the other side, she was in pain, she was being hurt and she was powerless to stop hit. He HAD to get to her, he had to help her, he had to protect her. This was HIS fault, they were doing this to her because of him, because HE wasn’t there to take the brunt for her. He had to STOP them! WHY couldn’t he break through the grifing glass!?_

_“KARA!” he shouted, when Kara flopped back onto the bed, her eyes rolling up in to her head. “NO! Stop! Leave her alone! Stop!” He pounded on the door again when he heard it…a beeping noise that had just gone into a straight, long sound. He had seen enough doctor shows to know what a flatline sounded like. “NO! NO! KARA! KARA!”_

_He slammed on the glass again, but it wasn’t enough. HE wasn’t enough. He slid to the ground, to his knees, watching in horror as the envoy smirked and looked right at him…_

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“NO!” Mon-El started screaming, causing Kara to scramble over to him as his hand clenched into fists and started to beat against the bed. “Leave her…no! Stop! KARA!”

“Mon-El!” Kara quickly tried to shake him awake, careful to avoid his flailing fists. “Mon-El wake up! Mon-El!” 

This…this wasn’t like the other nightmares, he sounded truly scared, truly in pain…and he was calling for HER this time. He didn’t sound at all like he usually did, usually begging them to stop, that he wouldn’t tell, to plead no more…but right now he sounded like he was begging for HER.

“KARA!”

“I’m here,” she tried to get through to him. “Mon-El, baby, please, I’m right here. Wake up, baby. Please!”

“NO!” Mon-El gasped as he flew awake, looking around frantically before diving for her, pulling her into his arms tightly as he panted, his heart racing dangerously fast against her chest. “Kara…”

Kara let out a breath of relief at how he’d woken up and clung to him just as tightly. He was shaking and crying, openly crying into her shirt. “You’re safe,” she murmured, rubbing at his back. “You’re ok…” She cut off suddenly when he started to shake his head. “Mon-El, it was just a dream. You’re not there, they don’t have you, you’re…”

“YOU’re ok,” he pulled away to look at her, his hands coming up to cup her face. His eyes were searching hers frantically, as though he were looking for any sign that she was in pain. “You’re ok…” he breathed those words out again, in relief, and pulled her back in.

Kara closed her eyes tightly as she realized what had happened. He had dreamed of her being in danger, of her being hurt, and that was why he was so focused on HER being ok. “I’m fine.”

“They had you,” the words came tumbling out. “The DEO. They had you instead of me. They were just standing there while he…while he…and you…you couldn’t handle the electricity. They…it…your heart…” his words were shaking now. “It stopped. I couldn’t save you. I was there, but I couldn’t get in. I wasn’t enough…”

“Hey, hey,” she pulled away this time, cupping HIS face now. “You are MORE than enough!” Her voice was firm. “You are always going to be enough,” she looked into his eyes, making sure he heard her. “You will always save me,” she added, knowing he needed to hear that. 

“I didn’t today.”

Her eyes filled with tears at the blame in his voice. “You save me every single day, Mon-El, in so many ways. You saved me the day you landed on Earth and every single day since then. Ok?” She offered him a smile. “You saved me from a life alone, you gave me so much and you keep giving and giving to me. Don’t ever doubt how much you save me.”

“I need to do more than that,” he murmured, clinging to her hands on his face. “I need to know you’re safe. I can’t…I can’t just sit here and…and not be there, not try to be MORE, DO more to keep you safe…”

Kara nodded slowly at that, hearing more in his words than she was sure he wanted to reveal. “How about we start training again?” she offered. “Get you back on your feet and you can be my partner out there too.”

He let out a breath at that, seeing what she was offering. It wasn’t about him being a hero for everyone else anymore, it was something HE needed to do to make sure SHE was safe. He could see it in her face, this wasn’t going to be a repeat of his first fight with Leslie. She wasn’t going to go off on him for wanting her to be safe and wanting to protect her. This time she knew why he needed her safe, this time she saw his reasons, she _understood_. This time she was offering him a hero role because it was something that would help HIM, not other people. Well, others would be helped as a secondary reason, but she was doing this to help reassure HIM. 

That was what he needed and he nodded at her offer, pulling her in to hug her tightly again, needing to feel her against him, needing to hear her breathing in his ear, feel her heart beating against his chest. 

He would be a hero, he NEEDED to be one, because that was the only way he’d be able to keep Kara safe. And he needed to do that, he needed to keep her protected, so much of what happened to him was to keep her safe that, for her to get injured in any way, made him feel like what he’d endured had been for nothing. He’d done it to protect her, he’d vowed to always protect her, and he’d been lacking in that recently.

He needed to get back out there and be a hero, so he could keep that promise to himself, so what happened to him would MEAN something, and so she would be safe. He just…he never wanted Kara to hurt like he had, and if the only way to do it was to BE there beside her…he would do it.

He’d do anything for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter left of the flashbacks before we get to the main story again :-)
> 
> This chapter killed me to write, the pain and helplessness Mon-El had to feel in that dream :'-( But at least it was a little kick in the pants he needed to jump-start his hero journey again :-)


	20. Familiar Faces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter in the flashback series exploring the aftermath of Mon-El's torture :-(

Kara paced the length of her loft, her gaze locked on the door, waiting for Mon-El to return from his shift at the bar. She was a ball of nerves and she knew Mon-El would notice the second he stepped in despite how much she was trying to hide it. She was dreading having to bring up the latest news she had for him. But it was something too important for her to make a call on by herself and not something she wanted to go alone either. She had been true to her promise, that in training him, he would be her partner exclusively. She knew he needed to be beside her when she was Supergirl, both for peace of his mind, but also because he wasn’t quite at a place where he could go out there by himself just yet. She honored that promise to an extent she was sure Mon-El hadn’t expected.

She did NOT go out as Supergirl unless Valor was with her, at all.

Luckily M’gann understood if Mon-El had to leave the bar suddenly, she always scheduled and extra person to be around, stocking things or doing dishes, who could fill in as bartender at a moment’s notice if he had to leave for superhero things. Business had been picking up more at her bar since word had spread that the DEO was not welcome there so she could afford to hire another person on. So it was never an issue of a disaster happening and Supergirl not being around to help because she was waiting on Valor, he was always there and ready to help.

So that was why she needed to speak to him about this particular threat she’d been made aware of…and she was dreading having to do it. He’d been on such an upward climb so far, settling into normalcy, she was terrified this would set him back. 

And if he felt it would? Well then the DEO could go to hell and deal with the threat on their own. That was their specialty after all, wasn’t it? Handling dangerous aliens? She had turned down any requests made to her for Supergirl’s assistance in the past, because those threats seemed so insignificant that it seemed too much like a ploy to get her working with them again. And nothing had ever come from it in terms of humans being hurt. The DEO had handled it just fine without her. She would LOVE nothing more than to keep that streak going, to continue her life with Mon-El without ever having to deal with them again…but this time, the threat actually DID sound out of their hands.

“Hey!” Mon-El’s voice cheered in her ear, startling her so much when she saw him stepping into the loft without her even hearing him open the door, so lost in her thoughts. “I brought potstick…what’s wrong?”

Kara had to smile as he immediately set down the food and moved to her side, reaching out to touch her arms, rubbing them at the absolute regretful look on her face. “We need to talk.”

Mon-El tensed at that. “Good talk or bad talk? Because from what I understand, that phrase usually means bad talk. Like…we’re breaking up bad talk?”

“NO!” Kara’s eyes widened as she realized what she’d said. “No, no, never, nothing like that. It’s just…” She sighed, taking his hand and leading him to the couch to sit.

Mon-El frowned deeply at that, it had to be something very serious for her to not want to eat first or even have glanced at the takeout bag. “What’s wrong, Kara?”

She took a deep breath. “I was contacted by…” she hesitated before blurting it out. “The DEO.” She squeezed his hand tightly when he tensed. “They requested Supergirl’s help with a threat. They have reason to believe that a small group of Daxamites managed to work out a lead treatment and are planning an attack.”

Mon-El swallowed hard. “They’ve found a way back?”

“They don’t know,” she answered. “There were reports coming in about a group of aliens in Daxamite armor marching the streets, attacking agents when they went to apprehend them. They fought and escaped, but they’ve gotten wind that they’re planning an attack tonight.”

Mon-El was silent, contemplating what she was telling him. It made sense why they would need Supergirl’s help, Daxamites had already proven themselves to be invaders and hostile once before, and to attack the agents again and defeat them enough to escape didn’t make a good picture of the DEO’s capability of stopping them again. They would need Supergirl to help them.

“I won’t tell you not to go,” Mon-El spoke after a long while. “If they need your help…other humans, innocent humans, could be in danger if you don’t.”

Kara gave him a soft smile at that, touched on so many different levels by his words. He was putting other humans above his experience with the DEO, he was reminding her it was HER life and her choice what she did and he would never hold her back or hold it against her, and he was so…innocent in why he thought she was telling him. Despite being her partner, he still hadn’t fully gotten used to the idea that he WAS her PARTNER in this.

“You’re my partner,” she reminded him. “I go if you go, I stay if you stay.”

Mon-El squeezed her hand tightly again at that. It was a blessing and a curse, her words. It reassured him she was serious about her loyalty to him, as his was to her. She would refuse the request if HE didn’t want to go. But it was a curse because he knew he could never hold her back like that, he had already proved it with his acceptance of the lead-device that released it into the atmosphere that he would never be the reason other humans suffered.

He wasn’t completely closed off to the world, he still watched the news, he read Kara’s articles, he was aware that the city was struggling slightly. The DEO could no longer rely on superheroes to help them, and without Supergirl at their beck and call to handle the even minor threats, it was taxing their resources. It seemed like they hadn’t fully realized just HOW MUCH Kara had done for them and handled with ease that they struggled to cope without her. He followed the news and heard the rumors at the bar, the DEO was struggling majorly to keep up without supersupport

If they were asking for Kara’s help, after she’d made it very, crystal clear to them how little she wanted to do with them after what happened…it really HAD to be bad.

“No pressure,” Kara reassured him, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his crinkling forehead. “The DEO has handled threats in the past, they can handle this too. It is their job.”

“No, no,” he murmured, shaking his head. “We…we should go. They wouldn’t ask for help if it wasn’t bad. Right?”

“I would hope not,” Kara muttered, her voice harsh with promise of retribution if they’d lied to her about the severity of the threat.

“I just…” he hesitated.

“What?” Kara’s gaze snapped back to his, her voice gentle.

“Conditions?”

“Anything,” Kara agreed.

“I don’t want to see them,” he began. “Or hear them. Or go there for briefing.”

“Understandable,” Kara was quick to say. “My thoughts exactly.”

And it had been her thoughts exactly. She would never, EVER force Mon-El to go back to the DEO’s headquarters nor would she allow him to be confronted by the sight or sound of those that hurt him. And if the DEO really needed their help as much as they made it seem, they would agree to those condition or risk facing the threat down without superhero help.

“I’ll let them know we’ll meet at a…a neutral location,” Kara offered, before reaching out to touch his face. “Do you think you’ll be able to handle that?”

Mon-El took a deep breath. “I…I think I can. If…if it’s just…a random DEO agent, or something. Maybe someone new? Someone who wasn’t there?”

“Yeah, yes, of course.”

“And…” he started to smile a little, making Kara eye him curiously though inwardly pleased to see him smiling. “I think I can face someone new with Supergirl at my side.”

“Yeah?” Kara breathed quietly, starting to smile too.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “It’s worked so far.”

Kara leaned in and kissed him for that, so pleased and relieved to hear him say that, to say that her presence helped him in more ways than one. She’d hoped that her being beside him would help him cope and heal, she felt like it was, but to hear him say it, to reaffirm that she helped him so much just in BEING there, it meant everything to her.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Mon-El smiled despite his nerves as he flew through the air beside Kara. The very first day he’d resumed his superhero training she’d given him a ring from the Fortress of Solitude she’d told him would help him fly like she had. It had been one of the most memorable experiences of his life, being able to fly now instead of just leap. He didn’t wear the ring often, he had grown fond of his leaping and superspeed, he liked how it separated him from Kara and made them both different but yet both heroes. He had chosen to wear it now though, not sure what the extent of the Daxamite threat would be and any advantage would be useful to have. 

He wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t nervous to be heading to the National City Public Library, the agreed upon neutral location where a DEO agent was going to be waiting for them. But…he really felt like he could do this. With Kara beside him, he knew he’d be safe. Any other agent would not be as dangerous to him as Alex or J’onn could be, he could take on a human and even if he couldn’t, Kara would never let anything hurt him. Just like he’d never let anything hurt her either. But it WAS nerve wracking. He knew the gist of what was going on, the threat, but it was also just reminding him of what had happened to him as well. He’d been held by the DEO and treated like an enemy for being a Daxamite, for the role his people had played in the invasion, for the distrust the humans had for him and his kind. 

Maybe if he stopped this smaller invasion, this new attack, it would help make up for the destruction his people caused. He knew nothing would ever make up for it entirely, but even a small step was still a step, something Lena had told him and proven with her own quest to change the Luthor name.

“You ready?” Kara’s voice called beside him.

Mon-El looked over at her, unable to help smirking at how her gaze was on his body and not his face. “Are YOU?”

Kara laughed and shook her head at that. He was wearing the suit Winn had given her, which she’d held onto for whenever, if ever, Mon-El decided to be a hero again. She had been hesitant to give it to him, knowing it had come from Winn might not help him, but he’d just taken a breath and remarked that it would help the humans feel safer to see someone that looked like a hero. The design and colors were so different than the Daxamite armor, he’d just said it would help them trust him more.

Every time she saw him in that suit though…it was admittedly a little hard to keep her focus on the situation at hand. It wasn’t her fault he looked good in it. 

Kara shook her head from her thoughts and zoomed through the air, making a small race of it, who could get to the library faster…she hadn’t even realized something was off till she zoomed past Mon-El who froze mid-flight.

A split second later, she looked down at the ground to see J’onn standing there with his arms crossed instead of the random agent they were expecting. Her gaze snapped back at Mon-El who was staring in horror, his face pale, his heart racing from where she could hear it. She could see his body starting to shake and knew he wouldn’t be able to maintain his flight much longer as shock was clearly settling in.

She felt her jaw clench at the sight of her mate so shaken and so suddenly and turned, launching herself at J’onn and punching the unsuspecting Martian as hard as she could when she reached him. J’onn flew back at least ten feet, would have flown back farther had it not been for the DEO van parked behind him that he’d crashed into, denting firmly.

“We had a deal!” Kara shouted at him, anger clear in the way her words came out more like a snarl.

“Supergirl…” J’onn grunted, trying to stand up from the out-of-nowhere attack.

But Kara shook her head, already able to hear Mon-El muttering to himself. “Save the city yourselves!”

The DEO could handle a handful of Daxamites. Guardian had taken on a few, so had Alex, J’onn could as well. She didn’t care if they had to amass the entire DEO force to do it, she had given them VERY clear conditions for the help of Supergirl and Valor and NONE of them were that difficult to follow. The DEO had disregarded her requests, and now Mon-El was suffering because of it. If the DEO couldn’t respect her wishes in such a simple matter, then they could do this by themselves. Let them continue to face the consequences of ignoring aliens and treating them like they were tools instead of people.

They knew, they HAD to know that Mon-El would be there with her. The DEO’s job was to monitor aliens, and SHE was an alien. She knew they were following her progress as Supergirl, they had to know she was never without Valor. They knew he’d be there, he’d come with her, and they’d still ignored her request and sent J’onn?!

She turned and shot up into the air, catching Mon-El as he began to fall from his flight and pulled him away from the library, not caring if anyone saw Supergirl flying him towards Kara Danvers’ loft, too focused on how he was hyperventilating in her arms, shaking so badly she was almost sure he was having a seizure and that was FAR more worrying to her in that moment than anyone working out her identiy.

“Mon-El,” she quickly got him to her couch, sitting him down, letting him lean over to place his head nearer his knees, encouraging him to breathe. “Mon-El, baby, breathe, please.”

“C…can’t…” was his shuddering reply.

His eyes were shut tightly, he was shaking his head, his hands clenched into fists so tight his knuckles were going white.

Kara quickly moved to sit next to him, pulling him into her arms and holding him tightly. “Breathe with me,” she murmured, taking his hand to place it on the center of her chest, letting him feel as she inhaled and exhaled deeply, murmuring into his ear “in” and “out,” her heart racing as he struggled just to breathe.

“He…he was…there…” Mon-El struggled to speak. “Why…”

“I don’t know,” Kara soothed, hearing him at least breathing in time with her. “I’m sorry. He shouldn’t have been.”

Mon-El shook more in her arms and she gripped him tighter. He was whispering now, under his breath, but she could still hear him. He was begging her not to let them take him again, pleading with his gods that he wasn’t going back, asking her if it was really over, if he was safe.

Her heart shattered at his last request. He never asked that once he was in her arms, when it was just the two of them in her loft, in a safe space for him. Seeing J’onn again, having not expected him, it had shaken Mon-El to the core, far more than either of them expected. And now? Now he didn’t even feel safe with her anymore.

Because of J’onn. Because she had brought him there, because SHE had been the one to ensure and reassure him that it wouldn’t be J’onn…and it HAD been. He’d trusted her word, he’d trusted HER, and J’onn appearing had tarnished that. She knew, in his right mind, he wouldn’t blame her, would understand that she had done all she could to make sure it wasn’t J’onn or Alex or anyone else that had hurt him standing there. But right now, all he could see was J’onn there waiting for him after she’d promised him it would be someone else.

“You’re safe,” she repeated, pressing a kiss to his hair, tears in her eyes as she rocked him in her arms. “You’re safe. You’re with me, you’re safe. I won’t let them get you. I won’t let anyone hurt you, ever again. I promise you, I swear, Mon-El, you’re safe with me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She swallowed hard as she continued to hold him, willing herself to be strong as he fought to break through the mess of memories J’onn’s presence brought up, through the onslaught of painful flashbacks he was undoubtedly experiencing. This was not what she wanted, she never wanted him to feel this pain again, to be triggered by something like seeing J’onn had. She wanted to protect him from that, keep him safe, and she’d failed.

She felt her anger flare at J’onn, at the DEO, at what happened. If they thought they could get away with this? With pulling a stunt like this? With hurting Mon-El again after all they’d done to him already? They had another thing coming.

Let them beg for Supergirl’s help again and see what came from it.

Because she swore then and there, she would refuse. The DEO was going to have to hold its own till they learned how to actually RESPECT aliens. And if they tried something like this again? She had no doubt that Kara Danvers would have no qualms writing a scathing article, with Supergirl as her main source, denouncing the DEO and their numerous breaches of ethics and law.

See them recover from THAT one.

She closed her eyes tightly and pulled Mon-El closer, first though…first she would ensure Mon-El recovered from this. She didn’t doubt nightmares would be coming for days after this, but she would be there through all of them, she would not fail him again. If she couldn’t protect him from the things that triggered him, she could protect him in the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to end the flashback series on Mon-El being confronted by one of the faces of those that hurt him when he wasn't expecting it from them. I feel like he'd expect Alex to disregard his feelings, but J'onn wasn't someone he expected that from :-(
> 
> I enjoyed writing Kara's fury though :-)
> 
> I imagine that it wasn't actually Daxamites returned or cured of lead but humans who stole the armor or were given it by CADMUS to cause trouble not actual Daxamites ;-)


	21. For the Win(n)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Resuming the main story ;-)

Kara was on the offensive the second that word left Mon-El’s mouth, storming down the hall towards the human scrambling to get to his feet. “What do you think you’re DOING here?”

“I’m sorry!” Winn called quickly, backing up, actually afraid of the angry look in Kara’s eye. “I’m sorry, I just…I had to…”

“To WHAT?” Kara demanded, grabbing the front of his shirt and shoving him (as gently as she could with a human she was angry at) back against a wall. “I told you to stay away, Winn! I warned the DEO that…”

“I’m not with the DEO,” Winn cut in, shaking. 

Kara just glared at him. “DEO agents are always on the clock.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” He swallowed hard. “I meant…I’m not…I don’t work for them anymore.”

“And you what, thought you could just show up and…”

“Kara,” Mon-El’s voice cut in.

Before Winn could even blink, Kara had let him go and was at Mon-El’s side, standing in front of the man, cupping his face in her hands, her expression having morphed from murderous to concerned so quickly his head spun and he nearly slid down the wall in relief that Supergirl’s attention was directed somewhere else.

“Are you ok?” Kara was murmuring to Mon-El, toughing him lightly to reassure him. “Let’s get you inside. I’ll deal with him and…”

But Mon-El shook his head gently, reaching up to touch her wrists, his grip tighter than Winn knew a human could withstand but not harming Kara. “I…” He took a deep breath, gathering himself and closing his eyes a moment. “We should…hear him out.”

The hallway fell deadly silent at his words.

“What?” Kara whispered, confused.

“What?” Winn repeated, stunned.

Mon-El, however, nodded, his gaze fixed on Kara. “Something’s wrong,” was all he could say before he turned and picked up the bag he’d dropped, moving to unlock Kara’s door and head into the loft.

Kara stood there a moment longer, blinking, seeming both surprised and unsurprised at what had just happened. And it would be true to say she felt both. Surprised because Winn had hurt Mon-El deeply and he had every right to NEVER want to speak to the man again and she never expected him to, had done everything she could to keep him from being haunted and hurt by those that had harmed him in the past.

…and unsurprised because even she could admit something had clearly upset Winn deeply enough for him to show up at her loft, knowing her threats to stay away were real, knowing the pain his betrayal had caused Mon-El…and he’d still appeared. 

Winn had been the only one to take her words and request to heart and respect their wishes to stay away from them. For him to show up? She could admit something had to be deeply wrong for that to happen. And Mon-El was too good a person to ignore something like that and send Winn away.

She let out a breath and turned slowly to look at Winn, the man seeming nearly ready to slump down the wall in his shock. “You have five minutes,” she warned, before following Mon-El into the loft.

It was a testament to how well she’d come to know Mon-El that the sight of him already in the kitchen, his focus on something he was superspeeding through putting together, didn’t surprise her. When he’d found out that cooking really helped him distract himself, be productive, and feel good about himself after what he’d been through, to know that he could still make other people feel better even if not in the same way he used to, he’d cooked up so many deserts she hadn’t had to order any food for a moment. He’d burned through all the cookbooks in her house and even went out to buy more that featured food from other countries to try. 

It was something he did when he was particularly on edge too, like after a nightmare, he would just cook and cook and cook. Sometimes he cooked so much not even SHE could eat all of it with his help and Lena over, to the point where he’d bring the leftovers to the nearest soup kitchen. He didn’t quite seem on that path now, she could recognize what he was beating together from where she stood, especially when chocolate chips and caramel bits were added into the batter, the oven already on and heating up. He was making caramel chocolate chip cookies, one of his favorites. It was a comfort, she knew, he was going to need to fortify the loft with everything he could think of to make him still feel safe and secure now that Winn was entering. He’d sit on their couch, with his favorite blanket that he swore smelled like her pulled onto his lap, her beside him, with the TV on and playing his favorite movie for background noise. He’d have his favorite cookies baking, filling the loft with warm and cozy smells, as many positive factors as he could cram into the seconds it would take for Winn to take a seat.

This was his safe haven, his safe space, a place where Alex and the others could not breach like they could in public settings such as CatCo and the bar. And he had just invited someone that had hurt him badly into it. 

She just hoped this was not going to blow up in their faces, that Winn wasn’t about to make it that much worse with his presence. She wanted to believe it wouldn’t, she wanted to believe that some part of Winn did actually care about Mon-El, but she’d learned enough from her belief in certain humans close to her before that they could be the biggest disappointments and the betrayal from them hurt the worst.

She moved to Mon-El’s side, winding her arms around him from behind, resting her chin on the back of his shoulder, just squeezing him in a light pressure so he would know she was there. A moment later she felt him rest a hand on one of hers, squeezing it in return. She pressed a kiss to his shoulder and stepped away, looking at Winn with a hard expression as he lingered in the doorway. She strode forward and grabbed one of the chairs from her dining room table and set it up in front of her couch. 

“Sit.”

Winn jumped at the sudden command but hurried to do just that.

Kara observed him for a moment, able to see Mon-El spooning dollops of dough onto a pan quickly from her periphery. She could…admit that Winn did look bad. He was pale, his eyes red, he looked thinner than normal and he was sitting in a way that she’d never really seen him sit before. Hunched over, his hands ringing between his knees, his legs jerking in nerves, his gaze fixed on the ground like he couldn’t bear to look up at her. He was breathing heavily, but also in a shaky pattern, sniffling slightly, only letting go of the death grip he had on his hands to wipe at his nose, squeezing his eyes shut tight for a moment or two before shaking his head to force them open. There were bags under his eyes and his hair was flat and greasy. Even his clothing looked as worn as he did.

She was sure her stance, her arms crossed, face set in a hard look, wasn’t helping him relax or feel comfortable and that was fine with her. He didn’t deserve any of that after the role he’d played in what happened to Mon-El. 

“Tea?”

But, of course, Mon-El would offer that.

A part of her had to laugh at how their roles had reversed when it came to certain humans. Years ago she would have been the one wanting to comfort someone, never wanting them to feel bad or afraid or hurt. She still was, with every other person on the planet but five. But those five she just couldn’t bring herself to want to make Winn feel better no matter how bad he looked. He hadn’t been there, he hadn’t seen the damage he’d done to Mon-El, he hadn’t had to endure years of watching the person he loved struggle just to sleep through the night and find his confidence, his strength again. She looked at Winn and all she saw was the weeks and months and years Mon-El had spent fighting his way from the torment he’d endured to build himself back up again.

Years ago, Mon-El would have been the one to turn someone he didn’t care for away without a second thought. He would have been the one to not really care about the humans on the planet and SHE would be the one chastising him for his lack of empathy. 

The tables had certainly turned because she just wanted Winn out of her loft and away from Mon-El, and Mon-El was the one offering tea to the clearly frazzled and on edge man.

“What?” Winn looked over, startled he’d been offered anything. “Oh, um, no. No. It’s…it’s fine.”

Mon-El swallowed hard but nodded, setting the pan of cookies into the oven and making his way to the couch. 

Kara smiled as she saw him do exactly what she’d imagined, settling down with her blanket over his knees, flicking the TV on at a low setting and looking to her. She moved to sit beside him, moving the blanket so she could share his warmth and show him she was with him all the way.

She took his hand under the cover of the blanket and turned to Winn. “Why are you here?”

Winn just stared at them, though his gaze was more on Mon-El, staring at the man as though seeing a ghost…which she mused was a likely situation. Winn hadn’t seen or had contact with Mon-El in years now and this was the first time after the incident that he was even in the same room as the man.

“I’m sorry.”

Mon-El looked away at that, feeling Kara squeezing his hand but he said nothing.

Winn winced. “I know,” he added quickly. “I know, too little too late, I know, I…I KNOW.” His voice cracked, making Mon-El look up again. “I’m sorry, Mon-El. I’m so, so sorry. I…Kara was right. You were my friend, one of my best friends, and I…I chose a job over your safety. I should have called her, I shouldn’t have cared. I should have just…damned the consequences and done the right thing like a real hero would have. I should have called and told her exactly what was happening, whether I got found out or not. I should have…hacked the system, shut down the DEO, gotten you out, TRIED. But I didn’t. Because I was scared and I wasn’t brave enough to stand up to J’onn or Alex or the envoy and because of that you got hurt.”

“He was tortured, Winn,” Kara cut in, firm in her tone. 

Winn, who was shaking now, tears actually in his eyes, nodded. “Yeah,” he murmured. “You were tortured. And I didn’t do anything to stop it. And I could have. But I didn’t. I chose the DEO over you and…I never should have. And I’m…I’m not saying that like I’m only just now regretting what I did, because the DEO didn’t turn out to be how I thought it would or anything,” he quickly explained. “I regretted it as it was happening. I argued with myself the entire time to just…just let Supergirl KNOW and I have regretted it every single minute since then. I…I knew what the DEO was like, I’d been there a year before all this happened, they already weren’t like I imagined, but…I…I still stayed.”

Mon-El was quiet as he listened to Winn talk, as he absorbed what he was saying. He’d been…afraid, to hear it, to really listen to Winn’s excuses when it all had happened. There had been so many possibilities running through his mind about why Winn would have picked the DEO over helping him. Kara was even angrier in the things she thought about his reasons and justifications and excuses. To him though…he just thought…Winn didn’t care. He always knew Winn cared more about Kara than him, he understood that, would never fault anyone for feeling that way. 

But a part of him had just been so hurt that someone he considered his best friend on the planet, would choose a job over him. 

“Why now?” he asked before he even realized he’d spoken, seeming to startle Kara and Winn by speaking. 

“What?” Winn shook his head.

“You left the DEO,” he recalled Winn mentioning. “Why now?”

Winn nodded, seeing the question. If he felt so bad about what had happened, WHY had he STAYED there so long, why only leave NOW? 

“I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“…take what?” This time it was Kara who spoke, her voice curious but cautious.

Winn glanced between them. “Being there. Being involved. Always wondering if the information I was giving them was going to lead to…to…”

“Torture,” Mon-El finished.

Winn nodded. “To someone’s information being used against them. Wondering if the DEO was actually taking in the right hostage. If they were “questioning” the right aliens. If the questioning was just questioning. To…to seeing all of them every single day and knowing that they’d done something…so awful,” he shuddered at that, squeezing his eyes shut as though he were trying to block something out. “I had to go there, to that building, where my friend was tortured, every day, to see the people who stood by and let it happen, the ones who got involved IN it, the ones who just went about their business as though what was happening was normal! I couldn’t…I tried…I tried to stay but I just…I can’t take it anymore. I can’t do it.”

“You tried to stay?” Kara repeated. “You didn’t WANT to stay?” That didn’t make sense.

Winn let out a breath, quickly wiping beneath his eyes as the conversation was clearly getting to him deeply. “Honestly, I had my resignation all planned out when I gave you the suit. I was…I was going to turn it in after I dropped it off.”

“Why…” Mon-El hesitated, not sure if he wanted to know. “Why didn’t you?” Because clearly he hadn’t.

“Because of you.”

Kara tensed beside him. “What is THAT supposed to mean?” she threatened.

Winn quickly looked away, down at his twisting hands. “You were tortured. You had to endure all…all that. It was only fair.”

“You are NOT comparing physical torture via electrocution to working at a job!” Kara snapped, making Winn flinch.

“No, no, of course not, no!” he quickly defended. “I just…I had to stay. Because I deserved it.”

“I don’t…” Mon-El shook his head, lost.

“I didn’t deserve to leave that hell hole,” Winn cut in. “I didn’t stop it, so I didn’t deserve to get out when you couldn’t. You were trapped there, because I didn’t do anything. I could leave, whenever I wanted, but I shouldn’t, because you couldn’t. I had to stay, because it was all I could do to…”

“To punish yourself,” Mon-El realized, all too familiar with the concept of self-punishment over things that were your fault and were forgiven too easily, and over things that weren’t your fault but you felt like they were. 

“Yeah,” Winn whispered, rubbing at his face. “I hated it,” he admitted quietly enough that only superhearing would pick it up. “Every day, seeing those people, knowing what they did. Feeling that…that disgust and self-loathing and guilt and I…I tried,” he looked at them, begging them to understand. “I tried to stay. I swore I’d stay. I don’t deserve to get away when you couldn’t. But I just…I can’t anymore. This last week…”

Kara and Mon-El looked at each other for that, knowing that their week away certainly had been felt in the city then, especially by the DEO.

“It was like I got to see what would have happened if they…if Kara hadn’t gotten to you in time,” Winn continued, not noticing their looks. “If you’d…if you’d died?” he had to stop himself, his voice cracking. “If that envoy had…had done too much and killed you?”

He didn’t have to say more, they all knew where he was going with that. If the envoy had killed Mon-El, Kara would have left. Point blank. She would have left the city and never ever returned. She’d have gone to Clark or somewhere else, anything but be around them. The city be damned if the DEO had killed Mon-El. 

This past week must have been just like a taste of that, Mon-El gone and Kara nowhere to be found.

“I just…I couldn’t anymore,” Winn finished. “It was too much, I just…I started to think they had,” he added in a quiet admission. “I started to wonder if I’d just imagined you being rescued and I…” He shook his head. “I couldn’t stay anymore. I tried. I tried, and I’m so sorry, but I just…I couldn’t…”

Mon-El couldn’t help but watch with a frown as Winn started to break down in front of him, curling in on himself as the weight of everything crashed on him. 

He wouldn’t lie and say that he wasn’t angry with Winn for what had happened, the man himself had admitted he had the power to do SOMETHING to help him but hadn’t. But he’d also admitted he was scared of Alex and J’onn and losing everything he had in the DEO. He would be a hypocrite if he was angry with Winn for that. He himself had been in the same place, had felt the same way. He had been at a place of being scared to be a hero, of not wanting to do something even when he had the power to do it. He had been at a point where he’d done things and not done things for the sake of not losing something he had, in Kara, and just…made mistakes. He had been lucky that his mistakes hadn’t harmed people the way Winn’s had him, but…they were mistakes.

And Winn was clearly so, SO sorry for them. The man had tormented himself by forcing himself to be around people he associated with such a horrible thing, in a place that made him feel awful about himself and made every day more like an agony than a day at work. He’d punished himself in any way he could, because he felt like he deserved it for betraying his friend the way he had.

A person who wasn’t sorry would never have endured all that for years on end.

Mon-El stood, feeling Kara’s eyes on him as he set the blanket aside and made his way over to Winn. He hesitated before he reached out and touched Winn’s shoulder, gripping it cautiously as he pulled the man up. 

He could see the instant Winn realized it was him before him, the way his face scrunched like he was going to be hit or like he was about to be kicked out. He could see the instant Winn felt that his apologies and explanation, his efforts, weren’t enough and that he’d have to go the rest of his life with this weight and burden on his shoulders, this guilt eating him alive. A part of him wanted to let it happen, a bitter part of him that still burned with pain at having his closest friend abandon him.

Another part of him had seen and endured enough pain to last a lifetime, he didn’t want to add anymore, to himself or others.

And another part of him just…missed his friend who was proving he truly was SORRY.

Kara felt herself give a small smile when Mon-El pulled Winn into a tight (for a human) hug, the smaller human breaking down completely as he apologized over and over, with Mon-El murmuring words of forgiveness right back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwww :'-) 
> 
> I felt like, of all the people that hurt Mon-El, Winn was the one that did the least but DID still hurt him in his inaction. Winn was the unexpected one, so scared of losing his dream job and standing up to Alex or J'onn (which, let's be honest, is really understandable because they are really scary on a good day lol), that he let bad things happen when he could have stopped them. 
> 
> But I also felt like, of all the people that hurt Mon-El, Winn would be the one that actually took it hardest and regretted it the most. He would be someone that would struggle with it and feel that guilt every day and do what he could to make up for it in his own way, by punishing himself. But Winn is only human and he couldn't keep up with the torment and the self-loathing and the struggle that working for an organization that he'd become so disillusioned by would bring up.
> 
> In the end, I felt like WInn would truly be SORRY and feel that regret and guilt and learn from it, in a way the others wouldn't. And that would be worthy of forgiveness from Mon-El :'-)


	22. Lazy Mornings

“You know, some people would find that creepy,” Mon-El remarked, his voice heavy with sleep.

Kara couldn’t help but smile as she watched him slowly waking up, the two of them lying in their bed in her loft, the sun streaming in through the windows. 

She was…exhausted, but she knew Mon-El was more so than she was. With the emotional turmoil of Winn’s sudden appearance and his “heartfelt” apologies. She wasn’t sure how much she believed it, but she knew she was biased. Mon-El had chosen to believe Winn was being sincere, had chosen the road of forgiveness, like a true hero. And since HE was the one that had been harmed most by what happened with the DEO, she would let him take the lead in this situation. She wasn’t saying she was going to forgive Winn, she honestly wasn’t sure if she would ever forgive him no matter how sorry he was. But Mon-El had, so she would at least try (TRY) to be civil with the man, for Mon-El’s sake. 

But Rao forbid if Winn EVER did anything to harm Mon-El again, all bets would be off.

Winn’s appearance had worn Mon-El out on an emotional level, her own exhaustion was the result of a more physical brand. She hadn’t slept at all. Winn had left shortly after Mon-El had hugged him, swearing up and down that he was serious and he had left the DEO, that he’d be ok and he’d do something better with his life, that he’d be a better person. She and Mon-El had just gone to bed, too tired to even think about staying awake even a moment longer.

Well…Mon-El had gone to bed. She had watched over him as he drifted off, too overwhelmed by everything to stay awake. He’d tried, which she had found adorable, seeing him fighting to stay awake, preferring to fall asleep with her together, but she had been too wired to sleep and instead had just settled for stroking the length of his nose. He’d smiled at the action as he finally fell asleep.

She’d thought, for a moment, that she’d follow him into sleep, that she would relax enough eventually and drift off. But it never happened…and she was glad for it. She’d spent the entire night awake, half unable and unwilling to take her eyes off him, reminded of how close she’d come to losing him. The other half of her hadn’t wanted to sleep for fear of him having a nightmare. They had learned that seeing the ones that had hurt him triggered his nightmares, so she’d been on edge, afraid that Winn’s arrival would do just that and trigger one for him. She’d wanted to be ready this time, now that she had been there when the encounter happened, now that she knew ahead of time a nightmare could come. 

She had been surprised and relieved when he’d slept the entire night.

And seeing him waking up with a smile on his face? She couldn’t find words to describe how that made her feel.

She didn’t want to get her hopes up that the next night would be the same, that it would be calm, that he’d sleep through it. But at least that night had been a good one. At least last night he’d faced someone that had hurt him and been able to sleep.

It was a good sign, whether or not he slept the next night, that he’d managed THIS one. 

Her mind drifted to her conversation with Clark, to how she finally felt ready to move on, to start new, to start a life with Mon-El, just them (and of course, Lena visiting frequently). Maybe this was a sign, maybe this was Rao’s way of telling her it was the right thing to do. Of all the people that had hurt Mon-El, Winn’s inaction had cut him the deepest. Winn had been a friend, had been closer to Mon-El than Alex or J’onn or James ever had been. What the others did to Mon-El was terrible and had hurt him deeply on a more physical level and mental level, Winn’s had been emotional and those often took the most to heal. 

She knew that, when it came to Alex or J’onn or James, Mon-El didn’t feel the same way. He had never expected them to ever pick him over HER. He had fully expected them to do what they had, or something like it, to hurt him if it meant saving Kara. But Winn, he had expected Winn to at least try to help him out, to see past that fear for Kara and to care about HIM even just a little. Mon-El wouldn’t care the same way about an apology or guilt given by J’onn or the others the way he would Winn.

Of all the people that hurt him, Winn was the one holding Mon-El back from healing, at least that’s how she felt from what she knew about it all. Mon-El had made peace with what the others chose to do nearly the exact moment they did it. Well, not made peace, but he wasn’t surprised or shocked. He cared more about the fact that they had been important people to HER than any relationship he’d had with them. Winn was the one getting to him even now.

There was something poetic about it, healing and all, about what happened last night. That Mon-El had made peace with the one that had held him back, kept him from truly letting go. He could go his entire life not caring if he saw Alex again or spoke to J’onn or even waved at James, but Winn had been his friend. Winn had been the one to watch movies with him and show him TV shows and geek out. Winn had been the one to help him adapt to Earth while she had been busy between CatCo and Supergirl. Winn was the one he’d go to bars with and hang out, play video games, and read comic books with. Winn had become a part of Mon-El’s life the way Lena had hers, a true friend…or so he’d thought. 

Now that Winn was back, now that he was able to express his guilt and sorrow and beg for forgiveness, Mon-El could finally see just how much Winn regretted what happened, how much he suffered the loss of his friend just like HE had. A small niggling thought filtered through her mind that, maybe she should have let Winn speak to Mon-El sooner…but another part reminded her that Winn had chosen to stay away until he couldn’t bear it anymore. SHE wasn’t really keeping Winn from Mon-El, hindering his healing, she’d asked him once to respect Mon-El’s healing and stay back. He had.

It felt like everything was starting to come together now. Maybe Winn came to Mon-El at the right time for both of them. It was a feeling in her gut that any time before now would have been too soon, would have been the wrong time for all of them. Now though? Mon-El had that peace back, Winn had broken from the DEO, Lena’s corporation was massive and still growing, and she and Mon-El were engaged. They were going to get married and start a new life together…she just had to talk to him about where he might want that life to be planted.

But that could wait till they were both more awake than they were. 

“If you thought it was creepy,” she murmured, tracing his cheek. “You wouldn’t do it to me every other morning.”

Mon-El smiled wider before his eyes fluttered open, turning on his side to face her more. “You love it.”

“I do,” she admitted. “Do you?”

“Hmm,” he hummed, a hand coming up to wipe the sleep from his eyes. “Having you gazing at me and admiring how handsome your fiancé is? Nah, hate it.”

She laughed, shoving him playfully. “Shut up.”

He chuckled, taking the hand she’d pushed him with and lacing their fingers together, kissing the back of it. 

“You’re in a good mood,” she remarked. And he was, joking and smiling at her after the night they’d had. He always tried to joke when he woke up from a nightmare or two, tried to make her feel better, tried to play off how bad he felt. But it always felt forced, she could always tell when he was pushing himself to put on airs for her. 

This wasn’t one of those times, this time it was genuine and light.

“I’m waking up next to the most beautiful woman on the planet,” he remarked easily. “Who I am also, lucky enough, now engaged to. Why wouldn’t I be in a good mood?”

“I’m glad you’re happy,” she whispered, leaning in to kiss him.

He hummed in contentment, pulling back but not far, their noses and forehead still touching. “You make me happy.”

“I’m glad.” She tilted her head to look at him, seeing him so relaxed and at ease, she almost hesitated to ask what she wanted. But times like these were rare in and of itself, where they could lie in bed together without needing to rush to get ready for the day. Where he was just that peaceful that she knew she could ask him anything and he’d give his honest answer. “What do you think about Winn?”

To her relief, his expression didn’t harden or change much. He became more thoughtful, but the smile was still on his face.

“I want to believe him,” Mon-El told her after a minute of silence.

Kara nodded, understanding that feeling quite well. There had been people in her past, her own family, that she wanted to believe the best in, that she wanted to believe when they told her they’d change or that they were sorry. The old her would have smiled and encouraged him to believe it, to put his trust and faith in Winn. 

The new her just kept thinking of Alex, how she’d killed Astra, her aunt, how she’d believed how sorry Alex was over that, how pained she was, how Alex had regretted it and hated that she’d had to hurt someone Kara loved. She remembered how she’d believed her sister, how she’d thought Alex had only done it as a last resort…only to have her be so ready to let Mon-El die too after beating him up herself. She had learned from her mistakes, she had learned not to trust so easily or forgive so readily. 

It was one thing if she hurt herself doing that, it was another thing if someone else got hurt. She wasn’t going to let her blind optimism affect Mon-El, she would never forgive herself if she pushed him to forgive and trust Winn only for it to blow up in their faces.

“Actions will speak louder than words,” was all she could offer.

Winn could say he was sorry all he wanted, he could express his guilt and horror as much as he could, but it would take time for him to actually PROVE it to them. Prove that he was on their side now, prove that he wouldn’t make this same mistake again. 

“That’s what I was thinking,” Mon-El agreed. He fell quiet another minute, his gaze falling to her hands as he idly played with her fingers.

“What?” she murmured, shifting slightly to tilt her head down and catch his eye. 

“Do you think I’m making a mistake?” He looked up at her.

She considered his words. “I think…I want to believe him too,” she offered. Her thoughts on the situation were far more biased than Mon-El’s and it was HIS feelings that were more important at the moment. “He was your friend.”

“My best friend,” Mon-El mused lightly. 

“Which is why it hurt more,” Kara finished, catching his eye again. 

“Yeah.”

“Betrayal never comes from enemies,” she remarked wisely.

She’d heard that phrase once, a very long time ago, and she hadn’t really understood it. Who else would betray you if not enemies? Allies wouldn’t betray you, friends and family wouldn’t. It had seemed such a foreign concept, that someone who claimed to care about you would betray you. Now she realized how true it was. Because betrayal could only happen when someone was unfaithful, and in order for that to happen, faith had to be given in the first place. Trust had to be given in order to be broken. The only people a person would trust is someone close to them. 

Mon-El snorted at that. “Truer words were never spoken.”

Kara eyed him oddly when he looked away a moment later, back down at her hands, fiddling with the engagement ring around her finger, an odd look on his face.

“Mon-El?” There had been something off in his tone as well and she felt a pit of worry open in her stomach.

“I um…I…I was…Clark…”

“Hey,” Kara soothed quickly, seeing him struggling to try and speak and get his thoughts out. “Hey, it’s ok…”

“I feel like it really isn’t,” he mumbled.

“Mon-El, whatever it is, you can tell me. You know that.”

“Yeah.” He swallowed hard, closing his eyes tight for a moment before opening them.

“What is it?” she asked, seeing regret in his eyes, apprehension and reluctance as well.

“I…there’s something that…that I should talk to you about,” he began. “I should have a long time ago but I just…I was afraid if I said anything that…we…you…us…”

“You…thought we would…what?” She shook her head. “…break up?”

He gave her a jerking nod, making that pit grow wider. “I was afraid that I’d say the wrong thing and it would just blow up in my face.”

Kara inhaled sharply at that, unable to stop her mind from flashing to the times he had confessed something to her only for her to react the entirely wrong way and break his heart. She hadn’t set the best example, but she was trying to do better.

“That won’t happen,” she promised, squeezing his hand. “Because this,” she wiggled her finger, the ring glinting in the sunlight. “Means you and I, together, always.”

He smiled at the sight of the ring, at her words and steeled himself to tell her what had been weighing on him for so long. “I…I loved my parents,” he began, halting every so often to speak. “I trusted them and I cared about them and they…they weren’t good people. They hurt me and they hurt you and they just…my family turned their backs on me.”

“Go on,” she encouraged when he fell silent.

“I liked Alex and J’onn and James and Winn,” he added. “I trusted them, and I cared about them, they were…they were like a family to me. And they hurt me, hurt you, turned their backs on me…”

Kara nodded along, a frown growing on her face now, that pit nearly swallowing her stomach whole.

“I just…I haven’t had the best record of trusting and caring about the right people,” he looked away now. “I haven’t had the best record of loving people who won’t betray me in the end.”

She knew exactly where he was going with that comment. Years ago she would have blown up at him for it, gone off on him for daring to doubt how much she loved him. She would have yelled at him about not trusting her and thrown him out of her loft for it, claiming that they couldn’t possibly have a relationship if he didn’t trust her.

Years ago was years ago and this was now. This was now, with her older and wiser, with their relationship more solid, with their bond stronger, and with her now having a deeper understanding of who he was and why he was the way he was.

And right now, she understood where he was coming from. Life had not given him the best examples of what a loving and trusting relationship should be. 

“I’m sorry.”

Kara’s eyes snapped up when Mon-El apologized, guilt and anger etched in his expression, anger at himself. Already he was apologizing for how he felt. And that wouldn’t do.

“I understand.”

The way Mon-El looked up, so shocked, like he honestly couldn’t believe she wasn’t angry at him, broke her heart. 

“I didn’t mean to…”

“Hey,” she cut in gently, touching his cheek, smiling even though she felt the tears in her eyes. “Actions speak louder. And my actions in the past haven’t exactly screamed committed relationship.”

“That’s not true. You've done nothing but be by my side and support me, take care of me and...”

“At first it was,” she reminded him. “I kept…writing you off, even after we got together. I kept sending you away instead of listening to you. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t leave me after how I treated you.”

“I wouldn’t,” he rushed to reassure her.

“And I won’t,” she picked up. “I love you, Mon-El, and all I want is to protect you from all that pain, to bring you peace and comfort and love. And this,” she wiggled the ring again. “Is my promise to you, that I am in it for the long haul. You are it for me. I pick you, I choose you, and I always will, no matter what.”

He let out a breath at that, smiling at her promise, at how she phrased it.

“And I will spend however long it takes to prove it to you in my actions, that I am always going to be on your side,” she finished.

“You have,” he murmured. “These last few years, you’ve done…everything to prove that. And I know it here,” he tugged her hand over to rest on his heart. “I know it. But…here…” he tapped his temple with his other hand. “It’s like I just keep waiting for that other shoe to drop and for you to realize I’m not worth it.”

“You are worth everything,” she hurried to tell him.

He smiled at that. “I just feel like everything I’ve learned has tried to warn me that loving people means they can betray me and that…that they will betray me. And I know you wouldn’t. I feel that. I’ve…I’ve never felt that sure about anything in my life as I am that you and I are forever. The last few years have proven that. It’s just harder to get my head to push those thoughts away.”

“And I understand,” Kara added, knowing it wasn’t him saying he didn’t trust her or trying to insult her faithfulness that he honestly thought, or a part of him did, that she’d just betray him like all the rest. His experiences HAD taught him this, and his experiences had been brutal.

“So…you’re not mad?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I’m honestly happy that you’re talking to me about this instead of keeping it in any longer.”

“Clark might have pushed me to finally talk to you about it,” he admitted.

“I’ll send him a fruit basket.”

Mon-El laughed at that. “I would have talked to you eventually…”

She snorted at that, rushing to cover her nose with a hand at the embarrassing sound. “I’m glad you did it now though.”

And she was. Because…because now might be the best time to bring up her own talk with her cousin. As they had determined with Winn, actions would speak louder than words. Maybe that was something Mon-El needed to really see that she was with him all the way, that it was going to be them against the world (with Lena’s assistance of course). Maybe now would be the right time to talk to him about her desire to move somewhere else, just the two of them, to start a new life together…

So, of course, the second she opened her mouth to do just that…

The phone rang.

Kara groaned and buried her face into his chest as Mon-El laughed. “Can we pretend we aren’t back yet?”

“I’m all for it,” he agreed, kissing the top of her head, the tense moment broken for now.

Both of them fell silent though, listening for the voicemail to pick up, even if they didn’t answer…if it was serious or an emergency, they needed to know.

“Hey guys, it’s me,” Lena’s voice came out, sounding cheerful but too much so…which faded when her voice became serious. “I know you’re back, don't you dare think you can get away with a lie in. There's something we need to talk about. Do you want to explain to me why I just got an application in for a position at L-Corp…from Winn?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted a nice fluffy chapter :-) I feel like early mornings, when people are able to just lay in bed together in peace, those are the best times for semi-serious conversations. You're both in a good mood, both content, and together :-)
> 
> I had to rewrite this chapter as I power outage at my house deleted the entire thing just as I was nearly done with it the other day :-( But, on a good news sort of thing, I added twice as much fluff :-) It was originally a serious conversation over breakfast and I wanted to make up for the delay with more fluff :-)


	23. Your Luthor is Showing...

“Wow.”

Mon-El chuckled at Lena’s reaction to Winn’s appearance and the talk they’d had with him. He reached out and took Kara’s hand, the woman switching her fork to her other hand in order to hold his back. It always warmed him so much when she did that, he knew how important food was to her and any time she shared with him or made some sort of effort to show her attention or affection to him even WITH food sitting right there, he couldn’t help but smile. 

“Yeah,” Kara murmured, though her tone was somewhat flat, being careful not to show too much of her suspicion in Winn even though she knew Mon-El could tell. He could read her like a book.

Lena let out a breath and fell back on her chair, just looking at them, or at least trying to make it seem like she was looking at the two of them when she was really more focused on Mon-El. Having Winn show up out of the blue couldn’t have been easy for him to handle. Being honest, she was surprised Winn was still alive given how Kara felt about him and the whole of the DEO for what they’d done. 

She’d been very confused and highly suspicious when she’d been going through the latest applications to L-Corp positions that were forwarded to her by her HR team. She was thinking now she should have actually blacklisted the names of any and all DEO agents, but she’d never ever considered that any of them would dare associate themselves with her or be stupid enough to apply for a position at her company given her very clear alliance with the Supers.

Her mind had instantly gone to the thought that Winn was trying to get into her company to spy on her or steal her information or something. 

But the position he’d applied for was so…out of his specialty and so low on the totem pole that it would have been impossible for him to even try. He wouldn’t even have access to a computer to hack into for that matter. L-Corp had a small cafeteria on the lower level for the employees. And Winn had applied to be a dishwasher. Of all things, of all the positions (and there WAS a rather high tech position he would have been more than qualified to fill) he had picked that? It was so contrary to what she knew of his skills that she’d instantly thought it suspicious, that it was a ploy to lower her guard, to get him into the building and blend into the background or something.

So she’d called Kara and Mon-El, told them that she’d be reserving them a table at one of the more breakfast/brunch style restaurants and she’d expect them there within the hour. This was something that had to be talked about in person and not over the phone where the DEO or some other government agency could overhear.

They showed up and she could just tell something had happened regarding Winn. Neither of them looked surprised that Winn had been mentioned, though they both did seem startled he’d applied at L-Corp. Kara’s expression had read a cross between just as suspicious and still simmering anger that she always felt when dealing with any of the DEO, while Mon-El had appeared reserved but with a small, sheepish smile on his face.

To find out that Winn had been waiting for them to get back from vacation and broken down in front of them about it all was…unexpected but also unsurprising. At least to her. She was good at reading people, and the few times she’d met Winn had told her all she felt she needed to know about him. He was a geek trying to find a place to fit in, someone who had gone through life always trying to be a part of something but not able to find it. He was someone desperate to hold onto the things that made him feel important, like a job at the DEO. He was a person trying to be a hero in his own right, in his own way, using tech and science to make a difference, but not quite at the level of bravery a hero would need. 

She had felt the same, growing. She’d been so smart and so good at science it set her apart even more than her last name had. She’d struggled to find true friends, to find a place where she FIT. So she’d made her own space, lucky enough to have the resources to create it herself. And being a Luthor, dealing with Lilian and Lex and all the horrible press from their failings, she had had to gain thick skin and an iron will, a spine of steel. She HAD to have the bravery a hero would need, to stand her ground against her family in a way Winn never really mustered. 

She would never betray the people she trusted, Winn…she’d half expected something like what happened. She’d hoped it never would, but she knew Winn’s type, she knew it was possible. 

She also knew his type was the sort to genuinely have a good heart and truly feel regret for the things he did wrong. He was the sort that would do everything he could to make things right if he hurt someone else, who would accept any punishment because he knew he deserved it. And he was the sort to do whatever it took to make amends and prove himself after a failing.

So she had expected Winn to make a move like this one day, to finally confront the person he’d hurt and apologize, to begin the path of trying to make up for what he’d done. She’d honestly thought he’d do it sooner. Though, when Mon-El mentioned Winn had held out as long as he had due to a sense of needing some kind of punishment and using his job at the DEO to act as that, that he’d stayed in a place he considered awful and tormenting so long because he felt he deserved it, and only just left because it FINALLY got to be more than he could take…well that made sense to her too. So she wasn’t surprised he’d apologized and sought Mon-El out. 

That didn’t mean she trusted the man nor was she about to just LET him into L-Corp with no qualms about it.

It seemed like Kara felt the same way with how she kept shoveling food into her mouth whenever one of them would look to her for her opinion, mumbling something incoherent through the food. 

“And you believed him?” Lena couldn’t help but ask Mon-El, already able to tell Kara didn’t.

“I don’t know what I believe,” Mon-El admitted. “But I want to believe him.”

Lena nodded along with that, thinking back to Lex. There had been so many times he’d say things and she’d believe him solely because she WANTED to believe him, badly. She was trying to do better about that, to not believe someone else just because she wanted to. She’d learned from Rhea’s attack. She’d believed the woman about just wanting to go back home, believed her because she’d been kind to her and encouraging of her, motherly towards her. Never again. She would believe facts or she would believe the people she KNEW would only ever tell her the truth, like Kara and Mon-El.

She didn’t want to see Mon-El make the same mistake and be hurt all over again. 

And there was only one way to do it.

“I’ll give him the job.”

“What?!” Kara blurted out, nearly choking on her food in the process, clearly not having expected that.

Lena laughed, muttering, “Gross,” at how a piece of Kara’s meal had ended up on her own plate, half-chewed, but more amused by her reaction than anything.

“I’m sorry,” Kara cleared her throat as Mon-El lightly patted her on the back. “My superhearing must be off. I thought you just said you were actually going to HELP Winn.”

“I never said anything about helping him.” Lena smirked.

Mon-El frowned as he looked between the two women who seemed to come to an unspoken understanding given how Kara was now smiling as well. “Do I want to know?” he asked, having been witness to that look more times than he could count.

Usually that look shared between the two of them meant something he wasn’t going to like…like a “day at the spa” when they’d forced him to go with them for a day of pampering (torture). 

“It’s nothing bad,” Lena remarked, crossing her arms. “Get that sour look off your face.”

Mon-El rolled his eyes but cracked a small smile at the teasing. “What are you planning?”

“Nothing bad, like she said,” Kara promised him.

“When you two are angry, “bad” just means not throwing him into the sun.”

That sent both women laughing. 

“Mon-El,” Lena leaned in and put a hand on his arm on the table. “Really, nothing bad. I just…I want to see for myself just how sorry Winn is and how committed he is to proving that.”

“And how do you plan to do that?” He shot her a look.

“Just…taking a leaf out of Kara’s book and doing some…investigative journalism.”

“Lena,” the look became more pointed.

She huffed. “I’m not going to make it easy for him,” she finally gave in. “He wants into L-Corp, he’ll be in, but bottom rung. The entire staff will be warned about keeping an eye on him. Security will be on him even more than normal if I have to hire another guard just to tail him at all times. I want to know why he’s there and what he intends to do. You know that saying, keep friends close but enemies closer?”

“Yes…” Mon-El trailed off, not sure if he was as…happy with Winn applying to L-Corp as he’d originally been. Anything to get away from the DEO was good in his book, and working for L-Corp would just be sweet justice against the DEO that he’d joined another company and they would lose one of their best assets. 

“We’ll let’s just say Winn will be closer to me than anything on this planet. I will be on his ass like hemorrhoid.”

“Do I want to know what a hem…”

“No!” Kara said quickly, actually wincing at the thought of it and every having to explain to Mon-El what a hemorrhoid was.

Mon-El let out a long breath. “But you’re not going to make it difficult for him, are you?”

Lena glanced over at him, sorely tempted to lie and say that the thought had never crossed her mind. But it had. She HAD considered making even the dishwashing job a pain in the ass. Winn would deserve it after all. Make it harder for him than anyone, make it so he hated it there more than the DEO, see if he stuck with it, if he was serious, if he’d push past all that to just be away from the DEO. Make it so, if he WAS there to spy, it wouldn’t be worth it.

“Don’t,” Mon-El continued, seeing her expression. “Please. For me. I…I know what it’s like for people to make things hard for you just because of things in your past. Or be harder on you for making a mistake, even if you weren’t aware it was a mistake at the time.”

Kara looked down at that, knowing he wasn’t bringing up her treatment of him to hurt her but to make a point to Lena. She had been harder on him, treated him differently, than other aliens, because of where he’d come from. She’d treated his mistakes like huge failings, made them out to be worse than they were, for such small things. She regretted it now, had learned from it, and she could see where he was coming from.

“I agree,” Kara added, squeezing Mon-El’s hand. “Don’t make it TOO hard,” she asked Lena. “People…make mistakes.”

“Huge, epic, life-threatening mistakes,” Lena mumbled under her breath before sighing. “I won’t make it any harder, but I won’t make it easy for him."

“That’s all I ask,” Mon-El offered, smiling at Lena now, squeezing Kara’s hand in thanks for her support.

Kara was just about to comment on how proud she was of him, when the two of them stiffened and looked over their shoulder.

Lena rolled her eyes, already knowing what was going to happen. “Go, go,” she murmured, waving them off with a smile. “Save the world.”

Kara turned back with a sheepish, apologetic smile. “It’s a fire.”

“You don’t need to explain,” Lena reminded them as they stood. “You hear a cry for help, you go. It’s what you Supers do.”

“Thanks, Lena,” Mon-El remarked, always so thankful that Lena was as understanding as she was when they would have to sudden leave in the middle of something. He reached into his pocket for his wallet and…

“If you even THINK about trying to pay for the meal I invited you to,” Lena warned, a dangerous note in her voice that made them both look at her. “You’ll see just how much a Luthor I can be.”

Mon-El slowly and without taking his eyes off Lena, put the wallet back into his pants and held his hands up in surrender. Lena’s entire “threatening” countenance broke into a pleased smile, the woman laughing at their reactions.

Kara shook her head though she chuckled as well, reaching out to take Mon-El’s hand. “Thank you for breakfast.”

“Go!” Lena urged, now able to hear the sirens in the distance.

The two Supers turned and ran out of the restaurant, turning down a back alley and pulling their button up shirts open to reveal their supersuits as they went.

Lena leaned over slightly to look up at the sky through the restaurant window, smiling when she saw to blurs, one red and one blue, shoot off into the sky. She leaned back in her seat, reaching out to steal an uneaten piece of bacon from Mon-El’s plate before she pulled out her phone and hit speed dial.

“What’s wrong?!” was the instant response.

Lena rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Clark, just because I call you doesn’t mean there’s something wrong.”

“Sorry, Lena,” Clark apologized. “I just wasn’t expecting a call so soon, Kara and Mon-El just left and…”

“They’re fine,” she reassured him. “I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Anything.”

“Could you make a stop by the Fortress?” She couldn’t help but smile. “I want to know if there are any Kryptonian, or even Daxamite, marriage customs I should sneak into Kara and Mon-El’s wedding plans.” 

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

As it turned out, the fire wasn’t the only thing they’d had to deal with once Supergirl and Valor arrived on the scene to find an old warehouse in flames, one that was two buildings away from an apartment complex. In fact, the fire had been caused by an alien currently trying to use its power to throw fireballs at the building next door, spreading the flames.

“You got this?” Kara called to Mon-El as she gestured to the alien.

“Go,” Mon-El agreed, nodding her off towards the building. It made sense for him to handle the alien while she took on the flames, she was the one with freeze breath. And even if he hadn’t been training as long as she had, he had picked up a fair bit over the last few years, he could, at the very least, hold his own against an alien till the building was safe and they could both take it out.

Kara nodded and flew off for the building, getting to work on it, while Mon-El dove for the alien, avoiding fireballs at they flew at him now. He made a quick turn and landed a solid punch to the alien, sending it careening back into the middle of an alley between the warehouse and the next building. He landed on the ground and stalked over towards the alien who scrambled to its feet…and proceeded to send a blast of ice directly at him.

“Whoa!” Mon-El dodged to the side, surprised that the alien had the ability to utilize both fire and ice. 

“You ok?!” He heard Kara call.

“Fine!” he shouted back, reevaluating his plan and moving for the alien again, now even more on alert. “Our alien friend is surprising.”

“How?”

“Imagine if a White Walker and a Dragon had a baby.”

He had to smile when he heard Kara snorting, though it grew serious as he reached the alien who had stepped back into the sun and tried to throw more fireballs at him. They bounced off his supersuit like nothing, which seemed to shock the alien. Mon-El watched, somewhat confused, as the being stepped back into the shadows of the alley and then…threw ice balls at him?

Oh, so THAT was how his powers worked. The sun drove his heat sensitive abilities while being out of the sun triggered the ice. Well that would be a hard alien to contain if the sun and the shadows superpowered him. He’d worry about containment later, right now he had to stop the alien from launching anymore attacks.

He used his superspeed to race up to the alien and past him, stopping so he was right behind it and tapped it on its shoulder. He might not be as skilled as Kara, but he was fast, possibly even faster than she was on ground as he’d had to rely on his speed more than his flight for a while. He was quick enough that, to the alien, he’d blinked and disappeared. The alien turned around and Mon-El threw a quick punch, knocking him out in one go.

“Huh,” he muttered to himself, looking down at the alien on the ground. “I was expecting more of a challenge.”

Kara landed right beside him, the building stable, just as the fire trucks and police cars…and even a DEO vehicle…pulled up. Her smile that she’d been directing at him hardened at the sight of the DEO and she turned to him. “You can head back to the loft, if you want,” she offered. “I can handle the reports.”

Mon-El glanced at the vehicle, understanding what she was doing, not wanting him to have to confront more people from the DEO after Winn. But he honed his hearing, listening in for the voices within the vehicle and didn’t recognize any of them. He let out a breath and shook his head. “I should be fine,” he told her. “I half expected them to show up after we saw it was an alien.”

Kara glanced at the agents starting to get out of the car and squinted, x-raying it for those still inside and let out a breath when she didn’t see Alex or J’onn among them. Mon-El had gotten better at handling being around DEO agents when they’d inevitably show up to an alien dispute, so long as it wasn’t J’onn or Alex, he could handle it if they dealt with it quickly enough.

“You take the cops, I’ll take them though,” Kara was firm on that. Just because he could handle them being in the area didn’t mean she’d ever force him to confront them or have to speak to them, not when she was there to take that one. And it made sense, the police AND DEO would need reports, he was perfectly capable of giving one to the police.

“Deal,” Mon-El agreed with a chuckle. 

Kara leaned down and hefted the alien up and over her shoulder, about to head to the DEO for them to take the alien back, when Mon-El called out. “Hey.” She turned to face him as he smiled softly at her. “Love you.”

She smiled at that, it was something he did after every “slightly more dangerous” incident they dealt with. He just wanted to remind her he loved her, always wanted to say it so she knew, because they’d learned you never knew what could happen, even as superheroes, especially as superheroes.

“Love you more.”

“Love you most.”

She rolled her eyes at that. “I’ll fight you for that.”

He laughed heartily at that, stepping up to her to give her a small, quick kiss before he headed to the police. 

Kara watched him go a moment, just taking a second to observe him in his full superhero glory, his Valor supersuit, his smile, the confidence that had come back through his training. It had been exactly what he needed to feel in control of his life again, to feel strong and useful again. For all that he had fought her in saying he wasn’t a hero, he always proved himself to be one in the end, and seeing him now, being that hero she always knew he could be. It was wonderful.

“Supergirl?” a tentative voice called out behind her, one of the agents.

She took a deep breath, feeling the familiar irritated resignation fill her at having to deal with anyone from the DEO but quieted it. She would hand over the alien, give her report, and then she and Mon-El would go home, snuggle on the couch, watch some TV, eat some take out, just the two of them. She just had to deal with the DEO first and then she would have very much earned snuggles with her boyfri…fiancé. 

She felt the smile come back at that reminder. Fiancé. He was her fiancé now and not even having to deal with the DEO could sour her mood. So she turned around and headed over to them, the alien in hand, and gave her report.

But if her gaze kept straying to Valor during it, catching him glancing back at her with the same smile, well, she didn’t care who saw it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww :-) I'm looking forward to the snuggles on the couch in the next chapter :-) I feel like this is a good turning point for Kara and Mon-El, and there will be a conversation they need to have during that moment too ;-)
> 
> And tiny shout out to any GOT fans in this chapter. You excited for the new season? I am :-D


	24. Moving Conversations

“You are too good to me,” Kara murmured as she cuddled up next to Mon-El on the couch, a really ridiculous space-adventure movie playing which was clearly meant to be a parody of Star Wars. She reached out and took the plate of food he’d offered her, food he’d made for her.

Honestly, he was too good to her. He’d made her homemade pizza and potstickers, from scratch! She honestly didn’t know how she’d eaten the take out versions before she’d had his cooking. It was just…she didn’t know how he did it! It was like every sort of food he tried to make just came out flawless. He’d made a soufflé once, just because he thought the name was funny, having had no idea how delicate it was meant to be or how stressful it could be to make, had just opened a cookbook to the page and, with no preparation, went from there. And it had been perfection. Meanwhile she could have everything properly laid out and measured, everything preheated, having watched seven different videos on how to make a cookie…and end up with hockey pucks. 

Honestly she was so lucky that Mon-El had been around to help her bake Snappers’s apology food after she’d lost her job at CatCo that one time. She was sure she’d have been fired again if she’d poisoned her boss.

“I’m only as good as you are to me,” he responded, like he always did. 

Sometimes, when she was in a particular mood, she would think back on their relationship and feel like his response wasn’t true. Not often, but every once in a while, she’d think back on how she’d treated him compared to how he’d acted around her, taking into consideration his newness to the planet and the culture shock he’d experienced, and feel like he was just trying to make her feel better. She’d been horrible to him, worse than he had ever been to her. And that was including his lie about his title on Daxam. The first time they’d actually met, she’d accused him of being a murderer just for being from Daxam, had locked him away, insulted him, told him he deserved to die with his planet, ignored all his comments to the contrary of his having hurt anyone…all the while he’d been mostly civil to her, hadn’t commented on her being Kryptonian till after she’d insulted his planet and people a handful of times, and just tried to TALK to her.

She knew her prejudice had influenced her, and she regretted it every time she thought back on how she’d treated him, what she’d thought of him. Looking at where they were now? She wished she could go back in time and let her past-self know to chill and take a breath and ease up. 

Whenever he’d do something sweet, just for no reason, it made her feel sometimes like she didn’t do enough. She’d actually talked to him about it once, when he’d shown up at work with a plate full of fresh baked cookies, her very favorite cookies, just because she’d called him nearly in tears from a too-harsh critique from Snapper on her latest article at the time. He’d literally baked her cookies and brought them to her just because he wanted to cheer her up. She couldn’t remember doing anything like that herself. She remembered cooking the odd dinner (which ended up being breakfast as that was all she could really cook) just because or watching a movie he wanted instead. But she never really showed up at his work for his break with his favorite foods or got him a stuffed animal just because it reminded her of him. 

Mon-El had just smiled at her when she confessed to how she felt like a terrible girlfriend to have not done as much for him as he did for her. He’d told her just being with him was more than he ever expected he would have from anyone. That her just being there for him, through his nightmares, through his recovery, it meant the world to him. HE actually felt like HE wasn’t doing as much for her as she had for him. Which was ridiculous to her, but he was serious. She had given up so much for him, the family that she’d built on Earth, for him, he would never be able to do enough to convey how much it meant to him that she’d picked HIM. 

They were both just fools in love and she’d learned from that to just accept the little things he did, and to notice the look on his face whenever she was just around him. He was really serious, he counted every time she chose to spend time with him, which was all the time, as her doing something for him. Even if she counted it as just normal.

So she leaned in and gave him a kiss on the lips before popping a potsticker into her mouth and groaning at how delicious it was. “You should open a restaurant,” she spoke even with her mouth full. “I would pay to eat this food every night.”

Mon-El chuckled at that. “I do alright at the bar,” he mentioned with a shrug. “M’gann lets me experiment and try new things. It’s fun.”

Kara munched on her food a moment longer, though her gaze remained on his face…which was something he noticed as he gave her a small tilt of his head. “What?”

“Nothing,” she said quickly.

His eyebrows raised teasingly before he nodded towards her forehead. “You’re crinkling.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s really nothing bad,” she added. “I just…there’s something I talked about with Clark too, and…I think we should talk about it as well.”

Mon-El nodded, growing serious. “You can talk to me about anything.”

“I know,” she replied, reassuring him that she wasn’t holding back on him because of anything like that. “I…I honestly don’t think I really realized I was considering it so seriously till I talked with Clark.”

“What is it?”

“Before I say it,” she warned. “I want you to know you CAN say no. If it’s not something you’re interested in or open to or think you’re ready for, just say it. I will NOT get mad about it. It’s really just something I was thinking about.”

“Kara, you’re starting to scare me.”

“I don’t mean to,” she offered with a smile. “It’s just…we just got engaged and that’s a pretty big step in a relationship. And I’m just a little…worried that what I’ve been tossing around might be another big step or too soon or…”

“Too soon?” Mon-El snorted at that, a smile back on his face. “Kara. I would marry you tomorrow if I could,” he informed her. “Whatever you’re thinking, the timing is probably the last thing that would put me off.”

Kara just stared at him.

“…what?” He reached up to touch his face, afraid he had pizza sauce on it.

“You would marry me tomorrow?” she murmured softly.

Mon-El scratched the side of his face, realizing that was probably a little soon and was probably going to put KARA off now. “I um…I just meant…I love you,” he spoke. “I’m…this is the longest I’ve ever been with another person and with…with how committed we’ve both been for…for years now, I’m honestly surprised we’re not married already.”

“Seriously?”

He nodded, shrugging slightly. “On Daxam, you’re lucky if you get a chance to meet your latch-mate before you’re latched. You just…reach that age and boom! Latched. By that logic, we should have been latched after you knocked me out to throw me in that cell and thought I killed the president.”

“Hmm…” Kara hummed, a teasing note in it. “That would have been a very interesting latching.”

Mon-El laughed at that, relieved the tension had been broken. “My point is, from my perspective, nothing I do with you could ever be too soon. I love you, Kara Zor-El, and I am sure I will love you the rest of my life. You’re it for me and any step I can take with you in this relationship is one I’d be happy to take, so long as we take it together.”

Kara leaned in and HAD to kiss him for that. It was just…reassuring and so, SO sweet, to hear him talk like that. He had gotten better over the years of opening up to her and talking to her about things, especially things involving Daxam or his culture. She hadn’t set the greatest example of being willing to listen to him talk about his planet, his first day at CatCo came to mind where she’d snapped at him how they weren’t on Daxam and that was good and didn’t even let him finish talking about how it was for him on his planet. But she’d gotten better. The more she learned about him, the more she realized that his past on his planet was something important to shaping him into the man he was. And she wanted to know everything about his past, which included his customs.

This was one of those times where she was actually very glad to hear about Daxam, the way Mon-El saw it, they probably weren’t moving fast enough in their relationship but he was letting her set the pace. Which gave her hope that what she wanted to talk about would be received positively.

She pulled away, resting her head on his a moment longer before she leaned back to smile at him. “I love you.”

He smiled. “I love you too. Now, what did you want to talk to me about?”

She took a deep breath. “I’m a reporter. You’re a bartender slash amazing chef.” She smiled wider at how a pink tint ended up on his cheeks for her praise, he was adorable when people praised him for his hard work. “We’re both Superheroes.”

“Is this the point where I make a Captain Obvious remark?” he teased.

She rolled her eyes again and lightly smacked him on the chest. “I’m being serious.”

“Right, right, go on.”

“Being away this last week, leaving the City for so long…” She shook her head. “The City is still standing. The DEO, as much as we hate to talk about them, their JOB is to protect the city, and they did. They don’t…they don’t really NEED us here.”

Mon-El looked a little confused. “Are we quitting our jobs at the DEO because I was under the impression we already had…”

“Something like that,” Kara muttered. “I mean it more like…we don’t have to STAY here, in National City. If we…if we left or…or maybe…moved? Somewhere else? The City would still be protected. I mean,” she hurried to keep talking now that she’d gotten the hard part out. “L-Corp has done such a great job uniting the aliens and they all know how to look out for each other. They’ve been defending the City more than the DEO and sort of almost making them obsolete. They all are willing and ready to help the City themselves and with an entire gathering of aliens, would anyone really need two MORE aliens helping? And there are so many other cities out there that could really use a Superhero or two and…”

“Kara, Kara,” Mon-El cut in, reaching out to cup her face with his hands, seeing her getting worked up and nervous to the point she as rambling so fast even HE was having a hard time keeping up with his superears. “Calm down, breathe…”

Kara took a deep breath and reached up to touch his hands on her face. “What do you think?”

He was silent a moment. “You were talking pretty fast but…I think you were asking if I might want to…move? To another City?”

“Yeah.”

He looked at her for another minute, his eyes searching hers. “What’s the real reason?”

She sighed, caught. “I just…I thought…we’re engaged. We’re about to start this new chapter in our lives together and I keep thinking that it might be a good thing if we do that…somewhere else. I know it’s something we should have considered before, like…years ago, like right after everything happened. It was wrong and it probably made it worse for you to STAY here after everything, and we both had too many excuses but…those excuses are pretty much gone now.”

“How so?”

Kara looked at him, seeing he wasn’t asking her in a way that said he was against her considerations, but more wanting to understand that she’d really considered this and not just let her emotions and anger get the best of her into a quick decision she hadn’t thought through.

“I don’t need a job at CatCo,” she began to list. “I’ve got enough credentials and articles under my belt that I could probably get a job reporting anywhere, it doesn’t have to be National City. And you, I know M’gann was considering expanding the bar to other places. Maybe she could start with you, open one up in another city with you as the manager there. Or…or you could get a job in a human bar or if there’s already another alien bar, or even as a chef. You are SO talented at cooking Mon-El, you could…you could probably even open up your own restaurant…”

“That’s sort of expensive though.”

He wasn’t saying no.

Kara nearly snorted. “Do you really think Lena, the entrepreneur, who has devoured everything you’ve ever made and basically had M’gann’s…YOU…catering half her events, would stand by and NOT want to invest in a restaurant YOU want to start?”

“I don’t think I could accept,” Mon-El countered. “I’m not friends with her because she has money, I don’t want her to think…”

“She’d insist, but that’s besides the point. It’s all hypothetical right now anyway, I’m just saying…we have options.” She looked at him, searching his eyes now. “M’gann’s bar is safe and stable and thriving, L-Corp is expanding so far and wide that, if Lena wanted, she could probably set up a headquarters wherever we went. The City…the City is safer now, they don’t need us as much. And I just…”

“What?” Mon-El lightly stroked her cheek.

“I want a fresh start, with you,” she admitted. “I want to go somewhere where we don’t have the DEO looming behind us, where we don’t run the risk of walking into an agent on the street. I want to go somewhere where the past isn’t just lingering around us anymore. I want a place where we can really…let go of everything. Start a new life.”

Mon-El nodded slowly at that, absorbing her words and thinking about everything she was saying. It really wasn’t sounding like she wanted to move just to run away from their past or the DEO, but…because she was looking towards their future, she wanted a clean slate for the two of them to start this new part of their lives. 

And she was right. M’gann and Lena were doing well, the City was pretty safe and, to be honest, would probably be safer without Supergirl and Valor attracting enemies left and right. The aliens could take care of themselves now, they had their own support systems, and even if the aliens were in trouble, the DEO WAS based there.

There was also nothing to say they had to move so far away that they couldn’t supersonic-fly back to help if it was something epically dangerous.

That was the beauty of it, he was starting to realize, they COULD go. They could go anywhere. He could finally be somewhere where he could walk down the street and not worry that he’d turn a corner and see Alex. Or he could visit his fiancé, hopefully by then his wife, at work and not be a tense mess afraid he’d run into James. Eve had been such a wonderful friend to him in helping let him know when James was going to be out of the building for extended periods. 

She’d seen him lingering in the main foyer of the building, squinting up at the walls while he tried to see if he could muster x-ray vision like Kara did, with a bag of rapidly cooling take out in his arms, too…afraid to go up to visit her incase James was there. She’d asked him why he was just standing there when she knew Kara was in her office and he’d had to explain, as best he could with her not knowing his alien status, what the situation was with James. He honestly couldn’t remember the excuse he’d given her, she’d been wonderful in not bringing it up around him after that moment, but he felt like it was something about how James and he had gotten into a fight and James said some nasty things about him and his relationship with Kara, insulting things. Eve had been understanding, hadn’t pried, had just remarked she understood about how some jealous exes could be and how he didn’t deserve other people commenting on his private relationship. She’d told him to wait there and disappeared, returning five minutes later with a bright smile and told him that James was out for the day and wouldn’t be back till tomorrow. Ever since then she would send him a text or a friendly phone call to let him know when James was gone for the day.

Still, it would be nice to not have to go through those lengths just to say hello to Kara.

And…he wouldn’t lie and say the idea of running his own bar or…or even a restaurant…wasn’t appealing to him. M’gann’s had become such a safe place for him, for so many other aliens, that the thought of being able to give that sense of security to others made him feel really good.

And so he found himself asking, “But where would we move?” before he even realized he’d spoken.

“Well, there’s lots of places,” Kara began, just thinking of places on the Other Earths she’d visited that had need of superheroes and probably did on her Earth too. “Central City, Starling Cit…” and then his words caught up to her. “You…you’re saying yes?”

Mon-El chuckled lightly at that. “I think it would be a change, but…a good one,” he told her. “I think you’re right, a new start might be something we both need. And…I think we’ve reached a good point in our lives to do that.”

Kara let out a breath, beaming at him, before she leaned in and kissed him, so grateful for his understanding. “We don’t have to go anywhere right this minute,” she rushed to add. “Whenever we’re ready. We can sit down and talk about places, whether they need heroes or not and…”

“And we need to tell Lena,” Mon-El cut in gently. “She’ll be very angry if we just drop a bombshell that we’re moving without having given her enough warning first.”

Kara nearly groaned at that, dropping her forehead onto his shoulder. “The second we do she’ll have all her connections dropping packets of statistics on every city in the country on our doorstep.”

Mon-El laughed. “Probably. Though maybe not EVERY city.” Kara lifted her head to give him a look that clearly said it would be EVERY city. “I mean, I think she’ll focus on the ones that are better suited for raising a family.”

“…a family?” Kara blinked at that.

“Well, I mean…sometimes Lena teases me that we had better name our first born…and second, and any other child, her godchild and she their aunt so…”

“…children?”

Mon-El shifted a little at how Kara was taking that. “I mean, we…we don’t…not any time soon… we JUST got engaged but…maybe…one day? It might be nice, right?”

Kara blinked again, before a small smile began to work its way onto her face. “You want us to have a child?”

“One day,” he repeated. “Maybe child _ren_?”

Kara let out a laugh that sounded very happy and kissed him again, so forcefully he nearly fell back onto the couch. She pulled away with a wide beam. “I think we’d make amazing parents one day.”

He smiled in return, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Me too.”

She nodded to herself. “Ok, so…first marriage. Then moving. Then children.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Kara’s happy laughter was cut off as Mon-El surged forward to kiss her this time, both of them unable to stop smiling into their kisses at the realization that…this was happening. They had a plan, they were on the same page, they wanted the same things. And…they would be able to get them, there was nothing stopping them. 

It had taken them a long time to get to this point, to heal and recover from the past, to feel like they were at a good place to finally let go and move on, but they were there. 

And one day, one day they would have it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, this is not the end of the story :-) I still have one more chapter planned, and then a final series of flashbacks, and then at least one more chapter to go after that, so anywhere from 6-9 (maybe 10) more chapters left ;-)
> 
> I can say that for the next chapter, we're going to see Kara and Mon-El taking this conversation to heart and really starting on their journey to get that life they want ;-)


	25. Preparing for Departure

Kara took a breath as she loitered outside of Ms. Grant’s office. She didn’t have to do this now. It wasn’t like she was giving her two weeks’ notice, but she just…she was excited. 

That was something she never thought she’d feel when it came to the idea of leaving CatCo. It had been such a big part of her life, six years of it just about. Two years as an assistant before she became a reporter and four years of reporting, such a big chunk of her life consisted of CatCo. There had been a time where she’d actually thought she’d be there forever and been happy to think it. Back before, when she’d had everything, when she’d had her family and her job and her heroing and Mon-El, when things had been perfect. 

She’d come to realize, since then, that she didn’t really want perfect. Perfect was boring and too easy and nothing worth having was ever easy. Even her relationship with Mon-El, Mon-El himself, was a challenge at times, but one she looked forward to. And over the last few years, she’d come to realize something else as well. She wasn’t quite as happy at CatCo as she thought she’d always be. It wasn’t even just having to work with James lingering around constantly, it was a lot of little things adding up.

James WAS a part of it, but it was also how Snapper handled things and spoke to people, even a little bit of how Ms. Grant put her down a time or two. It was being in National City when the City was feeling less like a home and more like just a city again. It was wanting something new and wanting a change, wanting to report for an actual paper instead of just a magazine where people might notice her articles only if they picked up the magazine for the main content of the magazine. She wanted to branch out and CatCo had been a great stepping stone and training facility to become a reporter, but she wanted more.

Now she just had to let Ms. Grant know that. She could have waited for her two weeks, she didn’t really owe the company more warning than that…but she knew how Ms. Grant could be when things were “sprung” on her and she was almost 100 percent sure Ms. Grant would consider two weeks as being too short of notice. Ms. Grant was only ok with surprises when she was the one pulling them herself, not so much when other people did it to her. They’d tried to throw her a surprise party for one of CatCo’s anniversaries, and she’d walked in without a hint of actual surprise on her face and remarked about how they were all walking clichés and that the food had better be from that one restaurant that she liked. It wasn’t. It had been…an interesting but insightful night.

Kara wouldn’t lie and say she wasn’t more nervous to face Ms. Grant about this, about her planning to leave, than she was to face down some of her more dangerous enemies. On a scale of one to ten, she was probably at the level of nerves Mon-El would feel if he had to face down LiveWire. Despite her hard treatment, Ms. Grant had really been a great mentor to her and had helped her grow a little bit of thicker skin, metaphorically. She cared about Ms. Grant’s opinion and she was both afraid that the woman would be angry with her for leaving…or that she’d not care at all. She just kept reminding herself that this was something she HAD to do and that she was Supergirl for Rao’s sake, she could handle telling a single human that she was going to leave soon.

She took a deep breath and entered Ms. Grant’s office, thankful the woman wasn’t on the phone which would have meant lingering awkwardly till she finished which would have done nothing to help soothe her nerves.

“What is it Kira?” Ms. Grant’s dry voice asked, not even looking up from the papers she was skimming through.

“Ms. Grant,” Kara began, stepping closer to the desk. “I’m sorry to bother you, I just needed to inform you that…that I’ll be leaving CatCo.”

Ms. Grant froze at that for just a moment, before continuing her work with a deadly calm radiating off her. “I see. And when will this be happening?”

“Um…sometime after my wedding,” was all Kara could offer as she didn’t know when exactly the wedding would be.

Ms. Grant looked up at her at that, glancing from Kara’s engagement ring to the girl herself. “Let me guess,” she said in the way that sounded like a sigh. “You’re planning to leave National City to begin a new life together, a new chapter for your story.”

“Yes!” Kara blinked, surprised (yet knowing she shouldn’t be) that Ms. Grant had known. “That’s it exactly.”

“Will you never cease to be a walking cliché, Kira?”

Kara frowned a little at that. “You…don’t approve?”

It was then that Ms. Grant cracked a small smile. “When did I ever say that?”

“But you said…”

“I know what I said,” Ms. Grant cut in with a small eye roll. “You don’t need my approval, Kira, it is your life. At most you merely need my sign off on your eventual resignation.” She slowly stood. “If you are asking my opinion of your plans…” she trailed off a moment before taking a breath. “I think National City will still be standing even if Supergirl and Valor depart.”

Kara blinked, surprised Ms. Grant was being so forthright about her and Mon-El’s identities. It had always been a sort of unspoken thing between the three of them.

“I never did ask how you worked out it was us?” Kara remarked.

Ms. Grant smirked. “Valor’s supersuit leaves little to the imagination regarding his backside.”

Kara flushed both at the mention of her fiancé’s backside, and the really very nice view his suit DID give of it…but also at the confirmation that her boss had been looking at her fiancé’s backside in his supersuit too…which also explained why she had a fixation on staring at “Mike’s” backside when he left a room. 

…and then another thought struck her.

“Then you DO know Clark…”

“Is Superman?” Ms. Grant’s smirk widened. “Please. I’ve been appreciating that ass before Lois was even in the picture.”

Kara had to grimace both at that thought and also at another thing that came across her mind. “Please tell me you weren’t looking at MY…”

“Glasses, Kira,” Ms. Grant cut in again. “Honestly, that only proves to me how alien the three of you are that you really think GLASSES are going to make people not see who you really are.”

Kara had to smile at that. “I’ll keep that in mind when I…”

“When you leave,” Ms. Grant finished for her. “I did expect this day to come,” she remarked. “I thought it would have happened after that horrifying incident with Michael three years ago…”

Kara WAS startled to hear that. She knew she’d given Ms. Grant the photos of the damage done to Mon-El to pass to the president, and she HAD told her that the alien's name was Mon-El, but not that Mon-El was Mike Matthews and his face had never been in any of them, nor had his backside either. There should have been no way for her to know it was him.

“You knew?” Kara breathed.

Ms. Grant seemed to sense how serious a matter this still was and, for once, her dry speech and unimpressed expression melted to a sympathetic and concerned one. “I did.”

“How?” The last thing Mon-El would want is to know that Ms. Grant had worked out what happened to him. He didn’t like people knowing what he’d gone through, not wanting to be reminded of it.

“I saw him on the security footage a while back,” she told Kara. “Lingering in the foyer with a bag of take out.” She shook her head, getting lost in the memory of it. “He looked…scared. He was standing there actually afraid to go into the building. And while I know I can instill quite a bit of fear in others, it didn’t seem like he was afraid of me. When Miss Tessmacher informed me he’d come to visit you but wanted to avoid James, pieces started to fall into place. The entire way he held himself…” She frowned at the thought. “I’ve seen the aftermath of torture before, Kara,” she spoke, using Kara’s actual name. “You don’t work your way up in the media without seeing terrible things. He exuded quite a few traits synonymous with that. And you were quite…furious with Mr. Olsen and I am aware that he works for that little government sect, the DEO. Mon-El is an alien name, Valor is an alien, I put two and two together that he was Mon-El, Michael was the one in those pictures. Olivia was horrified to see what had happened.”

Kara let out a breath. “You never said…”

“It wasn’t my place,” Ms. Grant remarked, shaking herself out of her thoughts. “Just because I run a company that exposes quite a few things, that was something both you and he trusted me with to deliver just to the president, not the public.”

“Thank you,” Kara murmured. 

Ms. Grant waved it off and moved to sit back down. “So you are planning to resign from CatCo two weeks after your wedding?” she asked, getting back on topic. 

“Yes, just about,” Kara agreed.

“And when are the nuptials planned?”

“We…don’t really know yet,” Kara offered. “We just got engaged and…”

“Yes, yes, the tale of your engagement is likely as quaint and wholesome as the two of you,” Ms. Grant waved it off, starting to skim her papers again.

Kara hesitated, taking that as an acceptance of her resignation but not wanting to leave just yet. “Do you think it’s the right thing to do? Leaving National City?”

Ms. Grant looked up at her, unimpressed. “Don’t let National City even be a consideration,” she warned. “This is not about a city, it is about two people who have been through hell and back, trying to heal and move on. You two do what is best for YOU. The City stood long before Supergirl arrived or Valor appeared, it will stand even after they’re gone.”

Kara smiled. “Thank you, Ms. Grant.”

“Kira,” the woman called just as Kara turned to go, making her pause and look back. “I expect an invitation to the wedding.”

Kara had to laugh at the smile on Ms. Grant’s face but she nodded, feeling much lighter when she left.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Mon-El!” M’gann greeted when Mon-El approached the bar. “What are you doing here? You’re not scheduled to be on shift till tomorrow.” She leaned across the bar to give him a firm hug. “How was your vacation?”

“It was great,” Mon-El told her, smiling as he pulled back from the hug. “We had a really good time with Clark and Lois.”

“That’s great.”

“And I know my shift is tomorrow but there was something I wanted to talk to you about, if you have time?”

M’gann glanced around the bar, it was midday so not as busy as the night shifts. “I think Amee can handle it,” she nodded at the only other bartender there who gave them a nod and a bright smile. “Come on.” She turned and led Mon-El to the back room, to her office, sitting down at her desk as he took a seat before her. “What is it?”

Mon-El smiled more. “Kara and I were talking about our wedding,” he began, which made M’gann smile as well to hear. “And we were talking about what might come after it…”

“Are you asking about the bar’s policy on Paternity Leave?” she teased. The bar DID actually have one in place. Some alien species had the male give birth instead of the female so it was necessary.

“No!” Mon-El actually flushed a little at that. “No, not…not yet at least. But um, the bar is something I wanted to ask about.”

“How so?”

“Kara and I were thinking we might…leave National City, after we get married,” he told her. “Go somewhere else, another city or even another state maybe. And I was thinking about my options. I mean she can be a reporter anywhere, but what could I do? I could bartend in a human bar or…” he hesitated a moment.

“Or?” M’gann smiled as though she knew what he was going to ask.

“Or I could maybe…open up an alien bar?” he offered. “We were talking about how you wanted to expand this one, make it like a franchise and…and I’d like to do that. Wherever Kara and I go, if there isn’t an alien bar, I’d like to open up one of yours.”

“Mon-El…”

“And I know it’s a lot of work,” he began to speak very quickly. “I’ve seen those shows on TV about starting up businesses and I know it would have to be a good location with enough patrons to make it work and I would take that into consideration when Kara and I decide where to move. I wouldn’t just pick a place where it’s 100 percent human because I’d want your bar to succeed as much as you do.”

“Mon-El.”

“And I know I could just work in any old bar, but I really think that what you have here is WORTH investing in. There are aliens all over the world and not all of them have a safe place to go to and I want to be able to give them that, give them a place they can go to and just be themselves. You have no idea what your bar meant to me when I first arrived on Earth and I want to be able to give that to other aliens and…

“Mon-El!” M’gann finally got through, shouting at him slightly but with a wide smile on her face. “I think that’d be a great idea.”

Mon-El blinked. “So…you’re not mad I might be quitting one day?”

“How is it quitting if you’re just helping me expand my bar?” M’gann teased. “I think you’d make an excellent manager or franchise owner or whatever you want to call it. You’ve done amazing here and I trust you, Mon-El. If you and Kara decide to move somewhere and you think a bar could do well there, I’m all in.”

Mon-El smiled. “Thank you, M’gann. That means so much to me.”

“You and Kara, of all people, deserve some happiness and space,” she told him, reaching across the desk to squeeze his arm. “I’m actually really glad you’re branching out from National City. I mean, I’m going to miss your new culinary creations,” she laughed. “But I know you both are going to do amazing things.”

Mon-El nodded at that, still very touched at her faith in him and…relieved that she was so supportive. He’d been afraid that he’d walk in and be fired on the spot, not that he ever thought M’gann would do that, but a part of him, he knew, would just always expect rejection. It was something he was going to have to work on, but something that he also hoped would get easier once he and Kara were in a new place. National City, for all the wonderful people there and amazing aliens and the friends he’d made, held some very dark memories for him which, he could see now, was really holding him back from moving on and getting better. 

Hopefully a new place would help him.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Kara and Mon-El glanced at each other as they sat across from Lena at Kara’s favorite pizza place, the two of them on one side of the table with Lena on the other. They had just blurted out that they were considering moving, had rushed to add on all their reasons why they decided on that, their plans to report for a newspaper and open a franchise of M’gann’s bar, and were now awaiting her reaction.

She had been sitting there for the last minute straight, staring at them, her arms crossed, her lips pursed, her eyes just a little narrowed and not looking at all pleased.

“So,” she began. “Let me get this right. The two of you are leaving.”

“Moving,” Kara murmured, squeezing Mon-El’s hand tightly. 

“Away,” Lena continued. “You’re both moving away after you get married.”

“Um…yes?” Mon-El hesitated to answer.

Lena’s lips pursed more and the silence lingered two more minutes…

Before she cracked a wide smile. “I am SO happy for you!”

“What?” they both blurted, completely thrown by her 180. 

Lena laughed. “Gotcha,” she winked at them. “Guys, do you seriously think I’d be MAD that you want a new start? I was the one that offered to help get you settled somewhere else if you wanted out of National City three years ago, remember?”

It was true, she had. She knew exactly how therapeutic being out of a hard environment could be and had suggested the two leave the city when Mon-El was strong enough, to give him a new area, a safe space, to start healing in. They’d both felt too guilty about leaving the city unprotected to take her up on it.

“If this is what you two want,” she continued. “Don’t let me stop you! In fact, I could buy…”

“NO!” they both shouted. 

“No, you are NOT buying us a house, Lena,” Kara put her foot down.

“Or paying for the wedding,” Mon-El agreed.

“Or the honeymoon.”

“Or my franchise.”

Lena just smirked in a challenging way. “We’ll see.”

And they would. She honestly could not tell them just how much they had done for her over the years. Their friendship, she was sure, was a big factor in helping to keep herself and L-Corp on the side of true goodness. Their efforts with her medical products had made her millions, and they refused to take any sort of cut from it. Their trust in her had helped get her secret branch for crime fighting off the ground and on par with the DEO in their ability to help stop hostile aliens and hostile acts against aliens. If they thought they hadn’t earned a house or a wedding or honeymoon or franchise or anything else they wanted they were sorely mistaken.

It wasn’t even that SHE would pay for any of it. For every profit she made on different medical equipment and investments, she put a small portion away in an account reserved just for Kara and Mon-El, it was their cut. Just because they refused the paycheck didn’t mean she just took all the money for herself. She’d been adding to it over the years, and it had earned them enough to cover ALL of that and then some. So really, she wouldn’t be using her own money to pay for anything, but the money they’d been refusing over the years. This way it would still be used for them and on them without them able to argue she was spending too much on them.

“Guys,” Lena leaned forward to put her hands on their joined ones on the table. “I love you both, you are my best friends in the entire world. I only want what makes you both happy. If this is the next step in your relationship, moving away and staring a life free from National City, I would be the first one to buy you a plane ticket. I want you happy, so don’t worry about me or how I’ll take it.”

“Really?” Kara asked softly, Lena had been the one they were dreading to tell about their plans, not wanting her to feel bad that they were planning this step that would separate them in a way they hadn’t really been in years.

“Really,” she reaffirmed. “And besides, L-Corp is big enough I could expand anywhere, maybe even somewhere nearby and pop in from time to time.”

“We’d love that,” Mon-El replied, smiling and relieved that Lena was taking this so well.

But that was Lena, she really did just want the best for them.

Now they just had to make sure she didn’t bankrupt herself trying to give them the best wedding or house or anything else.

Lena’s smirk told him that was going to be a difficult fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I laughed at how Cat knew Valor was Mike :-) If she knew Guardian was James from just a slit of his eyes, there's no way she didn't know Clark was Superman either. 
> 
> The next few chapters will be the last series of flashback chapters. They won't be as agonizing as the last few sets, but more looking at Mon-El's recovery, some key moments where he finds things that help him heal and get back to the person he was :-)


	26. Photography

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of a series of flashback chapters that will explore Mon-El as he begins to heal from his torture and find positive means to get him back to a good place :-)

Mon-El sighed as he stared at the notebook resting on the table before him, lying open, the blank pages staring back at him. His hands were resting on the table, on either side of the book, his right hand absently tapping the pen he was holding as he just…stared. It was his first day off from the bar in a while, he’d been picking up quite a few more shifts here and there. Well, that wasn’t entirely true, he’d had days off before, but this was the first time he’d had a day off with both Kara and Lena working and…not felt the need to head to the bar just to be around other aliens and not be alone, not be vulnerable. He’d thought now would be a good time to try something Kara had suggested a while ago.

The notebook wasn’t a generic one, it was a really nice leather-bound journal of sorts. Kara had given it to him months ago, hadn’t pressured him to use it, hadn’t brought it up again since then. But when she had given it to him, she’d only said that it could be his to write whatever he wanted in. He understood the implication. He had scoured the internet and even books in the local library for anything that he could find about dealing with a trauma. Apparently journaling, writing down your feelings, feelings you didn’t want to or felt like you couldn’t say to others, could help. He hadn’t given it much thought since then…and even now as he stared at the blank pages he felt…odd.

He had never been the most communicative when it came to the written word. So much of his culture was based on charm and verbal cues, engaging with other people, hearing and speaking that writing something down just felt out of place. He HAD written some messages down to past lovers, some rather raunchy poems and explicit sonnets about their relations. He was good at charming people through words, written or spoken, but writing something personal? Writing something about what he actually felt instead of just some random words that could make someone else feel pleasure? He was lost when it came to that.

He wasn’t used to this, to the idea of writing about his feelings. He honestly still wasn’t used to experiencing all these feelings that being on Earth had familiarized him with. He’d tried to write his feelings, wrote down what he felt when he thought of Kara. He’d tried to translate some of how he would have phrased it on Daxam into English and it just sounded so stupid. It read like Shakespeare, iambic pentameter and all. It didn’t sound like HIM, but he didn’t know how else to put his feelings down other than in poem form. 

That was another complication in his attempts to write. The poems centered around his more positive emotions, but it wasn’t what that journal was intended for. Kara had sworn that she would not touch the journal, that it was his, that he could write anything at all and she would not pry into it, it would be his and his alone. He could write anything he didn’t want to say to her, anything he didn’t want to admit, it was just an outlet to get anything off his chest. 

And that was just it. The journal was clearly meant to be a book for him to write any negative things down in and release. But the act of doing that would just mean reliving all of them all over again and he didn’t want to do that. He’d worked so hard to push past them that to write about them now just seemed like it would hurt him more than help him. He didn’t want to think about that time let alone write about it. 

He didn’t want to put it on paper and make it even realer. 

He knew it happened, had wished so hard that it was a nightmare but he knew it was real. Having to write it down seemed too much like documenting it, which would only be more proof it had happened. He didn’t want that.

The exercise with the journal was to help him process what happened and work through the emotions, the memories, to help him find peace with it enough to begin to heal. It just didn’t feel like HIM though.

Kara was the journalist between the two of them. She could probably fill the entire book with just her thoughts and memories of a week on Earth. He wasn’t so much a writer as a reader, he didn’t like putting things to print that could be used against him. Even on Daxam he was careful of how he phrased something and what he wrote down. Saying something left it as hearsay, writing it meant someone having proof that you’d said it. If he expressed the wrong thought or concern on paper and it got back to his parents? He’d be in for a heap of trouble with them and even if Kara promised not to read it, a part of him couldn’t work past that fact that it would be written down somewhere and could be read.

He sighed and looked at his phone, seeing the time and smiling to himself. He shut the journal and stood, snatching a set of keys to the door and his wallet before he headed out. Kara would be due for her lunchbreak soon, maybe he could surprise her with some take out. According to Eve, James was on vacation this entire week and wouldn’t be anywhere near CatCo. Right now he just really needed to see his girlfriend, get out of his head for a little and try to focus on the positives in his life instead of worrying about how to write about the negatives.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Mon-El always loved the feeling that rushed through him when he’d show up to surprise Kara with lunch and see her break out into a wide grin just at the sight of him before she even noticed the food in his arms. It really made him feel like he was doing something right with their relationship that she was happy to see him. This was his first real relationship and he was always worried he’d do something to screw it up like he nearly had before but…things were good between them now, better and better every day. 

“Not our anniversary, right?” Kara teased as he pulled up a chair on the other side of her desk to join her in the office Cat had assigned to her. He surprised her often enough that she had long since stopped worrying she’d forgotten a lunch date and just wanted to make sure she hadn’t forgotten a bigger or more important date.

“Not for three more months,” Mon-El replied as he leaned in to give her a peck. “Two weeks, five days, and six hours.”

“But who’s counting,” Kara joked with a laugh, standing up from her chair to lean over the desk and kiss him properly. “Thank you for the food.”

Mon-El shrugged with a soft smile on his face. “I missed you.”

Kara smiled at that and began to dig the food out only a tiny bit disappointed that it really was take out. He’d been dabbling in cooking recently and she loved everything he made. Still, it was a lovely spread and all her favorite foods from that take out place were included.

“Busy day?” he asked for conversation as they began to eat.

“You have no idea,” Kara muttered, trying to talk through her full mouth. “City Hall is trying to demolish one of the oldest houses in the city, THE oldest house, to make more parking space or another office building or something.”

“And that’s bad.”

“Yes,” Kara agreed, knowing it wasn’t so much a question on his part as a guess. “It’s basically a historic site even if it’s not historic-historic, it IS the oldest building in the city and it’s in great condition. But City Hall is really determined to destroy it.”

“You’re writing an article to protect it, aren’t you?” Mon-El asked with a smile, not expecting anything less.

“Yeah. It’s just taking more time than I thought it would and the only pictures we have on file of the house are in black and white and I won’t have time to get there and back with an updated picture AND get the article written and sources checked out even with my superspeed.”

“Is an updated picture important?” Mon-El frowned at that. If they had a picture on file, he wasn’t sure why a black and white one would be bad.

“A point I’m making in the article is how well kept it’s been since it was first built. I wanted to compare the black and white originals to the modern, colored version for more proof. There’s something about seeing it in black and white that makes it FEEL old and makes people not care, like it’s not their problem or generation. But in color? It’s realer. If that makes sense.”

“It does to me,” Mon-El offered. “Is there any way to just get a team to convert the black and white to color? I’ve seen infomercials about old TV shows they turned into color like that.”

“The picture is too dated,” Kara sighed, reaching into a pile of papers to pull out the one of the house. “I can’t even try to pass it off as what’s standing today.”

Mon-El’s brow furrowed as he looked down at the photo she presented him. “Hold on…” he pulled out his phone, quickly starting to scroll through it. “I know that house. I walk past it on the way to M’gann’s bar…it’s this, right?” He quickly held out the phone to Kara to see the picture he’d snapped.

Kara actually gaped at the screen.

So much so that Mon-El frowned. “Or is that the wrong house?”

“No, no, it’s definitely the house,” Kara hurried to get out. “Mon-El…this picture is amazing!”

Mon-El flushed slightly and looked away. “It’s just a picture of a house.”

But Kara shook her head at that, her gaze still locked on the screen. It was so much more than “just a picture of a house.” It was…a stunning picture. He’d taken it near sundown, making the colors of the paint seem richer. The flowers were in bloom around the house’s front garden, the light breeze captured in making the leaves dance. The angle too was just…fantastic! It was almost professional quality and she was truly surprised he’d managed to capture such a good picture from his cell phone.

“It’s perfect!” she cried, looking up at him finally. “Can you send this to me? This is the picture I need for my article!”

Mon-El seemed startled by that a moment, genuinely shocked that she liked it THAT much as to put it in her article. “Are you sure?” He took the phone back to look down at it, trying to see what Kara saw in it that was so great, but it was just a house.

“Super sure,” Kara teased, a wide grin on her face. “Mon-El that picture is wonderful, it really is.” She eyed him a moment as he continued to look at the screen, a small smile growing on his face. “What made you take it?”

Mon-El shrugged. “I thought it was nice,” he offered. “I thought the flowers were beautiful and the colors really popped?” He gave her a look for the last word, seeing her nod that he’d used it correctly. “When I was passing it on the way to the bar. It made me smile.”

Kara watched as he began to smile again, just glancing at the screen, looking at the picture. 

“It was an old house, it didn’t look like the others,” Mon-El continued. “It was out of place in between all those other modern houses and office buildings, but it was still standing. It made me feel…less alone I guess? If it could stand strong even being somewhere it didn’t belong, maybe I could too.” He glanced at her, seeing her soft expression and sad but understanding smile. “Is that cheesy?”

“No,” Kara told him, shaking her head. “No, it’s…that’s a little of why I want to save that house too. You know? It’s a part of the city, even if it’s so removed from it in how old it is. It’s like us. We’re a part of the Earth, part of the humans around us, even if we’re removed in being aliens.”

“Yeah!” Mon-El nodded.

Kara hesitated a moment. “Do you have any other pictures like that?”

“Of old houses?”

“Pictures of things that make you smile.”

Mon-El blinked, surprised the topic had gone down that road instead of Kara focusing back on her article. If it was that much a time crunch…but he had to smile at that. She was taking a tiny break from her crunch because it was him, because she cared.

“A few,” he offered, glancing at his phone before holding it out to her with his pictures open.

Kara gave him a look as she took it, asking permission to look through them, which he nodded to. And she eagerly began scrolling through the photos. There were so many things! Some which were just so simple and small, but she could imagine they made him smile. An ice cream cone, a balloon, flowers, clouds, the outside of M’gann’s bar, her loft…

And her. 

There were so many pictures of her, some posed, but many more candids she couldn’t even remember him having his phone out when he must have taken them. But with his superspeed she could understand how that was possible. There were some pictures of Lena and M’gann mixed in, but most were of her. Her laughing or staring at the TV, working on an article or sleeping, one with her face stuffed full of food after a long day and another of her staring at the sunset. Picture after picture of her.

So many that her eyes filled with tears to see them. She made him smile. That was everything to her. After what he’d been through, after suffering so much because of her so-called family? She would not have blamed him if he hated her, if he wanted nothing to do with her, if just the sight of her brought him pain. But instead…he smiled. She made him smile. And this was more proof of that.

And they were GOOD. Every picture she saw was perfect, at least to her eyes. She wasn’t a skilled photographer, she hadn’t had any sort of training or opinion on what made a photo good or bad. But working at CatCo she had a better idea of the quality of a photo…and his were amazing. They had so much potential and skill that it surprised her. Because she’d never even given a thought to something so simple before. She snapped pictures all the time on her phone, but there was something…careful about the way Mon-El captured a moment. Like he really wanted to do that moment justice. It wasn’t just a quick click for him, but something he took even a second more to put effort into, to make the picture mean as much to him as the moment did.

“These are wonderful,” she murmured, not even able to get through half the photos before she handed the phone back, he had so many! It was clearly something he really enjoyed doing.

“Thank you.” Mon-El flushed more at her praises as he took the phone back.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were interested in photography?”

Mon-El gave her a confused look. “I’m not.”

“Your phone says otherwise.”

“This?” He held up the device, shaking his head. “No, this is just…it’s just some pictures for fun. I’m not a real photographer like…”

He didn’t have to say it for them to both know he was referring to James. 

Kara’s lips pursed at just the almost-mention of the man. “I think you have a lot of potential,” she offered instead, not wanting to talk about James. If she said that his photos were better than James, it would sound spiteful (even if she was sure quite a few of his pictures WERE better than James could take, one picture of her she’d seen of her “smiling with her eyes” all crinkled like a gift James had once given her…it was ten times better, it showed her smiling with not just her eyes but her entire body). But if she said that James and his work was better, that would just crush Mon-El’s confidence and that was the last thing she wanted to do, it was the LAST thing she believed.

“…really?” Mon-El considered some of his pictures, flicking through a handful.

“You were able to do THAT with just a cellphone,” Kara reminded him, beaming again. “And those pictures are stunning Mon-El. Imagining what you could do with a real camera?” She shook her head, letting out an impressed breath. “I bet every paper in the City would be begging you to work for them.”

He smiled at her words but shook his head. “I’m happy at the bar.”

“And that’s fine,” Kara agreed. “But maybe this could be a hobby?” she suggested. “All those pictures are of things that make you smile and they’re all GOOD. Maybe it’s something to consider doing more often?” She reached out and touched his hand, making him look at her. “I love it when you smile.”

He smiled widely at her for that. “Thank you, Kara.”

He knew what she was getting at without her actually saying it, and was grateful she wasn’t pushing it on him but just dropping a suggestion. She thought that taking pictures would help him handle everything that had happened to him, become another way for him to try and heal. It was like the journal, but an opposite. Where the journal was meant to get his negative feelings out, the photos would be more to help him focus on the positives.

And, honestly, he would rather that. It wasn’t the same as how he’d cope on Daxam with something like this. He’d use drink and drugs to forget about it for as long as possible. But he didn’t want to fall back into those habits, he saw how damaging they could be to him on Earth and he didn’t want to do that, to be that person anymore. But he also didn’t feel like he could process grief and trauma the way humans would expect. He wasn’t human, he hadn’t been brought up the same way, their methods wouldn’t work for him, nor would Kryptonian methods. 

On Daxam it was always about feeling good, being happy, or at least believing you felt that. THAT was how he felt he could cope with all this, start to heal. He wanted to be happy again, he wanted to feel good about himself and where he was in his life. He couldn’t do that if he was thinking about the bad things. These pictures made him happy, they gave him SO MUCH to smile about and to remind him of all the good that there was on Earth. It helped remind him…Earth was worth protecting, even if a handful of people had made it hard to care about the Earth. He saw it, every day, in a child’s laughter, in a couple’s smile, in an elderly person’s twinkling eyes, the Earth and its people were worth fighting for. He liked to use those pictures to remind him of everything the Earth had that was good.

Maybe the photography would work the way Kara was hoping, maybe it wouldn’t. But…he felt like it actually WOULD, which was something he was relieved about. He loved her gift, the journal, her thought behind it, wanting to help him, caring about him…but this suggestion was one he loved even more. Because it was something he liked doing, something she thought he was clearly good at, and something that made him feel good and better about himself. Why would he use drugs to create the same affect that taking a simple picture did?

“Yeah,” he murmured. “Maybe.”

Kara smiled at that, squeezing his hand. “I really DO want that picture though,” she told him as she leaned back and began to dig into her food once more. “It would work SO well with my article.”

Mon-El laughed and fiddled with his phone. “And sent.”

Kara’s answering excited squeal was enough to have him smiling for the rest of the day. And seeing her article published, with his name under the photo? That had him smiling for a week. 

(And if Kara kept an eye open for any more publishing opportunities for “Mike Matthews” well, his photos WERE excellent quality and he always smiled so brightly when they were used. …and it seemed to really irritate James that his photos weren’t attached to ANY of her articles anymore because of it. Two birds with one stone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what Mon-El's photography skills might be like, I can't remember if he'd ever taken a picture that we saw on the show. But I feel like, being an alien on Earth, he would find so many things, so many simple things, that we overlook or don't pay attention to that would make him smile. And I know how helpful having pictures to brighten your day can be. 
> 
> I have WAY too many of my family's dogs (a puggle and a black-lab mix) but they are just SO cute! And whenever I'm feeling down, I just look at how chubby they are and adorable in the pictures and it makes me smile. I feel like that would be something Mon-El would do too. And maybe he has an eye for it. Even if he doesn't, I think Kara would still encourage him to do it more because it's something he likes and it's something that makes him happy :-)


	27. Musical Therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of a flashback series exploring Mon-El healing from his trauma and exploring positive ways to cope :-)

When Lena stopped outside of Kara’s loft, she was already anxious about what she would find when she stepped in on the other side. There had been a horrendous noise echoing through the halls of the apartment complex and she’d honestly thought it was coming from farther down…but now, standing outside the door, she could hear it was coming from inside the loft itself, the source of the noise. She had to hesitate from knocking on the door, not sure if she wanted to enter if there was some sort of fight going on or some odd alien she might startle by entering.

So she tried to listen, leaning in to press her ear to the door, trying to get a better understanding of what it was she was hearing. It was…screechy. It reminded her vaguely of that iconic sound that came up in the movie Psycho, just long and short screeching sounds. It wasn’t a person, at least she hoped not, she’d never heard a human make such a sound. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t an alien. 

She was just about to dig her phone out of her pocket to call Kara, to ask her if she knew what was going on…when the screeching suddenly stopped and she heard a muttered “Grife!” from inside the loft. She looked at the door, hoping her ears weren’t playing tricks on her and that was actually Mon-El she’d heard, before she pushed the door open, using her emergency key, to see him sitting on the floor in front of the couch…

…with a crushed violin in his hands?

“Um…” she began, drawing his attention over to her, the poor man so focused on what he’d been doing he hadn’t heard her come and was now staring at her with wide eyes, frozen with what was left of the violin dangling from his raised hand. “Hi?”

“Lena!” Mon-El quickly jumped to his feet, holding the broken violin and bow behind his back as though the mere action would make her forget what she’d just seen. “What are you doing here?”

Lena started to smirk. “My meeting was canceled and I thought I’d swing by and see if you wanted to get some lunch at the new Thai place that opened.”

In the two years Mon-El had been recovering, he’d worked his way up in M’gann’s bar, was nearly the assistant manager, but was mostly focused on creating new food for the bar to try. M’gann usually only promoted the food at night, which left a good portion of his day and afternoon open while she and Kara were at their jobs. She could have called ahead and asked him, but she wanted to surprise him with lunch. He always got SO excited for food, he really was like an adorable puppy at meal time.

“But I can see you’re busy murdering a violin.”

Mon-El flushed at that, hesitantly pulling the instrument from behind his back with a wince at the sight of it. He’d been trying to work on his strength in order to even touch the instrument. Had already broken three of them trying to get the right grip and then to try and press the strings enough and then to not actually SAW the violin in half with the bow. It was hard though! He could temper his strength around humans, and when touching glass and other bottles at work…but wood was so filmsy!

He sighed as the violin literally hung from where he’d crushed the neck of it. He was starting to think that violins weren’t for him.

“I should be arrested,” he muttered, tossing the violin on the couch. “This is the fourth one!”

Lena blinked at that, moving to sit on the couch, picking up the damaged violin to examine it. “Any reason why you’re so keen on them all of a sudden?”

Mon-El hesitated before he sat down next to her. “I’ve just…been feeling anxious lately.”

Lena nodded, understanding. There was an incident going on with a few handfuls of new, rogue aliens that had arrived on the planet. They seemed to have come there with the intention to “liberate” their alien brethren more than the Amnesty Act had and were causing all sorts of chaos. It had the DEO running nonstop along with her own branch of L-Corp trying to keep on top of it, which meant the DEO was more active. Which meant more about them on the news, more requests for aid to Supergirl (and Valor), and more risk of running into them. He could HEAR them sometimes, especially nights at the bar, hear them lingering outside incase one of the rogues tried to crash the bar. 

It would be enough to make anyone anxious if their abuser was loitering and lingering everywhere. 

“I’m sorry about that,” she told him, reaching out to touch his hand. “My team at L-Corp told me we may have gotten the last few of them last night though, it should help.”

“The DEO will still be lurking,” Mon-El argued lightly. “They won’t risk it till THEY are sure too. And they’ll…I feel like they’ll use any excuse to keep sticking around as close to the bar as they have been.”

M’gann might not allow them inside, but she’d not wanted them within 50 feet of her bar either, however with the threat she’d had to amend that for a brief while. They could be outside, but not enter. He’d been entering the bar through the back entrance, leaping over buildings and alley walls to get there just to avoid any of the agents out front.

“How does that translate to this?” Lena nodded at the violin in her lap.

“I read that music is supposed to be soothing,” he offered with a shrug. “The music I’ve heard is very soothing but it’s…there’s none from…”

“From Daxam?” she guessed.

“No,” he agreed. “I’m not a musician, not at all, but I thought if I could learn an instrument, then maybe, one day, I could try to recreate some of the songs. Just…that little piece of home.”

“I think that’s a wonderful reason.”

Mon-El smiled smally at that. “I tried to look up what the most soothing instrument to listen to was, because I thought, if I’m learning to play it, it should be soothing and relaxing to hear as I go, right?”

“Right.”

“But that is NOT the violin.” He grimaced as just the thought of it, making Lena laugh. “It sounds terrible!”

“Yeah,” Lena had to agree. “The violin is one of those tricky instruments. It sounds beautiful, when you’re a professional. Not so much when you’re trying to learn. And definitely NOT when you have superhearing and it’s right by your ear.”

Mon-El scratched the side of his face. “Music really does help calm me down, and even that thing,” he nodded at the remains of the violin. “Helped drown out the noise of them. But it really is painful to listen to.”

“There ARE other instruments,” Lena reminded him. “It doesn’t have to be the violin.”

“But the internet said…”

“Do you like N*Sync?” Lena cut in.

Just by Mon-El’s grimace she knew her answer, which both angered her because she adored that band, just as Kara did, but also made her laugh at his expression.

“You don’t like them, I do, Kara does, but you don’t,” Lena pointed out. “Just like you were obsessed with Mozart and Kara thought it was boring.”

“What does that have to do with…”

“Everyone has different tastes. Everyone likes different music and different people find different instruments soothing. Don’t use the internet as a guide, because it’s not YOU and it doesn’t know what YOU prefer. Find an instrument you like and learn that one.”

Mon-El was quiet for a moment. “I thought the violin was supposed to be romantic too?”

Lena had to smile at that, at his intention. He was selfless like that, whatever he did, he always tried to make it something everyone enjoyed. He wanted to learn an instrument to help him manage his anxiety, but he also wanted to learn one that he thought Kara would enjoy hearing him play.

“Trust me,” she squeezed his hand as tight as she could, hoping he might feel it. “As Kara’s best friend, I can tell you she won’t care which instrument you pick up. It could be the didgeridoo and she’d still find you playing it the sexiest thing ever.”

Mon-El blushed a little at her blunt words…before her words actually caught up to him. “What’s a didgeridoo?”

“Something no one finds sexy.”

Mon-El laughed at that. “Thank you, Lena.”

“Happy to help.” She beamed. “Now, what instrument do you think you’d like?”

He shifted at that. “I…don’t really know. I thought the violin was supposed to be it.”

Lena nodded before standing, slapping his knee as she rose. “Well, come on. We have some shopping to do!”

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Mon-El honestly didn’t know there were SO many different instruments on Earth till he found himself standing in a store that was filled with them, practically every instrument in every size and shape. 

“Um…” was all he could say as he gaped at the size of the store.

Lena laughed and tucked her arm around his, leading him through the store. “Just take a second to look at each instrument, and if you see one that looks interesting, I can look it up on my phone what they sound like for you.”

Mon-El smiled and nodded, the two of them heading around the store to look at the different ones. He was surprised to see a few that looked similar to those he had on Daxam even though they sounded nothing like his memories of such instruments. He’d learned that, while the metal instruments would probably be better in comparison to his superstrength…there was something off putting to him in how shiny they were. He didn’t want an instrument that drew more attention to him, and they all sounded metallic at times, especially when first starting to play them. They also took a lot of air to manage and while he didn’t have Kara’s freezebreath, he’d been short of breath and had difficulty breathing in the past, he didn’t want to be reminded of breathing each time he touched the instrument.

Once those were off the table, it helped narrow the other instruments down. He liked the drums, as they were called, but he was afraid that he’d lose control of his superstrength and pound through one. It was also very loud and with Kara’s loft being an apartment with neighbors, he was sure they wouldn’t appreciate the noise. 

He liked the string instruments, he realized. Talking with Lena had helped him see that the violin and viola and other smaller string instruments weren’t quite for him. His hands were too big, he was too awkward, and they were too close to his ear for him to play it comfortably. He was sure if he stuck with it and practiced, he WOULD get better, anyone would, but he didn’t want an instrument that caused him more anxiety while trying to lessen it. But a few other instruments were too big and bulky, the cello, the double bass, the harp, they were all too big for his tastes. He knew it was ironic, he was superstrong and could lift theme easily, but he didn’t want something so bulky.

“What about the guitar?” Lena suggested when he led them back to the string section for the third time, noticing that he seemed set on one of them just unsure of which one.

“Is that the horizontal violin?”

She laughed a little at his description of it. “Yes, it’s the sideways violin. Here…” She walked over to one on a display, a simple wooden one as she was sure he wouldn’t appreciate the electric one when his entire point was to find something calming. “Get a feel for this.”

He took the instrument from her and looked it over. It felt just a little sturdier than a violin, was smaller than the cello, and it had a strap around it so it could rest on his body without him needing to support it. He slid it over his shoulder, putting his hands on the neck and strings gently. The strings were wider apart and thicker than the violin, which would help. He hadn’t been able to feel the violin strands before, which had led to him pressing them too forcefully. Even though he still couldn’t quite feel the strings on this instrument, he was sure he would be able to see that he was pressing them easier than with the violin. 

He held one string down and ran a thumb along the strings near the base, smiling as he heard the sound. It didn’t sound scratchy or irritating like the violin had, this was just his hands and fingers making the noise and it was a much more soothing sound, softer. 

Lena beamed as she saw his growing smile. Yes, the guitar it was!

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“You didn’t have to do this,” Mon-El was saying as they made it back to the loft. 

“I wanted to,” Lena reassured him, unable to stop smiling at how he had held the guitar to him as they left the store. 

She’d bought it for him on the spot, once they found one he liked and that suited him. He’d protested, as he and Kara always did when she tried to gift them with things, but she had set her foot down and handed over her credit card. It was a guitar. It wasn’t like she’d bought him an island, and even then with how much he and Kara had helped her developing her alien-safe products at L-Corp, she could probably afford to buy seven and not even dent her bank account.

“Still, thank you again.”

“That is the eleventh time you’ve thanked me in an hour,” she pointed out. “You’re welcome.”

He chuckled lightly at that, stepping into the loft as he looked at the guitar, an excited sparkle in his eyes that made Lena feel warm to have helped create.

She had done a ton of research, as had Kara, about anything that could help Mon-El after what he’d endured. She’d looked up different forms of therapy, self help, support groups, anything at all. She’d even started a fund to help aliens, and pro-alien humans, gain an education in a field that would specialize in aliens, both medical and therapeutic as well. He had inspired her, helped her learn to branch out, and he was a friend. She had learned that music therapy could help as well and even though this wasn’t the exact same thing, it was a POSITIVE thing and that meant the world to her. It was something Mon-El was doing, something constructive and positive to help him cope and help his anxiety. 

This was so much better than how he’d been in the months after it had all happened, he wasn’t drinking, he hadn’t turned to drugs, he was focusing on things that made him feel better and smile. And even though she knew Daxam hadn’t been a good planet, there had to be something good about it for him to want to try and recreate some of his people’s songs. And she hoped he’d be able to. She couldn’t imagine being ripped away from everything she knew, losing all that, and then nearly losing her own life before being separated from her people forever on pain of death. Mon-El was doing his best, and if this could bring him even the smallest comfort, she was happy.

“I do have one condition though,” she told him as they both plopped down on the couch.

“Anything!”

Lena laughed at that. “When you do learn how to play, and manage to work out one of Daxam’s songs, play it for me? For Kara too, we’d both love to hear it, I know it.”

Mon-El smiled at that, looking down at the guitar and nodded. “I will. I…I want to share that with you both.”

Lena leaned in and gave him a hug for that. He had been tightlipped about Daxam, what it was like, his culture, ever since the invasion and what happened with the DEO after. She suspected he was so unwilling to talk about it because it would just remind him and them that he WAS a Daxamite, as though they ever forgot it given what the DEO did. It was like, if he said it or spoke about it, it would make them think of him as just like his people. It was a reminder of what he’d been targeted and why the envoy had had no qualms with torturing him, because he was Daxamite.

And she felt like it had to kill him to not bring that up. He made some references, “on Daxam we…” but nothing really in depth, at least not to her. She didn’t ever want to pry into his life or things he told Kara in private, but she got the feeling even Kara heard little about his life there, his traditions and customs. He felt like he couldn’t share a part of himself because of what happened, to hear him willing to share this with her, with the two of them, it made her so hopeful that he was really getting to a better place now.

“We’ll be here to hear it, whenever you’re ready.”

The two of them looked over when the door opened and Kara hurried in with two giant bags of takeout in her arms. “Potsickers anyone?” she called, smiling widely. “Is that a guitar?” she asked as she caught up to the sight before her. She’d guessed that Lena would be hanging out with them once she got the message that her meeting had been cancelled, and it was near dinner and, even if she wasn’t, she didn’t doubt her and Mon-El could eat the entire thing themselves.

Mon-El laughed, setting the guitar aside and getting up to help take the bags from her. “I thought I’d try something new,” he said easily, leaning in to give her a kiss.

Kara hummed as she kissed him again. “I think that’s wonderful. You know, guitarists were always my favorite part of bands.”

“Mine were drummers,” Lena added, reaching out to snatch a container from the bags and digging in, not even caring what was in them, they’d missed lunch after all. 

“Mine are singers,” Mon-El remarked, though his gaze was on Kara, making her blush because she knew he really didn’t care much for bands, but he loved to hear her sing.

“Maybe we can duet one day,” Kara offered. “Once you learn a few songs.”

Mon-El had never before been so determined to learn something new as he was to pick up the guitar and master it. And if that meant he got to teach Kara a few Daxamite songs and hear her sing them? It was all the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww :-) I love that Mon-El has such a supportive system around him that are nudging him towards things that can help him without forcing it on him :-) And I just keep imagining Mon-El singing to Kara now, fingers crossed for that in season three right? :-)


	28. Cooking With Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of a series of flashback chapters focusing on Mon-El's healing and recovery of his torture, finding positive ways to cope :-)

Mon-El was focused, absolutely focused on the task at hand as he stood in the backroom of M’gann’s bar, working tirelessly. Beside him on a small table was a series of ingredients, all piled on top of each other and nestled as close to each other as possible without touching and contaminating each other. They looked…completely disgusting, if he was being honest, to humans at least. The ingredients were alien and therefore the sensitive human palate would be overwhelmed by them, much like with the alcohol M’gann served. 

So it was a good thing he wasn’t cooking for humans. 

Well, technically he didn’t really cook for humans. M’gann’s bar was stocked with different food items that humans normally ate, chicken wings, pizzas, fries, things like that. She didn’t want to exclude the species that had opened up their planet to aliens, nor did she want to make those who were pro-alien and supportive of their presence feel unwelcome. She always made sure to keep a supply for them to eat, similar to the beer she kept on tap as well. The aliens, however, had copious amounts of different sorts of alcohol, but not much by way of food. Oh they could eat the human food, but there was so little that could be done to recreate the foods of their homeworlds. 

At least till he’d come along. 

It had been funny, when he looked back on it. Kevin had been the thing that sparked it all, the big and bulky biker like alien who was really just a big old teddy bear under the surface. Kevin had explained that he understood how much humans valued and judged based on appearance and he’d rather them see “big burly biker” first than “alien” so he took on that appearance. People gave him less of an issue looking like a biker than they would if he was just an alien. Kevin had been one of the first to rally behind him when the truth came out about what the DEO had done.

He’d had a really bad day, which ended with a bad reaction to a Livewire attack that had nearly the entire bar witnessing his breakdown from it. He hadn’t thought they could hear him speaking to M’gann in the back, but they had. He’d learned later that they had intentionally overheard, had turned to the aliens with even stronger hearing than Supergirl to listen in. When they found out? He’d stepped out of the back to see all of them on their feet and telling him not to worry, because he was SAFE there, he was safe with them, they would NEVER let anything hurt him, both as a fellow alien and as a friend.

They had all heard, through the grapevine (NOT an actual vine, it was a figure of speech on Earth apparently), how Supergirl had managed to rid the planet of the Daxamite invaders. They knew he’d come close to death to make sure his people fled and could never return. They knew he’d had the chance to have his people, who he thought had died, back and chose Earth over them. And they knew they had nearly lost him as well because of it, had a cure not been found. And they also knew how he was as a person, a good man, with a good heart, who would choose aliens and helping any of them out any day. He’d become a friend to them, a part of the bar, someone they could go to for problems or a joke to cheer them up or anything at all. He had become FAMILY to them, and they would not let anything hurt their family.

Kevin, usually reserved and quiet, had been the one to tell him that, make sure he KNEW that. 

He’d been touched, he really had been, and he’d wanted to find a way to thank him, to thank each and every one of them for their support. He had gone home to the loft, and had just…started cooking. He wanted something to feel better after the reaction he’d had and food always made him feel better, making it and eating it. Lena had called it comfort food once, like how people would eat ice cream after a break up, or binge on popcorn when drama was happening. He just liked to cook, and he LOVED salted caramel cookies, so he’d made them. Kara had loved them, getting home right when they were just ready to eat, but still warm and gooey. She’d made such an offhanded remark, how caramel on Earth reminded her of a sweet on Krypton.

It had sparked something in him, a thought about other foods on Earth that were similar to Daxamite foods, or even just a taste of something. Which led him to think about the aliens in the bar, and what foods might be similar to their planets. 

He’d been obsessed ever since then, working to find substitutions for ingredients to meals he couldn’t find on Earth. But he’d wanted to try and create at least one dish for each of the alien species that frequented the bar. He’d managed to be sneaky about it at first. He’d brought in some treat or another to share with the bar, as a “thank you” which got Kevin talking about some of his favorite foods on his planet. A few specific questions here and there and he felt like he had a pretty good idea of how to replicate that food. He’d gotten pretty good at cooking Earth food, but it was EARTH food. 

When he’d brought the really quite disgusting pile of grey, nearly burnt bricks of some god awful smelling lump to work. Kevin had been overjoyed, recognizing it instantly despite the substitutions. After that, others seemed to catch onto what he’d planned and willingly came to him to talk about food. Some even managed to find ingredients for him through their connections, real and genuine alien products to use in his cooking. 

He’d spoken to M’gann about it, when he realized after the third or fourth planet’s dishes, about adding it to the menu. Or, at the very least, doing a different planet each night, working their way through the galaxy of patrons so they each felt even more at home. She’d been on board the second he’d offered her a Martian candy he’d made that she’d mentioned once in passing. Ever since then, they had added small things to the menu, little alien snacks that were easy to make, and each week they featured a different planet’s foods for the weekend, Friday through Sunday. 

HE was in charge of that though. M’gann had expanded the bar, redid the back so it had a better kitchen for him to use and he went to town. The patrons seemed to appreciate his efforts, and M’gann’s bar was thriving, and he was HAPPY. He was really happy when he could focus on making a new dish, when he could see the eyes of the alien in question light up at having that piece of home back. He really loved cooking, he was good at it, and it helped give him something not just useful to do but meaningful. Taking pictures and playing the guitar was great, it kept him in good spirits, but they were also personal things he could do. They were just for him, and sometimes Kara and Lena, to enjoy. 

THIS was something for other people. He couldn’t describe how he felt when he managed to accomplish a new dish.

“Cooking up a storm, I see.”

Mon-El nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of M’gann’s voice, turning to see her leaning in the doorway of the kitchen he was in with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face. He let out a breath, putting a hand to his chest as his heart raced at the spook. She loved doing that to him, knowing he got so focused on his cooking that he didn’t notice anything going on around him. Which was both good and bad. Good in that he could get the dishes done properly, and bad because he sometimes didn’t hear the random brawl going on or her trying to tell him Supergirl called in Valor’s assistance. Not often, but sometimes, when it was a really difficult dish or something he really, REALLY wanted to get right, it would happen.

This was both of those things.

But what else did he expect from that planet’s food?

“Hey,” he offered, when he was sure his voice wouldn’t shake. “How did Giggles like the food?”

M’gann smiled. It was Giggles’ planet this week. “She’s currently trying to buy other people’s dishes to take home,” she laughed. “I told her we had extra for her, but she’s determined to buy the entire room’s worth of it.”

Mon-El chuckled at that. He always made sure to make extra for the alien, or aliens, of a planet to take home with them, to enjoy in the privacy of their homes too. “I’m glad she liked it.”

“That girl is probably ready to marry you for your cooking,” she warned with a teasing tone.

“I’m taken,” he joked back, though he was serious as he said it.

“But ARE you?” M’gann continued to tease. “I didn’t see a ring on it last time I checked.”

Mon-El burst out laughing at that. “Soon, soon,” he reassured her, his mind drifting back to the ring he’d hidden in Kara’s couch cushion just last night after he and Lena FINALLY managed to get it worked out. 

M’gann lifted an eyebrow at that. “Tonight?” She glanced at the food cooking on the stove. “Is that why you…”

“No,” he shook his head. “It’s um…it takes time to travel to Earth from my part of the galaxy,” he told her. “And with the calendar structure they have on Earth, the rotations of the sun, it’s hard to work out what days match up. But luckily I have a super smart genius friend who’s excellent at math and space and all that fun stuff.”

M’gann gave him an odd look. “Happy day or sad day?”

“Happy,” he promised. “A very, very happy day. Probably the best day of my entire life.”

M’gann smiled at that, catching on to what day it could be, given he didn’t have many happy days in his past from what she knew. “Then what are you still doing around here? I can clean up, you head out.”

Mon-El smiled. “This just needs an extra five minutes to cook and then I’m gone.” He crossed his chest at that, though he was very happy that M’gann was so understanding about his request to use her back kitchen for a not-quite-business use as well as to leave early.

It was just…it was a really important day.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

Kara bit back a yawn as she stepped into her loft later that night. It had been…a long, long day. She’d had to get up early for work and then it just seemed like task after task popped up for Supergirl and she wanted to call Mon-El in, because really it would have all gotten done twice as fast with Valor beside her (and fighting crime AND spending time with her boyfriend at the same time was always a win), but he was at the bar and he’d asked her the night before, so adorable in his fluster, if she could not call him in today. Apparently he was making a new planetary dish for the bar and it was both very complicated and he was very nervous about it and wanted it to be perfect. He didn’t want any distractions and with how much he always gave, she was fine handling the city by herself for a few hours. 

Although now she felt like she’d gotten too used to him being there with her, it felt like it took longer and took more out of her to go solo again. 

Still, she smiled as she pushed open the door, she’d be coming home to Mon-El and…

She froze as she stared at the loft with wide eyes.

It was spotless. Pristine really. She honestly couldn’t remember if it had been THIS clean and perfect even before she moved int. It was like something out of a design book it looked flawless. What’s more it smelled heavily, there was something in the air, something tugging at her thoughts, telling her she should know it, but it just…it made her feel so relaxed and happy she couldn’t be bothered to struggle to recall where she’d encountered it before. And the lights were dimmed, her dining room table was set up with two candles and a line of food and…

“You’re home,” Mon-El’s voice cut through the fog that settled over her thoughts, sending her heart racing as he appeared, in her favorite grey shirt that brought out his eyes, and black slacks, walking over to her to take her coat from her, giving her a kiss in the process. “Just in time.”

“In time for what?” she breathed, still staring at the food…it was…there was something about it and…

“Happy birthday.”

Kara blinked and looked up at him. “It’s not my Earth Birthday,” she told him with a frown.

“I know,” he agreed. “But you’ve given up a lot to live on Earth, including your actual Name Day. And I know, it’s really hard to work out just when that day is, when it coincides with Earth’s calendar, and given the travel between Krypton and Earth and the time in the Phantom Zone, it was nearly impossible…NEARLY but not completely.”

“You didn’t…” she turned to stare at him, her eyes wide, her hands coming up to rest over her mouth as the implication of what he’d said caught up to her.

“I helped, but Lena did most of it,” he told her. “But we did it. We worked out when your Name Day on Krypton was and what day it matches on Earth. Today.”

Kara’s eyes filled with tears as she looked at the spread of food and back to him, before her gaze was pulled to the food once more. The niggling in her mind was consuming her as she stepped closer and looked at it, really LOOKED at it, and smelled it and…

“Rao…” she gasped as it finally hit her.

It was her favorite meal on Krypton. It was literally her favorite food from KRYPTON sitting on the table in front of her. Mon-El had been replicating the food from other planets but she never thought…she’d never even considered he’d…and it was so silly to think he wouldn’t try to create HER planet’s food.

It was right there. The smell, the sight of it, it was exactly like she remembered it. It was real. 

She felt Mon-El step up behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle and resting his chin on her shoulder as she continued to stare. “I hope I got it even a little right.”

“It’s perfect!” She spun in his arms and kissed him deeply for his efforts, for his care, for just…everything. 

Mon-El was on the verge of groaning at the passion she was putting behind it before he remembered that his tests of the food told him it would go cold fairly quickly and he wanted Kara to still enjoy it while it was warm. “Hey,” he murmured, pulling back. “Let’s eat.”

Kara quickly wiped at her eyes but was beaming as she moved to sit on her chair, already starting to pile her plate high with the food he’d made. He sat across from her, not moving, just watching her go at it until she was about to take the first bite. She hesitated, almost not wanting to eat it, it was just too perfect to end up in her stomach…but it was so good too.

She took a bite and her eyes fell closed as the familiar taste exploded in her mouth, it was exactly like she remembered it, BETTER if she had to say it. She felt herself starting to cry with her eyes closed, the tears slipping down her cheeks at the sensation. She had gone years, more than a decade, without ever tasting her planet’s food. She found small comforts in Earth, food that tasted good and that she enjoyed, but nothing like home. Some snacks here and there that reminded her of home, but WEREN’T home. 

Not this. This was…this was exquisite. 

“Good?” Mon-El asked.

Kara’s eyes flew open at the raw nerves she could hear in his voice, could see now how anxious he was in his body language, his eyes trained on her and filled with trepidation that he’d gotten it wrong, or that it wasn’t as good.

“Mon-El,” she could only shake her head with a wide smile. “It’s…you…I…thank you,” she finally settled on. “You’ve…this is…it’s home,” she really was trying to get her thoughts in order, but it was so hard to keep focused with the delight and impact of having something from her home returned to her. “It’s home.”

“I’m glad,” he smiled, bashfully looking down at his empty plate, pink tingeing his cheeks. “I really wanted it to be perfect for you. I wanted all of it to be perfect.”

He liked cooking, it gave him something to do, to focus on, something positive instead of the negatives that had happened to him. It gave him a way to give back to those that had helped him through it, and Kara had done more for him than anyone ever had. If he could show her how much he appreciated her, how much he loved her, even in some small way, this would be the place to start.

Kara reached out across the table to take his hands as they fidgeted by his plate. “It was always going to be perfect,” she told him. “Because you made it.”

He smiled at that, always so pleased when she praised him. “Thanks.”

“Do you know what would be even more perfect?”

“What?”

She nearly laughed at how eager he sounded to make things better for her. “If we could have a Daxamite meal one day too,” she offered. 

Mon-El blinked at her. “You…you want to…”

“You just gave me part of my home back,” she squeezed his hand again. “I want you to have some part of yours too, even if it’s just a meal.”

Mon-El fell silent at that, looking down at his hand and turning one over to lace his fingers with hers. “I don’t need a meal from Daxam to have my home back.” He looked up at her with a soft look that took her breath away. “I just need you.”

“Mon-El…” she breathed.

He lifted her hand he was holding and kissed the back of it. “You’re my home.” He smiled more when he saw her struggling to find words to speak and set her hand down. “Come on, let’s eat. I’m curious what Kryptonian food tastes like.”

Kara shook her head at him, fondness in ever movement, as she resumed eating her food again. “Thank you, Mon-El.”

“Happy Name Day, Kara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww :-) I wanted to explore what cooking means to Mon-El and how he takes it as something that helps him relax but also acts as a way to show his appreciation to others. He's making things that MEAN something to them, he's taking time and effort to get to know the people that have really supported him and show them that he is grateful for it :-)
> 
> I work in a cafe/bookstore and some customers we get are just very...not nice, and it's frustrating to deal with so much negativity and so we turn to each other for understanding and support and to try and find some positives and good things to focus on. I try to bake things every so often, fun little treats, to bring in for people to enjoy. Because we all deal with difficult customers, and I want them to know I appreciate them and also how grateful I am for them too. I have really bad social anxiety so when customers get angry with me or yell at me, it really is gut-wrenching and can really hurt me to the point I'm shaking for an hour or so afterwards. The people at my work have always made me feel comfortable and supported and have always been there to step in or take my place afterwards and give me time to regroup, and that means so much to me that I like to show them I appreciate them by bringing in food. In that way, I relate to Mon-El :-)


	29. Distractions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the lack of updates the last few days. Work and life have decided to pick up in their craziness and it's been hard finding time to write :-(
> 
> This is the second to last chapter in a series of flashbacks exploring Mon-El recovering and healing from his time with the DEO.

Kara was concerned. It was hard not to be when Mon-El looked almost as bad as when he’d first been recovering from the torture the DEO inflicted on him. He had been doing well, or as well as could be given all that had happened to him. He was recovering slowly but surely. It was just…recently he seemed to be getting worse and it was scaring her. Not worse in the sense that he’d resorted to downing alcohol like he had once before and nearly given her a heart attack that he’d managed to get alcohol poisoning or something. But more…he was closing himself off again.

He was still quiet and reserved, he smiled less than he used to, and he fidgeted more, grew anxious easier than he would have before all this. But there was something different about it now. He was paler, he had bags under his eyes, he didn’t talk as much not even to her, and he kept yawning. He was sluggish in a way that spoke to a lack of sleep but she slept beside him every night and he SLEPT. She’d even stayed awake a few nights here and there to actually be sure he wasn’t waking up and staying up without telling her. 

She could guess what it was but it wouldn’t help if he didn’t actually let her know if her guess was correct. He was awake so early now, usually making her breakfast and doing a little cleaning or laundry before works started. And he came home very late at night, which meant the sleep he WAS getting wasn’t as much as he probably should. It was more than just that though. He was just…running himself ragged, from what she was hearing from M’gann and Lena and what she noticed herself. In his waking hours he was just always moving or doing something without any rest between. Even when she tried to get him to sit down and watch a show or a musical with her he was doing something else at the same time. Whether it was a puzzle or a Sudoku or reading a cook book, he was always doing something instead of just resting and relaxing. And she knew how important it was to just stop for a minute and breathe.

From what M’gann said, he was working more daytime hours now. As though whenever she left for work he went to the bar too. He was picking up more shifts than he really should, but he was insisting and the bar was down two bartenders recently so they did need the help. During the slow hours he was doing more than just tending the bar as well. He was cleaning everything he could get his hands on, mopping, wiping down tables, cleaning dishes, restocking, even dusting. He stayed late on days he didn’t have to and volunteered his time to help close things down. M’gann was thrilled the bar had never looked so pristine, but worried because Mon-El wasn’t even taking his breaks properly. He refused his fifteens and came back from his half hour lunch within ten minutes. He wasn’t talking to the patrons as much, wasn’t joking, barely smiled the way he would have all bright and cheerful but more a tug of the lips. It was worrying the others but he would just make an excuse of some task to finish when they would try and ask if he was alright.

She might have thought it was just Mon-El taking a new lease on life and really dedicating himself to the bar and being the best employee he could be, had it not been for Lena’s concerns too. The few times the woman had managed to get Mon-El to agree to lunch with her was a sign. Mon-El loved food, he loved trying new human foods and spices and concoctions, so for Lena to need to actually convince him to go with her instead of him happily joining her was a red flag. The fact that he was quiet and not joking and, according to Lena, “getting him to talk was like pulling teeth” was an added worry. It seemed like the only time he voluntarily talked to Lena was near the end of the meal when they would get into their typical argument of who would pay. It was worrying, because Mon-El was so naturally charismatic for him to not even want to talk to Lena was upsetting to think on.

Worse yet, was the things she saw herself. The days off that M’gann insisted he take, having gone so far as barring him from the bar on those days, found him in a training room that Lena had set up for the Supers to help get Mon-El back to fighting shape in his superhero training. He spent the entire day there, running obstacles, fighting drones, testing his strength. And while she was thrilled he was so serious about being a hero, knowing that getting his strength back meant he would feel stronger himself and able to protect himself better, it was bordering on an alarming pattern for him. He didn’t stop, he didn’t relax, he was throwing himself into anything and everything he could and wearing himself out in the process. He was improving in his training, she had no doubt about that, especially when he was able to best her the last two times they’d trained together, but she was worried for him.

He needed to just stop and rest and she had a suspicion it would happen very soon and against his will. He was running on fumes the last few days, the endless days and weeks of pushing himself starting to show their strain on him. 

It had never been more glaring than right now as she stood in her apartment with a cup of tea in her hands, leaning on her kitchen island and watching Mon-El as he sat on the couch, some movie playing in the background they were meant to watch together, while he tried knitting of all things. He was getting frustrated with it. He had his phone out with a youtube video of how to do a basic knit stitch and he was clearly getting fed up. With time and patience and repetitive practice, she was sure he could learn how to knit even with his bigger hands and his superstrength not holding up well against the needles, but he was too on edge right now. His temper was too short and when he bent the needle for the fourth time, he let out a frustrated groan and crumbled the needles between his hands into a messy wire ball before tossing it over his shoulder.

She set her teacup down as he buried his face in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees, to join him on the couch beside him. “Mon-El…”

“It’s fine,” he remarked, shaking his head as he pulled back, giving her a tired smile. “Knitting isn’t for me. But I read about another form of knitting that just uses one needle with a hook on the end. Croqueting…”

“Crocheting?” Kara supplied.

“Sure, yeah, that,” Mon-El murmured, leaning back on the couch and resting his head back, just letting out a long breath. 

Kara reached out and lightly began brushing her fingers through his hair. It was longer now, she should give him a haircut one day soon. “You don’t need to pick up another hobby so soon,” she tried to sooth him.

“What was that quote though? Jack of All Trades?”

“And master of none,” Kara finished for him. “But better than a master of one.”

“I’ve never been a jack of anything,” Mon-El replied. He held up a finger at her. “Don’t say master of jackasses.”

Kara laughed at that, thinking back to his behavior on Earth just after he woke up. Even without a prejudiced tinge to her view of him, he did come off a little like a jackass at times, but very, very brief times and he more than made up for it later. “Wasn’t going to.”

Mon-El smiled at that. “I just want to be good at something.”

“You are,” Kara insisted. “You’re good at SO many things, Mon-El. Bartending, cooking, you punch really hard. You even punch harder than me now!” That had been something he had been beyond excited to learn. Even if he didn’t have many of her other powers, he still had that. “You’ve never accidently turned the laundry pink…”

“Yeah, how did you NOT realize your cape was mixed in with your whites?” he had to tease her. 

“Shut up,” she muttered, nudging him for his remark. “I’m serious, you are amazing at so many things. You don’t have to just jump from one to another. Maybe take a break? Master your movie-watching abilities?”

Mon-El rolled his head to look at her, something in his eyes that tugged at her. “You told me to talk to you,” he nearly whispered after about five minutes of staring at her.

“I do,” she agreed. “Anything you want to talk about, any time.”

His gaze flickered down to where the knitting needle ball had rolled and back to her. “I feel like I need another hobby.”

“Why?”

“It keeps me busy?” He shrugged, sitting up more. Kara dropped her hand from his hair to take his in hers. “It helps…distract me.”

Kara nodded at that, her suspicions confirmed. She’d guessed that a source of his restlessness and how he kept throwing himself into everything he did was a way to keep himself busy and keep his mind away from the darker thoughts. She’d gone through something like that when she’d lost her job at CatCo. She’d binged in relaxation the first of it, but grew restless and threw herself into everything she could, even cooking, just to find things to do so she wouldn’t think about what she’d lost. 

“I don’t know what it is but it’s just been harder the last few weeks to stay positive,” he admitted. “I thought if I could just find a bunch of things to do then I wouldn’t have to think about it. I’m sorry,” he added quickly. “I know you said to talk to you, but I thought I had it under control. I thought I was getting better and…”

“Mon-El, hey,” she squeezed his hand, getting him to look at her. “Trauma like what you went through isn’t going to go away that easy. It’ll fade and sometimes it’ll come back in waves. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. Some days are just easier than others while some days are harder. You’ve been having a harder few days lately and that’s ok. I want you to talk to me when you feel like that so I can try to help you through them, even if it’s just this, sitting here and holding your hand.”

Mon-El smiled. “I’m tired.”

“I’d bet you were,” Kara teased lightly. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you running yourself ragged the last few weeks. Between the bar and hero training and your hobbies. And don’t think you won’t be getting an earful from Lena or M’gann about it either.”

Mon-El nearly flopped back against the couch at that with a groan. “I’ll apologize to them.”

“Well, I think M’gann was loving the extra help,” Kara added with a smile. “Lena, however…”

He winced. “I didn’t want to talk to her.”

“Probably should NOT open with that…”

“No, not like that it’s just…” he sighed and looked at her again. “There are some things I feel like I can talk to Lena about, and some things I want to talk to YOU about. If I started talking, I’d end up blurting it out to Lena and I wanted to talk to you first. I love Lena, she’s the best friend I’ve had since…” he trailed off at that, clearing his throat though she knew he was about to mention Winn. “But she’s not around all the time like you are, she wasn’t the one that put her faith in me first. I love where we’re at now, but…I feel like you’ve been there for me longer and there are some things that I feel like you would understand better.”

Kara nodded at that. “I’d find a way to phrase it like that instead of not wanting to talk to her,” she teased. “But I understand.” She moved closer to him, winding her arms around him as she rested her head on his shoulder, smiling when she felt his arms wrap around her.

Lena WAS an amazing friend, but it was moments like this that made her think about her own relationship with Mon-El. They were so much more than friends, they were intimate and connected and she loved him an entirely different way than she had ever loved anyone else. What Mon-El was admitting to, what he was trying to hold back on talking about, was something he felt he could talk to with someone as close to him as SHE was more so than a friend. And it was no slight against Lena, she knew that in his words, he adored Lena, and she knew he talked to her about things he didn’t want to burden HER with. He talked to Lena about the torture he went through when he didn’t want to make HER feel worse about her former family’s role in it. But he also talked to HER more than Lena when it was something that would impact their relationship. 

In a way, it was like how husbands and wives turned to each other when they were struggling. It was an issue that they wanted to keep between themselves because it was the sort of support and understanding only a spouse could give you. Mon-El and her were together a majority of the time, with Lena hanging out and visiting frequently, but not living with them, not an intimate player in their relationship, but the best friend either of them could ever ask for.

“If you’re worried about thinking about things,” Kara began after a moment of silence. “Maybe we could think of things that would help distance you more.”

“Like what?”

“Well, the hobbies you’ve picked up have all been based on Earth, right?” She could feel him nod against her head. “Maybe you need something more Daxamite, something more alien, to do instead of human.”

Mon-El was quiet a long while, considering her words, before he hummed lightly in her ear. “I thought I wasn’t supposed to go drinking again? And I’m pretty sure the DEO would take immense pleasure in busting me for drug possession. I really DON’T want to engage in intercourse with anyone but you and…”

Kara pulled away at that last one and gave him a playfully hard look. “You better not.”

He smiled at her, leaning in to kiss her. “You’re it for me, Kara Zor-El.”

Kara smiled in return as a thought struck her at his words. “Not Daxamite, then…maybe Kryptonian?”

He gave her an odd look for that.

“Ehrosh bem.”

Mon-El gave her another odd look.

“Kryptonian for hello or goodbye,” she explained. “Literally translated it means Good Journey.”

“Ok…” Mon-El said slowly, shaking his head, still lost.

Kara laughed. “Let me teach you Kryptonian,” she offered. “That can be your next hobby. And…it would be like being able to teach you a part of my heritage, my home, my past. You have my present and my future, and being on Earth it was hard to share my past or my planet with anyone, even Kal-El.”

Mon-El stared at her. “You…you really want to...” He knew how important her planet was to her, her family, her culture, but she didn’t talk about it much being on Earth. He had hesitated talking to her about Daxam and its culture, knowing her first impression of his people and then the less than stellar impression his mother’s invasion had caused.

“I do.” She nodded.

He smiled. “One condition.” She gave him a look this time. “You let me teach you about Daxam too, maybe some Daxamite?”

Kara could only smile. “I’ve been meaning to pick up a new hobby.”

Mon-El just laughed and leaned in to kiss her, so happy that she had learned to open up and accept him and his culture, his own past and heritage, the way she was. 

And it was just language, it would be the two of them sitting around, hanging out, and tossing phrases to each other, teaching each other about the things that made them who they were, sharing that intimate part of themselves with another person.

He was quite sure this was going to become his favorite hobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My thanks to the online Kryptonian dictionary I found for the Hello/Goodbye Kara uses :-) I wanted to take a chapter to look at Mon-El's different coping mechanisms and how it works out for him. The different things he uses to try and heal and distract himself and how it leads to a more relaxing but still worthwhile hobby :-)
> 
> Again, SO sorry for the lack of updates. I work in a cafe and with the summer it's ridiculously busy the last month, especially because it's attached to a bookstore and with back to school shopping it's twice as bad :-(


	30. Allies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure my job is killing me :-( Apparently the managers fired one of my coworkers (admittedly, not the greatest worker who constantly ignored the policies of our little cafe and constantly didn't show up to his shifts) but they didn't bother to find coverage for his shifts before they did that. So pretty much the last two weeks we've been down a person. And it has been ridiculously stressful to try and run a cafe with two people for 6 hours in the middle of the afternoon to evening, it sucks big time :-(
> 
> I wanted to apologize for the next few days/weeks. We're getting a new trainee to take his place which should help, but we're still down an actual cafe manager, which means we're down a person every single day and have been all summer, our busiest time besides December :-( September should be MUCH calmer than summer is once school and work and everything picks up for more people. My job should leave me feeling less drained than I am and I should be able to update back to how I used to, nearly every day.
> 
> But for now, I can't promise as frequent chapters as I've been putting out. There may be more than a day or two breaks between chapters of different stories and I'm sorry for that. But the stories WILL be updated which is still good :-)
> 
> Also, this is the last of the flashback chapters focusing on Mon-El learning to cope and heal from his torture :-)

Kevin frowned as he sat with a few of his friends at the bar, the group of them quietly talking among themselves though he was more silent than the others. If it weren’t for the fact that his friends knew his preferences when it came to partners, he was sure they’d have joked and teased him about an interest in the bartender mixing drinks given how intently and how long he’d been staring at the man.

No teasing came, only a few shared looks equally as concerned as he was and directed at the same bartender.

“It’s creepy isn’t it?” one of his friends asked.

Kevin could only nod, not needing to know what they were referring to. It was clear.

Mon-El.

The man in question was behind the bar and had just finished fixing the drink and just…slid it over to Giggles. That was it. There was no joking remark, no charming smile, no happy laugh, absolutely nothing. There was a small smile, a little nod, before he turned to make the next drink without another word.

It was very creepy to witness. In a saddening sort of way, in a disturbing way. 

ALL of them had noticed a change in Mon-El since he came back to work at the bar. Actually, now that he thought about it, none of them really knew why Mon-El had been absent for so long. One day he was tending the bar, then there was that invasion. He was back soon after it was over though, then just…disappeared for a few weeks. When they saw him next, he wasn’t there as a bartender but as another patron. He’d gotten ridiculously drunk once and then came back more willing to pace himself. It had been months before he was back behind the bar and they were all so happy to see him working there again that they’d thrown him a party.

But it still begged the question of why. What had taken him away from the bar for so long? What had he been recovering from before he could work again?

M’gann had pulled them all together before he arrived on his first day to warn them to go easy on him. All she had said was that he’d had a very hard few months since the invasion, had vaguely implied that a cause for it was him being a Daxamite and the aftermath of the invasion being of Daxamite origin. It was like she had a sixth sense, every time one of them tried to talk to him about what kept him away from the bar, even before he’d returned as tender, she showed up and pulled him away with some task to do. 

It was telling that M’gann knew what was going on and was very protective over anyone prying into his business.

It was even more telling how Mon-El acted whenever they managed to actually ASK him before M’gann could appear. How he would clam up and stare at them with wide, truly frightened, eyes before stuttering out an excuse and hurrying off to do something. None of them could recall a time where Mon-El stuttered, where he didn’t want to talk. There were so many instances like that, where it was so clear something was deeply wrong with their friend. He didn’t smile as much, he didn’t joke around. One time a fight broke out and Mon-El had disappeared into the back when usually he would be at the forefront to try and break it up. He fidgeted and he seemed skittish some days, dead tired other days.

One time a DEO agent had tried to enter the bar and the second M’gann saw him, she’d thrown them out. Literally grabbed them with her Martian strength and threw them out, screaming at them to stay out, them and all the other agents who were no longer welcome in her establishment. The way she’d gone immediately to Mon-El, who had stood frozen at the bar with his gaze fixed on the door, and led him to the back was telling as well. Something had happened, the DEO had been involved, and something was troubling their friend. Haunting him, really.

It was disheartening to see him like that. He had been so full of life and cheer and brightness, for him to be quiet and withdrawn and anxious was a shock to them all.

“Tell me about it,” Kevin finally remarked, taking a sip of his ale.

“What do you think happened?” one of his other friends asked.

Sometimes they did this, when they got too much beer in them. Even though they knew it was rude to speculate what could have gotten to Mon-El like it had, they did sometimes. But it wasn’t like they could ask him, it wasn’t like they’d be told anything, so they tried to work out what it was.

“Nothing with Kara,” Kevin answered. They’d seen her around, had seen how she reacted to Mon-El being in a bad state. They’d seen how Mon-El reacted when Kara was even in the bar, how he DID smile then. No, whatever it was, Kara was with Mon-El to the end.

“So not relationship trouble,” was the reply.

“Well, maybe it is sort of?” his second friend argued. “I mean, that Queen lady WAS his mother, and well, she DID die during the invasion. Maybe he’s mourning?”

Kevin snorted at that. “If he was upset about that, he wouldn’t be with Kara.”

That was as close as any of them would get to stating that Kara was Supergirl. It was like an unspoken agreement to those that were at the bar often enough. Kara was dating Mon-El, and it was also very obvious that Mon-El was in a relationship with Supergirl. Kara wouldn’t be at the bar or seem as at home there as she was, wouldn’t be able to take a shot of alien beer if she wasn’t an alien herself. It was easy to make that connection. But given that Supergirl worked to protect aliens and give them a good name, none of them were about to blurt out her identity to anyone.

It was also common knowledge that Supergirl had activated a device that forced the Daxamites off the planet, that had killed their Queen. If Mon-El was torn up over his mother’s death, he wouldn’t be with Kara given the role she’d played. They also knew that the device had nearly killed Mon-El so if it was anything about the invasion, he wouldn’t have bene with her then either.

“True.”

“No,” Kevin murmured. “It’s something with the DEO. I mean, you guys have noticed Supergirl’s animosity with them on TV right?”

His buddies nodded.

That was another thing spreading fast through the alien population. Supergirl was very clearly keeping herself separate from the DEO and any association with them. It was obvious even on the news reports when they would show up randomly, how she was so cold and distant towards the agents. 

Even more? Supergirl was being very vocal in her support of L-Corp and Lena Luthor. They couldn’t begin to count the number of times Supergirl was seen at ease with L-Corp and on edge with the DEO.

It was something to do with that facility, they all knew it. Whatever it was that was getting to Mon-El, the DEO was behind it.

“I just think…” one of his buddies began to speak, when there was a sudden flash of light that shot through the bar.

It was like all the lights in the building flared to life so powerfully it caused sparks to explode from them as they shorted off. 

Livewire.

It was all over the news, or it had been just before the power went off. Supergirl was tracking down the woman who was causing havoc in the city again. It happened every so often when the Girl of Steel faced off with the electrified blonde, there would be power outages and power surges and so on. They were all sort of used to it by now, understanding that the surges meant Livewire had launched a massive attack or that Supergirl had managed to just defeat her.

It wasn’t a big deal.

Or it wouldn’t have been had Mon-El not shouted out, “NO!” and backed away so suddenly from the falling sparks that he slammed his back into a shelf of alcohol bottles, sending them crashing to the ground.

Every eye in the bar turned in his direction at his shout, every eye turned concerned just as the emergency lights kicked on when it became very clear that the man was hyperventilating and looked ready to bolt.

M’gann was at his side in an instant, reaching out cautiously and gently, hurrying him out of the main bar area and into a back room, but not quickly enough for them to miss how terrified Mon-El looked, how wide his eyes were, how they were actually starting to sparkle with tears. He was shaking and unstable as he walked, clearly panicking over something that had all of them concerned.

Because that reaction was nothing like the Mon-El they knew.

But most of them had had similar ones in their lives, most of them could spot a triggered reaction.

“What…” Kevin breathed, shaking his head, a deep concern for his friend filling him. His gaze snapped over to a fellow alien sitting a few feet away as the man winced and turned away, his face pained.

It was a Adilarian. A humanoid alien with no nose or hair, but with a large spiraled skin on the side of his head, spiraling down towards a hole. It was his ears, the spirals allowing him to pick up sound easily and from great distances…even through closed doors.

Kevin hurried over to him, seeing that he was clearly hearing something going on. “What is it?” he asked. “Is he ok?”

“I can’t.” The man shook his head. “Eavesdropping is…”

“Come on,” Kevin interrupted. “Look, we all care about Mon-El and something just spooked him. Something’s been hurting him for months now, we just want to help.”

The alien looked pained at the words, on the edge of giving in.

“He IS hurting,” another alien spoke. A female alien with light purple skin and what looked like a red gem fused into the skin of her forehead. She walked over to them and reached out to the Adilarian. “I can help,” she told him. “Mastrilites can project.”

She placed a hand on his arm and closed her eyes and suddenly Kevin could hear Mon-El’s voice in his head, could hear it francitc and shaking and stuttering and so fearful he felt his breath leave him.

He looked at the two aliens and realized what was happening. The Adilarian was hearing what Mon-El and M’gann were saying, and the Mastrilite was projecting it into all of their minds.

“I’m s-sorry,” Mon-El was saying, seeming to have a hard time breathing.

“Hey, Mon-El, breathe, ok?” M’gann was trying to get through to him. “Just breathe. You’re fine. You’re safe. You’re at the Bar, with me, not…you’re not at the DEO. You’re ok.”

“I…I know,” he stuttered. “I just…the light. The sparks…”

“I know,” M’gann cut in. “I’m so sorry. I’m going to call Kara and…”

“No! No, she…she’s facing Live…Livewire. You can’t distract her. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re not fine.”

“I have to be. I can’t…I can’t keep doing this. I can’t…every time. I thought I was getting past this.”

“The DEO tied you down and electrocuted you, tortured you for information. That’s not going to be anything easy to get past. It’s going to take time.”

Mon-El let out a bitter and pained laugh, jarring all the aliens who were now gaping in shock at what they were hearing out of it. “How much time?” 

His voice sounded so weak and pitiful, so saddened, that Kevin closed his eyes.

“I don’t…I don’t want to be like this,” Mon-El admitted. “I need to be stronger. I can’t…every time…I can’t help anyone if a spark does this to me.”

“You don’t have to be strong all the time,” M’gann was trying to tell him. “You were strong for Kara, you protected her and you got hurt for it. You were strong for…for all of us during the Invasion, and you nearly died, you lost your people all over again. Let US be strong for you this time.”

“I can’t,” Mon-El’s voice was so quiet they almost missed it. “You’ll get hurt.”

M’gann snorted. “I can handle myself, so can Kara, so can Lena. But you have to let us help you.”

“I don’t want to burden you. They did this to ME. Not you. Alex was the one that beat me. J’onn was the one that invaded my mind. The DEO tortured me. That’s on ME to deal with, not you.”

“And Alex was Kara’s sister, J’onn was my…” M’gann cut herself off. “We let them into our lives, and you let them into yours because of us. We should have know, we saw the signs, we didn’t think to stop it before it could get to this point. And THAT is on US, not you. You did nothing wrong. And the DEO? Well, every alien in the city already didn’t trust them. That won’t change now. They’ve never really been big on actually HELPING aliens. This proves it. Mon-El, you’re not alone.”

“…I feel like I am,” Mon-El admitted.

“You’re keeping all this inside,” M’gann reminded him. “Let it out, let us in.”

Suddenly the words cut off and Kevin looked around to see that the woman had pulled her hand away from the other alien, to cover her mouth, tears in her eyes. Clearly the conversation had gotten to be too much for her, they both looked sick to their stomachs to have heard such a thing.

Looking around, Kevin could see so many others looked just as torn and disgusted and angry as he felt. 

Mon-El was a good person, he really was. And now they all knew what had changed him into the shell he was now. 

The DEO, an organization he’d worked for, that he’d trusted, had tortured him for information. About what, they didn’t really care to know. Because Mon-El would only ever keep something to himself if it was truly important to him and not a threat to others. He wasn’t a dangerous person in the least. He cared, he always wanted to help, he did his best and he did not deserve what happened.

The DEO had tortured him, electrocuted him, which made sense his reaction to the surge. Worse yet, he’d been beaten in their custody, had his mind invaded by a telepath, and for what? Because he was a Daxamite? How were they ever supposed to trust the DEO now that they knew what they were capable of? Not that they ever had that much trust for the organization to begin with, but this was a wake up call.

And now Mon-El was suffering in silence, trying to pull himself together without trying to upset anyone else. He was keeping all that pain and torment in because he thought he had to be stronger, to protect everyone else from his burdens. He was in pain because of all of this and he felt alone.

Why wouldn’t he feel alone? He didn’t think he could talk to anyone about it. Lena, a human, wouldn’t understand what it truly meant to be an alien. M’gann was close to J’onn before all this happened. Kara’s sister was Alex, all of whom had hurt Mon-El. He couldn’t talk about it and if he couldn’t talk about it he couldn’t heal from it. 

Kevin looked around at the other aliens surrounding him, feeling something stirring inside him at that thought. His gaze turned to the back room as the door slowly opened and Mon-El stepped out with M’gann. The two froze, clearly not having expected every alien to be frozen in place and staring at them.

He could see Mon-El shifting, looking skittish and nervous and that would not do.

Kevin stepped forward, moving over to Mon-El, slowing his pace when he neared the man, not wanting to spook him. 

And pulled him into a tight hug.

“You are my friend,” he told Mon-El, sure that everyone could hear him. “You are an alien, you are family. We are with you, we are on your side. You are not alone.”

Mon-El tensed in his arms. “You heard…”

Kevin just pulled back, his hands on Mon-El’s shoulders. “We are here for you, all of us.” He smiled when he heard cheers from behind him in agreement. “You are safe with us. We will never let anyone hurt you again. Family protects family.”

The cheers were even louder now and Kevin could see distinct tears in M’gann’s eyes as she smiled at her patrons. 

There were tears in Mon-El’s eyes as well as he offered a small smile. “Thank you, Kev.”

Kevin nodded and hugged Mon-El again, vowing, like he was sure all the others were, that he would do everything he could to make Mon-El feel safe again. They had all been in a place where they’d suffered or been hurt, had felt like they were alone and had no one there for them.

He was NOT going to let Mon-El feel that way. He was not going to let someone who had done so much to make each and every one of them feel welcome and safe there suffer. Mon-El was his friend, and Kevin was going to make sure his friend came out of this stronger than ever.

And if the DEO ever dared come near Mon-El?

They would find out exactly how hostile aliens could be. He would gladly be arrested or taken into their custody if it meant Mon-El would never have to encounter them again, a feeling he knew all the others felt as well.

They were aliens, they were refugees on a strange planet, and they would stick together.

They were more than just allies, they were more than just a support for Mon-El. They were family now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this to be the last flashback chapter because I feel like have a supportive group around you is really important for trying to heal from anything. Mon-El only really had Kara, Lena, and M'gann up to that point and it made it hard, I think, for him to really start to heal. Because he wouldn't want to talk bad about Alex to Kara, or J'onn to M'gann, and Lena, despite being a Luthor, could never really understand being an alien on Earth (and given her past not-quite-pro-alien views) and it's hard to talk about that when the people around you are in some way connected to what happened.
> 
> Now Mon-El has more allies, more support, from actual aliens who have no connection to the DEO on a personal level. Some aliens who may have gone through exactly what he did. And aliens who will protect their own and their friends from any threat. I think Mon-El really needed this moment of them finding out what happened and being on HIS side to really give him that base to feel like he has that support to move forward :-)


End file.
